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Stepmom2Be April 8th, 2013 04:58 PM

Lil bit O' drama
 
All is mostly well over here. Finally back to our normal week on week off with O after the wedding. We had him for one day out of the last 2 weeks due to getting back on our normal schedule, but we have him this week and are glad to be able to spend more than a day with him!

That being said, his mom has done some damage in the last 2 weeks. I had to draft an email and send it to Eric so he can send it to her, I'll just copy/paste it here, it pretty much explains it all.

Quote:

There are a few things I need to address with you regarding O.

First- his attendance. To date, he has missed 13 days of school and has been tardy 6 times. We received a print out from the school on the reasons for these absences, and most of them either do not have a reason because it was unverified, or have reasons such as "Personal day." If O misses 18 school days, his variance will not be renewed for next year. This means changing schools. O's attendance is very important to his education. He has Standford 10 testing next week, which he needs to be prepared for. He needs to be at school on time every day next week for testing. He cannot miss any more school. He has missed way too much already.

Here is the list of his absences/tardies while with you:
8/20/12- Resp. Illness/per grandma
8/21/12- Resp. Illness/ per grandma
8/22/12- Left Message
8/23/12- tardy- 8:04
10/1/12- tardy- 8:05
10/15/12- tardy- 8:13
11/14/12- tardy- 8:49
12/13/12- Arrived at 9:35. Half day absence
1/24/13- Due to Early Release/ per mom
2/4/13- Sent home from nurses office at 11:33
3/4/13- Left message/ not feeling well
3/7/13- Left message
4/2/13- Diarrhea


His most recent absence was 4/2. You told us that you were both too tired from the field trip. We spoke to the school today and were told that you called them and told them he had diarrhea. We asked O why he stayed home, and if he was sick. He told us he had diarrhea. When we asked him why you did not tell us this yesterday, he told us he never told you he had diarrhea. We then told him that the reason for his absence was in fact diarrhea, and he broke down and told us he wasn't sick at all, but he heard you lie to the school so he thought he had to lie to us. O needs to be taught integrity and responsibility by having a good example set for him. Lying to the school only teaches him to lie. Which brings me to my next point.

O received a purple last Thursday. Ms. Lutz said he spit in another students face. When we asked him about his week last night, he told us 2 greens and 2 yellows, which is exactly what you told us he told you. When we asked him what happened on Thursday he told us he scratched someone on accident and got moved to purple. (Still trying to verify if it was scratching or spitting, but either way it was a purple.) Ms. L tells us he made it up to pink by the end of the day, which is why no phone call was made. O again broke down and told us he lied because he didn't want to get caught and thought he could get away with it.

O then broke down again and apologized to us for lying. We had a very long talk with him about responsibility. This includes going to school, getting there on time, and completing all his work. He is a very bright child, so while he is not suffering academically, he needs to be taught how to be responsible. He is old enough to fill out his own reading log and not have you do it for him. If he can read a chapter book for 20 minutes, he is fully capable of writing down the name of that book in his log.

If you would like to talk about my concerns, please email me back. I have very busy nights at work and won't be able to answer a phone call.
So yeah. Teaching him to lie. Nice right?

stucklikeglue April 8th, 2013 08:41 PM

Re: Lil bit O' drama
 
wow! The lying thing is bad! and Im sure she sees no harm in it. smh. Hope she really thinks about it. GL!

Stepmom2Be April 8th, 2013 09:30 PM

Re: Lil bit O' drama
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by stucklikeglue (Post 27269885)
wow! The lying thing is bad! and Im sure she sees no harm in it. smh. Hope she really thinks about it. GL!

Thanks!

This email is coming from Eric. And if he thinks anything needs to be changed, he will. However, I think I left emotions out of it, and tried to stick to the facts as much as possible. We'll see.

plan4fate April 8th, 2013 09:47 PM

Re: Lil bit O' drama
 
:( this really sucks for you guys. She's not being a very good example for Owen, and it's just going to make him suffer in the long run!

Hopefully she either comes around, or just eventually gives up and lets you guys have him full time.

Reme lies a lot... simple little things, testing boundaries. It's common for the age, but it's still not cool. *hugs* and good luck!

Wisey April 9th, 2013 10:13 AM

That sucks she is teaching him to lie. Good for you guys for calling her out on it.

Stepmom2Be April 9th, 2013 09:17 PM

Re: Lil bit O' drama
 
Thanks guys. She called Owen tonight and then asked to speak to me. I had no choice. I tried to stay out of it. But when he said, "Hey mom, my mom wants to talk to you," I had to take the phone.

She then proceeded to tell me that she wants to deal with me because I am O's stepmom now and he loves me and calls me mom and it's my job now to be a part of his parenting. Funny how a month ago I was not to get involved. She replied to Eric's email and then got all pissy with me. Here's her email.

Quote:

So what ur saying is that Owen had 8 days of absence when he was with me, if that is even correct? So 5 days of his absences are from when he was with you.

If you noticed, Owen was sick for 3 days when my mom called him in, which i told u about. 2 days the week before all the stress of last month, which u knew about because he ended up having blood work drawn around that time, & one day he was sent home by the nurse, which I told u about. 1 day is early release, which u have let him stay home as well on early release days. That is the one & only time i have done that. So that leaves 1 day, last week, which I told u we were exhausted, so no, I didn't lie to u & Owen was standing right there.
For the record, Owen has either diarrhea, constipation, or stool leaking into his underwear most days of the week.

Why did he miss 5 days on ur watch???

This is so like u to try to pick apart my parenting when u have done the same exact thing, only worse because he wasn't sick when he was with u, was he? So why did he miss 5 full days with u?

Oh & you failed to have him work on his huge packet of homework when u had an entire week to do so, then tried to pass the blame to me by emailing Ms. Lutz after I told u we would take care of it& we did. U knew about that homework, as did Owen. So who's to blame? & you didn't have him read one page in a book for the entire week yet u think it's ok to try & point a finger@me cuz I forgot to have him fill out his reading log. Ridiculous. That's an easy fix. He did the reading. Have him write it in already, if that's your goal. Btw reading signs@an amusement park hardly constitutes quality reading.

Where's my copy of the school's paper work? I am entitled to it. Asap.

You know what really worries me? You don't care about Owen's stomach problems. You just told me over the phone you are not going to change your whole routine @ home, after I told u Owen had allergies to soy & peanuts. That's terrible. He's in pain. Class 1 allergies cause gastrointestinal upset, which is why Owen has been missing school in the first place! But it's more fun for u to try to blame me. But Owen having food allergies is inconvenient for u, isn't it? so u push it aside, belittle it. That's why Owen doesn't tell u when his stomach hurts, or when he's constipated, or when he has diarrhea (which has caused tardies@school). Cuz u make him feel like he's not important. I have been trying to tell u something is going on with him for quite some time, but u wouldn't hear it. In fact, u didn't even know he was leaking stool. When I asked u about it months ago, u said it was not happening, then retracted that statement after he visited the Dr last month& tried to say you noticed it but only rarely. Question, is it still a lie if Owen doesn't hear out come out of your mouth?
I finally had enough of this sitting back and trying not to anger the beast, and decided that since she said I now play a role in his parenting, I would address the issues that bothered me the most.

Quote:

Here is the information you requested.



He did not miss 5 full days with us. He missed 2 early release days, (one being a parent teacher conference day where the school day was 8am-10am,) One half day due to his dental work, and 2 full days. One was the day after our wedding, the other back in October. I remember there was a day he was feeling under the weather with a cough and stayed home, I can only assume it was that day.



In regards to his homework on spring break. You knew we were going on a week long trip. He had two full days before we picked him up for that trip that he could have done some of that homework. It took him a total of maybe 2 hours between our house and yours to do the work. It was not a hard packet. He slept on the way to California, and it was dark on the way back. We had no time do to it there. In regards to reading "signs" at amusement parks, I can assure you his reading at each park was in line with his reading level as well as informative. I can assure you every book he reads here is fully in line with his reading level. Also- he has ended up having homework to do here Sunday night on more than one occasion, due to him telling us his backpack was not even opened. Many times when we come to pick him up, his backpack is still in your car from Friday. Owen needs to be taught the responsibility of at least doing SOME of his homework right away. We did not expect you to do a full week long packet before we picked him up, but the courtesy of an effort would have been appreciated. You also told us that the week before the wedding he did no reading, and there was also nothing filled in on his log for the Tues-Fri you had him after the wedding. We missed one week due to being at theme parks from 9am until sometimes 11pm.



We do care about his health. Which is why A. We took him to the dentist after him not having seen one in 4 years and B. We took him for a well visit after him not having been to one in 3 years. We do not act on guesses. We wait until we have the facts from a Licensed Pediatrician, and then we make our decision. Owen's doctor informed us that cutting out Soy and Peanut in it's pure form would be best for him. We agreed with that. We are not going to cut out every trace of soybean oil from everything he eats. His Doctor told is that was not necessary.



Never did we lie to you about his underwear. Up until one week, we had not seen anything in his underwear. ONE time, there was what I would classify as leakage or just plain not wiping, but again, this was after 3 weeks straight of cafeteria food. We suggested months ago that cafeteria food was probably causing a lot of his stomach problems, and he stopped complaining of stomach aches completely once we started packing him a lunch again. I just checked again and each of the 3 pairs of underwear in his dirty laundry hamper are completely "leakage" free. I honestly do think this has to do with him eating healthy lunches and not cafeteria food. Like I told you on the phone, when I eat in our school cafeteria, my stomach gets very angry with me too.



Never did we say you lied to Owen, or us. We said that Owen heard you tell the school he had diarrhea, when he knew he did not and was just tired from the field trip. He also told us he went to bed at 9:30 the night of the field trip. Whether this holds any truth or not, plenty of kids went on that same field trip and were able to make it to school the next day.



If you have any further concerns, please email me back. I want to make sure we are all on the same page for Owen, as he was very very upset when he got off the phone tonight. I do not intend to argue with you, but these concerns needed to be addressed.
Hopefully I didn't come off too ******, but enough for her to see I won't just sit back and let her ruin him.

He and I just had a hug war. I hugged him goodnight and he wouldn't let go. He told me I am the best mom ever. He told me he loves me so much. I squeezed him tight and told him I love him so much and I am so proud of him because he has grown up into such a polite and wonderful boy. I went to stand up and he held on and I lifted him off the bed because he held on so tight. He and I have a very special bond. I have spent a LOT of time with him in the last two years, and I genuinely care about him. It is not about proving her wrong, or trying to be a better parent. It is about doing what is best for that little boy asleep 20 feet from me who just wants a normal life. And that is my main focus.

AtomicMama April 10th, 2013 01:31 PM

Re: Lil bit O' drama
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Stepmom2Be (Post 27273079)
He and I just had a hug war. I hugged him goodnight and he wouldn't let go. He told me I am the best mom ever. He told me he loves me so much. I squeezed him tight and told him I love him so much and I am so proud of him because he has grown up into such a polite and wonderful boy. I went to stand up and he held on and I lifted him off the bed because he held on so tight. He and I have a very special bond. I have spent a LOT of time with him in the last two years, and I genuinely care about him. It is not about proving her wrong, or trying to be a better parent. It is about doing what is best for that little boy asleep 20 feet from me who just wants a normal life. And that is my main focus.

I completely understand how you feel :heart: That's so much how I feel about my DSD. I know that her mother loves her dearly, I do, but I love her with a ferocious mother love as well. And I want to do anything to make her happy and healthy and to thrive. I want to cross anyone who does anything to make her life anything less than what she deserves, and the times when it's her own mother bringing her down are the hardest.

Stepmom2Be April 10th, 2013 04:20 PM

Re: Lil bit O' drama
 
Yes exactly! I understand that I will never get the bond she has with him. I don't expect to. But she also will never understand the bond I have with him. How I was his only mother for 8 months when he was 6 years old and mommy was "sick." How I took care of him, loved him, kept him safe, and comforted him when he didn't know what was going on.

I don't believe that they have a stronger bond JUST because she gave birth to him. I think he loves me just as much as he possibly can. But no, she feels threatened by me, and chooses to lash out at me, shown here.

Quote:

Your problem it's that u think u know everything based on what Eric has told u. You met O when he was 6. I was the sole provider before that. If u expect perfection, all i can say is that naive attitude will set u up for constant disappointment in yourself & those around u. I love my son more than anything & he is well taken care of. His homework gets done. He is clean, rested, happy, loved. Anything else u think u know besides that is you're own imagination or lies, sweetie.
You say u don't want to argue but u are very argumentative. You are also very judgmental & accusatory. I'm tired of your childish attempts at belittling me, undermining my authority & responsibility, & futile attempts to downgrade my parenting. I'm a nursing student, and a single mother. I hope you never have to work this hard & have immature nobodies pointing out every perceived flaw. Unless u want to cut the crap, grow up, be civil, remember you're manners, I will not talk to you. Until there are court approved documents giving u the right to make decisions regarding O, this shall remain between Eric & I, as our plan clearly states. If you choose to treat me with the respect I deserve, all will be well. That's all I ask.
I'm sorry but if you see your childs stepmother as a NOBODY, how can you ever expect to coexist with her?

mom2more April 11th, 2013 06:38 AM

Re: Lil bit O' drama
 
So she sent you that saying she didn't want to talk to you after her call the other day telling you that she wanted to deal with you? Geez!

AtomicMama April 11th, 2013 07:47 AM

Re: Lil bit O' drama
 
Sometimes I wonder if our sweet step kids don't have the same BM. She's so wishy washy with you, it's crazy!!

Stepmom2Be April 11th, 2013 04:31 PM

Re: Lil bit O' drama
 
Yes. As long as I tell her what she wants to hear and make her feel like she is in control, she wants to deal with me.

When the truth comes out and Eric tells me, "She wants to talk to you, tell her how we feel," and I no longer cater to her, she decides I am a childish nobody who is not worth talking to.

I HATE when she calls me sweetie or hun, so my reply was quite blunt.

Quote:

And this is exactly why I told you to talk to him in the first place.

Yes I met O when he was 6. That was almost 3 years ago. I don't know what you mean when you say if I expected perfection. I got a stepson that loves me and a husband that treats me like gold. So I am pretty sure I got perfection.

I am accusatory? I stated facts. You are calling me childish and a nobody. Just because we choose not to appease you and just ignore your attempts to prove to yourself that you are a good mother does not make me judgmental.

I am O's stepmother now. So while I can't make decisions about O without Eric, you better BELIEVE he will not make them without me, sweetie.
She came back with

Quote:

You clearly don't get it. I'm not trying to prove anything to anybody. If u saw the facts you would see that that beautiful, amazing little boy didn't raise himself from 0-6. In fact you are trying to prove that I am not a good parent. That is clear to everyone who reads your messages to me. I'm so sorry that you are wasting your precious time on such a moot point. It's sad. You will never prove it because it is simply not the case, Jennifer. Yes, you are extremely childish. Have you every considered how your animosity toward your step son's mother affects him? No, u haven't. If you really loved & cared for him you would swallow your pride & see me as I am now. Are you able to do that? I think only once you have a child of your own will you begin to Der the err of your ways. Good bless u.
And we haven't spoken since. Oh and if you notice, those are copy and pasted. Notice how as the night went on her spelling got worse? Drunk emailing anyone?

Eric wants me to print all these. He says that the fact that at night time she is so combative towards me and then the next morning all sweet and nice is one of the kinds of signs he is looking for.

Also- she's always very nasty to me during OUR week with O. She seems to like to try to ruin our time with him. She rarely contacts us at all during her week.


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