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-   -   Feeling guilty. Just need to talk (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2648701-feeling-guilty-just-need-to-talk.html)

Stepmom2Be May 6th, 2013 09:25 PM

Feeling guilty. Just need to talk
 
I shouldn't feel guilty. The truth is, O's mom is doing much better.

We had that one situation where she called me a "childish nobody" but I refused to give in to her and a week later O was coming home with homework done, and getting to school on time, and completing his reading log himself. It took tough love, but she realized we were right and O is the one benefiting from it.

It's not really anything in particular. We're trying to have a baby, and talking about it a lot with him. He's been calling me mom since the wedding. He even a few weeks ago asked me if I wanted to hear a secret and I said of course and he said, "You're my favorite mom. Sh don't tell my other mom." He's been asking us why his mom never takes him to do fun things like we do, (not even expensive things, we go for a lot of bike rides, or to the park a lot, or hiking.)

But tonight was a big one.

We're walking into the grocery store and he says, "My dad and I already know what we're getting you for Mother's day." So I said, "Shh don't tell me I want to be surprised. But how sweet of you to think of me on Mother's day too."

And he says, "Well of course, won't I be with you guys?" and I said, "No buddy, you'll be with your mom that day." He says, "Wait what?! Dangittttt," and starts CRYING.

My stepson was crying because he wouldn't get to see ME on Mother's day.

So I put my arm around him and tell him it's okay and I know he'll think of me and if he misses me he can call me Sunday or any other day for that matter and we will celebrate the next weekend.

WHY am I feeling guilty that I'm doing a good job? We spend every evening together. We play board games, we cook together, we play with his hamster, we snuggle.

It's not difficult things I am doing. I am simply paying attention to him!

And I know she does too. But I also know she studies a lot. And he says that when they do hang out they mostly just watch TV.

Is it normal to feel guilty for doing what I am supposed to be doing? I'm not going to do less than her to let her remain in the spotlight. I am treating him how any child would want to be treated. And I'm the one ending up feeling like crap because he says things that suggest he prefers me to the company of his own mother.

Ugh idk. Maybe I am just hormonal. Thoughts?

Wisey May 7th, 2013 03:30 AM

You can't feel guilty. Kids will always prefer to be where they have fun and have someone that pays attention to them.

My goddaughter throws a fit every week when she leaves our house. She is always telling her parents she wants to live with us. Both her parents are very busy and here we take time to talk and play. At first I felt bad, but now I can't help what I do is more fun!

HippieLove May 7th, 2013 05:07 PM

Re: Feeling guilty. Just need to talk
 
I totally understand (to a point) how you feel. You shouldn't feel guilty, you obviously do a wonderful job treating him the way any child should be treated by their parent (step or otherwise). It would kill me if I knew my kids were calling their step Mother, mum (not that they have one yet) but all the same I'd know that they were being loved and treated properly which is what any parent could want. However, I don't know you or your situation since I'm new, but I can only imagine that if his Mother was doing her job he would want to spend the say with her firstly. So no, don't feel guilty but I've had similar guilt attacks with my partners son.

Stepmom2Be May 7th, 2013 05:26 PM

Re: Feeling guilty. Just need to talk
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Wisey (Post 27345065)
You can't feel guilty. Kids will always prefer to be where they have fun and have someone that pays attention to them.

My goddaughter throws a fit every week when she leaves our house. She is always telling her parents she wants to live with us. Both her parents are very busy and here we take time to talk and play. At first I felt bad, but now I can't help what I do is more fun!

I don't even think it's just that. He's basically left to do whatever he wants over there as long as he stays out of her hair while she studies. We have rules here. But when you follow the rules, you get fun things to do.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HippieLove (Post 27347564)
I totally understand (to a point) how you feel. You shouldn't feel guilty, you obviously do a wonderful job treating him the way any child should be treated by their parent (step or otherwise). It would kill me if I knew my kids were calling their step Mother, mum (not that they have one yet) but all the same I'd know that they were being loved and treated properly which is what any parent could want. However, I don't know you or your situation since I'm new, but I can only imagine that if his Mother was doing her job he would want to spend the say with her firstly. So no, don't feel guilty but I've had similar guilt attacks with my partners son.

Pretty much. She has admitted to Eric that she has not yet been able to rebuild the bond once had with O. He and I bonded deeply when she was in rehab, and I have kept that up with him.

HippieLove May 8th, 2013 03:19 AM

Re: Feeling guilty. Just need to talk
 
Ah I see, well you've done nothing wrong from what I'm reading. *hugs*


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