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Stepmom2Be March 21st, 2014 05:31 PM

Update on us
 
Went to court today, got another emergency order that suspends any time she has with him until a follow up hearing scheduled for April 1st.

She still has made no efforts to contact Owen, or us for that matter.

We shall see what happens on April 1st.

So tired of this.

plan4fate March 21st, 2014 11:00 PM

Re: Update on us
 
:(

At least they gave the order. I can't believe she's not tried to contact him. My guess is she's holed up high as a flipping kite.


Have you spoke with her parents yet?

Keakie March 22nd, 2014 05:46 AM

Re: Update on us
 
I was wondering about her parents, too. :hug: I'm so sorry you're having to do this again. I'm glad that your date isn't too far out, at least!

Have you and Eric decided what you'd like to ask for?

Stepmom2Be March 22nd, 2014 09:59 AM

Re: Update on us
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by plan4fate (Post 28011009)
:(

At least they gave the order. I can't believe she's not tried to contact him. My guess is she's holed up high as a flipping kite.


Have you spoke with her parents yet?

I'm surprised she hasn't tried to contact him either, though we did tell her he wants no contact with her. I'm just surprised she's listening, and didn't question it.

We haven't yet spoken with her parents. We're not sure how we're going to go about it. We did call her brother yesterday, though, and his 2 sons, Owen's 2 cousins, are having a sleepover here tonight. Kind of weird, but I love that we're all making sure we're doing what's best for Owen.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Keakie (Post 28011145)
I was wondering about her parents, too. :hug: I'm so sorry you're having to do this again. I'm glad that your date isn't too far out, at least!

Have you and Eric decided what you'd like to ask for?

We might wait until we get confirmation that she's in rehab before we speak with them. We just don't want any drama, and we don't know if she's told them anything or how they feel about the situation. Hopefully with us reaching out to her brother, they can see that we have nothing against her side of the family as a whole, just her.

We're not sure what to ask for this time. Come April 1st, she likely won't yet be in rehab. I think we're headed down the path of, "Please continue her suspended visitation, unless Owen decides he wants to see her. But we really want to shield him from her drug use, especially since he was subjected to her alcohol use at such a young age."

Maybe we can calculate the longest she'll be on the waiting list, plus the 90 days she'll be in there, and then maybe throw a month on the end for good measure, and then have a follow up hearing.

Our fear is that within the first bit of time that she gets out of rehab, she usually does okay staying sober. How long is long enough to keep him away from her now that she's moved on to meth?

Stepmom2Be March 22nd, 2014 02:37 PM

Re: Update on us
 
BM's dad just called.They want to see Owen, and give us an update on BM. He asked if they could stop by tonight, since we're going to have all 3 of their grandsons here. We said absolutely.Here's what we got:BM is on a waiting list for a 90 day program.She is currently detoxing.Nobody feels that she should be allowed to see Owen right now.So all is going about as well as it could with this situation. Eric said "We cant stress enough that we are not trying to withhold him from you guys, we just need to keep him safe and get him through this situation." BM's dad replied, "Absolutely. Nobody has anything against you two, you're doing the right thing, she doesn't need to be seeing him right now."It's really hard to imagine the pain she's going through right now while she's detoxing, both physically and mentally. Maybe this will finally be her rock bottom.

Keakie March 23rd, 2014 04:44 AM

Re: Update on us
 
I can definitely see why the length of time she needs to be sober is a tough one. I hope the judge takes her past addiction patterns into consideration.

I'm so glad to hear that her family is supportive of yours and Eric's decisions. That probably makes things a little easier.


I really hope she either hits a bottom and takes recovery seriously or she just leaves. I feel like it almost has to be tougher on Owen to have her in an out like that than if she were to just leave altogether.

Stepmom2Be March 23rd, 2014 12:57 PM

Re: Update on us
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Keakie (Post 28012026)
I can definitely see why the length of time she needs to be sober is a tough one. I hope the judge takes her past addiction patterns into consideration.

I'm so glad to hear that her family is supportive of yours and Eric's decisions. That probably makes things a little easier.


I really hope she either hits a bottom and takes recovery seriously or she just leaves. I feel like it almost has to be tougher on Owen to have her in an out like that than if she were to just leave altogether.

That's exactly what we've been saying for the last couple months. He's so far done with her that every time she tries to come back into his life, it just frustrates all of us, including him. She'll try for a week or so, and show up on time, and take pictures at his soccer game, and then she'll just slack off again.

I really hope that detox is miserable. I hope that she is on the verge of wanting to just give up. I honestly think it'll be the only way she'll get her act together.

I'm glad her parents are on board with us keeping Owen away from her. Everyone needs to stop holding her hand through her recovery process. It's not helping.

My2miracles March 24th, 2014 11:30 AM

Re: Update on us
 
I haven't been on in a few days. I'm glad the judge issued the temporary order. And I'm glad her parents finally see the light. It must be hard for them but it will benifit O so much more in the long run. Now he can have a relationship with them that doesn't involve his bm.

Stepmom2Be March 24th, 2014 03:40 PM

Re: Update on us
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by My2miracles (Post 28013814)
I haven't been on in a few days. I'm glad the judge issued the temporary order. And I'm glad her parents finally see the light. It must be hard for them but it will benifit O so much more in the long run. Now he can have a relationship with them that doesn't involve his bm.

He needs a relationship that is better than what he has with them. Up until recently, they have been his primary caretakers when he's been with BM. Because she would just drop him off and go out.

Now, he will be able to have an actual grandson/grandparent relationship with them, without seeing them as parent figures.

I feel bad, last night Owen said, "I love you Jennifer. I love you for probably a billion reasons. And I only love my mom for like MAYBE one reason."

I have a feeling that the maybe one reason he's referring to is the fact that she gave birth to him.

My2miracles March 25th, 2014 11:42 AM

Re: Update on us
 
That's what I meant.

Stepmom2Be March 25th, 2014 12:01 PM

Re: Update on us
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by My2miracles (Post 28015586)
That's what I meant.

haha yeah I was agreeing with you. I just tend to ramble when it comes to this situation lol

plan4fate March 25th, 2014 09:13 PM

Re: Update on us
 
The way that Owen always says he loves you, then puts down his mom makes me sad. Not that I don't think he should be doing it... he just shouldn't have to because she shouldn't be doing this to him.. if that makes any sense?

Stepmom2Be March 25th, 2014 10:12 PM

Re: Update on us
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by plan4fate (Post 28016483)
The way that Owen always says he loves you, then puts down his mom makes me sad. Not that I don't think he should be doing it... he just shouldn't have to because she shouldn't be doing this to him.. if that makes any sense?

It makes a lot of sense. The way I see it, he tells me how much he loves me, and then I think he feels like he has to justify it by saying something mean about her. Whenever he says something mean about her, I tend to either ignore it, or say something like, "She's sick right now, let's just hope she gets better."

I don't want him to think that love for me has to equal hate for her. y'know?

My2miracles March 26th, 2014 11:03 AM

Re: Update on us
 
Yeah he should be able to love you both. Unfortunately she's making it very hard for him to love her. So sad for O.

Stepmom2Be March 26th, 2014 12:21 PM

Re: Update on us
 
We still haven't heard from her.We decided against hiring a process server this time. They cost $75 and we're tired of her costing us money. So we sent the order to appear via certified mail restricted delivery, and she signed for it Saturday. Saturday was the day her dad told us she was detoxing. I'm confused as to why she wasn't at a detoxing facility, or at the very least, her parents house. She lives in a small apartment, with thin walls. I can't imagine detoxing is a pleasurable experience, so even if her parents were staying with her to get her through it, she's probably done some screaming and yelling.At this point, we don't know what to think.

I think it's really odd that she just backed off and didn't even try to question us when we said Owen wants nothing to do with you. Eric and I talked a little last night. On April 1st, at the follow up hearing, we will request continued suspension of visitation, and another follow up hearing once she's out of rehab. When she's out of rehab, if she completes it successfully, that'll be 3 months sober, and hopefully they'll have knocked some sense into her. At that point, we will ask for one visitation day a week, supervised by us, for probably a 6 month to a year time frame. We're not messing around this time. Plus drug testing, probably twice a week. (I don't know what to do when she says she can't afford it but it's the only way we can prove she's sober. I guess if she's sober she can just get a part time job at McDonalds if she wants to see her kid.) We will also request that if we feel for any reason that she is drinking or doing drugs, that we can request a drug test and all visitation is suspended until we get a negative result. Hopefully that can continue for a while.

It's hard though, because just on the admission that she was drinking, but went to rehab and sobered up, she got 6 months supervised and then every other weekend. So in this case, two weeks after that was put into play, she raised a giant middle finger to us, the judge, and Owen, I don't feel that she should get the same kind of schedule.

My2miracles March 26th, 2014 02:56 PM

Re: Update on us
 
From what you've said about the judge, I'm thinking he'll have had enough of her too.

Stepmom2Be March 26th, 2014 04:03 PM

Re: Update on us
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by My2miracles (Post 28017624)
From what you've said about the judge, I'm thinking he'll have had enough of her too.

I feel like there's no way she'll get even close to what we agreed on back in February, now that she's using meth.

I just don't know how long he'll want her sober for before he gives her unsupervised.

AtomicMama March 27th, 2014 12:32 PM

Re: Update on us
 
It's so dependent on the state/judge/situation, but typically, drug use (especially something like Meth) is taken VERY seriously. Seeing how it all escalated, even after her last attempt at rehab, I could easily see the judge limiting unsupervised visitation for a long time. Your lawyer should have a better idea/estimate for you, though. Talk to him. See what he thinks is reasonable to ask for at this point. Ugh! I'm so sorry you are still dealing with all of this :hug:

Stepmom2Be March 27th, 2014 01:00 PM

Re: Update on us
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by AtomicMama (Post 28018985)
It's so dependent on the state/judge/situation, but typically, drug use (especially something like Meth) is taken VERY seriously. Seeing how it all escalated, even after her last attempt at rehab, I could easily see the judge limiting unsupervised visitation for a long time. Your lawyer should have a better idea/estimate for you, though. Talk to him. See what he thinks is reasonable to ask for at this point. Ugh! I'm so sorry you are still dealing with all of this :hug:

I hope they take it seriously, especially after she was so adamant that her rehab wasnt court ordered and even though she got kicked out, she got a lot out of the program. Hopefully the judge sees right through her.

The unfortunate thing is that we cannot afford our lawyer again. We spent over $3,000 just between October 1st and February 5th between court fees and lawyer fees. That was our entire savings, and then some. There goes the car down payment, there goes saving for a baby.

Oh well. Owen is beyond worth it. And we will save again.

The lawyer is sensitive to the fact that we're pretty broke now, and he's giving me advice when he can, so I am thankful for at least that

Keakie March 27th, 2014 06:18 PM

Re: Update on us
 
Legal costs are a nightmare. I definitely know that feel. :( I'm glad he's offering you advice!


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