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-   -   It amazes me (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f65-blended-families/2723185-amazes-me.html)

twoofeach June 10th, 2014 11:53 PM

It amazes me
 
At how much of a stupid mistake I made in thinking my ex was a 'great guy'. Like the only reason I don't completely regret from our relationship is my two beautiful children I have from him.

He is currently trying to 'buy love' with my children. They came home this afternoon from school/kindy (he has them once a month Fri night through to Wed morning school drop off) with all of this new s**t (clothes, shoes, toys ect), with their explanation being: "Daddy said that you and Sean don't buy us anything and that's bad so he bought us lots of stuff to make up for it". I almost got in the car and drove over to the man's house to tell him exactly what I thought of this stunt (not the first time he's done it, and it always comes with a month or two of the kids acting up towards me and Sean because they like Daddy better). We buy those kids everything they need, plus some. Oh and to top all of this off, I got a call from my lawyer today saying that my ex is going to take us to court to try and get either sole custody or just basically reverse our current schedule so I only see my children for five nights a month. This is the man that slept around on me with at least four different women, knocked one of said women up about a month before I left him, and was pretty much a deadbeat dad up until I got back together with my partner, 18mts ago. Two years ago, I had sole custody of Dex and Chevvie, with him only wanting to see them a few evenings/afternoons a month, if that. Then suddenly, because I'm back with Sean, he wants full custody. :mad::mad:.


Oh, and on top of all of this, Sean's ex, Gigi's BM, is also trying to get custody of Gigi. DOn't really think a alcoholic/habitual liar is going to have a hope in hell at getting custody, but considering it took them six months to get Gigi off of her in the first place because they couldn't get their act together (them being CYF/the courts), who the heck knows what's going to happen.


Sorry for the venting, I'm not very active on this board, I just need to let it all out in some sort of constructive manner. I swear Sean and I did not fight nearly this much when we were split and had Jai to consider. It was quite amicable really, we figured out what was best for Jai, then made it work for the both of us, even had a degree of flexibility when it came to trading off nights. Sorry again ladies, this was bait longer than expected, I'm just so over exes. Everyone in this house is atm, Jai came up to me just before and gave me a hug and said "I'm so glad you and Dad weren't like this, you guys were really good at this".

pmdc5286 June 11th, 2014 08:15 AM

Re: It amazes me
 
Hi and welcome to Blended Families!

I hope to ease your mind just a little bit but there has to be change of circumstances for a judge to completely change the kids living arrangements. It is up to the person wanting the custody change to prove there has been a change and why it's better for the kid to live with them.

It sounds like your ex has a case of the Disney Dad Syndrome and just trying to be the fun parent. It sucks for us as the primary parent though.

My2miracles June 11th, 2014 10:22 AM

Re: It amazes me
 
Ugh you're getting hit from all sides! Sorry that's happening. I do agree with pmdc5286, it's tough to get custody changes that drastic for no good reason. He may be able to get more time with them but I doubt he'd get full custody. Same with Gigi's mom. Unfortunately, it doesn't mean that they both can't put you through the ringer mentally, emotionally and financially before it's done though :(

Stepmom2Be June 11th, 2014 07:57 PM

Re: It amazes me
 
Don't worry, your kids will know who was there essentially all the time and who really took care of them.

Just 2 days ago, my stepson, whom we have full time, and he does not see his biological mother, told us that he remembers when his mom wouldn't let him spend Christmas with his dad, and how could she not realize that she was hurting him, (my stepson) when she did that? Kids are smart, kids are resilient.


The only thing I want to stress is make sure you don't bad talk their dad in front of them. They probably think the world of him because in the short, compacted time he has them, they probably don't get disciplined, and probably get whatever they want. You bad talking him to them is only going to put them on the defense. (Not saying you do that, just my two cents.)


Hugs- It's tough being the one that has to do all the day to day stuff and discipline and whatnot, and then have someone come swoop in and practically spoil them. It'll get easier.

twoofeach June 12th, 2014 04:13 PM

Re: It amazes me
 
Thank you ladies.

I had a sit down with the lawyers and my ex today and he stated what he wants. I cannot believe the nerve of what he wants. This is what he wants:
Every 2nd weekend, Friday night through to Monday school drop off, plus weds and thurs nights with Dex, because, and I quote, 'I want to spend time with my son without having to put up with the girl'.


He doesn't actually want the kids because he wants to be a father, he's using the kids as a weapon against me because he doesn't like to see me happy with anyone else. He stopped me after our meeting today and said 'You shouldn't be happy. You left me and so you don't get to be happy anymore'. I told my lawyer and he said he will document it and present it as evidence if we go to court. My lawyer has said that we should be able to keep the current schedule. The things is, I'd give him the extra time, if he actually wanted it because he misses his kids. I have never kept the kids from him, I have never bad-mouthed him in front of the kids.


I am so over all of this.

Stepmom2Be June 12th, 2014 08:25 PM

Re: It amazes me
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by twoofeach (Post 28112843)
Thank you ladies.

I had a sit down with the lawyers and my ex today and he stated what he wants. I cannot believe the nerve of what he wants. This is what he wants:
Every 2nd weekend, Friday night through to Monday school drop off, plus weds and thurs nights with Dex, because, and I quote, 'I want to spend time with my son without having to put up with the girl'.


He doesn't actually want the kids because he wants to be a father, he's using the kids as a weapon against me because he doesn't like to see me happy with anyone else. He stopped me after our meeting today and said 'You shouldn't be happy. You left me and so you don't get to be happy anymore'. I told my lawyer and he said he will document it and present it as evidence if we go to court. My lawyer has said that we should be able to keep the current schedule. The things is, I'd give him the extra time, if he actually wanted it because he misses his kids. I have never kept the kids from him, I have never bad-mouthed him in front of the kids.


I am so over all of this.

Let me ask you this then.. Aside from the fact that he sounds like a complete JERK... is he a good dad? Would the kids benefit from getting more time with him? Is it in THEIR best interest? Sometimes, we have to do what's in their best interest, even when it pisses us off.


I'm sorry. I know none of this is easy :(

twoofeach June 13th, 2014 02:13 PM

Re: It amazes me
 
I know he can be an awesome dad, but for the last few years he's been more focused on getting drunk, having sex with numerous women, and leaving the kids to look after themselves on occasion.

I don't plan on keeping my kids from their father, I would never do that, but right now, I don't think that it is in their best interests to spend more time with him.


I'm going to offer him every second weekend, Sat morning through to Monday evening (he doesn't work Mondays). This would mean he gets them one night less than what he currently has, but I'm willing to let him see them, take them to dinner ect, during the week if he wants to see them.

HippieLove June 14th, 2014 11:40 PM

Re: It amazes me
 
You mean he sat there, with lawyers, and said he DOESN'T want his daughter? What a real great dad :rolleyes: I know how you feel, BM doesn't pay CS (okay sorry, LATELY she has been paying a 3rd of what she has to, and it doesn't even cover DSS tutoring little own anything else, but anyway). When she gets them, she only has her 2 kids not 6, and she has the money and the time to take them to exciting places, buy them everything they want etc. While we do all the boring, day to day, feeding them, clothing them, paying school fees, running them to football practices and games. Mummy buys me whatever we want.. gah.

My ex liked to show up with toys as if that made up for his crappy parenting too. However, my DSD is a teenager and she has said to me that she appreciates all her father and I do. She gets it, and I know DSS will too when hes older.

My2miracles June 16th, 2014 01:04 PM

Re: It amazes me
 
Wow he's a piece of work. I hope he doesn't say that kind of things in front of your daughter.

Stepmom2Be June 16th, 2014 05:59 PM

Re: It amazes me
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by twoofeach (Post 28113862)
I know he can be an awesome dad, but for the last few years he's been more focused on getting drunk, having sex with numerous women, and leaving the kids to look after themselves on occasion.

I don't plan on keeping my kids from their father, I would never do that, but right now, I don't think that it is in their best interests to spend more time with him.


I'm going to offer him every second weekend, Sat morning through to Monday evening (he doesn't work Mondays). This would mean he gets them one night less than what he currently has, but I'm willing to let him see them, take them to dinner ect, during the week if he wants to see them.

That makes sense and sounds fair.


Maybe just go with the mind set of, "If he's making an effort and is a safe person for them to be with, then let it happen until he proves otherwise."


Oh but document all the time you let them go with him, just jot it down in a notebook so he cant ever say you withheld them.


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