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-   -   Ignorance & annoyed (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f50-children-special-needs/1548566-ignorance-and-annoyed.html)

Daisyfields May 5th, 2009 08:22 AM

Ignorance & annoyed
 
So you know how we all use abbreviations on JM? Like:

LO (little one)
DSS (darling step son)
DSD (darling step daughter)
DH (darling husband)
SO (significant other)
SN (special needs)... etc...

I use the the abbreviations for all my boys b/c they are all in a different category,
LO is almost 16 mos., he's Teighan
DS is almost 9, he's Dominic
DSS, is almost 12, he's my step-son Jacob
SN, Cooper, he is my special needs now 3 year old son.

No biggie to use these abbreviations, right? It's how we determine whom we're discussing, right? It's not a negative thing to say SN, or is it? I used "SN" on another board & got "attitude"... from someone who doesn't have an SN person/child & obviously isn't understanding. They made me feel like I was being rude by saying that my DS was SN, it's not that I am being rude, it's how I tell people WHO I am talking about b/c I have 5 men in my life, 4 children & 1 adult male/DH. KWIM?

Have you ever posted on other boards & used SN & people say something like that to you? :confused:

I don't like to "single out" Cooper... it's not a negative thing to say SN child. It's just how he's "labeled"... sure, it's a label but it's accurate, and it's not as though I say "my special child" all the time & ramble on other boards about Cooper, I don't. In fact, I never really talk about it b/c they do NOT understand & get "it"... usually normal like others in my life, strangers, family etc.

Sorry, super annoyed that someone made me feel this way at the start of my day. It wasn't the basis of my original post & they made it out to be as though I was LABELING my child on purpose for the "poor me" response. I don't do that, I NEVER do that & I resent people who try to make it out like that.

I treat Cooper like everyone else, obviously he requires different things/needs, but I love him just like I love everyone else. I don't label him because I think he's not worth as much.

Grrrrrrr......



~~~Sara~~~ May 5th, 2009 12:22 PM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
No I sometimes say I am mom to 17 month old Carter, who is special needs. I'm not being negative or labeling him he IS special needs and frankly that is a nice way to put what is wrong with my poor son!

Sorry, not everyone understands. :(

kittycat May 5th, 2009 02:10 PM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
I refer to my boys as DS or DS1 DS2. I use SN in reference to DS1, but not in place of. IE. DS has SN, or DS1 is SN, or my son that has/is SN. I don't refer to him as SN. I guess it's a to each his own kind of thing, but I personally wouldn't substitute DS/DS1 with SN. SN isn't who he is, it's what he has. But that's just my choice of phraseology.

Isn't netiquette fun? :lol:

Daisyfields May 6th, 2009 05:27 AM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by kittycat (Post 15681397)
I refer to my boys as DS or DS1 DS2. I use SN in reference to DS1, but not in place of. IE. DS has SN, or DS1 is SN, or my son that has/is SN. I don't refer to him as SN. I guess it's a to each his own kind of thing, but I personally wouldn't substitute DS/DS1 with SN. SN isn't who he is, it's what he has. But that's just my choice of phraseology.

Isn't netiquette fun? :lol:

Netiquette, that's a cute word. I mean, for me, I never try to say Cooper is the SN child in public, he's Cooper. But on-line, since no one really knows my children, and 90% of the time, JM members don't remember his name & often ask "how is your daughter?" when I am a mom of 4 boys, I just find it easier to abbreviate. But it's not how I try to define him, never have. He's Cooper, he's my 3 year old son.

stacyp May 6th, 2009 04:55 PM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
I've not had that happen. ((HUGS))

Ditzzy May 11th, 2009 04:33 AM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
I'm sorry that happened. :(
I usually just type Ava since it's so short. But I have used SN to talk about her, which nobody has ever said a negative word about it. I only have 1 DS, so that's easy.

((Hugs))

Tara0906 May 14th, 2009 08:49 AM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
I saw the post you are referring too. I understood what you said. That post def. had some added 'tude to it. whatever though.. right?

I say Justin my son with special needs. I do that because he is Justin before he is a special needs child. Thats how I look at it, but everyone is different.

Dacontay4 May 14th, 2009 09:56 AM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
I have 4 girls lol. Somebody actually refered to my daughter as an "ostomate" and I didn't say anything, I wasn't offended but I was wondering if I should be. I mean...she *is* an "ostomate," but she is Grier first. Reading this, I guess I'm not really offended anymore. They didn't say it negatively, they weren't denying that she wasn't Grier, they were just stating the fact that she *is* an ostomate.

Net lingo confuses the crap out of me LOL. It took me SOOO long to realize what the "d" in dh, dd, ds etc stood for.

Daisyfields May 14th, 2009 03:49 PM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tara0906 (Post 15811581)
I saw the post you are referring too. I understood what you said. That post def. had some added 'tude to it. whatever though.. right?

I say Justin my son with special needs. I do that because he is Justin before he is a special needs child. Thats how I look at it, but everyone is different.

Maybe it was more the attitude that irritated me more. I wasn't trying to say "oh...my SN child" b/c that's how I view him. It's just b/c I have 4 boys & for typing purposes (shorter), I say DSS (for my step-son Jacob), DS (for my son Dominic), LO (for Cooper who is special needs) & LO (for my baby, who is 17 mos.), then DH for my husband .... I have so many "men" in my life, it's just easier. But in no way do I view Cooper as a handicap kid & that's it. He's Cooper, my son. But he has special needs. I don't tell people "this is my son Cooper, he's special needs"... it's not something I say unless it comes up "or" they ask why he's a certain way etc. "or" if I have to explain to someone WHY we need something special to accommodate Cooper.

Any who.... I guess it's dumb for me to be bothered by it but it was annoying & made me feel like "you don't have an SN child, how dare you tell me how to discuss my child". KWIM? I felt like I was being talked "down" too... like I was being singled out (as usual by some/this/these) persons who always love to single my posts out & make me feel like I said something horrible. And the part that aggrevated me was that I made a post that wasn't meant to talk about my son being special needs at all. It had nothing to do w/ that. But b/c someone asked what "SN" meant, and I responded, I got the "a-tude" from a lovely person who wanted to once again, make my post look negative & horrible, twist my stuff to look bad. I guess it's more my issue w/ these/this person(s) who like to single me out & do that to me. I just don't need to get "a-tude" about Cooper who's been through so much. You can pick on me, but don't tell me about my child, what he needs or how to deal w/ him being handicap, that's not their business "plus"...again, their child(ren) are healthy as horses & have no idea what it's like to walk a day in my footsteps. I am more peeved that I have to explain or justify my actions. I am good parent, a dedicated mother & someone who is sensitive enough to Cooper & protective of him, so to be treated like I am making him to be this cripple who has no other title other than "SN/Special Needs" when that is SOOOO not how I view him, just ticked me off.

Tara0906 May 14th, 2009 05:12 PM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
OOH, I didn't see the whole thing. I only saw the first post that was made asking about "sn" and felt some attitude in it.

Daisyfields May 15th, 2009 08:39 AM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
It's good to know that I am not the "only" person who sees the "a-tude" that I get. I get a lot of PM's from ladies telling me that they're so sorry for the posts & they don't even make the "a-tude" posts. They feel bad & then contact me & apologize for how the others have treated me. Which is sad, I mean it's nice to hear that I am not the only one who sees it but it's sad that I am continually singled out. And as I said, it's never on any other of the boards I frequent, so that has to say something about the persons who are constantly picking on me. Good news is that I just "report" & hope that one day, someone will pull them aside & let them know that it's no acceptable. Even my post about T.T.'s eating, I posted it on this board & several others. I got the same positive responses from everyone....except for those same people. Same over & over. It's like "what's the deal?" I mean. Am I a monster or something? Am I that horrible? Is there something that I am missing?

Tara0906 May 15th, 2009 10:58 AM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
I don't honestly know. Its just a clique of woman on that board. Its sad to because they aren't the only ones on that board that had babies in DEC 2007...but they only acknowledge each other. I don't even make p ost anymore because hardly anyone answers them. Whatever though.. I have bigger fishes to fry!

Daisyfields May 15th, 2009 11:58 AM

Re: Ignorance & annoyed
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Tara0906 (Post 15830412)
I don't honestly know. Its just a clique of woman on that board. Its sad to because they aren't the only ones on that board that had babies in DEC 2007...but they only acknowledge each other. I don't even make p ost anymore because hardly anyone answers them. Whatever though.. I have bigger fishes to fry!

You hit it on the nail. I'll post about serious stuff, easy & light stuff, polls, it's always ignored or responded by the same crew, very few but like 50+ view them. Makes me feel horrible. Especially when we had the recent loss in our family, like 100 views but maybe 4 replies? What ever. As you said, you have bigger fish to fry.

I am glad it's not only me who feels like it's a clique. I've tried to bring it to the attention of people who "may" be able to do something but nothing really happens. I still try to post the occasional post, nothing major b/c I know that I'll be ignored.

Just so you know, the ladies here are SOOOO not like that, they are AWESOME & AMAZING, CARING gals. Everyone is supportive, it's great. No clique issues here, or the other boards we've been running into together lately.


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