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-   -   What was the nicest thing done for you when you lost your baby? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f209-comfort-spot/255166-what-nicest-thing-done-for-you-when-you-lost-your-baby.html)

Astrid July 19th, 2006 06:59 AM

Ok, we have a thread about the worst things that were said to us SO I thought I would start a thread about the nicest things that were said/done for us when we lost our babies. I'll start...

Our next door neighbor sent us flowers & a condolence card. I was shocked b/c I never expected to get flowers from anyone, especially her. Our relationship started rocky, she is kind of snooty. But since DH has been working for her (he does all their computer stuff at her office), she has really warmed up to us. So, when I got the flowers, I started crying. She said if there was anything I needed, to just come over & knock on the door. WOW!

dzine21 July 19th, 2006 07:05 AM

*wink* Astrid, you were the best. You really have helped us accept everthing and even help bring a closer to the whole process. We love our teddy.

Astrid July 19th, 2006 07:09 AM

Quote:

*wink* Astrid, you were the best. You really have helped us accept everthing and even help bring a closer to the whole process. We love our teddy.[/b]
Awe, thanks! I wish I had enough for everyone but they only send me 10 at a time & they unfortunately go quickly! Thanks for responding ;) !

dzine21 July 19th, 2006 07:22 AM

no problem. (hug)

christina7777 July 19th, 2006 08:19 AM

Nothing, persay, was really done. But everyone was so supportive and understanding and just super nice. At times it became a little aggravating, but I am grateful anyway. Oh, I almost forgot, my husband's work sent us a big plant. That was nice!!! But just having the support of friends and family meant the world.

4iris July 19th, 2006 08:19 AM

I didn't get much support after the first loss, but after the second, my dad brought purple flowers that looked kind of like bleeding hearts. And our neighbor across the street opened up about her stillbirth to help me know she understood. And our pastor sat with DH during my d&c and prayed with him/kept him sane.

And I bought myself several things: a beanie baby for each angel and a necklace from labelledame.com.

VegasMom July 19th, 2006 02:17 PM

The nicest thing done for me was actually done by my OB. He has been with me through all of my losses and has told me I was his hardest one of all. Last summer I lost twins, one at a time. The second twin was found to have passed during an ultrasound a month after I lost the first one naturally but my body had not passed it. I had to have a D&C. At that point I decided that was enough, I didn't want to do it anymore. While I was laying on the operating table waiting for anesthesia he held my hand. I told him I was done, I didn't want to be in that position ever again. He just held my hand and smiled at me and he told me to give myself some time because I had been through a lot. During the D&C he discovered some other issues with my fertility and repaired the problems. He removed a large fibroid and found a uterine septum which he removed also. Ten weeks later I was pg again and had my little boy June 9th. So I have to say my OB did the nicest thing for me because he healed my body and my heart.

Astrid July 19th, 2006 02:33 PM

Those are some very sweet things ladies! I knew that through all the bad, there had to be some kindness showing through!

Vegasmom ~ You have a wonderful OB! You are lucky to have found a dr that is interested in your best interests & supportive!

mmn1025 July 19th, 2006 03:00 PM

I'd have to say the nicest thing done for me was by my mother in law. A week after my d&c i was laying in my bed (my dh and i live with her) and she came knocking. I was like omg what is going to pick about now. But she gave me this really beautiful card and a book called "empty arms, empty cradle" or something like that. Then she gave me this tiny jewelry box, inside was a locket with an angel on the front. When i opened it there was a pic of dh and i on our wedding day and on the other side my fav pic of kayleigh from my 9 week ultrasound. To this day i don't know how she got my ultrasound pics but it's the most amazing gift i have ever recieved. I still wear the locket every day.

Astrid July 19th, 2006 03:54 PM

That is absolutely one of the most thoughtful things I have read thus far! You are blessed to have your MIL!

ojosmom July 19th, 2006 05:41 PM

My little 10 year old nephew made me the sweetest card with markers that said, Sorry about the baby, I love you and drew a big red heart. Then he showed me the barcode he drew on the back of the card to make it look "official".

VegasMom July 19th, 2006 06:18 PM

Quote:

Those are some very sweet things ladies! I knew that through all the bad, there had to be some kindness showing through!

Vegasmom ~ You have a wonderful OB! You are lucky to have found a dr that is interested in your best interests & supportive![/b]
I can't imagine ever having another OB and I'm sad that I'll be moving out of state in a year only because I'll have to leave him. He actually came in to deliver my baby on a weekend that he wasn't on call (he shares on-call weekends with his partners) and after delivery he cried with us. We were all so happy, we had ALL been through the struggle and we were all celebrating the miracle together.

Astrid July 20th, 2006 07:15 AM

Awe! Could you go back to him throughout the pregnancy or are you moving far away? I know, it is a stretch but I can't imagine that you would feel as confident w/ anyone else!

VegasMom July 20th, 2006 08:14 AM

Unfortunately it's too far. We are moving to Colorado as soon as my DH is out of school and my DS graduates from HS next June then we are moving. Las Vegas isn't the best place to raise children and we want to give the little one the best upbringing we can.

Astrid July 20th, 2006 08:17 AM

Ah! Colorado is beautiful! I wish I could move there. Where do you plan on moving to?

VegasMom July 20th, 2006 05:42 PM

Quote:

Ah! Colorado is beautiful! I wish I could move there. Where do you plan on moving to?[/b]
After doing some research we decided on Fort Collins. It really helps that my best friend in the whole world lives there :D She is a cancer survivor and I want to be as close to her as I can so she can enjoy my little boy as much as I do. My MIL lives about 1 1/2 hour from there too in a little town called Elbert (about as close to MIL as we really want to live). Fort Collins has been rated as the best small town in the US and my DH and I were both raised in a small town (HS sweethearts) and want to give that to our little one. We feel bad that we were not able to give that to our older son but we were young and had to do what we could to get by. As you can see, that means making some sacrifices and unfortunately leaving my Dr. is one of them.

Astrid July 20th, 2006 06:50 PM

I also grew up in a small town outside of a huge city & now as I look back, I loved it. Not so much then b/c I was the "different" one but was also liked by everyone b/c I had balls to stand up to them. We now live not too far from where I grew up & I wouldn't have it any other way.

Maybe next summer we can meet. My parents are retiring to La Garita Park which is about 30 miles outside of Del Norte in the San Luis Valley. La Garita is in the mountains though. I love it up there & part of me REALLY wants to move up there when they retire. I understand you!

tdjjjjf July 21st, 2006 03:48 PM

After my first m/c in 1999 ladies from my church brought us our meals for a whole week. It was so incredible!!

Right before I was wheeled into the OR for my D&C with my m/c in June of 2005 my OB put his hand on me and asked me if he could pray with me and he did. It was very touching. While I was laying on the litter waiting to go in any nurse or anybody that would come up to me to talk or ask me a question I would just lose it and start bawling. So when me OB offered to pray with me it really calmed me down.

Then with my last m/c in Sept of 2005 I went to the ER because it was a Sunday and I was bleeding again. My OB met me there and after he did the US and it was determined that I was m/c he again took my hand and DH's hand and asked us if he could pray with us again. My OB is so amazing!!

Donna

Chunky Monkey July 21st, 2006 08:06 PM

With this last m/c, my DH was so wonderful, holding me and crying with me. This is the first one he didn't say was my fault. He has been talking about it with people instead of holding his grieving in. He told me we would TTC when I was ready, he is not going to try to tell me when it's going to happen. All the respect I lost for him for a while came flooding right back and our marriage is now stronger than ever!

Hoping July 22nd, 2006 07:27 AM

I had my D&C memorial Day weekend. My sister wanted to be there at the hospital while I was in surgery, but they had planned a trip months before to go see her DH's family. She was going to cancel the trip, but I assured her I would be fine and to go ahead with her plans. So while she was gone, she sent me flowers to my house. I had gotten some other flowers, but for some reason, it was just really special to me that she sent me some.


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