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JaeSung May 4th, 2013 09:55 PM

Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
Well, it's quite possible he may decide to leave me. I can't say it wouldn't hurt, and that I wouldn't be upset and that I wouldn't miss him.

It was today he asked if I took a test, after telling him a few days ago that I might be.
Thursday when he and I were together he asked if we could do the same thing we did before.
And tonight he asks about putting it up for adoption.

He says he's upset. (paraphrasing) And asks me if I took my bc pills. As if he can't do anything on his end. I even had told him back when I first started taking the pills that they're not 100%. He could very well have done something himself too.

And he says to me how we're not stable. How would a baby be supported. How he has no steady job. Well, anytime he's tried to get a job, it's always taken him less than a week. Thing is, he says he likes doing work on houses and offices, and he hasn't even tried to get a steady job.

If he leaves, and doesn't want to take responsibility, it's his choice. It's not like there's not time for him to get a steady job.

Oh, and he also says we're too old for this.

If anything, in a sense, he's not old enough. Since in some ways he doesn't act his age.

summerbaby1 May 4th, 2013 10:01 PM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
:dothug: I'm so sorry. I really don't know what to say except I'll keep you in my prayers and we're here for you if you need us.

JaeSung May 4th, 2013 10:10 PM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
Thank you, summerbaby. I really appreciate it. I honestly don't know what to say, either. lol

He says we'll talk about it tomorrow.

*~ Joni ~* May 4th, 2013 10:19 PM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
:( I hope he comes around. But if not, you can do this :)

bundle2baby May 4th, 2013 10:23 PM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
:hug: As already said above, we are here for you. No matter what, you can do this. Saying prayers that he will come around in time.

JaeSung May 4th, 2013 10:29 PM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by *~ Joni ~* (Post 27340098)
:( I hope he comes around. But if not, you can do this :)

I do too, but I'm not counting on it. I'm even tempted to tell him, seriously, to just leave me. If he can't take his share of the responsibility.

I know I can. :)


Quote:

Originally Posted by bundle2baby (Post 27340104)
:hug: As already said above, we are here for you. No matter what, you can do this. Saying prayers that he will come around in time.

Thank you :)

**jessie** May 5th, 2013 01:41 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
Have you told him that you are for sure pregnant?

Papasgirl May 5th, 2013 05:10 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's heartbreaking and scary I am sure, but right now you have to focus on you and your baby... What is it YOU want and how do YOU want to handle this. This is an important and special time. I hope you are able to find some peace with it. Whatever you chose, we are here for you!

Jessimaaka May 5th, 2013 06:03 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
:hug:

Nicole1481 May 5th, 2013 07:28 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
(((Hugs)))

HorseGal May 5th, 2013 07:44 AM

Sounds like his butt needs kicked out of the house. IMO

JaeSung May 5th, 2013 08:08 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by **jessie** (Post 27340199)
Have you told him that you are for sure pregnant?

I did, last night. He wants me to make an appt at the clinic. He thinks there's still a chance I'm not.



Quote:

Originally Posted by Papasgirl (Post 27340242)
I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's heartbreaking and scary I am sure, but right now you have to focus on you and your baby... What is it YOU want and how do YOU want to handle this. This is an important and special time. I hope you are able to find some peace with it. Whatever you chose, we are here for you!

Thank you. It is.
That's what I'm trying to do.

Thank you, again.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jessimaaka (Post 27340279)
:hug:

Thank you.


Quote:

Originally Posted by HorseGal (Post 27340383)
Sounds like his butt needs kicked out of the house. IMO

We don't live together. I wouldn't do that anyway, though.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am thinking maybe I could tell him I'll think about adoption. Even though I already know I couldn't go through with it. Maybe the time that gives, it will be enough, and maybe he might start to feel like he wants to keep it, too.


Do you guys think there's a chance of that working?

redbirds May 5th, 2013 08:43 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
Oh, I'm so sorry this is the case. I have to be honest that it's important you are honest with him. If you can't consider adoption, then it's not something you would tell him you are willing to consider. He may need all of the time to wrap his head around the fact that he is going to be a father, whether or not he chooses to step up to that magnificent role.

You are in a very tough situation, but you know how much you love this baby already and what choices you've already considered and tossed. You know you better than anyone.

Do what is right for you. It may hurt for him to turn away, but you still have support. You still have a tummy full of love. You still have your strength, wits and heart. Be frank. Plan for the worst, but hope for the best.

kara74 May 5th, 2013 09:19 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
I don't think lying about putting the baby up for adoption when you know you plan on keeping it is a good idea. Be straight with him. Tell him you're pregnant and plan on keeping the baby. If he leaves, his loss. Telling him you will give up the baby and then ending up keeping it will only cause more problems. You want to know now what he's going to do. Why prolong things? You're an adult woman who is perfectly capable of doing this on your own. If he doesn't want to be a father then let him go. It will be better for you and the baby.

JulieMc May 5th, 2013 09:37 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by JaeSung (Post 27340418)
I am thinking maybe I could tell him I'll think about adoption. Even though I already know I couldn't go through with it. Maybe the time that gives, it will be enough, and maybe he might start to feel like he wants to keep it, too.


Do you guys think there's a chance of that working?

I think that you need to cut the games and be honest. If he can't deal then he can't deal and he'll leave. But don't stir up more drama with lies. It'll never work out the way you want it to.

JaeSung May 5th, 2013 10:17 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by redbirds (Post 27340470)
Oh, I'm so sorry this is the case. I have to be honest that it's important you are honest with him. If you can't consider adoption, then it's not something you would tell him you are willing to consider. He may need all of the time to wrap his head around the fact that he is going to be a father, whether or not he chooses to step up to that magnificent role.

You are in a very tough situation, but you know how much you love this baby already and what choices you've already considered and tossed. You know you better than anyone.

Do what is right for you. It may hurt for him to turn away, but you still have support. You still have a tummy full of love. You still have your strength, wits and heart. Be frank. Plan for the worst, but hope for the best.

Yeah, I suppose. Well, he already is a dad, twice. Three times if you count the one I let him convince me to get rid of.


Quote:

Originally Posted by kara74 (Post 27340514)
I don't think lying about putting the baby up for adoption when you know you plan on keeping it is a good idea. Be straight with him. Tell him you're pregnant and plan on keeping the baby. If he leaves, his loss. Telling him you will give up the baby and then ending up keeping it will only cause more problems. You want to know now what he's going to do. Why prolong things? You're an adult woman who is perfectly capable of doing this on your own. If he doesn't want to be a father then let him go. It will be better for you and the baby.

First. Me thinking of telling him I'd think about adoption is not the same thing as telling him I'd do it.

Second, as my first post says, I have told him I am. Why else would he bring up adoption?

Nowhere did I post that I would tell him I wouldn't keep it.


Quote:

Originally Posted by JulieMc (Post 27340540)
I think that you need to cut the games and be honest. If he can't deal then he can't deal and he'll leave. But don't stir up more drama with lies. It'll never work out the way you want it to.

I'm not playing any games. I told him when he brought it up, that I don't know if I could do adoption.

I'm not commenting on anymore negative seeming replies.

Miss-Melissa-Sue May 5th, 2013 10:34 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
I'm sorry you feel like there are negative replies. We are trying to be here for you and as what has been said about the father has painted a not so good person in my opinion. We are trying to be here for you but unfortunately when people care they will tell you what you don't always want to hear. I hope things get better.

Brittanie May 5th, 2013 10:49 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
I don't think anyone is trying to be negative. But I agree with the other ladies, telling him you will consider something that you really won't actually consider is only going to end up worse. You asked for our opinions on that, and that is what we think. In a situation like this, it's best to be upfront about what you will and won't do. The fact that he talked you into an abortion once, that you regret, leads me to believe that this relationship isn't a good one. Especially since you waited to tell him this time so he wouldn't be able to do it again.

It sounds like the negativity is coming from him, and it's negativity that you don't need.

Maybe make a list about the good and positive things that he brings to the relationship, and put it up next to the list of negatives you've already listed here. See how they weigh against each other.

Sometimes the best thing to do, though, is just let go.

kara74 May 5th, 2013 10:52 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
Ok "thinking" about adoption would also be a LIE because you are NOT thinking about doing it. Cut the games, you're not a child. You're a 40 year old woman. You're going to have a child. Get real. Don't lash out at people in this group who are trying to support you. Save the lashing out for the guy who talked you into an abortion a year ago and doesn't want you to have the child you're currently pregnant with.


Quote:

Originally Posted by JaeSung (Post 27340608)
Yeah, I suppose. Well, he already is a dad, twice. Three times if you count the one I let him convince me to get rid of.




First. Me thinking of telling him I'd think about adoption is not the same thing as telling him I'd do it.

Second, as my first post says, I have told him I am. Why else would he bring up adoption?

Nowhere did I post that I would tell him I wouldn't keep it.




I'm not playing any games. I told him when he brought it up, that I don't know if I could do adoption.

I'm not commenting on anymore negative seeming replies.


redbirds May 5th, 2013 10:59 AM

Re: Preliminary update of situation with guy
 
Oh... it sounds like he doesn't have a good record in the baby-department :( How sad for someone (him) to be so nonchalant about things like this, and then leave the weight on the shoulders of the women and the children. I am sure he has his good side, or you wouldn't be afraid to see what his true reaction will be, but it also sounds like he has a lot to learn or that he doesn't want to change who he is.

Whatever you choose, I hope it all works out for you. Right now, it's hard to see that things could be better if he does back out and you do this on your own, but I've seen it happen and the women are amazing moms who don't need the negativity those men brought to their lives. However, if he chooses to finally step up, I certainly wish you both the best and hope it all works out :)


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