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-   -   Done with one at 26 ok? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1369-done-after-one/2118983-done-one-26-ok.html)

EverEnduring84 September 30th, 2010 10:28 AM

Done with one at 26 ok?
 
I am pretty sure I am done having children. I had my DS Aug 2007 at 23.


A little background about me.. My husband and I have known one another since 16. We were got married Aug 2006 and then baby came Aug 2007. So pretty quick. We are currently both 26 and VERY busy with full time school and work. We both have 3 more years till we finish out BA/BS and then I plan on doing a credential program + we both plan on a maters. This would roughly put us at 30 by the time we could even "think" about financially having more children. This is even without a house and student loans (80,000 $ worth) to pay back.

It just doesn't seem like there will ever be a way for us to have more + our son (3 years old) had language development issues and speaks on the level of a 1 year old. It VERY frustrating and difficult..I personally always feel worn out because I STILL feel like I have a baby in so many ways. My son is not mature and neither is my husband. I love them both and I think were doing all we can right now considering our circumstances...although it will take many years for us to improve our financial/family situation.

I dont feel "done" because of just the current circumstances but I will always have to work full time to help support the family ive already started. I am just not one of those mom's that can have 3-4 kids and work full time. + im going into a career with children..so it's burn out, you know?

3 years ago my mom said to me that "it wont always be this way"...but it's been 3 years and nothing has changed. Of course we've grown in many ways but out circumstances are still the same..work/school/our little boy/ the unity to strive for a healthy marriage too (of course). We always try to balance what we have and where we are at in life..but we've still always been at our max..no let up..if that makes sense. "the gas peddle has always been on full force." + I have a child with a possible disability (deaf or language delay..we are still getting him through the assessment process through the school district).

I've always been overwhelmed..even before marriage and having our son I was just always on over load. I guess I just cant take on as much as others can. I really think it's wise not to compare though. That's just a good way to bring yourself down. Everyone is unique and has a different situation.

All I know is i've always been overwhelmed and I am still overwhelmed. It just seems that it would be wise to acknowledge the "facts" and call it quits on more babies.

As said before we dont finish school till 30 (minumum) and then we both need to through ourselves into our careers to work and pay back major student loans and hope to save for a house too some day. I just really feel by the time we actually can have kids we will be too old. (35 is my cut off) im not going past that. DS will be 18 when we are 40..i dont really want to raise two separate families.

What do all you experienced wise women think?

rebeccabaltimore and more October 7th, 2010 10:58 AM

Re: Done with one at 26 ok?
 
It's you're decision, and it's fine. It's important to be honest with yourself. We're done after one at 30. We've had too many losses, too many complications along the way. My family tells me I'll change my mind later, but one look at my son's NICU pictures and I'll be reminded of how I feel. Just because our decisions about kids are different from a lot of other women's decisions doesn't mean they're not good decisions.

You know what's right for your family better than anyone else.

youngwoman December 21st, 2010 10:58 AM

Re: Done with one at 26 ok?
 
I know it's been awhile since you posted this, but I just saw this today and wanted to comment, in case you ever check back. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by EverEnduring84 (Post 21689784)
All I know is i've always been overwhelmed and I am still overwhelmed. It just seems that it would be wise to acknowledge the "facts" and call it quits on more babies.

I can completely understand this. My DH and I have talked at length about this, especially within the last 6 months or so as we contemplated whether or not we wanted to have a second child. And he's said something to the effect of being at his limit and he's not sure he has much more to give. Which I totally get. Raising a child is hard work!

I think it's very wise for you to know your own limitations and to accept what you can and cannot handle. It's your life and your family, and I think you have everyone's best interests at heart.

mticknor April 5th, 2011 08:35 PM

Re: Done with one at 26 ok?
 
It's completely your own personal decision. Whatever you feel is best for you and your family is the right decision :D

*Jennifer* June 21st, 2011 01:05 PM

Re: Done with one at 26 ok?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by youngwoman (Post 22498306)
I know it's been awhile since you posted this, but I just saw this today and wanted to comment, in case you ever check back. :)


I can completely understand this. My DH and I have talked at length about this, especially within the last 6 months or so as we contemplated whether or not we wanted to have a second child. And he's said something to the effect of being at his limit and he's not sure he has much more to give. Which I totally get. Raising a child is hard work!

I think it's very wise for you to know your own limitations and to accept what you can and cannot handle. It's your life and your family, and I think you have everyone's best interests at heart.


I am late replying to this too. I completely agree with you. Raising a child is not easy. I can honestly say that having more than one would lead to major problems for DH and I. I don't have it in me and neither does my hubby. So I have two choices: Give my son a sibling, but a home full of tension or even a broken home, or have my son be an only child living in a happy home. I think he would rather be from the happy home.

MammaHutch October 20th, 2011 08:57 PM

Re: Done with one at 26 ok?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by EverEnduring84 (Post 21689784)
3 years ago my mom said to me that "it wont always be this way"...

I dont mean any offense at all hun, but I cannot stand when people say that. People say to me that I will want more kids after Drake is here, but let me say this. Having kids should NOT be something that is "expected" for women to do. We should not be "expected" to have large families, you would think in a world today people would be ok with an only child household and the more educated I get the more I learn people look weird at it. I just dont get it at all. Sometimes you just know.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EverEnduring84 (Post 21689784)
This would roughly put us at 30 by the time we could even "think" about financially having more children. This is even without a house and student loans (80,000 $ worth) to pay back.

Same here. But, DH and I are expecting our first and a month after Drake is born I will be 27 and DH will be 31. We are not old persay but we dont want to be older parents, ya know what I mean. We started late after not wanting kids and are completely blessed to have this one. But its a lifestyle. As far as owing that money. I know what you mean. I owe $60,000 in student loans and a few other things so I mean bringing another child into this world with all this financial obligations just seems silly to me.

Bottom line, in my opinion :) I always hear people say "When you have kids your life stops" well I chose for that to not happen. One child, mommy and daddy just seems perfect. :inlove: I will not allow my life to stop, it will be enhanced with our little boy and life will go on perfectly.

I hope you feel better, and do what is right for YOU and no one else. :hug:

Seanaci November 17th, 2011 01:49 PM

Re: Done with one at 26 ok?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MammaElf (Post 25055417)
I dont mean any offense at all hun, but I cannot stand when people say that. People say to me that I will want more kids after Drake is here, but let me say this. Having kids should NOT be something that is "expected" for women to do. We should not be "expected" to have large families, you would think in a world today people would be ok with an only child household and the more educated I get the more I learn people look weird at it. I just dont get it at all. Sometimes you just know.



Same here. But, DH and I are expecting our first and a month after Drake is born I will be 27 and DH will be 31. We are not old persay but we dont want to be older parents, ya know what I mean. We started late after not wanting kids and are completely blessed to have this one. But its a lifestyle. As far as owing that money. I know what you mean. I owe $60,000 in student loans and a few other things so I mean bringing another child into this world with all this financial obligations just seems silly to me.

Bottom line, in my opinion :) I always hear people say "When you have kids your life stops" well I chose for that to not happen. One child, mommy and daddy just seems perfect. :inlove: I will not allow my life to stop, it will be enhanced with our little boy and life will go on perfectly.

I hope you feel better, and do what is right for YOU and no one else. :hug:

:ditto:

It is your choice. And if you are perfectly happy (albeit still stressed) having just your son, so be it. It is your life and choice.

I had DS at 27...and now at almost 32, I feel ALMOST too old to even think about having more kids. I always thought I would have 3 or 4...then that changed to 2. But, DH is 41 and I honestly don't know that we'd have an easy time getting pregnant with a 2nd. *shrugs* So, we're happy with one. :)


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