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  #1  
April 28th, 2008, 04:56 PM
cyutegurl
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Hello some of you may know me around here..


Hi I am a mother of 1 who is 3 years old and I am 19 turning 20. My fiance (26) and I have been careful for 3 years and we did something very stupid and now im pregnant but i cannot keep it. Just bad timing and I planned to have no more children I just want my daughter and thats it. I have always been strongly against abortions and I am having some trouble right now..Im scared out of my mind and I cannot keep this baby..just I am so young and I am just about to go to school be a RCA and I am trying to have a career.

What should I do?

Please help!!!!!!
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  #2  
April 28th, 2008, 05:38 PM
heathernoel's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Having had one, I can tell you that you might fall into one of two categories...one that comes to peace with it, and one that doesn't. I didn't. I regret it. My dreams and My goals were just that.......mine. The child didn't ask to be conceived...I screwed with God's plan.

It's a HUGE decision to make, and one you need to make quickly. I'd suggest getting a sonogram before making that last decision.
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  #3  
April 29th, 2008, 12:38 AM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
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Location: England, UK
Posts: 33,800
Quote:
Hello some of you may know me around here..


Hi I am a mother of 1 who is 3 years old and I am 19 turning 20. My fiance (26) and I have been careful for 3 years and we did something very stupid and now im pregnant but i cannot keep it. Just bad timing and I planned to have no more children I just want my daughter and thats it. I have always been strongly against abortions and I am having some trouble right now..Im scared out of my mind and I cannot keep this baby..just I am so young and I am just about to go to school be a RCA and I am trying to have a career.

What should I do?

Please help!!!!!![/b]
Hello

Its really a hard decision to make, what does your fiance think of this? does he agree with you in that its bad timing? I think the fact that you need advice on what to do tells me you are not too sure if an abortion is what you really want. I would sit down and think alot about it, talk to your partner, go through all the pros and cons and see if you could work around a newborn and carry on going to school. Does your partner work? will he beable to take care of baby while you go to school? do you have family that can help out? If you really do not have the support and you want to follow through with school you need to do what your heart is telling you to do.

Really think hard and give yourself a week or two to decide before you make the final decision as sometimes people make decisions in the spare of the moment and go on to regret it later in life, do you think you would regret it somewhere in the future? if there is a chance you could regret it you really need to think. What about adoption is that something you would be willing to do? there are alot of couples out there who would love to adopt, and maybe you can look into open adoption so that you could still be part of your babies life.

If you would like access to our private forum please say and i will give you the password, there are stories in there from members of the board and the decisions they made from Abortion, Adoption and carrying on with pregnancy and maybe that will help you to decide too.

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  #4  
April 29th, 2008, 08:05 AM
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I know how scared/confused you are right now and that's normal. I'm having an unplanned baby too (obviously-i'm in here right? lol) and although our situations are slightly different, I'm not ready either! I know abortion seems like an easy out- especially this early but the truth of the matter is it's never easy. I had one a long time ago and it haunts me every day. I was like you and never thought it would be an option but I got scared when I was younger and went through with it. I was a wreck for a long time after and still feel sick when I think about it. I'm the last person on earth who can cast judgment on anyone else, I'm only telling you this so you'll know ahead of time. The pain doesn't stop and the regret/guilt never fades. Get your u/s, talk to your family about adoption, or accept that this child is a blessing and meant to be here. I'm in the boat with you girly, it's not easy but we can all get through it together! If you need to talk, cry, vent, whatever...i'm here
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  #5  
April 29th, 2008, 09:00 AM
koalasandduckies's Avatar Super Mommy
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I completely understand how you feel as I felt the same way when I first found out I was pregnant. I had the same thoughts you did. We considered abortion, but once the two of us saw the sonogram we realized just how much of a bad decision that was. I am not saying it would be bad for you, but I have also had an abortion before and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about it. We then considered adoption, and though it might seem odd that you would want to give a baby up for adoption when you already have one, we are in the boat too.. My boyfriend has a three year old, and we just weren't ready for another baby. The adoption thing was a valid option and we asked questions like "Will it be possible to adopt a child later on?" "What will our three year old think?" That kind of stuff is what we asked the agency we went to. Depending on what state you are in, they may have a similar agency like we have.

In the end it is your choice, obviously, but I would highly recommend thinking of adoption over abortion. If you want to talk more, you can message me and I can tell you anything you would need to know.
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  #6  
April 29th, 2008, 09:33 PM
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Coming from someone who has also had an abortion I can tell you that it is not easy..

Like the above poster..there are two categories you could eventually fall into. I'm another woman who has not come to terms with what they have done. My baby would have been born in a month and I when I think of the "what ifs" I break down. I would have a huge tummy right now and be able to feel my little one move.

It is extremely hard...extremely..but with whatever you decide on..there is a group of strong supportive girls on here! Keep us posted.
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  #7  
April 30th, 2008, 12:03 PM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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I strongly suggest you take some serious time to think about all of it before you make a final decision. I agree with the other posters in that there are only so many options to decide from however they are forgetting a very important one. Adoption is a very wonderful, giving, and completely possible reality. I gave my first daughter Olivia up for adoption when I became pregnant at the age of 16. She is now a beautiful, well adjusted 9 year old that I see about once a year.

Come visit us in the adoption board if you would like to ask any questions or need any support. I would also love to talk to you more if you just want someone to vent to-you may PM me anytime!

By the way I am definitely not against abortion so if you decide that is the route you must take I also stand behind you as someone who almost aborted a child. It is each woman's decision.
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  #8  
April 30th, 2008, 04:36 PM
cyutegurl
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Thank you everyone for your comments.


First of all adoption is not a option because I would never be able to give this child away after carrying it for 9 months.

And I just can't keep this child ....there is more to it then I said..I hope for no judgement but I am pasting and copying something I wrote on Yahoo Answers for help.

I would appreciate your feed back.


Hi I am a mother of 1 who is 3 years old and I am turning 20.
Here is my story:

I have been with one guy my boyfriend (26) since I was 14. But recently we had not been getting along and were on the verge of a break up. During that time I had met a new guy who was also Filipino on March 26th....and things moved quick and I was going to be with this guy. We had protected sex but the condom broke the first time. Weeks went by beginning of April and my now ex-bf wants me back and he doesn't want our family to split up and he is sorry and he loves me so much. So I decided to go back with him. Then we had sex and our method was always the pull out method since having my daughter and its always worked! But he didn't pull out and purposely cummed in me. And to make the story short I am pregnant (3 weeks) and he got me pregnant to trap me and I do not want any children and i am about to go to school and get a career. I want to get a abortion but I am against it! HELP!

* 17 hours ago
* - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

17 hours ago
And there is also a chance it could be the other guys baby cuz the condom broke!
I am so scared and sad...I can't sleep at night! i am not ready for another child. This wasn't even a accident. It was done purposely so I won't be able to leave him...HELP!

17 hours ago
It's so easy to say give it up for adoption.

But I have been pregnant before and going through the pregnancy for 9 months you will feel a bond and I would never be able to give the child away.

Adoption is not even a option!

Quote:
Quote:
Hello some of you may know me around here..


Hi I am a mother of 1 who is 3 years old and I am 19 turning 20. My fiance (26) and I have been careful for 3 years and we did something very stupid and now im pregnant but i cannot keep it. Just bad timing and I planned to have no more children I just want my daughter and thats it. I have always been strongly against abortions and I am having some trouble right now..Im scared out of my mind and I cannot keep this baby..just I am so young and I am just about to go to school be a RCA and I am trying to have a career.

What should I do?

Please help!!!!!![/b]
Hello

Its really a hard decision to make, what does your fiance think of this? does he agree with you in that its bad timing? I think the fact that you need advice on what to do tells me you are not too sure if an abortion is what you really want. I would sit down and think alot about it, talk to your partner, go through all the pros and cons and see if you could work around a newborn and carry on going to school. Does your partner work? will he beable to take care of baby while you go to school? do you have family that can help out? If you really do not have the support and you want to follow through with school you need to do what your heart is telling you to do.

Really think hard and give yourself a week or two to decide before you make the final decision as sometimes people make decisions in the spare of the moment and go on to regret it later in life, do you think you would regret it somewhere in the future? if there is a chance you could regret it you really need to think. What about adoption is that something you would be willing to do? there are alot of couples out there who would love to adopt, and maybe you can look into open adoption so that you could still be part of your babies life.

If you would like access to our private forum please say and i will give you the password, there are stories in there from members of the board and the decisions they made from Abortion, Adoption and carrying on with pregnancy and maybe that will help you to decide too.


[/b]
I would like to have access to those forums if I could..It would be very helpful.
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  #9  
April 30th, 2008, 05:59 PM
koalasandduckies's Avatar Super Mommy
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I agree that the thought of Adoption is really really hard. And believe me, I know about the bond you get with your baby. However, I had an abortion nearly 12 years ago, and I still think about it every day. And I remember the day that baby was supposed to be born. Every year I get emotional about it on her birthday. I am not saying that either option is easy, but what I am saying is that though you would have a bond with the baby if you gave her up for adoption, you will always remember the baby that you had aborted... I know this is probably one of the toughest decisions you will make, but we are here to help you. And if you have any questions please do not hesitate to ask..

And if your boyfriend really did that.. then I don't believe he has your best interests at heart. Which is something else you should probably think about.
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  #10  
May 1st, 2008, 05:43 AM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: England, UK
Posts: 33,800
I have PM'd you the password for the private place hun
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together for 10.5 years married for 4.5 years.
mummy too....
Ryleigh (8yrs - April 24th 2006)
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Lacey (6yrs - June 5th 2008)
Lucas (4yrs - April 26th 2010)
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  #11  
May 1st, 2008, 05:55 AM
BoobyDutyAgainJen's Avatar Proud Mom & Birth Mom
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I can understand feeling that adoption would be hard to be able to do. You do bond with the baby.

I think you need to kind of step away from the situation for awhile. You don't HAVE to make a decision today, tomorrow, or even really next week. So take a breath, enjoy your sweet daughter, and maybe even set up a drs appt to take a peek to see if you really are capable of aborting the baby. Just try to give it a week or two to think things through.

I hope you can find peace thinking about things. Keep us posted on how you are feeling and what you are thinking.

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  #12  
May 2nd, 2008, 08:40 PM
cyutegurl
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Quote:
I can understand feeling that adoption would be hard to be able to do. You do bond with the baby.

I think you need to kind of step away from the situation for awhile. You don't HAVE to make a decision today, tomorrow, or even really next week. So take a breath, enjoy your sweet daughter, and maybe even set up a drs appt to take a peek to see if you really are capable of aborting the baby. Just try to give it a week or two to think things through.

I hope you can find peace thinking about things. Keep us posted on how you are feeling and what you are thinking.

[/b]
Thank you~
But I dont even want my family doctor to know about this.....the only one who knows is my dh.

I made a appointment..its not until the 20th of May. So I have time to think about it..... and I have to make me decision by then...
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  #13  
May 3rd, 2008, 01:36 AM
sarah*'s Avatar Loving My Piglets
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Let us know how it goes hun and if you have any questions feel free to come by anytime
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together for 10.5 years married for 4.5 years.
mummy too....
Ryleigh (8yrs - April 24th 2006)
Rhianna (7yrs - June 7th 2007)
Lacey (6yrs - June 5th 2008)
Lucas (4yrs - April 26th 2010)
Connor (1yrs - February 15th 2013)

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  #14  
May 3rd, 2008, 03:11 PM
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I understand your feelings. Please know that we're not here to judge you at all. If you are certain that you do not want this baby and that you're comfortable with having an abortion then that is what you need to do for you. I'm sorry that you're in this situation, it's aweful and hard to make this decision. There are lots of women who choose to abort and do not regret it, just as many do. Perhaps you want to check out these websites while making your final decision. They helped me out a lot. I chose to keep the baby in the end but was very serious about considering the abortion option, went to the pre-abortion meeting and even had a date booked.

I'm Not Sorry
PASS boards

Hugs to you.
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  #15  
May 9th, 2008, 08:03 AM
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I felt the same way you are.. with my kiddo! I didnt want any kids.. (At lease not at 20!). I refused abortion. i do not believe in doing that to a child period.i'd personally go for adoption. I know its hard. but if you choose abortion you possibity could have worse problems with your body. Or never ever be able to have kids ever ( Even though you say now you dont want moremore...your young... you can change your mind later in life!). Im not trying to be judgemental. But i really hope you dont decide to abort this poor infant. It breaks my heart. But i'll respect any decision you decide. And if you decide to keep this child..just remember its hard..but honestly its soo rewarding..you know that though since you have one beautiful little girl .
Good luck..and try to keep claim. Rememeber... dont let any guy make you feel "traped" just because of a child.
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  #16  
May 9th, 2008, 10:33 PM
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HUGE HUGS to you!!! This is a tough predicament! No one here has any place to judge you! I had an abortion between my first child and second child....My first one was born when I was 16. I got pregnant again when she was just a little over a year old and I really saw no way out-abortion was my only way...I didn't feel I could give that child up for adoption, either, after carrying it within me for almost a year. And I remember wishing for more options other than keeping it, aborting it, or giving it up for adoption.

I regretted it the moment it was done, and some people dont regret ever regret it. Whatever decision you make is yours and yours alone...it's private and personal. Keep talking through this and mulling it over-it really helps. I commend you for talking about something that is so personal and so private getting this out. I wish you all the best whatever decision you decide.

HUGS!

Stacey
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  #17  
May 11th, 2008, 11:06 AM
plan4fate's Avatar I may bend, but not break
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I'm going to poke my nose in here too. I had an abortion in August of 2005, and although I know it was the right decision (for medical reasons), it is something I will regret for the rest of my life. I fall into the regret category that heather mentioned, and I was getting worse and worse with my decision until 2 years later I received the medical test results that I was going to m/c anyways.

I recommend finding a free clinic that offers counciling. They're not going to be judgmental, they're going to help you sort through your thoughts. I know where you are, I sat in your seat at 21 when I saw the +hpt and my boyfriend said he didn't want the baby and wanted me to get an abortion. Very few people know that I had booked the abortion before my 1st sonogram, but didn't deicde to keep it until they told me the baby was sick. I'd actively made the decision to go through with it, and that's what I'm living with now.

I hope what ever decision you make is right for you. If you need anyone else to talk to, feel free to PM me. Im objective, and I'm well researched on the topic.

HUGS sweetie.. and you have a beautiful little girl
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  #18  
May 12th, 2008, 01:32 PM
Melui's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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i would keep the baby but loose the manipulative other half. Id rather be a single mum than feel strangled in a relationship and worried what else he would do to control me - how far would he go? That said - i dont have to walk in your shoes - so you need to do whats right for you. Having another baby would definatly throw a spanner into the works - but it does NOT mean the end of your dreams. It could delay it a while but if your strong and fight for it - you could be able to do whatever you set your mind to.
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  #19  
May 12th, 2008, 02:23 PM
~*kath*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm a little late on this but just noticed it.
I think that if you have an abortion you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Everything happens for a reason and you can still go to school and do whatever you want with your life, this baby will hold you back no more than the child you have already will.
I really hope you make the right decision. . . *hugs*
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  #20  
May 13th, 2008, 10:23 PM
Mud235's Avatar Super Mom Extrodinaire
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As someone who had an abortion years ago, I know that for me it was the best thing. I don't regret it at all. If you need to talk to someone you can PM me.
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