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  #1  
June 22nd, 2008, 01:41 PM
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I got the feeling that the gils due when I am are bored or annoyed by my lack of happiness about being pregnant. So I decided to quit the room. I am not looking for a depressing messageboard, but maybe somewhere where it is ok for me to say how disappointed, scared, annoyed and regretful I am about being pregnant without feeling like suzie sunshine who is super excited about being knocked up is going to be offended when I make a comment about how difficult things are...

One lady suggested I be positive and get some balloons and a card to break the news to hubby...that would be a disaster...DH is just not going to be supportive. I can't tell my mom right now...she is just too much.

This is just a huge pain.
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  #2  
June 22nd, 2008, 02:36 PM
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Quote:
I got the feeling that the gils due when I am are bored or annoyed by my lack of happiness about being pregnant. So I decided to quit the room. I am not looking for a depressing messageboard, but maybe somewhere where it is ok for me to say how disappointed, scared, annoyed and regretful I am about being pregnant without feeling like suzie sunshine who is super excited about being knocked up is going to be offended when I make a comment about how difficult things are...

One lady suggested I be positive and get some balloons and a card to break the news to hubby...that would be a disaster...DH is just not going to be supportive. I can't tell my mom right now...she is just too much.

This is just a huge pain.[/b]
I am so sorry you are going through this! I have never been in this situation before so Im not sure what to say to comfort you or how to help you. But you need to tell DH you cant keep the secret from him forever. I know its not going to be easy but sometimes men surprise you. I know you say he wont be happy but maybe he will have some other suggestions. Like adoption instead of abortion. There are a lot of loving caring families that can not have children that are looking for a child to love. I hope you feel better soon hun!
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  #3  
June 22nd, 2008, 05:30 PM
Cindermella's Avatar Freakin Know it all
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So here you are. I am sorry you quit the February ddc. I am willing to listen to you. I am the guide mommy of the february ddc but I am not pregnant. Just full of advice etc. I have had 10 myself.
All great tho they are not affordable.

Perhaps if I could understand why your husband doesn't want more I can help you out.

Do you want this baby? That is the most important question. Because if you don't and your husband doesn't then the answer is clear. And that is a decision that is yours and yours alone to make. And nobody to judge you one either.

If you want to keep the baby then you will have to just come out and confess the pregnancy to your husband regardless of what may come of it. The pregnant person is the one to decided if a pregnancy stays or goes. Not the unpregnant one.

Perhaps he need to look into more permanent birth control if you two are going to stay together.

Where is your head at? Husband aside. Are you happy you are pregnant? Do you want to keep the baby. You have to answer those questions to yourself before you say do or think anything else.

We are here for you even if you don't think we are.
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  #4  
June 22nd, 2008, 05:42 PM
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Quote:
So here you are. I am sorry you quit the February ddc. I am willing to listen to you. I am the guide mommy of the february ddc but I am not pregnant. Just full of advice etc. I have had 10 myself.
All great tho they are not affordable.

Perhaps if I could understand why your husband doesn't want more I can help you out.

Do you want this baby? That is the most important question. Because if you don't and your husband doesn't then the answer is clear. And that is a decision that is yours and yours alone to make. And nobody to judge you one either.

If you want to keep the baby then you will have to just come out and confess the pregnancy to your husband regardless of what may come of it. The pregnant person is the one to decided if a pregnancy stays or goes. Not the unpregnant one.

Perhaps he need to look into more permanent birth control if you two are going to stay together.

Where is your head at? Husband aside. Are you happy you are pregnant? Do you want to keep the baby. You have to answer those questions to yourself before you say do or think anything else.

We are here for you even if you don't think we are.[/b]
She makes some very good points! You need to put your husband out of the picture for a second and answer the questions that she has put forward! She has made some amazing points!
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  #5  
June 22nd, 2008, 06:03 PM
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Well it is hard for me to share all of this, but easy at the same time....My husband decided after our secound child he was done with the baby stage or having any other babies. He feels like we are just getting back on track from our youngest and that another baby would be a burden.

I found out I was pregnant in March I believe, early March. I told him and he told me that this was not what he wanted and then told me I trapped him and that a baby was out of the question. Maybe a week after I told him, I sent him a baby subscription e-mail from Baby Center.com. He was even more adament about ending the pregnancy and even told his sister that when I sent him the baby center e-mail that he wanted to send me a list of abortion clinics.

He refused to sleep with me and would barely touch me for weeks. Finally one day I sent him a scathing e-mail and he said he was sorry but a few days later he was back to being a jerk.
So after another morning of fighting I just said F- it and made an appointment, he took me and then he was worlds best husband...which made me even madder because I know he was only being good to me because I ended the pregnancy- just like HE wanted.

The crazy thing is, I certaily did not trap him the first time, I had been using the patch and then one week the BC went missing and sure enough that was enough time for me to get pregnant. This time I have no explanation for. I used my patches like clock work, so I am just at a loss.

As far as my wants. I know that I wanted one more kid but after we moved into a house and I had a more stable job. Not now, not in this tiny apartment, not working a temp job....All I see is $$$$ more daycare...paying for an infant and a toddler in daycare and a 10 year old in before & after care. Will I have to stay at home? That daycare is going to run almost $400 a week for the 3 of them, $160 for the infant, $100 for the toddler and $125 for the oldest (bi weekly)....I don't want to be pregnant and my husband treating me like the enemy....My hubby never wanted more kids...I only wanted one more...LATER....

I don't want to terminate another pregnancy.....it is unimaginable how it feels to have your husband take you to a clinic...even worse to know exactly what I did...I just could not do that again...

So I feel trapped. If he were supportive I would feel better but as it is.....I don't have that. Not by a long shot. he is an awesome guy...this is the only area where there is a strain...he is just dead set against it...and look where we are...
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  #6  
June 22nd, 2008, 06:13 PM
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Well my heart goes out to you.

And if this is the case you must not abort. I still do not understand why the burden of birth control is placed soley on you when he is the one who doesn't want anymore children.

To be honest with you. One more later is the same as one more now to a guy who doesnt want any more.

I would not be sending him any more emails. My husband is not allowed to email me and I don't email him ever either. Say it to my face or don't say it at all.
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  #7  
June 22nd, 2008, 06:15 PM
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I'm so sorry, sweetie! I can't imagine the pain you've already gone through and now you have to go through it again. Are you going to tell him you won't get another abortion? If so, do you think he'll leave you? I would certainly hope that since you say he's wonderful in every other way that he will support you with whatever you decide. We'll be thinking of you...
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  #8  
June 22nd, 2008, 06:40 PM
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I can understand your feelings about the DDC. We didn't plan our pregnancy either and I am still struggling with feelings of "not ready to do this", and it is hard to discuss with women who have been trying for months and longer to be pregnant. They have every right to be excited and we have every right to be nervous/upset.
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  #9  
June 22nd, 2008, 06:42 PM
Cindermella's Avatar Freakin Know it all
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Quote:
They have every right to be excited and we have every right to be nervous/upset.[/b]
Exactly that. You have every right to be upset.
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  #10  
June 22nd, 2008, 07:10 PM
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Quote:
And if this is the case you must not abort. I still do not understand why the burden of birth control is placed soley on you when he is the one who doesn't want anymore children.[/b]

That makes a lot of sense. I am just waiting for him to get home so I can get this over with.
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  #11  
June 22nd, 2008, 07:18 PM
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Just take a deep breath! I totally agree with Cindermella with saying that the BC shouldnt be left up to only you as seeing you wanted another child. Lots of luck with telling him.
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  #12  
June 22nd, 2008, 09:42 PM
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Quote:
I found out I was pregnant in March I believe, early March. I told him and he told me that this was not what he wanted and then told me I trapped him and that a baby was out of the question. Maybe a week after I told him, I sent him a baby subscription e-mail from Baby Center.com. He was even more adament about ending the pregnancy and even told his sister that when I sent him the baby center e-mail that he wanted to send me a list of abortion clinics.

He refused to sleep with me and would barely touch me for weeks. Finally one day I sent him a scathing e-mail and he said he was sorry but a few days later he was back to being a jerk.
So after another morning of fighting I just said F- it and made an appointment, he took me and then he was worlds best husband...which made me even madder because I know he was only being good to me because I ended the pregnancy- just like HE wanted.[/b]
oH MY GOODness!
for one..what i quoted is what im upset about in your post. what i BOLD im extrememly upset,angry about what is he doing to you. NO ONE should EVER feel this way. WHAT A JERKK!!!!!!!!!!!!! honestly a baby is a blessing. Im so upset he wants to kill such a beautiful thing...im very anit-abortion. So it really kills me he is acting this way. Heck alot of people cant afford them. but you make what u can do. Im sooo soo sorry your hubby is treating you this way... IT TAKES 2 TO MAKE A BABY'!!!!!! ..HUge hgs my heart achs for you soo much dear... my prayers are with you totally....
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  #13  
June 23rd, 2008, 11:51 AM
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Mrs. B. I am right along with you. My partner is being such an A**hole. I posted a brief synopsis of how I feel in the Unplanned Pregnancy forum....

We can lean on each other my dear. Babies are truly a blessing. My fear is that he is going to stress me to the point of losing this baby and I will never forgive him for that.

Cindermella is right, it ultimately falls on the person carrying the baby. HAVE YOUR BABY. I AM HAVING MINE. HE CAN GO TO H*! And tell your Hubby the same. Men come and go, love comes and goes, but a child is forever as is the love of the child.
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  #14  
June 23rd, 2008, 01:55 PM
Amy B.'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Did you tell him? I've been thinking about you all day.
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  #15  
June 23rd, 2008, 03:04 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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Quote:
Did you tell him? I've been thinking about you all day.[/b]
I was just going to ask this. We are all thinking about you hun!
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  #16  
June 23rd, 2008, 03:44 PM
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I'm fortunate enough to have a SO who wants this child (admittedly, more than I do). I can't even imagine what it must be like to have an utter lack of support from the person who's supposed to be at your side through thick and thin... I'm so sorry that he's making this situation exponentially harder for you. I agree with Cindermella though, with basically everything she brought up. From responses you've made in this thread, abortion won't be an option for you this time (and I can fully empathize with that - it's a tough choice) but it's sounding a little bit like YOU don't want another child right now. If adoption is an option (totally didn't intend the rhyme there), it sounds like that may be the way to go this time. Ultimately it's a decision you and your family will need to make (I'm sure you know that already, sorry). I wish you the best of luck with this... And I hope like heck that your husband can be a little more supportive of you (even if he doesn't support the choice you make, he CAN support the fact that you have a choice to make...).

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