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  #1  
December 3rd, 2005, 11:17 AM
lordsdaughtr's Avatar Regular
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<span style="font-family:Book Antiqua">My pregnany wasn't planned. The hardest part the father wont be involved. I am stressing out about having a baby and being a single mom. Is it hard? I have my mother to help me. But It hurts knowing I cant share the joy and excitment and love with the father. Its a scary thought, I am young only 18 and I am having a child. I feel this baby is a blessing, but will I beable to handle having a child?? I want this baby there is no doubt about that. I could never have an abortion and I could never give my baby up for adoption. Going through the 9 months of pregnancy, I am going to keep it.
I only have one or two friends besides my close relatives. So I have no one to relate to or really connect with. Expecially when you get really stressed and lonely and all you want is someone to be by yourside.
I am just expressing all my feelings. I should really keep a journal but I never committ to keeping one.
But if anyone has any advice, thoughts or opinions, or stories, etc. I would love to hear them. [b]</span>
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  #2  
December 3rd, 2005, 11:50 AM
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Well congrats on your pregnancy even if it was not planned. My pregnancy was not planned either. I am 19 now and was 18 when I got pregnant. I do live with the baby's father although it has been a long and difficult 9 months. I think women who get pregnant and start off doing it all on their own are a lot stronger in the end. You will pull through and it especially helps to have the support of your mom. It does get lonely when your pregnant and can't do the things you use to. I barely talk to my friends anymore and usually just hang out at home by myself while my baby's daddy works or goes out with friends. It is really hard and there will be many nights that you will spend crying and falling asleep out of exhaustion of crying. I have been really depressed and sometimes downright suicidal throughout my pregnancy. But I only have 3 weeks or less left and am suprised, very suprised that I am still here and anxiously waiting for my son to beborn. How far along are you? Just wait until you start to feel your little one kick and squirm inside of you. Times like that make it all worth it. I know that at times I get so uncontrolable and uncomfortable (if there were someone there to comfort me in the first place) that all it takes is my lil guy to kick me a few times real hard to get me to straighten up and knock it off. You will be ok, women have been doing this for centuries with or without support. Feel free to pm me. I will try and check back here now and again but won't have complete axcess to a computer for a week or so. Good luck!
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  #3  
December 3rd, 2005, 08:58 PM
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Hello and Welcome to JM. You will be suprised how well you can handle being a single mom. My mom did it with three of us but she was only 16 when she had me. Got faith in you.

There are a lot of wonderful people here that you can always ask advise of.
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  #4  
December 3rd, 2005, 11:46 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I am a single mom of 3 boys ages 14, 13 and 10. Being a mom is the greatest gift ever!!!!!

While I completely understand that you are scared - it is amazing the strength we find comes out when we have children. There will be times during this pregancy where you will doubt yourself and feel so much confusion. I have been a single mom for 10 years and let me reassure you that everything will be ok. We are all here for you.

Where is the father? Do you feel like venting? You will find this place such a fantastic source of support, advice and comfort.

I am so happy you have your mom for support!

Congratulations!
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  #5  
December 4th, 2005, 05:59 AM
nat81
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hun. You're going to be a great mom, there's no doubt about that!!! I had an unplanned pregnancy as well but was lucky enough to have the father stick around (we're actually getting married) so I'm not going to lie to you and say it will be easy 'cause I find it hard even having his support.

You will have your good days and bad days but the good days will out weigh the bad ones. You're lucky to have your mom's help and support so at least you won't be completly alone! I believe that in the end, this will make you such a strong person and that once you accomplish raising a child on your own you can do anything!!! Don't ever doubt yourself when you get frustrated or feel like you can't do it anymore 'cause you're the only one who will know how to and just what to do with your baby!

Good luck hun and keep us posted. We're always here for you for support as well !
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  #6  
December 4th, 2005, 09:11 AM
lordsdaughtr's Avatar Regular
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I'm 11 weeks pregnant. I thank you for your comments. I do look forward to having this baby, but it feels like I am not even pregnant (the symptoms are there) but when do you start really connecting with your baby? When they start kicking? I haven't experienced that yet. But from what you say it sounds like a wonderful experience. Maybe when the baby is born all this lonelieness and stress and etc will pay off?? I really have no idea because I've never had the experience of giving birth to a child before.

Quote:
Hello and Welcome to JM. You will be suprised how well you can handle being a single mom. My mom did it with three of us but she was only 16 when she had me. Got faith in you.

There are a lot of wonderful people here that you can always ask advise of.[/b]



Thank you! Thats awesome to know.
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  #7  
December 4th, 2005, 09:45 AM
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Quote:
I am a single mom of 3 boys ages 14, 13 and 10. Being a mom is the greatest gift ever!!!!!

While I completely understand that you are scared - it is amazing the strength we find comes out when we have children. There will be times during this pregancy where you will doubt yourself and feel so much confusion. I have been a single mom for 10 years and let me reassure you that everything will be ok. We are all here for you.

Where is the father? Do you feel like venting? You will find this place such a fantastic source of support, advice and comfort.

I am so happy you have your mom for support!

Congratulations![/b]
Thank you :-)

The father moved some where out of state way before I found out I was pregnant I have NO way to get ahold of him. I do have a bf I've known for almost 3yrs now and we started dating again. He wants to be the father but he does drugs and parties way to much for me. Do I really want my child to be around that? No, but I do love and care for him and I would want him to be the father if he cleaned up his act 100%. Would my child be better off with no father then a father who is completly irresponsible? Not just that, he causes me alot of stress. He also lives an hour away since I moved back in with my mom.

Quote:
hun. You're going to be a great mom, there's no doubt about that!!! I had an unplanned pregnancy as well but was lucky enough to have the father stick around (we're actually getting married) so I'm not going to lie to you and say it will be easy 'cause I find it hard even having his support.

You will have your good days and bad days but the good days will out weigh the bad ones. You're lucky to have your mom's help and support so at least you won't be completly alone! I believe that in the end, this will make you such a strong person and that once you accomplish raising a child on your own you can do anything!!! Don't ever doubt yourself when you get frustrated or feel like you can't do it anymore 'cause you're the only one who will know how to and just what to do with your baby!

Good luck hun and keep us posted. We're always here for you for support as well ![/b]

Thank you so much! It means alot of me.
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  #9  
December 5th, 2005, 03:51 PM
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I felt my son kick at about 18 weeks. Thats when it starts to really feel real. And maybe this is going to sound weird but once I hit the 26 week mark I really felt pregnant. Thats because thats the survivable age of the baby I guess. Now I ma 37 weeks, almost 38 and he is over 6 lbs. It becomes more real everyday. But I don't think you will truly connect or believe it until you hold the little one in your arms. Thats how I feel anyways. Good luck, you will make it through.
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  #10  
December 5th, 2005, 09:59 PM
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Natasha, when you have your baby, you may still be lonely. Babies need Moms, not friends. But it will be worth it nonetheless because it is clear that you have the desire to be a good Mom- you have a really strong spirit. I recommend you check out some pregnancy support resources in your community. It's possible they have support groups and/or counselors you can talk to. Congratulations on this miracle and never despair because you are never alone.
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  #12  
December 6th, 2005, 10:03 AM
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You would be surprised at the things you can accomplish when forced into it and you are a lot stronger and more resiliant than you know.

When I was 19, I got pregnant with my first baby....by the time I was 21 I had 2 children ages 1 and 2. My ex-husband left me for another woman when they were just 1 and 2 years old, and my parents refused to help me with the kids in any way, shape, or form....not even to baby sit. I had no one.

Here I am now, preg with my 3rd (though now married for 10 yrs) with 2 beautiful teenage girls (16 and 17) who are doing well in school (even getting ready for college) and seem to be well adjusted -especially for only having a single mom (ex left the girls, too, and never, ever visited them or gave them anything). I even managed to get a college education (though that was after they got big enough to watch themselves).

My point is, YOU CAN DO IT. The only thing that stops you is your own doubt in your mind. It will be the hardest thing you'll do in your life but in the long run it will be worth every inch of effort.

Good luck to you and your baby! *HUGS*
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  #13  
December 6th, 2005, 03:37 PM
lordsdaughtr's Avatar Regular
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Quote:
Natasha, when you have your baby, you may still be lonely. Babies need Moms, not friends. But it will be worth it nonetheless because it is clear that you have the desire to be a good Mom- you have a really strong spirit. I recommend you check out some pregnancy support resources in your community. It's possible they have support groups and/or counselors you can talk to. Congratulations on this miracle and never despair because you are never alone.[/b]
Thank you so much! Your words make me feel alot better. I have looked into support groups and so far so good. I am doing alot to learn about my pregnancy. I joined wic, I joined a work force program so I can get a job. I also joined a program, where I visit someone once a month about my pregnancy, for educational and learning purproses of pregnancy. I am going to take lamaze classes soon and I seek my doc every month. Hopefully soon I will start attending support group sessions. So I am trying my hardest to learn as much as I can so that I can be a good mom. So thank you for your kind words!

Quote:
You would be surprised at the things you can accomplish when forced into it and you are a lot stronger and more resiliant than you know.

When I was 19, I got pregnant with my first baby....by the time I was 21 I had 2 children ages 1 and 2. My ex-husband left me for another woman when they were just 1 and 2 years old, and my parents refused to help me with the kids in any way, shape, or form....not even to baby sit. I had no one.

Here I am now, preg with my 3rd (though now married for 10 yrs) with 2 beautiful teenage girls (16 and 17) who are doing well in school (even getting ready for college) and seem to be well adjusted -especially for only having a single mom (ex left the girls, too, and never, ever visited them or gave them anything). I even managed to get a college education (though that was after they got big enough to watch themselves).

My point is, YOU CAN DO IT. The only thing that stops you is your own doubt in your mind. It will be the hardest thing you'll do in your life but in the long run it will be worth every inch of effort.

Good luck to you and your baby! *HUGS*[/b]

Your story is very inspirational. I makes me feel better knowing that I too can be a single mom and do just fine. I will keep the doubts away and focus just on my child's and my welbeing.
You sound like a wonderful mother!

Quote:
First off, Congrats on your pregnancy!

I was 18 years old when i got pregnant & now i'm 19 - 6 weeks off giving birth. Although i live with the father of my child & we're still together. I'd like to say that singlemothers can make it without having a male in the lives of them &/or the child. You can raise the child and teach them everything that you want to & now have to be influenced by a male. You'll be a great mother regardless.

You'll enjoy it here - all the girls here are very friendly and help with advice when ever needed.[/b]

Thank you for your support!! I wil try my hardest to be the best mom I can. I bet your getting excited waiting the birth of your lil one???
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  #14  
December 15th, 2005, 03:57 AM
Pharry's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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First and foremost, I want to say congrats for the little bundle of joy on its way. I know how you sometimes feel all alone, but you know what i learnt thru my unplanned pregnancy, that you will never realise how strong you are until you start trying. I am in more or less the same situation as you are, but the worst thing is that me and my baby's daddy live in the same city, and we are on talking terms though he does not want to have anything to do with this baby. That in itself has made me grow up so much quicker than i thought possible. I realise that my baby has only me, and seeing as I am the baby's ultimate source of everything, i have to hang in there and be the strongest I know how.

Of course, there will be times that you will feel miserable and alone, but you know what once you start feeling your baby move, all the misery cannot even diminish the joy that you will feel. The truth is, its not easy, believe me I know, but look at it this way, whatever you ae going to experience, its your gain and the baby father's loss.

Hang in there, and you will do just fine. And most of all, believe in yourself and your capabilities and noone will hold you down. The very best of luck.
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