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Starting to freak out about everything


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
July 5th, 2008, 09:48 AM
NewMommy!'s Avatar Regular
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 84
So here I am, at 8 weeks pregnant and I'm really starting to freak out about it all. I don't know what I want anymore. I was excited about this and now I'm not so sure. I've had two miscarriages in the past and now I'm wondering if it wouldn't be for the best for it to happen again...

BF and I had broken up and he was a couple weeks from moving away and I had started moving on with my life. Then we find out I'm pregnant and everything changed. Now he's staying here and wants to get back together. I just can't accept him back though. Yet anyway...

We live together so I am with him every day. We've been together for over 4 years. He doesn't ever help me pay bills. He spends his money on stupid stuff. HE has said he's going to change and he'll prove himself to me but I just don't know. I see all these other couples and they both help support each other. WHy am I the one that always has to do the supporting? Yeah, he pays child support for his other child but still. That's not my fault. He should be able to help provide for me too. He lives pay check to paycheck and that's WITHOUT paying any rent or utilities.

I dream of owning a house and getting married. He can't even pay the $315 a month rent that he's supposed to be paying. I'll never get an engagement ring. He'll never be able to afford one. Unless he cleans up his act like he says he will.

But I also don't want to have this baby and be a single mother. Ugh...I do love him I just have all this resentment built up inside right now and I just can't get past it.

None of my family knows I'm pregnant. They're all trying to set me up with different guys all the time. It's so stressful. THey're all going to be so upset when I tell them I'm pregnant. THey thought I was going to finally get ahead with BF gone. I wouldn't have to pay his part of bills. I was going to finally have money and could start saving for a new car since mine is almost dead.

Now I'm pregnant, with no insurance, a car that I can't even drive out of town and a guy that wants to spend all his money on pop, cigarettes and race cars.

I just want to crawl in a hole and stay there...
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  #2  
July 5th, 2008, 12:22 PM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Clovis, CA
Posts: 37,201
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Aww hun I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could offer so great words of wisdom but I have never been in your situation. I do know that all this going on on top of being pregnant is a frustrating stressful place. You are extra hormonal so that does not help either. Maybe if you tell your parents they can offer some sort of support. Even if it is just emotional support. Maybe you need to sit down with FOB and talk about things. Write al ist of things you want him to help out with. And expect him to meet those expectations. Remember that if things do not work out you do have options. I know it can be difficult but remember that we are here to try and help with advice and suggestions. We are not here to judge. Big hugs!
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