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  #1  
December 7th, 2005, 03:38 PM
lordsdaughtr's Avatar Regular
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Ugh!! It just seems like each day gets worse. Last nite I tossed and turned every minute because my anxiety was killing me and it still is!! Then today I was suppost to visit my Boyfriend who lives in Fargo which is an hour away. Today is his day off, so the night before I called him to make sure what our plan was going to be. I told him I was going to come up and that he shouldn't make any plans or I wasnt going to bother driving that far for nothing. He said he wouldn't.
So today I get to his place at 1:00 pm same time I told him Id be there. His sister and her baby and her friend are all over there. He was gone when I showed up and I had to wait a half and hour for him to get back which was ok, since he was with his sister and his sister is important. So his sis and her friend left about 2:00. Then he is sitting around dinking with a bag of Marijuana that he was going to sell to someone Which really pisses me off. Since I don't smoke weed and I don't like him smoking when I come and visit him. And the person he is going to sell this bag to, (who I dispise, this stupid 17 yr old girl that everyone is in love with because she is soo "hot", blah) She comes over, which He knows I DON'T like her and I dont like her being there when I am. I asked him if she is going to stay long and he said no.
So she shows up and talks and talks to him and isnt leaving anytime soon, and he comes near me and shows me the joint he rolled *oh wow* and he is planning on leaving the room and going to go and sit with his roomate and her and smoke this joint while I wait in the living room while they all sit around and do there thing. I DONT THINK SO. I was really upset and I told him, that this wasn't part of our plan. We were suppost to be spending time together me and him, since I only see him ever couple of weeks. I told him I was going to leave and do some things and I just went home. It really upsets me that he puts Weed and his friends before me. He is a horrible choice for a boyfriend, its just that we've known each other for 3 yrs. It just added on to my anxiety, and that my family is upset with me because I am pregnant. My aunt didn't even want to throw me a baby shower because I am not married and that my baby is an accident. That really hurts! I don't have a job, and no money and I am trying to find a job but having no luck, and I have very important bills do by the end of the month or I could loose my car if I don't make the payment. I dont have any money to buy my family gifts and that really makes me feel bad. So my mind is just going crazy with all this stress and I am seriously about ready to shoot myself!!!!!!!! I dont have anyone to talk to!!!!!! I want all this to go away. Someone help me!!
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  #2  
December 7th, 2005, 03:59 PM
Kierasmom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Take a deep breath! It will all work out.

Your boyfriend sounds like a real charmer. I'm sorry he is treating you that way. I got pregnant at 17 and my boyfriend was on Heroin, and I didn't know it until after I was already pregnant. Then he ditched me for his drug friends. It hurt so bad. I also lost the baby.

Have you tried getting assistance?

BTW I am about 3 1/2 hours from you.
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  #3  
December 7th, 2005, 04:29 PM
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I'm going through some pretty bad depression right now too. I got married less than four months ago and I'm miserable. I feel like I made a huge mistake and that now that I'm pregnant I'm even more trapped. You still have options right now. You could abort, you can leave that loser (and it doesn't sound like he cares enough to be a problem for you and the baby). I'm incredibly stressed with finances because we are in debt and living on the edge. I've lost attraction for him; my libido died. I miss being single. I despise my life right now.

I'd suggest thinking hard and making some tough decisions. Do what you think is right. And if you have doubts...well follow your instincts.
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  #4  
December 7th, 2005, 04:52 PM
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I know that dealing with an unplanned pregnancy can be very tough...especially without support from your friends, family and boyfriend.
Is there a planned parenthood or pregnancy crisis center near you? They work based on income...if you aren't working you pay nothing. They would be able to get you some counciling so that you have someone that you can talk to and not have to worry about what you say since it is completely confidential. They will be able to get you in touch will all kids of resouces...such as WIC (for food), medicaid or other low-income insurance, dr's, support groups, etc. They will get you in touch will people to talk to that have been in a similar situation. They will also help you make a decision if you are undecided about keeping the baby. They are not there to pressure you into a decision just to let you know all of your options. If you have already decided to keep the baby then they will help you get whatever you need in terms of care. Also if you still don't have a job when the baby is born they can help you get things like a crib, diapers, etc. Many people donate these types of items to the crisis centers for women in your situation or similar situations.
I have had 2 unplanned pregnancies....my first when I was still in high school. The crisis center was there for me and they helped me throughout my pregnancy. I was completely alone. The father left me the day he found out I was pregnant. I have not spoken to him to this day. My son unfortunately was born prematurely and did not make it. I did make a lot of friends through the crisis center and I still keep in touch with many of them.
My daughter was also unplanned however her father and I stayed together...he is now my DH and we are expecting #2.
If you ever just need to talk feel free to PM me I will give you my email address.
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  #5  
December 7th, 2005, 11:31 PM
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I currently work at a crisis pregnancy center. There is one close to you...they are everywhere. We help gals like you get thru the pregnancy. We can hook you up with WIC, the state run baby care, food stamps, etc. We can put you in touch with people that really care and will help you. You are not alone. This baby was NOT an accident. No baby is an accident. Sometimes they are a surprise....but never an accident. You should seriously just get rid of the non supportive bfriend. He will drag you down and hurt you. You also need to get in touch with a counselor with a crisis preg center to find out about adoption. Nobody wants to put their baby up for adoption, but sometimes it is the best thing for the baby. You clearly already want the best thing for your baby, as you are staying away from drugs and stuff. So you need to start thinking about what is best for the baby. I want you to know that you are not alone, you can do this. I will be praying for you. Stay strong!
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  #6  
December 8th, 2005, 03:34 AM
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I don't know your boyfriend but that just makes me really . I was an unplanned pregnancy. My mom was 16 when she had me and she did a wonderful job raising me. She didn't have family either. It is very important that you find some type of support group. I totally understand about the depression. I'm not in your position. I am 26, married and having my first. I think under normal circumstances every woman goes through the depression. Unfortunately you have added stresses. You DO NOT need to stress yourself too much, that is not healthy for yourself nor the baby.

I would look into a crisis center at a minumum. You also have this message board for a "shoulder" to lean on. Look for other people in your area that are in the same boat.

I hope that everything works out. Please keep us updated.
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  #7  
December 8th, 2005, 11:16 AM
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Quote:
You could abort, you can leave that loser (and it doesn't sound like he cares enough to be a problem for you and the baby).[/b]

I think suggesting abortion is wrong. Although I am pro-choice. But at nearly 12 weeks the fetus is very well formed and surgery is needed to abort.

There are a lot of government agencies out there that offer help and financial support. Try loking in your phone book or better yet the internet. Your boyfriend does nto seemt o know where his priorities are at the moment. And in my honest opinion you are better off saving your money instead of spending it on gas to see him. He should make the effort to come see you and support you. My boyfriend smokes weed too. But it has never been an issue because he would put it down in an instant if I asked. But then again I live in California and it is prescribed here and not seen as a harsh drug liek other places. You need to talk to your boyfriend one on one and see what he thinks his priorities are and if you and your child aren't on top of the list then step on and focus on getting your things together for the baby. You are still so early in your pregnancy that people who may be bitter towards you will eventually warm up to you having a baby. And if they don't then skrew them, they aren't worth your time. Not to preach or anything (I'm not Christian but do believe in God). But God does not make mistakes. Your baby was not a mistake nor an accident and do not let anyone make you believe otherwise. The baby may have been unplanned by you and your boyfriend but he or she is meant to be. DO NOT ever let anyone call your chidl a mistake. Godo luck and do the best you can. You will be stronger in the end whether your low life boyfriend sticks around or not. And a word of advice... if you are still sleeping with him and you think at all that he is not faithful then use a condom. I know a lot of girls who caught something and so did their baby because the father was not faithful. Trust your instinct in everything.
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  #8  
December 10th, 2005, 04:22 AM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hi Natasha,

How are you doing? I have been thinking of you since I read your post.

I hope you are ok honey. Listen to your gut. If he comes around and makes you a priority in his life stay with him. If not leave him. You dont need the added stress in your life right now.

While it may not be an easy situation you are in you can do it. You will find inner strength that you did not know exsisted. The first time you hold that baby your whole life is going to change.

Please update us on how you are doing.

Hugs,
~ Missy
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Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #9  
December 10th, 2005, 03:22 PM
lordsdaughtr's Avatar Regular
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Thank you soo much to everyone!!! Seroiusly it feels good hearing what everyone has to say. Makes me feel million times better!!!
I took off for a couple days to go and stay with my boyfriend and visit a friend. I just had to get away from this house. I do feel alot better, but I also feel really bad. I smoked a lil bit of weed when I was there and I feel awful. I promised my baby I wouldnt. But my anxiety was physcially and mentally unbearible. So I feel really really bad. I hope it didn't harm my baby. Bad idea to stay with him.
The night before I left his place, his roommates g/f and the" 17 yr old hottie " the one I get jealous about came over. My bf took off with the two girls (his roomie didn't want to go) to go play basketball when its the middle of winter and its cold and snowy. I mean seriously? He knew it was icy and snowy on the court but he went. I told him I didn't want to go and I wanted him to stay. But no he had to. (I know he wouldn't of went if it was just him and his roomates g/f )So I got upset and went to a friends for the rest of the night once he left. Maybe I am just over reacting?? He does stuff like that that bothers me, but at the same time makes me wonder if I am really overreacting?? He tells me I am being childish. Maybe I am. But logically his actions don't add up to his reasons he gives me. Plus I cheated on him quite a few times a while ago and he found out about it. So why wouldn't he want to cheat on me??
The reason I cheated on him, is because he cheated on me first and I still had grudges against him, and alot of other reasons. I know I shouldn't of cheated on him but I didn't think and I made a bad mistake.
Besides that, so yeah. I just cant figure out if I should stay with him or not. I have this huge fight in my head, wanting to be with him not wanting to be with him. Constant struggle. I really need to decide what I should do soon. Our relationship is basically ruined. We have no trust for each other what so ever. Its just a continuies emotional battle. Blah.... But I do feel quit a bit better that I did get away from the house. I just hope I can figure out what to do and make the best decision and STICK WITH IT. I can never stick with something!! Boyfriend needs to go or no?? And if yes how do I stay away from him and forget him. If No, how do I put up with him???
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  #10  
December 10th, 2005, 04:43 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Only you can decide if you stay with him or not. No matter what anyone tells you, it is you that has to make that decision.

Please dont smoke weed when you are pregnant. Or if you are make sure you are being honest with your doctor about it. Also tell your doctor about your anxiety. They may be able to help you out.

Take out some paper and pen. Write down the pros and cons of staying with him or leaving him. Sometimes when you take emotion out of the picture and just write it on paper you get a clearer understanding of the situation.

Good Luck,
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #11  
December 10th, 2005, 05:16 PM
lordsdaughtr's Avatar Regular
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Quote:
Only you can decide if you stay with him or not. No matter what anyone tells you, it is you that has to make that decision.

Please dont smoke weed when you are pregnant. Or if you are make sure you are being honest with your doctor about it. Also tell your doctor about your anxiety. They may be able to help you out.

Take out some paper and pen. Write down the pros and cons of staying with him or leaving him. Sometimes when you take emotion out of the picture and just write it on paper you get a clearer understanding of the situation.

Good Luck,[/b]

That is a good idea. I am gonna write the pro's and con's tonight and see what comes out of it.
I don't want to smoke weed either. I stopped smoking weed right before I got pregnant, and made sure I didn't smoke or be around it while I am pregnant. But I was just sooo stressed and looking for easy relief that I took a few hits. I don't plan on smoking it again. I felt really bad!! I don't want to put my baby at risk.
I will ask my doctor about the anxiety and I am honest about smoking weed, I told him I smoked before I found out I was pregnant. So he knows.
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  #12  
December 10th, 2005, 06:23 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Let me know how your writing goes. When I am in a situation and am not sure what path to take that is what I do. I just sit quietly and write. Sometimes the answers I give myself are not what I wanted to hear. However it is usually correct.

Please dont think I am judging you about the weed, I am just looking out for you and the baby. It was a brave thing admitting what you did knowing it was a bad thing. I admire that in your personality.

Keep us updated sweetie,
__________________

Pregnancy Loss April 2009, September 2010
CP 10/2008, 1/3/11 {missing my babies every single day}Mommy to 4 Children - 3 boys ages 22, 21 and 18 & baby Scarlett
After 2.5 years TTC with 4 losses our Family was given the gift of Miss Scarlett
.
Do not ever give up hope...


Miss Scarlett... Our miracle girl still brings happy tears to my eyes.



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  #13  
December 11th, 2005, 11:50 AM
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wow, i am just blown away by the awesome girls here. its really great to come here and have so much support. i was a similar position with my second baby, his "father" was in and out of prison, used the rent money to buy drugs and i wound up getting kicked out of my apartment with a newborn and a 4 year old. i am not sure if this place in only in NJ or what but its called Birthright. they are a fantastic organization. i cannot tell you how many times i went there when i needed something. if it were not for them, my baby would not have many things. when he was born i got a huge box of brand new clothes, diapers, bottles, everything you could possibly imagine. they also do some counseling and referrals, and alot alot of times have formula. once i was back on my feet, i donated alot of my babys things back to them, along with money, clothes, alot of stuff. they are kind and non judgemental, its a wonderful place. i do agree that no child is a mistake. i was adopted and grew up hearing that alot from some family members. does wonders for the self esteem. my biological mother was 17 when she had me, in the late 60's when single moms were unheard of. it would have been so easy for her to have an abortion and forget about it, but she thought of me, and i always said that if i met her, i would just thank her for that. none of my kids were planned, this one is either, but...i strongly believe there is some reason why i got pregnant now. its never always rainbows and butterflies, but we all make it through, be strong hon. stay away from the negative people, it effects the baby. i kicked a heroin habit 2 weeks before i got pregnant with my first who is now 11, and i never went back. i truly believe that my kids saved my life, if it were not for them, i surely would not be here. lean on the girls here, so many great women, lots of friendly ears. i have yahoo if you ever need to vent or anything, feel free, even if you just want to spill your guts to feel better, i understand. i do know in NJ with the state medicaid, they have a dollar a day insurance program for cars, maybe your state does also, does not hurt to ask. keep us posted, and keep your chin up hon, i will send positive thoughts your way.
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  #14  
December 12th, 2005, 04:37 AM
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I am so sorry to hear about your issues with your boyfriend. I would also suggest you look into progrmas that might be able to help you and the baby. Planned Parenthood and Social Services can give you some good information on what to expect. Do you go to a church? If not I am sure there are many in the area that may be able to provide support. Also talk to your doctor. He/She may be able to sugest local agencies that help women in your situation.

Have you considered adoption? If not you could look into it to see if that is something you would want to do. There are agencies that will let you screen the potential parents so you can feel secure in who would be getting the baby. Some even offer picture exchange programs and open adoptions. It takes a lot of courage to give up a baby but it can also be the most loving thing you can do.

Whatever happens or you decide good luck to you.

Valerie
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  #15  
December 13th, 2005, 05:18 PM
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REPLY TO MOMMA GATITA:


Hey thank you! Yeah there are alot of nice girls here they have been really sweet and extremely supportive more supportive then most my family and friends, so that says alot!

Sounds like you had a hard time as well. Its good to see that your on your feet. I never heard of Brightright or whatever you called it. I wish they had something like that in minnesota. But unfortunately there arent very many programs for pregnant women here. Not even support groups! Really sucks.
Thank you for sharing your story, it shows that I am not alone!


Thank you for the advice as well,
I have looked into programs. I am searching and searching and getting invovled with as many as I can. I could never give my baby up. It would be way to hard for me. I am going to try my hardest to raise my child right and have a good home for my baby. I just need to get back on my feet and start over with my life. Which is what I am doing right now. I cant wait till I can hold my baby in my arms!



Quote:
I am so sorry to hear about your issues with your boyfriend. I would also suggest you look into progrmas that might be able to help you and the baby. Planned Parenthood and Social Services can give you some good information on what to expect. Do you go to a church? If not I am sure there are many in the area that may be able to provide support. Also talk to your doctor. He/She may be able to sugest local agencies that help women in your situation.

Have you considered adoption? If not you could look into it to see if that is something you would want to do. There are agencies that will let you screen the potential parents so you can feel secure in who would be getting the baby. Some even offer picture exchange programs and open adoptions. It takes a lot of courage to give up a baby but it can also be the most loving thing you can do.

Whatever happens or you decide good luck to you.

Valerie[/b]

Hey Everyone! I just want to let you all know. I am doing ALOT better!
I am getting back on my feet and I am feeling twenty times more positive. I got invovled with a work force program and I am taking a week's worth of Job training classes. They also pay for my gas and insurance. etc. So hopefully soon with all the help of the class and this program, I will be employed!! I really hope I can find a job soon. I am also going to go back to school either this spring or next fall.
Best of all I have decided to not talk or see my (now ex-boyfriend) Anymore!!! I havent talked to him for a couple of weeks and I am feeling great about being single more and more each day. I do get those depressed days time to time but I am getting through!
So I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for being so SWEET and So Supportive! THank you tons and tons!!
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  #16  
December 14th, 2005, 06:48 AM
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That's great hon...I know you don't know me and I'm a newbie, but I read your post and it really saddened me.

I hope you stay on this positive path. It won't be easy...Your ex sounds like a real jerk, I'm sorry. He needs to grow up. Just remember, that when your child grows up, he will know how hard his Mom worked to give him a good life & will respect and love you so much for it. Being a single parent with a child really creates a strong bond. You'll be able to take pride in the fact that you stepped up to your responsibilities and took all the negative influences out for your baby. That's called being an Adult & not being selfish. It's not about you anymore.

Getting job skills and slowly getting on your feet will give you self-respect and you'll be a happier person. Just remember its YOU who has the choice to live a good life. You don't have to stay with someone who hurts you and especially your child. You make all things happen

Good luck to you
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  #17  
December 14th, 2005, 04:16 PM
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That is soo sweet! Thank you!! Thank you for taking the time to read my post. It awesome knowing people actually care about strangers. You dont have to sit and read my pathetic sob story, people all have problems of there own, but the fact you did and the other girls did is very very caring and nice! It shows you have a good heart!! So Rock on!!

Quote:
That's great hon...I know you don't know me and I'm a newbie, but I read your post and it really saddened me.

I hope you stay on this positive path. It won't be easy...Your ex sounds like a real jerk, I'm sorry. He needs to grow up. Just remember, that when your child grows up, he will know how hard his Mom worked to give him a good life & will respect and love you so much for it. Being a single parent with a child really creates a strong bond. You'll be able to take pride in the fact that you stepped up to your responsibilities and took all the negative influences out for your baby. That's called being an Adult & not being selfish. It's not about you anymore.

Getting job skills and slowly getting on your feet will give you self-respect and you'll be a happier person. Just remember its YOU who has the choice to live a good life. You don't have to stay with someone who hurts you and especially your child. You make all things happen

Good luck to you [/b]
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  #18  
December 14th, 2005, 04:38 PM
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Natasha, I just came acrossed your post, and at first i was really concerned for you! My mom was barely 16 when I was born, and she chose to keep me and raise me the best she could. I think she is one of the strongest people I have ever known!! And you sound like you have made some great changes in your life to be better prepared when your little one arrives!! Good for you! And your family will look at you through new eyes when they see all that you are able to accomplish even if you did have an unplanned baby!! Keep your head up, and good luck with everything!!
Stephanie
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  #19  
December 14th, 2005, 04:51 PM
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THank you!! You guys on this post are just awesome. Your all so nice! I wish I could meet you and everyone in person and live by all of you. Because then we could throw huge baby showers for everyone and do fun mother things. I think that would be awesome!
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  #20  
December 30th, 2005, 09:07 PM
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Hey Nat!
Well I've been on this site a few times but this is the first time I read your post. Wow, talk about growing up, huh? I'm soooo happy to hear that things are going much better for you. Being pregnant myself and it being unplanned also, I know some of the things that you're going through. My b/f is the type of guy who (eek, I hope he never reads this...) can't think for himself. He's a sweet guys and has good intentions, but honestly, he takes on the opinions of those he's around a lot of the time...Here's one example out of the many: I told him I was pregnant and was keeping the baby and asked him to stay because I love him and need him. He agrees and is as happy as me...Then, his mother comes to the city and he tells her the news, she's super against it, and now suddenly he wants me to get an abortion...yeah, real cool! But luckily, I was able to talk some sense into him and now 3 months later (I'm now over 17 weeks) we couldn't be happier! Regardless of his unsupportive mother!! But you know, it's tough dealing with the reactions of others...anyone reading this who's going through an unplanned pregnancy will relate...You tell someone the news and one of the first things out of their mouths is "Oh, is this a good thing?" then when you tell them yes, then they're all like "OOOOHHHHH CONGRATS!!!"
But hey, who cares what everyone else thinks...Right now it's all about you and the baby!!!
And WAY TO GO kicking that guy to the curb. Didn't sound like he was any good for you or the baby! I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but you two were NOT on the right path...what with all the cheating! (yikes!!) It was just getting to be distructive for you. And he just didn't sound like he was anywhere near ready for that mature of a relationship. But you'll find a better more supportive guy sooner or later.
Good luck to you, girlie!!! email if you want: btaillefer101@hotmail.com I'm always looking to chit chat with some fellow pregnant chicas!!!
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