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Hi, I'm in need of some advice. I'm 15 weeks pregnant, and this wasn't planned. Though my boyfriend is extremely supportive, not to mention probably even more excited about this than I am (!!!) , his mother is the one who's giving me problems. We told her two months ago, and she still hasn't come around about it. She refuses to talk or listen to anything about it, and says she wants nothing to do with this baby. What's worse (if it could even get worse) she continues by saying that she wants to have a good standing relationship with me and all, but just wants nothing to do with the baby! The nerve!! Uh, we're sort of a two for one deal!! I told my boyfriend (after I received an email from her telling me all this), that I'm done with her until she can suck it up, deal with it and get over it. He's understanding about this, but I know he just wants me to be the one to just deal with her poor attitude and baby her and suck up to her as everyone always does. But I'm refusing to do so. Anyways, Now that this has all gone to crap, and I've made it clear to him that I won't have anything to do with her until she grows up, she's now coming to town today (luckily she doesn't live in the same city as me), and staying with US for 4 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of all horrible things to do, she's going to be staying at our place and I have to be a hostess to this woman! What am I supposed to do!!???? I've been plotting all week to just somehow always have plans and be out of the house, but I'm pregnant, tired, and just want to be at home. I need some advice!
Ugh. I know how you feel, except I have to deal with MIL and GMIL!! They are horrible. They blame me so much for ruining their precious son/grandson's life!
The only thing you can do is be nice, and wait to see if she comes around. If she starts to be mean, you are well within your rights to politely ask her to stop. Unfortunately, you really can't be mean to your boyfriend's mother. It just never works out well!
Kayttie, in love with Shane, mom to Emma Brynn and Jacqueline Noel
Yes, kill her with kindness. She'll have nothing to say about you or the baby if you are just as nice as possible to her. If you can feel that things are uneasy when she is there. Then bring it up to her. Tell her that you can understand how she feel (acknowledging her feelings will soften her up) but then tactfully tell her how you feel. Tell her that you are a two for one package, that you want a relationship with her and you hope that overtime maybe her feelings will change. Also... i don't know if you have any ultrasound photo's or anything yet. But maybe go out and buy her a little 'grandma something' and tell her it's from the baby because he/she already loves his/her grandma no matter what. Something like a picture frame with something nice written in it and a place to put a photo (then be sure to give her a photo of the ultrasound or when the baby is born, the baby). Let her know that regardless of how she feels, this little baby will love his/her grandma. This may help her to realize that this is going to happen whether or not she wants it to. Also... I have a friend who's mil did the exact same thing. And after the baby was born and she saw that sweet little boy's face the mil melted. Baby's bring joy... they have an amazing ability to change even the hardest of hearts. She may come around, just give her time. Good luck!
Hopefully after the baby is born she will change. I can't imagine someone not wanting to accept my children. I agree with you - it's a 2 for 1 deal. If someone doesn't accept my baby, BYE! I don't care who it is! Like I said though, it takes a horrible person to resist a grandchild so I really think that she will come around.