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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
December 21st, 2005, 10:48 AM
lordsdaughtr's Avatar Regular
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Location: Detroit Lakes, Minnesota
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Ok, here is the deal...

A week before I found out I was pregnant, I broke up with my ex. (We've known each other for 3 yrs now) Ever since then he and I have been kind of seeing each and talking off and on. Meanwhile I have been thinking about what I want for the baby and what is best for me and the baby.
There is a chance the baby might not be my boyfriend's. He knows this. I talked to him today about that and his bad habits. He said he is willing to stay with me and the baby even if it's not his. But the problem is...
Do I really want him to be the father and to be with him>? If its his, he is going to see and influence the baby no matter what, but if it's not his...

-If I were to stay with him, I told him he has to quit smoking cigerettes and weed and stop parting so much first. If he were to quit all of this I would move in with him, meaning back to Fargo (City I hate) and in a apartment. (blaaaah) But then there will be the problem of him still smoking and being a bad influence on the baby and me. I hate his friends, he will still hang around them, which they are a horrible influence they all do drugs. Basically is it worth even giving it a try???

When What I really want in a man, is one who doesn't do any drugs or smokes or drinks. One who is CHRISTIAN, that is a huge plus. My current boyfriend is Native, and I don't agree with his beliefs at all and I dont want him teaching the baby that. I want a man who is mature and stable enough to raise a child....


So I am not sure what I should do. I really love this guy but at the same time, there are so many issues with staying with him, that I don't even know if its worth chancing??
I really don't want to move, I want to live very close to my mom and out in the country with her. I want to home school my child till he gets old enough to decide what he wants to do education wise..
The enviornment I am in now is so much cleanier and healthier for me and the baby.


So I am really in need of an answer, and other's opinions really help me decide....so please if you have any advice, share it...
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<span style="color:#990000">Update:
I have decided to not waste my time trying to have a unhealthy relationship with my ex. I am going single all the way! I am going to stay at my moms. I feel great about this decision! So thank you to everyone for all your opinions and advice
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  #2  
December 21st, 2005, 10:52 AM
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"I really don't want to move, I want to live very close to my mom and out in the country with her. I want to home school my child till he gets old enough to decide what he wants to do education wise..
The enviornment I am in now is so much cleanier and healthier for me and the baby."

I think you answered your own question. It sounds like you know what you want, don't be afraid to let him know.
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  #3  
December 21st, 2005, 01:48 PM
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Posts: 318
I agree withSCgirl. It sounds like you already know what you want for your baby and yourself. Don't do something that is going to make you unhappy. It sounds like the environment with your Mom would be healthier for you and the baby than one in a place you dont want to be and with habits that are a diffent NO for the baby. This is a time you do not need any undo stress. My son never had his father in his life, and now he has a step Dad that is better than his birth Dad.
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  #4  
December 21st, 2005, 01:53 PM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Doesnt sound like you want to move or be with him. It also doesnt really sound like he's gonn do that much changing in only a few months. I think that you should wait until the baby comes and get a DNA test. Then work from there. Sounds like you may be better off without him if he's not the baby's father.
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  #5  
December 21st, 2005, 03:28 PM
mommytutu's Avatar mom to Emma & Jacqueline
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I agree with all the others. You sound like you know exactly what you want.

You can have a paternity test before the birth. They do an amniocentesis and it takes about a week for the results. You might want to talk to your doctor about that.
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  #6  
December 21st, 2005, 06:01 PM
Rhonda66's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Agreed with all that you answered your own question - clearly you would be "settling" for this guy and that is no way to spend your life! You will be saying "what if" for the rest of your life if you move in with him. Get the paternity test and then make the big decisions once you know for sure. You don't need him completely out of your life but he's not going to change so don't ever count on that - maybe someday he will as he matures, but not overnight. Good luck!
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  #7  
December 22nd, 2005, 07:23 AM
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I don't think the paternity test really matters, in my opinion.
If he is not the man you want to be with, then it really makes no difference whether or not he is technically the father.
I don't think that just because he is the father (if he is) means you need to try harder to make it work or whatever.
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  #8  
December 22nd, 2005, 08:05 AM
soninole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I agree with everyone that it sounds like you have made your decision. You will be better off raising this baby by yourself than settling just so the baby can have a father.
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  #9  
December 22nd, 2005, 09:05 AM
Resi's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Indianapolis, IN
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If I were you I would stay with your mother in the safe environment that you feel comfortable in. Let him prove to you that he can get his "act" together without you living with him. If you are unsure then it's best to not move in with him. The chances of him changing all of his bad habits are slim. You don't want your baby around someone who is smoking/drinking/doing drugs and has bad friends. Give it time and see what happens before you change your whole life around for something that may not work out.
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  #10  
December 22nd, 2005, 11:20 AM
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Here's my 2 cents. Get a paternity test once the baby is born. If it is his then you will have to let him be part of his child's life. You will have to allow him to have opinions about how this child is raised. If the child is his then you and him can work on a relationship or at least a partnership of some sort to raise this child. If the child is not his then I honestly do not think he would stick around. Do not expect him to and be prepared for him to leave at any moment. Did he happen to say that when he was high? Honestly you have a lot of time to think about this and you need to decide what is best for you right now. Then once the baby is born you need to find out who his or her father is. Your child deserves to have his/her father in its life no matter if he isn't the best influence as far as his beliefs are concerned. I agree that he needs to stop doing drugs and partying if this is his child. Give him a chance to be clean and get his stuff straight. If the child is not his then there is no point for him to stick around and him saying so in my opinion is crap. Good luck and congrats
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  #11  
December 28th, 2005, 06:39 AM
nat81
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I just read your story and your update... I pretty sure you know you made the right decision! Sometimes you just need to write or say it out loud to realise what is truely right for you and well you did
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  #12  
December 28th, 2005, 02:10 PM
Mommy2Ethan's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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sounds like a good decision! good luck
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