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And the "monster-in-law" situation grows worse...


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
December 30th, 2005, 10:07 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 141
Hey,
Well I wrote a while back asking for advice on what to do about my b/f's mom who isn't being supportive about the pregnancy. She came to stay with us for a few days and I took everyone's advice about being super nice to her and see what happens...Wow...did it backfire on me!!! I was the best hostess anyone could ask for! But alas, anytime the subject of the baby came up she either changed the subject, left the room or just sat in silence. Then to my complete horror, someone suggested that my b/f and I fly down to spend xmas with her! When I told my b/f I wasn't really comfortable with that, he was shocked and said he thought things were going great. I told him no, because nothing had changed in her attitide. He was pretty upset and pushed the issue until I totally broke down, cried for the rest of the day then sat him down and spelled it out for him how badly this was affecting me. All I want is for her to just be positive about it. It would just make me feel better. I don't want a stupid relationship with her like "she wants so badly" if she won't accept this baby. So he wrote to her and told her how I felt and asked her to talk to me about it or at least just make the effort to act more positive. She responded with "I have nothing to say to her about this, you're all just trying to make me look bad so that you can be mad at me" blablabla...So I'm at a loss! I don't want to be around her because she just upsets me. Get this: Right after he tells her just how upset I am, she tells him she's coming back for an INDEFINATE amount of time and guess where she's staying!! Yup! our place! What kind of person is so rude and inconsiderate that they would do that, and worse, outright refuses to even try to make things better! I told my man that I'd rather stay somewhere else while she's here if she won't stay somewhere else. And he still didn't try to suggest an alternative place for her! It's not like as if he won't see her while she's here! I just don't want her staying with us. I want to feel comfortable in my own home! I love my man to death, but I just can't deal with this absolute "mama's boy" thing that's happening and I can't deal with her attitude! (And to make matters worse, my sister is dating my b/f's brother...I know kinda weird...and I recently found out the mom said something so horribly rude about my sister and I'm afraid to say anything even to my sister in fear of stirring even more crap!!) Someone please please please help!!!!!!
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  #2  
December 31st, 2005, 12:15 PM
viXen's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: New York
Posts: 17,553
Do you have family around? Pack up your things and threaten to stay with another family matter until your man realizes that this is YOUR house and that his mother can't just decide when and how long she will be staying. And if he wont fight for you and would let his mom treat you that way... well, there isn't much to say about that.

I have a mother in law who is a wacko but Nathan atleast stands up to her. She is still impossible to deal with but atleast I have someone on my side. I can't even imagine how your feeling right now and I wish there was a way to make things better, but your man has to realize that this is a relationship between you and him... and now a baby. His mother has no place in your relationship and you wont settle for being the "other" woman!!!
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  #3  
December 31st, 2005, 03:07 PM
Melz's Avatar Team Edward
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 12,840
I totally agree with Pocket Angel.. Pack up some of your stuff and go to another friend or family member. Im sure with you being pregnant anyone will take you in with open arms.. Just to try and make your life less stressed.

Then maybe when shes there you should go over there and say your piece and if she walks away keep talking to her.. You need to get your feelings out and youll feel better and if she still doesnt care well at least shell hear it from you and how you feel about everything and it not coming from her son... She needs to grow up sometime and understand that there is a grandchild that she will grow to love in some way or another... I would say just get it out there from your point of view and who knows it could change things for the better... Just never know until you try...

Good Luck Keep us posted!!!
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  #4  
December 31st, 2005, 07:33 PM
lordsdaughtr's Avatar Regular
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Location: Detroit Lakes, Minnesota
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Ok, Here is what I would do if I was in your situation. It might work for you or it might not, who knows??

I understand that you want her to be a part of your life and be happy that your going to have a baby. Who doesn't want their relative to be supportive and excited?? Totally understandable!

I would just completely ignore her. People are going to act the way they want no matter how it affects or hurts you. Related to you or not. You can't make someone change. You tried to talk to him and her but that didn't work. Good effort! But don't let her steal your joy! Just because she wants to act like a B***H, let her. It's her loss!
So let her come and stay with you, act like she isn't even there. Id give her the complete cold shoulder, she had her choice and if she doesn't want to be part of the miracle that is happening then too bad. Right now this is your time to shine! Enjoy being pregnant while it lasts! Don't let any man or woman take that joy away, its totally not worth it! Maybe she will come around and maybe she will realize that her actions aren't affecting you what so ever and she will give up this inapropiate attitude. Maybe deep down inside she is jealous? Who knows??!?!? There could be many reasons why she is acting the way she is. But that is her problem and don't waste your time with her anymore. Go about your life and enjoy it baby!!


Quick comment about Leaving your house if she comes and stays, I feel that you shouldn't leave. It just shows that your letting her win by making you leave your own house just so you can avoid her. Stay at your place, it's your house! You have all the right to be there! Remember ignore her, let her be the way she wants to. If she doesn't like it, then she can leave.
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  #5  
January 1st, 2006, 10:50 AM
Chester's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Ontario
Posts: 1,483
I'm just popping in from another board but I thought I'd offer my comment...my suggestion is to let her stay with you, but the first moment that she pulls any crap I'd tell her "I'm sorry, but you can't disrespect me in my own home, you will have to stay in a hotel"
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  #6  
January 2nd, 2006, 07:28 PM
MamaAshley's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 7,140
Tell your BF to grow up and tell his mom she can stay elsewhere if she isn't going to respect you! He himself isn't respecting you by letting her stay there. If he still doesn't say anything, pack your stuff up and leave! He'll quickly realize when he's sitting there with his mommy and his pregnant GF is gone that he's an idiot for choosin his mom over his pregnant GF, he'll come around, they just need to know who's boss! hehe...good luck though, men can be such momma's boys sometimes, trust me, I know that first hand!
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  #7  
January 5th, 2006, 01:43 AM
Wendie
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First of all, let me say that I feel your pain. My husband's mother is the same way. She is pushy and bossy. When she found out that I was pregnant, she asked my husband if he was sure that it was his kid. I was truly offended. Fortunately for me, he stood up for me and told her that comments like that were unacceptable. Then she came to visit and told us that she was coming for a visit after the baby was born and that she would be staying in our house. And, that she would be taking the baby full-time while she was here. She also has this crazy idea that over the summers that she is going to come and take our baby back home with her for a matter of months. I was pretty outraged by her making demands. My husband and I have avoided the issue for now because we barely talk to her and she lives about 1,000 miles away. However, I know that he will tell her no if she pushes the issue. I would say that you or your guy have to tell your mother-in-law that her coming to stay with you is not going to work. If you let her push you around on this issue, then she will think she has the right to push you around on other issues such as how to raise your child. I also agree that you should not let her push your out of your own home. That would give her even more power. I doubt you want to have to leave your house everytime she comes for a visit. I know that it can be hard to stand up for yourself when your guy won't back you up. I have been in that situation before. Hopefully, he will come around. Mother-in-laws can be really pushy if you let them.
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  #8  
January 6th, 2006, 08:52 AM
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 78
Quote:
I'm just popping in from another board but I thought I'd offer my comment...my suggestion is to let her stay with you, but the first moment that she pulls any crap I'd tell her "I'm sorry, but you can't disrespect me in my own home, you will have to stay in a hotel"[/b]

I'm with Chester....don't let her disrespect you in your own home, and by telling her that if she does that she needs to stay in a hotel will probably shut her up.

Good luck

Jade
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The day you deliver, outside will be warm. Your baby will arrive in the afternoon.

After a labor lasting approximately 3 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have light brown eyes and dark hair.
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  #9  
January 6th, 2006, 10:50 AM
kwestern's Avatar Coolest Mom Ever
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Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 7,337
Well since being nice to her didn't work. I say then just ignore her. It's your house... don't give in. Make her the uncomfortable one. I suggest bringing in your sister to stay with you. Double whammy her. That way you have support and she becomes the one who is uncomfortable. I'd be firm too... if she says something out of line. Tell her that she is a guest in your house and if she continues to disrespect you then you will have to ask her to leave. It sounds as though she is a child and having trouble letting her 'little boys' grow up.

I know my suggestion may sound kinda mean or b###hy but I was one of those people who, the first time around, said kill her with kindness. Well obviously that isn't going to work, so you have to stick up for yourself. Good luck dear!
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  #10  
January 6th, 2006, 07:38 PM
Natural Blessings's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Alberta/Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 1,168
Quote:
Quick comment about Leaving your house if she comes and stays, I feel that you shouldn't leave. It just shows that your letting her win by making you leave your own house just so you can avoid her. Stay at your place, it's your house! You have all the right to be there![/b]
I agree. If you leave you are letting her win. your boyfriend won't stand up to her so it's time you did. This is just the beginning and if you don't do it now you will end up with her butting into everything you do with the baby.

She can't invite herself to your house for an undetermined time. Your boyfriend won't tell her so you phone her up and tell her she isn't welcome right now. If she does come(with an agreed upon timeframe) wear the most belly baring shirts & pants you have.
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