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  #21  
January 4th, 2006, 07:27 PM
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I really will feel better when the bleeding stops SO SCARY!!! I think I need my own personal ultrasound so I can check daily I had the formal U/S today, and I could see the heart flickering...even though it's only really like 2mm big! It was amazing! They said I'm probably in week 5- 5 1/2, so that confirms it's the guy I wanted it to be So I'm still praying and trying to rest. The doctor's say there's nothing wrong and they see no reason why I should be bleeding, but it's impossible to rule out miscarriage, obviously, so only time will tell.

Thanks pcgirl, I have one book, but I was looking at the one you mentioned and wondering if it was good...I may have to go pick that one up! Right now I'm reading a week by week book and a sort of humorous account, what your doctor won't tell you sorta book.

Anyone know if it's safe to use a massage mat?? No heat, just vibration...I don't want to take any chances, but thought I'd ask cuz my neck is sore. Thanks!
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  #22  
January 4th, 2006, 10:36 PM
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WHY is this happening??

I'm going crazy over here. The bleeding's heavier and I've passed a couple clots. Does that mean it's over?? I know there's nothing I, or anyone else can do if I'm miscarrying, and if I am it's for a reason, but this is really difficult. I've had two doctors in the same number of days tell me I'm fine, so I just don't know. Could I still be fine?? What do I do?? How will I know?
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  #23  
January 5th, 2006, 08:42 AM
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Can you get in to see a doctor again? Passing clots doesn't sound good to me. But you will find ladies on here that it was no problem. My Mother even had a few periods while she was pregnant with me. Unfortunately a U/S is the only way to find out if the your bean is ok.
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  #24  
January 5th, 2006, 12:19 PM
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wow, another ultrasound? holy, they're going to think i'm nuts! But I don't care, I just want my baby to be okay. I will head to the doctor now.
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  #25  
January 5th, 2006, 12:56 PM
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wow, another ultrasound? holy, they're going to think i'm nuts! But I don't care, I just want my baby to be okay. I will head to the doctor now.[/b]
How did it go?
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  #26  
January 5th, 2006, 01:58 PM
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Unfortunately I have to play the waiting game. My doc wasn't very reassuring, saying I need to prepare myself for a miscarriage. They will get me another ultrasound in ten to fourteen days, so until then I just have to wonder and keep myself healthy. I know that whatever happens is for the best, but I really just want my baby to be okay. I'm so tired right now. Some rest and positive thoughts.
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  #27  
January 5th, 2006, 08:19 PM
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This is so tough. All SIGNS point to m/c, but I don't want to admit it. I'm scared even talking about it, but I thought here might be a good place to do it. Still bleeding and yes I'm cramping and at times it actually hurts The emerg doctor on tuesday night checked my cervix and said it was fine, so why couldn't they have checked that today or yesterday, too, to see if it had changed? I know the baby is a fighter, but not knowing is horrible. The 'stress/confusion/upset' whatever you want to call it, is just making me want to eat alot I'm still eating the good things, right now munching on carrots, but I just don't know what to do with myself is all. I don't feel comfortable enough to do much of anything. And it's going to be over a week before I find anything out?? I want to stay positive, but wonder if I'm just being stupid. My therapist suggested maybe I should find someone to look after my dog right now, I don't know ??? Really hard to be 'in the moment' right now. I'm young and healthy, so I don't know why I would miscarry, but I guess that has nothing to do with it. I spoke on msn briefly with the father, and he's probably coming back some time next week (obviously haven't told him anything yet). Thanks for listening, I just feel lost.
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  #28  
January 6th, 2006, 07:26 AM
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I'm sorry you have to wait. I'm keeping an eye on you and praying for you and your little bean. We are here for you.
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  #29  
January 6th, 2006, 07:32 AM
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(((HUGS))) you're in my thoughts...
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  #30  
January 6th, 2006, 03:41 PM
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Thank you NAT and WEWANTAMINIME.

I have a bit more faith today, doing my best to believe in my bean I'm resting and eating...that's pretty much it, lol. And praying of course. I ended up telling my mom this morning because I wanted to ask her to take care of my puppy for a couple of weeks. I wasn't going to tell her, but I couldn't come up with any other reason why She didn't freak out or anything, and mentioned that she was in bed for the first month bleeding when she had my brother, so that is comforting. She is on her way from the mainland and I will talk to her more about it then.

PS: NAT, I LOOOOOOOVE Evanescene. I sing, and in the band I am/was in, we were covering "Everybody's Fool" and "Broken"!
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  #31  
January 7th, 2006, 08:31 PM
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Well the bleeding has almost stopped...which is really no comfort either way at this point But I'm still positive and hopeful. My mom has my doggy right now, was hard to let him go, but it will give me time to rest. I have such a massive headache right now...any suggestions??? I want to be able to sleep, but this one's a doozy
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  #32  
January 7th, 2006, 09:24 PM
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Hey bcmomma. I just wanted to let you know I thinking of you and praying that everything works out ok for you and your baby. Get lots of rest and drink a lot of milk! You know what they say, it does a body good! And from what I hear, you have to drink at least 4 glasses of milk daily while preggers (says my OB/GYN).
Also, I was interested to hear that you sing! I was singing in a band for a while but had to stop since I was having such bad morning sickness and have, of course with my luck, come down with a very bad case of sciatica (pinched nerve in the back that hurts like hell and hurts with every step I take. I'm going to have to start physio soon I think since it's gets worse everyday as the baby puts more pressure on it)...and have been a singer all my life. We were a rock cover band and played songs like "Blue and Yellow" (The Used), "Sweet Child of Mine", "Just a Girl", and "Broken" ! We did a lot more but just wanted to share that we have some common interests. I'm constantly singing to my "beaner" and not only is it good for the baby to hear mommy's voice, but it's great to keep my voice nice and strong so I can get back in the game whenever I can come back.
Hum and sing to that baby as much as you can! Your baby's a fighter! and your voice will encourage him/her to keep on fighting!

Keeping you both in my thought! Take care girl!
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  #33  
January 7th, 2006, 11:01 PM
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Tylenol is about he only thing you can take but with your bleeding I don't suggest it. Try drinking gatorade, you may be low in sugar and electrolytes, dehydrated. If you have a heating pad place under your neck while laying down. Might help to role a towel under your neck to relieve any pressure. Massage your temples. If the headaches get too bad ask your doctor to prescribe you something safe for migraines. I had them in my early pregnancy and at the end. It's from the change in hormone levels. Hope you get to feeling better.
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  #34  
January 8th, 2006, 12:14 AM
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BRIGITTE, that's awesome *and PS: you're gorgeous!* !! So cool to 'meet' someone with the same interests! My band may have found a new drummer Milk...definitely! I had some yogurt a little earlier, but since I can't sleep, I may as well down a glass of milk now, why not? I would sing to my puppy when he would get woken up in his crate...he hates his crate, so I would sing him back to sleep So I will most definitely be singing to my bean!

WEWANTAMINIME, I am definitely trying to stay away from any meds, so I will try some heat or cold and drink more water during the day. I'm going to listen to a relaxation cd right now since I'm having trouble sleeping.

OKAY HERE'S PERHAPS A SILLY QUESTION....but I think you can understand. I think the bleeding will be stopped tomorrow. So do you think I should go buy another HPT and try it again??? Or will I just be driving myself crazy and should I just wait until the ultrasound in ten days or so??? I know my baby is a fighter and I think it was just my body's confusion of being on birth control prior, but it's so hard not knowing! Would the HPT just show a positive anyways because of the hormones still in me? I don't know how it all works. I should probably just wait.

Another dillemma...the father should be home next week sometime. SHould I wait till I know more before I tell him? I hate doing the "ifs". But should I only tell him when I know for sure I'm still preggers? And if *i can't say it*...otherwise...should I not tell him at all??? I really like him and wouldn't want to scare him away from me any more than he already seemed to be getting scared before if there's no reason for it. I don't know, I'm just worrying too much It's ALL CONSUMING! lol
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  #35  
January 8th, 2006, 09:22 AM
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Hey again,
My band also found a new drummer (actually that's one of the many reasons I left...the new guy is an absolute moron and the rest of the band members ended up replacing our old drummer when he was still in the band...hence, not only did I leave because of being preggers, but there was too much drama!)...

I know this is going to be a really bad example, but you were asking about whether or not you should take another test. I'm ashamed to say three years ago I had an abortion and the docs told me that even if I took a HPT test up to a week after the procedure it would probably still come out positive because of all the hormones. Like I said, I know it's a really bad example. If I were you, I'd wait until the ultrasound to confirm, and since you're in Canada (right?), maybe you could pop into a walk in clinic and ask them to use a dopler machine to hear the baby's heart beat, since it's free here (I'm not even sure if they charge for that in the US but I know for sure here we don't pay for that). I'd call in advance before going just to make sure they have a dopler machine, but it takes like two seconds for them to do that. And once you hear that little heart beat, it'll put your mind at ease. But one small warning: It's possible you may not hear the heart beat depending on how the baby is laying. My doc told me not to get too disappointed if I didn't get to hear it, but I ended up hearing it! So I think maybe since the ultrasound is still a while away, this might help put your mind at ease in the meantime. And if you can't hear the heartbeat, it may get you in a little faster for the ultrasound. It's worth a try.

As for telling the father...That one is a toughy because I would be scared to tell him in case his reaction caused me even more stress and thus more complications for the baby. Maybe, and I know this sounds really dorky, but maybe write him a letter or something explain to him the situation and about the complications your having with the pregnancy. This way he can react however he wants, and you don't have to see it and get stressed over it. Be sure to tell him that he can only contract you when he's good and ready to talk about it without risking your baby's health by stressing you out. Or, if you want to tell him in person, wait until the ultrasound and no matter what happens with that, I say tell him for sure. He does have the right to know, and who knows, maybe after finding this all out, he may totally change his views and want to start a relationship with you. But most definately, I think he should know sooner or later no matter what happens. I'm praying for you and the baby that it will be with the news that he's going to be a father!


Do you have any recordings of your band? I'd love to hear something! I'm a music fanatic so any chance to hear a new band is awesome for me. If you do, and you don't mind me hearing it, email it to me btaillefer101@hotmail.com

Take care and of course keep us up to date.
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  #36  
January 8th, 2006, 02:10 PM
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Thanks so much Brigitte, you just saved me $13 That's what I thought abuot the HPT, so oh well, still have to wait I guess. Since I'm so early along I don't know if the dopler would be any better method. They say at eight weeks you can really hear a heart beat, but I'm not there yet, and I guess that's why they're making me wait for the next u/s. As for my band, I joined a little later on, as I am friends with the lead singer, and he wanted me to come and jam with them. I went and jammed and the other band members really liked my voice so they asked me to join! Hence, we haven't done any recording with me in it yet But the website is www.nomotherspride.com and you can download their tunes there. One of my faves is "No Feeling", and their fave is "Walk Away". Very amateur recordings right now, but they just went into the studio and should have a really good recording of....###### hormones, I can't think of the song name right now....coming out, lol They are all a lot older than me, so I get to be the young attractive one, hehe...fine with me! I miss jamming! I told the lead singer my situation last night, so they're all thinking of me. Go check it out, let me know what you think. And I'd love to hear your band as well spitzps@shaw.ca

hugs!

PS: I feel like I'm nesting today. No puppy here, so it's time to clean, but I'm still taking it easy, lots of rests, naps
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  #37  
January 10th, 2006, 12:52 AM
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Okay, so for some reason tonight I am losing my mind!!!! I'm incredibly upset over things that haven't even happened yet! It's utter torture not knowing how my baby is doing. And I'm also just going nuts over the father! He's not back yet and I haven't told him, but I am just so upset and confused about the whole thing!!! This goes back to before I even knew I was pregnant! We clicked so instantly and I was just instantly intrigued by him. We had such a wonderful time at my christmas staff party together, I felt so good around him, so worthy and respected. And then all of a sudden he tells me how his last relationship affected him and so he can't go any further with me. I called him on pushing me away and he said no that he wasn't shutting me out...I was so confused! So I asked what exactly he was saying then, and he explained that he just couldn't "progress" with the relationship, but that he still wanted to see me and get to know me more and that he liked me and cared about me. He was adamant that it was his $hit and that I shouldn't feel bad and not to mistake his "indifference" for lack of emotion. It was so crazy because he was using lines that I USED TO when I first met someone I liked...such as "you wouldn't like me if you knew the real me, you just like the act that i put on", "If I told you things about me you'd think I was a bad person" and things like that because I never feel like I deserve anything good. But after playing that game I've since learned that if someone likes me, they're going to like me for me no matter what my twisted past or whatever. So I tried explaining that to him and said that he couldn't tell me anything that would make me judge him in any way. I'm a very open-minded person, as I've been through a lot in my life.

Anyways, that whole conversation got me pretty upset, but he reassured me nothing was really different, he just had to tell me that and was basically saying he didn't want a really intense relationship or whatever. So fair enough, he said that he would be less busy the following week and we would hang out before new year's. The only thing is, he never answered his phone the whole week and when we talked on msn it was very brief. Finally on the thursday I asked if I'd scared him off or something. He just brought up the fact that he had 'already told me he didn't want a commitment'.....I felt like he was giving me the "well I WARNED you!". I was so pi$$ed! Not completely at him, but at the fact that I was just so sick of guys and relationships and all the cr@p that seemed to go along with it. I have a very hard time convincing myself that I'm worthy of good things and usually go for guys who treat me badly. I thought that he was actually a nice guy by the way I felt when I was with him. SO then talk about confusing as this just seemed like a reinforcement of the fact that I DON'T deserve a good guy and that obviously there's something wrong with ME if this guy doesn't want to see me. I mentally said "I give up!" and asked if I could drop his christmas present off at his workplace the following day (I hadn't seen him since before christmas even). He said that he was leaving for whistler in the morning That further shocked me, because when we talked on christmas he said that he wasn't leaving until the saturday, and now I just had to wonder whether he had even planned to contact me before he left for the two weeks! I didn't bother asking. Instead I asked if he could spare a few minutes to come by and pick up his gift, and he said he'd be over soon. So he came over, the entire time I was waiting for him to show up I was hoping that I wouldn't cry when I saw him, and I managed to hold it in. We exchanged our gifts, and he seemed very touched by what I had for him. He then gave me a really big hug and a kiss. He said he had to go finish packing and he would talk to me when he got back.

Two days later, I found out I was pregnant....and that's where you guys all come in Yes he sent me a happy new year message on msn around midnight new year's eve. And I talked to him very briefly on msn the other day....thursday I think...to try and nonchalantly get out of him when he would be back. Sadly no mention of him looking forward to seeing me or us hanging out or anything of that nature, not even a msn hug or kiss.

So now I'm just going insane thinking about telling him. I don't know when my u/s is yet. The general consensus seems to be to tell him when he gets home, whether I know exactly what's going on or not. I have to say, I'm terrified. As you can probably tell, I really like the guy. Maybe it's hormones that make me feel this strong connection to him, but it's weird. I feel like if I tell him and then it turns out I miscarry, that there will never be a chance at even an attempt at a relationship with him. But at the same time, if I DON'T tell him, I don't think I could live with that secret in my head if we actually do attempt a relationship or get closer. So it all seems hopeless to me right now. Above anything else, I just want my baby to be okay. But as far as the possibility of a relationship with this guy goes, it seems like that's completely out of the question, and that kills me!!! I know I need to trust that God has my best intentions in mind, but wow it's so hard to not beat myself up over all of this. (i grew up without a father and with an abusive brother, so let's just say I've always had insecurity issues with guys).

It's almost midnight and I have classes tomorrow and that's the last thing I care about, but I still have to go to school.
I'm just so upset and distraught. My emotions are so close to the surface and while I'm crying it just seems like it doesn't even begin to release the magnitude of all I'm feeling.

I realize this is a really long post, and if you actually read through it all...THANK YOU, I appreciate that immensely.
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  #38  
January 10th, 2006, 07:35 PM
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Hey,
Honey, I'm so sorry about everything you're going through. I wish I could crawl up inside his head and figure out what was going on in there. I wish I had all the answers for you.
But I can tell you this: I've read numerous posts of yours and I guess I sort of feel like I've gotten to know you a little bit, and you are a great person! You love this little baby so much and it shows in all of your posts how concerned you are about this baby's wellbeing! And that's enough to show anyone here that you do deserve a guy who won't hurt you. It's so apparent that you've got a lot of yourself to give!
I just don't know about this guy. From the sounds of it, he's being kinda sketchy. Like I said, I can't tell for sure what's going on inside his head but there's definately something off with him. Now, I'm not in anyway saying he's a bad guy. I've never met him so I trust all the good things you've said about him. He called you on new years so right there, that shows something.

In my experience (and you're not going to like this), is that whenever a guy says he's not ready for a relationship or commitment, he still wants to play the field for a while. Please don't be mad at me for saying so. I could be wrong about this guy. This doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you, and that what you've had together didn't mean anything to him. In fact he cares enough to at least tell you he's not ready for a relationship right now rather than just complete leave you hanging. He doesn't want to hurt you which is why he told you all of that. He probably wants to keep things where they are right now...you know, no strings attached so that he can keep his options open. Deal lord! I probably sound so harsh right now! I'm sorry!!! But like I said, this doesn't mean that you mean nothing to him and that you don't deserve him at all. He was in a relationship before and like he said it really affected him. He's just not ready to settle down.

Now all that yucky stuff said, things are a little different between you guys now. It's not just about him being distant with you, or about you wanting a more than what he's ready for...There's a baby involved now! And that's bigger than whatever his glitch is. If there were no baby, I'd just tell you to walk away from him and let him deal with his crap on his own and give him just what he's asking for...no commitment at all. But things are soooo different now! Honey, you need to tell him what's going on. Rehearse it, or do it from the top of your head, whatever makes you feel more comfortable. But however you do it, it's time to tell him. Who knows what his reaction will be. He could totally freak out and be a complete jerk about it, or it may be a huge eye opener for him and get him to grow up and give this relationship a try. Either way, no matter what, he has to know what's going on. If god forbid anything happen to your little beaner, he still has to know. And if he totally turns jerk on you, then you've just found out HE doesn't deserve YOU and not the other way around. You are more than capable of finding a guy that won't treat you like crap. And if it turns out that this isn't the one, you'll cry, you'll be upset, but you'll move on. You're a strong person! You've had a tough growing up but look at you now! You're a wonderful person who has so much love to give! You rose above it, and you'll rise above this if it takes a yucky turn. He'll be s*** scared for sure when you tell him, just like you were at first. And he won't know how to feel about it. Give him some time. You guys will figure this thing out!
But please don't be hold off on telling him just because you're scared of pushing him away. And again if god forbid anything happen to beaner (I'm praying for you both), he still has to know. Honesty is always the best way to go when starting anything with someone.

Good luck to you! You're in my thoughts! Take care and give beaner a little tummy hug for me!
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  #39  
January 10th, 2006, 08:13 PM
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BRIGITTE, thank you so much for replying, I've been going over here Don't worry, you didn't sound harsh at all, you're probably right. I'm betting his two week trip to Whistler was another reason for not wanting to make any sort of commitment to me...in case any opportunities came up on his vacation I just hate that guys are like that, it's so frustrating! Thanks, though, I needed to be reminded of that. And you're right, I have to tell him. He's still not home yet, though I am NOT a patient woman, this waiting drives me nutso. With your kind words I am trying to be kinder to MYSELF as I wait, though. My emotions are rollercoastering. I AM glad that I forced myself out of bed this morning to go to school, though. I'm hoping to be going into Kinesiology, so I'm taking quite a few Physical Education courses. I am lucky enough to take YOGA as an activity class, and it was SO HELPFUL today. It was the first class, but it was nice to relax my head and move my body a bit after all the resting I've been doing. I was still very careful of the poses and have informed the instructor. How great will that be to do once a week throughout my pregnancy? And get credit for it? Sometimes university surprises me, lol (note: it's not ALL fun and games, there are still written assignments to be handed in...but they're about YOGA! So that's COOL! lol). SERIOUSLY BRIGITTE, your response has made me feel better, it's amazing how much of an impact support can have. I'm going to go do some reading and watch TV until bedtime.

GOD BLESS

PS: your belly is ADORABLE!!!
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  #40  
January 10th, 2006, 08:49 PM
JuneBug2006's Avatar Forever missing Gracie
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Wow, I really hope things work out for you. Everything sounds so scary.

Will be sending some prayer vibes your way for your little one..............
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