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  #1  
January 1st, 2006, 11:59 AM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 364
Hi, I'm 23 and just found out yesterday (New Year's Eve!! ) that I am pregnant. Of course, my head has been spinning ever since.

Here's my situation. My period was irregular last month due to a yeast infection and other illness, so I don't know for sure how to figure out when the conception date was. I BELIEVE it was in December, and if it was, then I know who the father is and he's a great guy, just not looking for a committed relationship at the moment because he is busy and has other priorities. Right now he's in Whistler for two weeks. I really like him, and my intuition tells me it's him, but I can't be sure. I am terrified to tell him even if I KNEW for sure, but to tell him and then have it turn out that it's not his??? That would be the ultimate horror. What happened was, the first time I slept with him I was NOT on birth control. So the next day I went out and got the Morning After Pill and after taking that I started on BCP immediately as directed by my doctor. It was a higher dose BCP, so it's supposed to work right away. Something somewhere went wrong. Can I assume that conception was in December because I took the MAP at the beginning of the month? I've only had sore swollen breasts for about two weeks, which I thought was from the birth control. After not getting my period during the week I should have according to the bcp, I tested, and it was positive...went to the doctor, another positive.

While everyone is free to choose, for myself, I do not believe in abortion. I believe in things happening for a reason, and if this baby survived through a month of birth control pills and antidepressants, that's quite the little fighter. Another concern of course is that I am on antidepressants. I have to go see my regular doctor when he gets back to find out about that.

I'm so afraid to tell my guy, afraid of his reaction. As sweet as he is, I KNOW also how busy he is, and feel like this will just be another burden for him to worry about, and I definitely don't want him to resent me. Do I wait and see if the pregnancy will happen? How likely is a miscarriage, the doctor mentioned it's possible? I don't know what to do.

I'm also financially ill-prepared, am attending university, and have a 13week old puppy. Can you see why I'm scared???? While my mother may be supportive when I tell her ( I know she wouldn't get mad or anything, just sympathetic because of the bad timing), I could not live at her place, it's just not a healthy environment for me.

I'm pretty fit and enjoy going to the gym...although the fatigue has definitely been getting to me. Now I'm a little nervous as I'm unsure of how fragile this person is inside of me at this point (possibly week five or six?). Can I do my regular weight lifting? Can I do my abwork on my back? Is it okay to lie on my stomach? Do I need to be sleeping on my left side already? Even though this was not planned, I obviously want this baby to be as healthy as possible.

The positives?? I don't smoke, my 'partner' doesn't smoke. It will be a BEAUTIFUL baby.

Please help in any way possible! I know stress is bad for me and the baby, so I'm trying hard to relax....but yah...it's tough right now!

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  #2  
January 1st, 2006, 12:43 PM
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Hey,
Congrats on the pregnancy! Everything you're feeling right now is perfectly normal! Everyone coming back from a positive pregnancy test, whether planned or not, will get those same feelings of fear, anxiety, stress...So don't feel bad for feeling them too.
As for the dad, well, as much as you don't want to add to his busy plate, he has the right to know. Let him make the decision as to whether or not he wants to be involved. And if you're not sure if he's the father, be honest with him, and anyone else who might just be the one who fertilized that miraculous little egg! The very last thing you should do is keep anything from anyone at this point.
However, what I would do in your shoes, is find out as much as you can about this pregnancy before you do anything...like the approximate due date, ask to have an ultrasound set up as soon as possible, explain the situation to your doc and let him help you with this. This will narrow down the time frame as to when you would have conceived. It'll help with deciding who to involve in this.

Now, if it turns out that the ultrasound and whatnot indicate a time frame when you were with this one guy, tell him immediately. Who cares about what he's got on his plate. This will be more important than anything he's got going on right now, and it's his right and responsibiltiy to know what's happening. The sooner you tell him the more time you give him to prepare. It's only fair.

On to the excersize subject, from everything I've read, you can do all the things you were doing before you got pregnant because your body is accustomed to it. But take it easy and be absolutely sure to talk to your doc about it. And if you're really worried, then honey, why chance it? Better safe than sorry. Most importantly, if you do choose to continue your workouts (way to go by the way...you're way more motivated than me...hehehe) the key thing is moderation. Take it slow and easy. You don't want to hurt yourself or the baby. Since everything is changing with your body now, what with all the blood pressure changes and hormonal stuff...you can more easily burn yourself out. Drink LOTS AND LOTS of water and milk and make sure you take your prenatal vitamins. If you haven't started on those already, pop into a pharmacy and ask the pharmaicst about what they recommend. That's what I did.

Keep us updated on what happens! and again! Congrats. This will be so exciting for you and even though you'll face many challenges along the way, who cares! You're having a baby!!!!! woohoo!
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  #3  
January 1st, 2006, 12:59 PM
nat81
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Welcome and congrats! You've come to the right place!!! I'm sure I could speak for all of us here that we were all scared and shocked when we first found out we were pregnant.

Brigitte gave you some great advice and I don't have much to add except that it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders so that's a plus! Also, if I've learned anything it's that there is never a perfect time to plan or have a baby... so make the most of it, get some rest and good luck
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  #4  
January 1st, 2006, 01:56 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
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Thank you Brigitte and Nat for replying

Nat, I agree, there is never a time when you are "ready" to have a baby...especially financially! I do, however, wish I was married or at least in a committed relationship. He is a wonderful guy, though (if it's his...the other guy, not so much). I have this quote written in my journal:

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

Kinda hits the nail on the head.

When is the earliest I could get an ultrasound so we could narrow down the conception time?? I know I will find all this out when I go to the doctor, but because everything's closed today, that's what I'm thinking about, lol. And SO many things to think about, it's surreal

Any suggestions for sleeping??

Okay, I just looked it up and it says you can have a dating scan at ten weeks to clarify the due date (which I imagine would clarify the conception date).....but since I don't know exactly how far along I am, that's sorta confusing!
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  #5  
January 1st, 2006, 02:45 PM
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You can get an U/S now. The doctor will be able to see your approximate due date by the size of your baby and gestational sac. Be sure to explain the situation b/c all doctors usually don't want to see you until 6 weeks and that's just to confirm pregnancy by a urine sample. If you have miscarriage history it's another ball park. I would get your doctor to send you for your quantitative and progesterone measurements. That's a quick blood test. Are you insured under your parents insurance ...you mention you were going to school. If not you need to get I believe medicaid? Though if it does prove to be your friends magic stuff you may investigate his insurance policy, some CA based companies allow non married spouse insurance coverage. If you find your self in a situation where you cannot support a baby there are several options. Open foster parenting, open adoption, or closed if you choose. One thing is to find out your conception date before speaking to your partners. You never know how they will react especially if abortion is not an option. It's amazing what babies can handle, though I woudn't really know b/c I haven't carried to term yet. I'm a recurrent m/c. Another reason you need to get into your doctor is to get a safe antidepressant for baby. Abdomen workout are a no no and strenous aerobic workouts are a no no. There is a certain heart rate your body is not supposed to get to. Can't remember what it is. So no kickboxing! When you get morning sickness there are medicines for that so don't be afraid to ask your doctor for them..along with migraine meds. Dont take any advil or allergy/sinus meds until you get them cleared from your OB. No sushi, or fish...they contain mercury...so no tuna...or atleast in moderation. No caffiene, green tea, herbal teas. Can you go into more detail about your cycle? What was the date of your last period and how many days is your cycle usually. What date did you take the morning after pill, and when did you start you birth control. Did you have a partner after the suspected father, what was that date? What happened to you when you took the morning after pill. I'm not familiar of it's process. Does it make you bleed as if you were having a period? Sorry for so many question. Wishing you the best. BTW congratulations on your new bean!!! Get your ticker ready so you can watch beany grow and join a due date club b/c your gonna need our support. You can PM me anytime. Take care.

oh and for sleeping...it shouldn't be a problem to continue sleeping like you did before, but you may want to start just get your body trained to sleeping on your left side. With my last pregnancy I did right away and now I'm a left side sleeper. Go figure.
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  #6  
January 1st, 2006, 03:06 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
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Hi, wewantaminime

I'm not too sure about my last cycle, I didn't write it down or anything, which is why I'm more confused. The MAP I took on December 1st, and started the pill on December 2nd, which is what my doctor told me to do. The MAP CAN cause bleeding like your period would, but I've taken it before and don't bleed at all from it, so unfortunately that doesn't help As of December 1st I've only been sleeping with the suspected father, I only met him in the end of november. It's if it was BEFORE that that it would be someone else and definitely not him. I'm praying that it's his

And good luck to you, sweetie!

PS: so I will try to sleep on my left side, but any advice on helping me get to sleep? stay asleep?
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  #7  
January 1st, 2006, 03:26 PM
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ok, when you got the map I assume they tested for pregnancy and it was negative. So it would most likely be your most recent partner. I hope it's him too especially since he's a good guy. Now for the sleeping...I would consult your doctor on a approved sleep aid, I'm in no way telling you to take anything. Benadryl is an approved OTC med for pregnancy. This will help with falling asleep. Some mothers do not take any type of meds before the 12 week mark and some do. It's totally up to you. Oh you do need to start takin folic acid...you can get this at Walmart for a reasonable price and Walgreens has a inexpensive prenatal with folic acid in it. Go get that tonight. I think I paid about $9 for 100 pills and they are always have 2 for 1 deals. I never got nausea from these pills. The calcium in them should also help with calming you for sleep so take them about an hour before bedtime with food to be safe. Should you start getting morning sickness before visiting your doc, try eating small meals every few hours. Drink lots of water, pregnancy can give you serious constipation. TMI. Hope that helps!
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  #8  
January 1st, 2006, 05:19 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
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Getting a pregnancy test after the MAP....good point! But no, they didn't....###### I wish I had! I can't believe I didn't even think of doing that I guess the only way to tell will be the ultrasound.

Nothing is open today, I even called London Drugs...it's New Year's Day Hopefully tomorrow most places will be back to normal, I'll see if my doctor is in and pick up vitamins and maybe some literature Should I be as concerned about miscarrying as I am, cuz anything I feel and anytime I go to the washroom I'm worrying??? This is my first time ever, so I don't have any reason to believe I will miscarry, but

I am drinking water, and it is forcing me to eat more frequently. Not that I'm hungry yet, but just because I know I need to take care of "someone else" right now, too. You mentioned no herbal teas?? Even caffeine free herbal teas like chamomile or something?I haven't had any morning sickness yet, just the sore breasts, fatigue, and I'm having headaches, but don't know if it's related.

It's really helping coming here and talking with you, THANK YOU so much!
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  #9  
January 1st, 2006, 05:48 PM
garshgirl's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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You've gotten great answers so far. I just wanted to say hello and congratulations. I'm glad you're excited about your little bean.
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  #10  
January 1st, 2006, 09:31 PM
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Quote:
Getting a pregnancy test after the MAP....good point! But no, they didn't....###### I wish I had! I can't believe I didn't even think of doing that I guess the only way to tell will be the ultrasound.

Nothing is open today, I even called London Drugs...it's New Year's Day Hopefully tomorrow most places will be back to normal, I'll see if my doctor is in and pick up vitamins and maybe some literature Should I be as concerned about miscarrying as I am, cuz anything I feel and anytime I go to the washroom I'm worrying??? This is my first time ever, so I don't have any reason to believe I will miscarry, but

I am drinking water, and it is forcing me to eat more frequently. Not that I'm hungry yet, but just because I know I need to take care of "someone else" right now, too. You mentioned no herbal teas?? Even caffeine free herbal teas like chamomile or something?I haven't had any morning sickness yet, just the sore breasts, fatigue, and I'm having headaches, but don't know if it's related.

It's really helping coming here and talking with you, THANK YOU so much![/b]
Your U/S and HCG count will be the best indicator. Don't be afraid to call the doctor anytime, the nurses will get back with you pretty quick. No chammomile not even decaf coffee...apparently there are bad processing chemicals in the mixture... I'm not certain about which it is but I think chamomile either causes m/c or birth defects. Maybe just drink hot water with a little lemon juice and honey. And no you should not be worried about m/c at all. Pick up a pregnancy for dummies book or girlfriends guide to pregnancy and catch up on some reading. I actually found a breast feeding for dummies. Enjoy your time, think about names, and all the planning you have ahead of you. Don't fall into the worry trap, it will drive you nuts. I would even say just stay in your due date club and if you start seeing alot of m/c stories like my poor July DDC then take a break...it can consume you. You will have slight discomfort, your tummy is stretching. That's nothing to worry about. If you see heavy bright pink blood then you should visit your doctor and even then you could be just fine. Infact my mother had a period for the first few months of her pregnancy with me. And it not unusual to spot around when your period would normaly take place. Your headaches are from all your new hormones, it's hard to say if they will stay or just be intermittant. Everyone is different with their pregnancies. Morning sickness usually doesn't show it's ugly head until about 6 or 7 weeks and gets better by the intro of the 2nd trimester. Some lucky moms never get it and some have it the whole time. Hmmm...some remedies for that is gatorade, sprite, crackers, oatmeal, having a bite to eat before getting out of bed in the morning. Keep crackers by your bed side. I chewed on ice so I wouldn't be eating all day. And then of course there are things that doctor can prescribe. Gosh my poor husband had to get up at 3am to get me a bowl of oatmeal b/c I would wake from being nauseas. I can honestly tell you each of my pregnancies have been different. The first I was extremely emotional, dizzy, and slept all the time. The second I didn't have any symptoms other than my swollen breast and a little fatigue, this last one I felt sick all the time but didn't throw up until I got bronchitis and coughing would make gag and the rest of story I will leave out. I hope you can get in the doctors office pretty quick.
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  #11  
January 1st, 2006, 10:15 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
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Thank you so much garshgirl...it's tough to say I'm excited about it, yet....but maybe I am...just a little

wewantaminime, you are helping me a great deal, thank you!!! I guess this might not be a good time for a new doctor, but my "family" doctor ended up becoming the walk-in clinic doctor and you can't even make appointments with him. And I know he'll send me to his wife, but I don't really like her...she's intimidating!!! So I don't know. While the family doctor does know my history a bit, his wife doesn't, so I don't know how much worse it would be to just find a new doctor, if possible, even though they won't have my background.

I'll do my best not to fall into the worry trap (although it's what I do best ). It's just so hard to believe. It's just this thought that constantly is in my head. I'm walking around and I'm like....oh, I'm pregnant....there's a baby inside of me. That sort of thing. It's so STRANGE!!!

The clinic is open tomorrow, and although my doc won't be there, I will talk to the lady at the front desk. Also on the list? Vitamins, and some reading material.

Anything else I should be getting?? maybe some crackers just in case the morning sickness hits, so I'll be prepared.

Okay, I should get some rest, it's getting late. Thanks again so much, I am very grateful for the support and answers!!!

hugs
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  #12  
January 2nd, 2006, 07:24 AM
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hmm what else could I tell you...no hair dyes, highlights are ok as long as teh chemical doesn't touch your scalp, no tanning beds, no sushi, no deli meats, there are only certain cheeses you can eat(listeria could cause problems for the baby) sorry can't think of which ones, moderate exercise, no hot baths..hot tubs, no xrays. Right now just be sure to get the prenatal with folic acid and drink plenty of water. I would just get in with your current doctors wife so you can figure out your conception date, then you can start with a new recommended obgyn. It's not a problem to start with a new doctor, they will find out what they need to. Infact ask around this site to see if their are any gals in your area currently seeing a good obgyn. You first visit will likely be just a confirmation of pregnancy. You will give them a urine specimen and take a blood test. Be sure to explain your situation. A u/s would be ideal to find out how far along you are but I don't know how many you can get and if you want to use it so early in the pregnancy. So they may be able to get an idea with your HCG levels. So be sure to ask them to test you for everything. I actually have my doctor test for everything under the sun including STDs/HIV when I go even though I'm married and we are monogamous. Better safe than sorry. I think you being on an antidepressant is reason enough for a U/S and to get in quick b/c they will likely need to switch you to another prescription. PM me anytime you have a question.
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  #13  
January 2nd, 2006, 08:14 PM
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Today was a relatively good day, although I still wasn't able to see a doctor. They told me to call back tomorrow when the regular staff is on. I got Prenatal vitamins, two magazines, and two books......

.....but I've also been bleeding a bit today, a brownish color like I might at the end of a period. It hasn't been a whole lot, but I'm a little concerned and hope I get to see someone tomorrow so I'll know. I'm also Rh-negative, and don't know what the blood type is for either of the possible fathers, so there could be some extra precautions. On the upside, my dear sweet friend (that I told) is O- as well, and said he'd be there if I ever need any blood...such an angel, he is! I'm trying not to worry too much, I know whatever is meant to be will happen. I know this wasn't a planned pregnancy and it's bad timing, but I guess it's just the motherly instinct, because knowing that I am pregnant, I want the baby to survive and be healthy.

I'm going to go rest and do some reading, and some deep breathing. I'm trying to crate train my puppy, but I made the mistake of letting him sleep in my bed for a month, and now it's very difficult. I know I have to be consistent to train him, but I'm afraid I'll get in trouble from my neighbours. I'll try it again, though...he does need to learn that he can't ALWAYS be around me, as much as I love him Okay, sort of rambling on now, hehe

hugs
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  #14  
January 2nd, 2006, 09:22 PM
JuneBug2006's Avatar Forever missing Gracie
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Wow, yeah reading over all of this, I am sorry but I have no other advice to give you!
Justmommies is wonderful!

Where abouts are you in BC?
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  #15  
January 3rd, 2006, 01:54 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
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Just need a little comforting right now. I went to the doctor and she's trying to get me an "urgent ultrasound", so I'm waiting for the call to see when that will be. I'm still spotting/bleeding, but I don't have any pain....it just feels sort of crampy. I know if it gets worse I have to go to emergency, but I just want an ultrasound NOW so I can know what's going on! Feeling scared and don't know what to do. Should I just rest? Try to sleep? I don't know. Not knowing is such an awful feeling.
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  #16  
January 3rd, 2006, 02:10 PM
Athey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Abdomen workout are a no no[/b]

Wanted to re-interate that my doc told me the same thing. No ab work outs. So sit-ups or crunches, etc.


If the spotting/bleeding is a dark brown then (from what I've read) there is less to worry about, then if it's bright red. Brown-ish blood could just be implantation bleeding. It's from the egg attaching to the lining of your uterus and happens a while after conception.

It's great that your doc is trying to get you in for an ultrasound so quick! I don't have any risk factors so I won't get my first ultrasound until February.

Good luck with everything
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  #17  
January 3rd, 2006, 02:14 PM
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I don't have to worry about insurance, pretty sure it's covered in Canada under my health care.
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  #18  
January 3rd, 2006, 11:27 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
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I had to know, so I took myself down to emergency. The whole way I was thinking that God would do what was best for me and the baby, whatever that is. Well it seems like somebody wants me to have this baby, because everything checked out allright! He thinks I am five weeks along, but that the formal ultrasound I will be getting soon will verify dates. I have to say I'm smiling now and will sleep well tonight I have to go tucker out my puppy so we can both get some rest!
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  #19  
January 4th, 2006, 06:03 AM
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Quote:
I had to know, so I took myself down to emergency. The whole way I was thinking that God would do what was best for me and the baby, whatever that is. Well it seems like somebody wants me to have this baby, because everything checked out allright! He thinks I am five weeks along, but that the formal ultrasound I will be getting soon will verify dates. I have to say I'm smiling now and will sleep well tonight I have to go tucker out my puppy so we can both get some rest![/b]

That's great! Now get yourself some sleep. Hopefully your mind is at rest now and you can start going to bed earlier. Another sleep aid is reading before you go to bed but don't read a really interesting book

Hopefully you are catching those ZZZZZs as I'm typing.
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  #20  
January 4th, 2006, 01:02 PM
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LOL, boy you are full of questions (which is great)!

Congrats!

You should invest in a good book...like "What to expect when you're expecting". I used it almost like a bible when I was pregnant with my first child. Read it so much that I couldn't stand to look at it when I was preggo with my 2nd.

Now I just use the Internet and JM since this is my 3rd

Good luck to you!
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