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need advice on adoption


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #2  
January 3rd, 2006, 02:01 PM
MommytoZoeAlyssa's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: VA
Posts: 6,023

I can only imagine how you must feel. Do you have any family that could help you take care of the baby while you work? Also you might be able to get assitance espically WIC and other government programs. Just a few ideas if you dont want to give it up for adoption. As far as adoption I have no knowledge on that subject I wish I could be more helpful. If you ever just need to talk feel free to pm me.
Maybee you could go to your local health dept and talk to the people there.
Hope things work out for you!
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  #3  
January 3rd, 2006, 03:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: TEXAS, yall
Posts: 1,037
Concerning adoption: THere are many different routes you can take. If you go with private adoption, I know you can choose the adoptive parents, checking out their background, and many times, they will pay for all your medical expenses. There are tons of different options. You can check stuff out online. I did, when my daughter wrote a report last month on adoption options. I don't remember the sites, but it wasn't hard to find. Nothing is as cut and dry as it seems. Deciding to parent your child is also not so cut and dry. There are many options out there for the single stuggling mom. In my town, I volunteer at a Crisis Pregnancy Center, where we counsel unwed pregnant moms. We give referals to doctors, Wic, health insurance based on sliding scale for the baby, etc. There are many Pregnancy Centers all over the US. Just look in your phone book, or check it out online. I know you can make the best decision for your baby. Remember, no baby is an accident. A baby might be a surprise, but not an accident. Good luck!
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  #4  
January 3rd, 2006, 05:45 PM
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Location: Andrews AFB, MD
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I helped a friend go that route a few years back. We called a Christian adoption agencyw e found in the phone book. She was able to get some of her expenses paid for and the whole agancy just seemed so supportive. Also she was able to meet and pick the birth parents herself. First they gave her a book to look through with pictures and info on the parents..and once she narrowed it down she got to interview them in person. And it was an open adoption which means she get pictures and updates on her daughter and can ever visit. And as the baby grows they will tell her that she is the birth mom. I think it is great you are considering this..it's a very hard thing to do - but sometimes it the most loving brave thing you can do. Of course there are always options if you want to keep your baby. WIC is great. And I know single moms here in FL get a BIG help with their childcare costs. My friend who makes like $8 an hour and has 2 kids pays like $20 a week for her two kids to go to daycare - that is a huge discount. I'm not sure what you do for a living but is there a way you could switch jobs and get one with hours that woukld better work with a baby?

Whatever you decide I hope things work out for you. *hugs*
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  #5  
January 4th, 2006, 06:19 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Austin TX
Posts: 3,669
There's a new girl in the adoption forum who may have some good advice as well. Her screen name is Cari...she suggested birthmombuds.com as a good site to join if you are considering adoption. Though, I just wanted to mention, life progresses when you work for it, today you may be making $9 per hour and tomorrow you could be making $12 to $15 or more. Things change and so do lifestyles. Also, I'm not sure what your relationship is with the birth father but don't forget about child support laws.

What state do you live in?

BTW..I just wanted to commend you on choosing life, you are really courageous. I am including you in my prayers.
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  #6  
January 4th, 2006, 12:51 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 1,668
I remember making $9.30 with two small children (under 5 yrs old) and thought that I was living it up because it was much more than minimum wage. There are so many programs out there that will help single mothers....they even help you get an education if you desire it (I got all kinds of grants - got myself two degrees, too).

There are also gov't programs that will help you with daycare/nanny services along with Medicaid, WIC, and Food Stamps (oooohhh I miss food stamps!).

I raised two kids by myself from age 1 & 2 until my DH came along (when they were 6 & 7)....I just wanted to say what I say to people who are afraid to go through what I went through: YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK (remember that). I did it with no help from my family and if I had to do it again, I know I could.

Adoption is pretty tough to do...you would have to be a very strong person to do that....and that tells me that you are a strong person, too.

Good luck to you and your decision...please keep us posted.

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  #7  
January 4th, 2006, 01:29 PM
MommieinNC's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 3,119
Heh... something told me I could be of use in here...

Hi there! I'm Cari... Birthmom to Olivia and soon to be birthmom to the little cheerio I'm currently carrying...

I'm not going to push you either way, but lemme tell ya this...

If you want to do this on your own, you can... If you really feel in your heart adoption would be best... you can do that too...

You have sooooo many options out there today that alot of girls didn't have 20 or even 10 years ago for that fact.

Most adoption agencies have counselors you can talk to, but I will be the first to warn you... that ALOT of them will really pressure you to go for adoption... You'll hear the "wouldn't your baby be better of with" speel so many times... It literally made me sick.

There's also people like me I mentor to girls who are THINKING about adoption... I also mentor to single, pregnant teens... I can give you names of dozens of people you can talk to about anything from single parenting to adoption.

I'm not going to lie to you... handing my daughter to her parents was the HARDEST thing that I've ever done in my life... But at 16 years old, I grew up pretty ###### fast...

With adoption, if you decide to go that route, you have sooo many options... For instance, I get to see my daughter twice a year, and I get pictures, letters, videos, emails, etc through out the year when I am not visiting... I could see her more, I could see her less... It's all up to me... Most adoptive couples now a days are really really flexible. You can meet the couple before the baby is born... and (sorry APs)... you can change your mind at any time if you feel that this isn't what you REALLY want to do.

With single parenting... there's a chance your BF will come around... but please... don't hold your breath on it... Churches, govt agencies, private agencies, etc... are all there to help you each step of the way from medical care to food for you and baby... Alot of places will even help you get furniture, maternity clothes, baby clothes, diapers, and formula... You can also change your mind about single parenting at any time and place baby for adoption if you find out it gets to be too much.

Well... I'm around in the forums... (I'm a chattaholic and currently on sick leave at work)... so hunt me down if you need me!

Cya!

Cari
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  #9  
January 4th, 2006, 04:42 PM
lordsdaughtr's Avatar Regular
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I can imagine how you feel. When I found out I was pregnant, I had my own apartment. I am 18 yrs old! Living by myself and working as an exotic dancer. I immediately quit my job because I knew I cant keep that job if I am going to be a mom. I moved back in with my mom so I wouldn't have any extra bills. Giving me the oppurtunity to find a job there and put money away for my baby. I was looking for a job. I soon found out my license was going to be suspended for 30 days. No good!! I cant work this whole month or look for a job. Then it got worse, I had to sell my car **for complicated reasons** . So right now I am car less, money less, and job less. So I know how it feels to be troubled by being pregnant. So I feel that you should do what your heart tells you. If it is going to be a huge financial burden, there are many choices with that problem (there are programs, WIC and etc.. that help out alot!) Or is it possible to move in with a relative or parent to help with your money situation? But I just know if you keep the baby, God always makes a way to take care of that baby and the babie's needs.
But if you feel that you can't have a child right now under no circumstances, then I would go with adoption. I would look into adoption and learn as much as possible so that your informed and it will help with making your decision.
God blessed you with a baby and maybe it would be a good thing in your life, or maybe it wont? But where ever the baby goes I know you or the adoptive parents will be blessed.
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  #10  
January 4th, 2006, 08:36 PM
MommieinNC's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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my sister is promising to pay for counseling and go to all my appointments with me and even get me free one on one lamaze classes if i will promise to give it up for adoption



Hon... you can get free counseling at ANY planned parenthood or christian charities... Also, if you go with adoption, they pay for your counseling as well... The adoptive parents of your baby would pay your living expenses and medical bills, so you wouldn't have to stress out too much.

It's a hard decision to make... I'm anti abortion for me... I am pro-choice for everyone else... but like you, I believe it's taking a life, and I just won't do it...

Right now, I think a good thing for you would be to sit down and write a list of pros and cons... Pros and cons of both raising baby yourself, and pros and cons of adoption. I would ask though, that you at least be informed about your options and your choices before you make one.

You want what's best for the baby... then educate yourself on single parenting and educate yourself on adoption...

BOL!
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  #11  
January 5th, 2006, 11:11 AM
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Hmmm....You're in a very sticky situation right now. On one hand, you want to keep this baby but on the other, you don't because of financial reasons, because you're not with the father, and because you're scared. Those are perfectly normal and valid things to worry about. You're only human after all!
But along with all these feelings comes vulnerability. And trust me, we all get pretty vulnerable during these hormonal times.
What's unfortunate, is that your sister seems to be taking advantage of that vulnerability, even though it's obvious that her intensions are all in the right places. She cares about you a great deal and only wants the best for you. Unfortunately, what she's not realizing is that what may be best for her doesn't necessarily mean it 's the best for you. She would have had an abortion, and if abortion wansn't an option, she would give the baby up for adoption...That's great, if that's what she chooses for herself in this situation...But she's not the one in this situation, is she? Nope, it's all you. So while making all these promises to you under the condition that you choose her way, she's not seeing that the pressure she's putting on you could possibly result in one of the biggest regrets of your life. She's not the one who's at risk of serious post partum depression, she's not the one who might actually NEED all that couselling and she's not the one who might miss that baby to death. I'm not saying if you choose adoption you'll for sure have those feelings, because I've known people to give their baby up for adoption, and have never been happier with the decision they've made...But the risk going through that withdrawl and depression is there, and that's something you have to evaluate for yourself because only YOU know what YOU can handle. This is something that she needs to leave to you to decide what's best. As much as you love her and respect her opinion, you need to say "Thanks so much for your concern. I know what you think I should do because you want the best for me. But now I need to figure out what I should do on my own. I need you to stop pressuring me." Once the pressure's off, and you're all alone with that baby inside, no one else telling you how you need to deal with this, you'll be able to make that decision all on your own. And no matter what you choose, you can be sure it was the best decision because you made it of sound mind and without pressure. There are so many resources you can use that will help you for either decision you make whether it's to be a single mom keeping her little baby or to be a woman who's giving a child to a family who can't have one on their own. You're a wonderful and strong person for choosing either route. You just need to research your options on your own and find what's best for you and this baby. Not just one or the other. You have to ask yourself "Can I make it as a single mom? How will I make it as a single mom? What resources can I use to help me? Can I cope with giving up this baby? What will parting with this child do to me and my emotional well-being? What is it about being single mom that I do and don't like? What is it about adoption that I do and don't like? " By asking yourself these kinds of questions, you'll be able to build that pros and cons list a little more easily. And you'll find your answer.

I hope everything works out, and please, whatever you do, make sure it's what YOU want to do. I realize that all this advice I've given you might not be helpful to you, but I hope you did get something out of it.
Good luck with everything! And we're all here to talk to anytime!
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