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Please help...very embarassed


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
January 28th, 2005, 10:13 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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My husband and I were having problems and one of his "friends" came over one night. We started talking and I just opened up to him and told him my concerns over my marriage... I know now that I shouldnt have. It made me feel better at the time, but now I feel so stupid.

HIs "friend" told me that my husband cheated on me, got numerous lap dances at his friends houses that he went to some nights to drink and socialze, he would follow young girls around trying to get into their pants and talking dirty to them. This "friend" even had pictures of some of these young girls with my husband--not in any really compromising positions though. He told me to ask so other people who had been at the parties about what had happened so I did they told me the same thing that this "friend" told me. My husband and I were seperated at teh time and I had sex--unprotected--with this "friend" I felt awful about it afterwards and told him that I never wanted to see him again because I felt that he took advantage of the situation, although, now it seems to me that I allowed him to.

I love my husband more than anything and we are trying to work our problems out. He knows what I did and I know what he did... he is still denying it though...
I am just curious I slept with my husband on August 8th and had a very light period shortly after then I slept with the so called friend on either the 21st of August or the 28th of August.

I took a hpt on 9-11 and it came out positive, I heard the babies heartbeat on 10/20 when I was only 10 weeks along.

I dont know what I will do if it is the other persons baby, and worse I dont know what my husband will do if it turns out to not be his. I am so stressed over this whole thing I cant seem to eat. I know that I need to but unless I remember I usually dont eat 3 meals a day. I know that stress can harm the child but I cant seem to control it.

Please let me know what you think.
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  #2  
January 28th, 2005, 11:11 AM
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Location: San Antonio, Texas
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I've been in a situation much like yours when I was younger with my 2nd pregnancy back in 02 only I wasn't married then. Regardless of what you heard about your husband doing you should have remained faithful. Now you have to deal with knowing that your baby could be either one of theirs. Don't stress out too much though sweetie because you don't need all of that while you're pregnant. I mean tell your husband the truth and be woman enough to deal with the consequences.............................
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  #3  
January 28th, 2005, 11:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by MrsFuhrman05@Jan 28 2005, 01:11 PM
I've been in a situation much like yours when I was younger with my 2nd pregnancy back in 02 only I wasn't married then. Regardless of what you heard about your husband doing you should have remained faithful.* Now you have to deal with knowing that your baby could be either one of theirs.* Don't stress out too much though sweetie because you don't need all of that while you're pregnant.* I mean tell your husband the truth and be woman enough to deal with the consequences.............................
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As I stated in my original message, My husband knows what I did and I already feel terrible and ashamed of what happened, I beat myself up constantly over what I did.

Although I am thankful for your advise, I was hoping for someone who could help me through this not make me feel worse.
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  #4  
January 28th, 2005, 11:24 AM
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If I made you at all feel worse than I apologize.......I must had misread that you had already told him about the situation. Believe me making you feel bad would not what I would have wanted to do, knowing that I too have been in your position. I don't know how much of a religious person you are but pray about it. I mean Take me for example I had to deal with telling my boyfriend that it was maybe 2 other possible fathers so trust me you're situation is not that bad. I was really just trying to tell you that you shouldn't stress too hard on it for the baby's sake. Anyway like I said Apologies in making you upset! Take Care and I hope everything turns out alright!
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  #5  
January 28th, 2005, 11:25 AM
LadyBelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Posts: 10,125
Talk to dr about Ammnio testing....it seems like the sooner you know the better you will be able to move foward.I am not much help but you seem to be needing answers & thats the fastest way....Take care of yourself for the baby..oviousy you have decided to carry it!And I applaud you for that!!!If your DH can't handle it and leaves stay strong.God has a plan & maybe you both needed a lesson or a wall to help you move forward or move on.There is a 50/50 chance do you know your exact last period?then you can do a due date calculator & get the conseption date...you can be pretty sure you got preggo 3 days before or after that.But you must know the EXACT last period.
Hang in there your baby needs you to be healthy & strong.
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  #6  
January 28th, 2005, 11:41 AM
pattyandthemoos's Avatar Administrator
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Michigan
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Hey hon. I hope I can be honest with you. I have made my share of mistakes so I am not one to judge at all. There is nothing you can do now. What is done is done. I think you should be prepared for this baby not being your dh's. I think you should talk to your dh and see how he will feel because it is a real possibility. Hopefully, your dh will love you no matter what. I hope for your sake and your dh's that this baby is yours together but I don't think any of us can tell you that for sure. These are your options. IMO, you don't find out and both of you just accept this baby as yours together no questions asked. Not knowing may be better for you both emotionally. That is the option I would choose if I were in your shoes.

The other option is you get fertility testing done. I am not sure what else I can do to ease your anxiety. But you have my support in working out your relationship and having a happy life with your dh and your new baby on the way. Babies are blessings no matter how they are conceived. That is how I feel.


In life you live and learn and thats all you can do.
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  #7  
January 28th, 2005, 11:41 AM
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I am sorry if I mis understood your response, I am just an emotional mess. I am very moody as well.

My husband and I have looked into amino testing but I am already to far along in my pg to pursue that and also most doctors will not do a aminosentesis for just DNA reasons.

My last period was on 8/9/04 it lasted 2 days. My husband and I were together on 8/6/04.

Thank you guys for helping me, I appreciate your concern and advise.
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  #8  
January 28th, 2005, 11:47 AM
LadyBelle's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 10,125
this is the date of conseption by the due date calculator

8/23/2004

I did I cycle of 28 days not sure what yours is so here is the link:
http://www.babyzone.com/pregnancy/pr...calculator.asp

Good Luck & try to stay positive for the baby.They are a blessing from God!!!
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  #9  
February 8th, 2005, 12:00 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 73
If you cant do amnio testing (which poses risk to baby anyway) you can do non-invasive prenatal paternity testing. It involved drawing blood from the mother as well as the potential fathers. It is as accurate an any other type of dna testing as it is still the same procedure to compare the dna. Just a different method of gathering it. It is expensive though. Much cheaper if you can wait until after the baby is born. And by the way, I know all this because I went through the same thing. Was with bf, broke up, slept with someone else, got back with bf, two possible fathers. So if you need someone to talk to, I am here. busy_jenn@yahoo.com Good luck
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