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He doesn't want it


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
January 6th, 2006, 08:25 AM
Regular
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 78
Hi Everyone

Just needed to vent a little bit.....My great bf pretends to be soooo supportive and willing to do whatever I need but when we actually talked about this pregnancy, all he said was "I don't think you should have it"....CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? Well honestly, I could care less what he wants because this baby is growing inside me NOT him and although he won't be upset if we had an abortion, I would. I was on the pill for 4 months straight....there has to be a reason why this baby is here...he's a fighter!! I don't know what to do w/ my bf. He already has a 8-9 month old son who he loves very much. He is a really good father but it makes me wonder why he can't do the same for our child. I'm so scared right now b/c my family will not be supportive and I'll be alone in doing this. I think that it's not much of a sacrifice but all I really want to hear right now is that everything will be okay. I feel so lost and depressed right now. Since I found out that I am preggers all I have been doing is sleep. Called in sick for work, refused to answer my phone. Then I feel guilty for wanting everything to just go away like a bad dream....That's horrible of me isn't it?? So many couples try to have babies without any success and here I am, pregnant and hating it. I don't know what to do anymore. As much as I'd like to be strong and say that I can have this baby without my bf and be a good single mother, I don't think I can. As you all can tell by reading this, my mind is scattered all over the place. I wish he wasn't the father of the baby. Help me please...I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind.

Jade.
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The day you deliver, outside will be warm. Your baby will arrive in the afternoon.

After a labor lasting approximately 3 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have light brown eyes and dark hair.
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  #3  
January 6th, 2006, 09:09 AM
Regular
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 78
Hi
Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate it.

Jade.
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The day you deliver, outside will be warm. Your baby will arrive in the afternoon.

After a labor lasting approximately 3 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have light brown eyes and dark hair.
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  #4  
January 6th, 2006, 12:44 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 141
Well honey, I'll tell you...Don't let some stupid boy take away from the joys of being pregnant. Although his attitude is crappy, there's a positive side to it (I know, how could there possibly be a good side to this??!!). He's giving you an opportunity to get ready and built up for the possibility of doing this alone. Some men are cowards and don't even tell their partners how they feel about the pregnancy, and end up leaving moments before the baby's born. You've at least got a heads up.
He's scared, and yes, totally taking the p*ssy way out, by trying to pressure you into an abortion. I'm sad to say that I once let a guy pressure me into that, and I still haven't forgiven myself. That was over 3 years ago. Take my word for it, don't do it. I'm not against abortions per say, but if you're saying that's not the route you want to take, then don't even think about it! Get the word "abortion" out of your head and run as far away as you can from it. This doesn't mean your out of options though. You can keep the baby or there's adoption. Just know that either one you choose, there are TONS of support groups and resources you can use for either one. There are millions of single moms doing a great job out there. What makes you think you can't be one of them? Financially, there are several government programs you can use and hey, lets not forget child support! If he wants to leave and bail on you and baby, get him for everything he's got! I know that sounds super harsh and really biotchy, but lets face it, you made this baby together and as long as you remember that child support is to be used for the baby, you have every right to take it from him. My man's so supportive with our pregnancy, but don't think for a second I wouldn't be all over his butt for child support if he walked out or even if we had a mutual break up.
Keep yourself protected by knowing all of your options in the case he bails. You'll be prepared for it. Research research research! Government programs, child support, adoption, where you can get help, etc...

I hope everything works out. Everything you're feeling is totally normal! Just try to keep the stress to a minimum because the little beaner can sense that and let's face it, stress doesn't do anyone good. Take it easy and take it day by day...things will work out for you.

Good luck!
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  #5  
January 6th, 2006, 02:35 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 364
Hey JADE JADE! CONGRATULATIONS! SO sorry the father is being a loser!!! I haven't told the father of my baby yet, so who knows, we may be in the same boat in about a week, but right now I'm just hoping that my baby is okay (having some bleeding complications). Anyways, I want to say that I agree COMPLETELY with Brigitte! You said you would be upset if you have an abortion, so DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!! I know you're scared and thinking you will be alone, but you are so RIGHT that this baby is a FIGHTER and there's a reason you are pregnant! That's exactly why there's no way I could have an abortion either, no matter what anyone says to me. Secondly, you ARE NOT ALONE!!! Is ther ANYONE (besides us!) you can tell who you know will be supportive?? Sorry that your family doesn't seem to be....PS: be firm with your sister in letting her know you don't want to hear about adoption right now, but if you do make that choice, you will come talk to her about it! A friend? Someone? If not, don't fret, my dear. There are almost definitely community services in your area (what is your area? how old are you?) who will be great support! Even call a crisis line if you want to, there's no shame in that! You also seem to have a faith, since you believe this is happening for a reason. So go to church! That's where I'm going to try and get myself to (I'm resting a lot right now), because I know the love in the room will be overwhelming, even if I don't say anything out loud! Don't feel guilty for being scared or for wanting to sleep all day and calling in sick! For one, pregnancy really makes you tired! Also, I just started university again this term, but have only made it to one class. I don't have a job right now and I live on my own, so trust me, I'm scared about finances, too. Go get yourself some prenatal vitamins (just ask the pharmacist, that's what I did), and make sure you're eating lots of good healthy food! The people on here are amazingly supportive, and I know it's hard to not have anyone THERE who is supportive. I've told two people and my therapist. One friend is struggling with helping me because he had a girlfriend once who aborted, so it's bringing up old feelings for him, and the other friend is just terrified for me and telling me how hard it is to be a single mother! You just have to know in your own head that you'll be okay. Everything will work out the way it's intended to. You sound like as much of a fighter as your little one, remember that! Feel free to pm me or email me spitzps@shaw.ca.

Keep your chin up, sweetie!
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"As my memory rests/ but never forgets what I lost/ wake me up when September ends."
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  #6  
January 6th, 2006, 06:32 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 318
Have you told your family yet? If not you may be surprised. Tell them. Parents have a way to surprise you.
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  #7  
January 6th, 2006, 07:05 PM
Regular
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 78
Quote:
Have you told your family yet? If not you may be surprised. Tell them. Parents have a way to surprise you.[/b]

Hi
Thanks for all your replies...I haven't told my parents yet but I know them....they don't want me living at home now b/c I'm 23 and taking too long to finish college. If they found out that I was pregnant, well, they would be happy to see me out. Once they find out who the baby's father is, they will be even more upset.....Long story......basically I was with my ex for 6-7 years whom my parents loved (they still go out and talk to this very day...), then I moved on with someone new but my parents never accepted him. They think I'm betraying my ex b/c they love him so much....get this...sometimes I'll come home from work early and catch my ex there talking to my parents and sis (13 yrs old)....

Oh well, we'll see what happens....cross your fingers for me....

thanks for your support.

Jade
__________________










The day you deliver, outside will be warm. Your baby will arrive in the afternoon.

After a labor lasting approximately 3 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and will be 18 inches long. This child will have light brown eyes and dark hair.
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  #8  
January 6th, 2006, 07:26 PM
Natural Blessings's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Alberta/Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 1,168
Your parents need to get over you not being with your Ex. You'd be surprised how a grandchild can change our parents.

since your boyfriend has a baby, honestly I'm guessing he is scared of how he is going to be responsible for 2 babies. alot of men have problems bonding with a child until it is born too.

You need to sit him down and talk to him about your feelings towards abortions. Find out why he said you shouldn't keep it.

You can tell your family now or later that is completely up to you. Thier reaction may be good or bad, but the longer the know the more they'll come around before the baby is born.
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  #9  
January 6th, 2006, 08:22 PM
Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 141
Hey,
Well, here I am again writing to you...I couldn't stop thinking about your situation. It's true that parents can surprise you. Yet sometimes not in a good way! I had a friend who broke up with her man of 3 years whom her parents adored and it took them almost two years to warm to her new guy. Why do parents do that? I don't get it! This however may be your opportunity to turn the situation into a better one with them. When you do tell them, make sure you've got a ###### good game plan. Even if that takes months. Make sure you know what you're going to do with money, work out your budget with a financial planner, figure out exactly what you're going to do with work and school, and living arrangements. I say don't confide in them until you've got this worked out. Trust me, it won't take long to figure this all out. All you need is an answer for all of those "do you know how a baby will affect your life?" and "what do you plan to do about school/work?" questions that they'll throw at you. This will, for one, show them that you've really thought this through and two, show them that you're responsible, independent and realistic. They may not love all the answers, but they'll never be able to say you're not taking responsibility. And don't be too proud to ask for their advice on things once it's all out in the open. This might help them feel and get involved.
You don't have to do all this of course, but it's an option for you when it comes to your parents. And as for them being in love with your ex, unfortunately, there isn't much you can do to resolve that apart from calmly and nicely telling them that it bothers you because you're not comfortable seeing him anymore, and as respect to you they shouldn't keep pushing him in your face all the time. At some point they need to realize that you two broke up for a reason and they can't keep holding on to the past like that. They also need to realize that their loyalties are lying in the wrong place here. Maybe this is something you could talk to them about if you haven't already. And, if you ask me, if they won't stop with the ex boyfriend praising, threaten to not come around anymore if it keeps up because it bothers you just that much. They'll get the picture.
I hope everything works out. If you need anyone to talk to, email me anytime at btaillefer101@hotmail.com
Take care, and all should work out just fine, you just wait and see!
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