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just thinking too much??


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
January 8th, 2006, 06:53 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
well today when my boyfriend came over to my house we signed onto his screen name instead of mine and we were on pogo then an instant message popped up and he clicked it off and i couldnt see it because i have bad sight and would only be able to see it with my glasses but anyways he looked at his buddy list and it wasnt anyone one there because there was no one on but now i been wondering is he talking to another girl again? i mean just when i thought things were getting better then this happened am i just worrying too much? he has talked to other girls before because once when i went on his sn a girl instant messaged me and i got her sn and went on to mine and we started talking and she said she didnt no he has a girlfriend and that he was flirting with her.. which he says he doesnt remember when i brought it up..im so scared!.. since this baby was unplanned it took him a long time to get over it and i no he isnt fully over it but maybe he is talking to another girl when i think about it i just want to cry...maybe i am over reacting but maybe im not.. whether hes here or not im gonna make sure my baby is happy i guess thats all i should be worrying about right? well im glad i got this off my chest... bye
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  #2  
January 8th, 2006, 10:15 PM
Cyndee's Avatar Mommy to 3 tagalongs
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Just take a deep breath and relax.. Getting all bent out of shape is not good for you or the baby... Just think of it this way... Maybe it was a male friend and he wanted to share the time with you instead of talking to him.. Always try and look on the bright side no matter how hard it is... And if it still bothers you have a talk with him... But if he is anything like my hubby.. He will get mad or change the subject totally... I only worry when I know that my hubby can meet the person... Talk is talk and it doesn't amount to anything
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  #3  
January 8th, 2006, 11:18 PM
bcmomma's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 364
I feel for you sweetie, as I am a huge worrier myself and men in my past have given me many a reason to not trust them. I haven't told the father of my baby yet, but the last time I talked to him (before I knew I was pregnant), I got the "I don't want a committment" speech. It's cr@ppy, because in the beginning, I know he was as excited as I was, but then he got scared or something. I'm so scared to tell him. I really like him. It's so f'ed up. I have guy friends who tell me I'm such a good catch and that any guy is stupid to not want to be with me (because most of my guy FRIENDS actually want to be with me, but I just want to be friends...go figure), that they obviously don't know me very well or something. I never know what to believe. I think I'm a good person, and yah, maybe I can come on strong, but it's just who I am, I have a lot to give. Anyways, somehow I turned this onto me and off of you, lol.

I just know that it's hard to stay positive and not worry. Try not to keep your guard up too high. Maybe you can let him know your insecurities in a rational way without getting too emotional and without blaming. It's tough. I don't have the best advice. I just wanted you to know you're not alone, and I understand what you're going through.
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  #4  
January 9th, 2006, 12:44 PM
Mommy2Ethan's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: warwick, RI
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i agree w/ cyndee...it could have been a male friend. aim talk does get me frustrated as well w/ my b/f he even plays an online game where he talks to all the other people that are playing the game live and what not..and it does get me upset but im starting to realize it is just talk, and as long as thats all it is it should be fine. hope you feel better
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Hunter Evan 7/29/2010 9 lbs 1 oz 20 1/2 inches
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  #5  
January 9th, 2006, 01:29 PM
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Posts: 141
Hey,
Well, you're definately like me when it comes to stuff like that. When I come home after work and I know my man's been home all day, I super quietly unlock the door and then barge in, cause I'm always thinking I'll catch him doing something! My fears are totally just paranoia, but I can't help but worry sometimes since I've been totally hurt in the past. Not by him but by this stupid jerk who cheated on me.
Your fears are totally ok for you to feel. You're pregnant, he's the father and right now, with everything you both have and are going through, it's perfectly normal for you to have your guards up. Just don't get too stressed about it.
But just be careful on how badly you let this affect you. If you continue to let this consume you, you'll just be pushing him away further away. I know this sounds like suddenly the blame is on you,...He's the one who looked like he was hiding something from you after all! Be positive and give him the benefit of the doubt but don't let your guard down all the way. Honestly, I've done my share of online flirting...it's innocent and fun and has never meant anything. And at the end of the day, I always go home to my man, no one else because I love him. So if he's doing a bit of online flirting, as long as it's innocent flirting, try not to let it bother you. Because at the end of the day, you're his girlfriend and you guys are having a baby together!
Be open with him and tell him about how you thought maybe he was hiding something from you the other day (but try very hard not to point any fingers or sound like you're accusing him of anything). If you say it in a way that's sort of neutral and almost "ridiculous" that you would think that, you're making him feel like you trust him, while also letting him know you're not stupid and you did notice something odd. Then you may want to ask him what that was actually about very casually. He may actually end up telling you that it was just a buddy trying to IM him or whatever. And if he doesn't remember, don't automatically assume he's hiding something. It's possible he actually just doesn't remember. While he may have had some rough times adjusting to you being preggers, he seems to be coming aroud, so keep your chin up and think happy thoughts. One of the top things a relationship needs is trust. So give him that. If he keeps doing little things like that, then confront him on it. But for now don't jump to conclusions. Closing an IM before you could see it isn't anything to start a fight over. Like I said, just talk him very very very casually about it. A little "I was being so emotional the other day that I totally got all worked up about how we when went online together and someone IMed you and you closed it right away,...I thought you were hiding something from me (throw in a little laugh)." Then give a little kiss on the cheek and pinch his butt or something...Joke around about it with him and be cute, see his reaction. He'll probably just laugh it off with you, and then chase you aroud the bedroom or something! You'll feel better once you at least let him know you noticed. Then you can just move on.
Hope this helps!
And of course let us know what happens!
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  #6  
January 13th, 2006, 08:37 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 1,668
I have been on the Internet for a very long time (since about 1994) and have seen alot of chatting, messaging, chat rooms, online games ect. My DH and I met online playing a MUD, which is a Dungeons and Dragons based text game. I even coded and ran a few online games myself.

The thing that I wanted to point out is that pop ups when you are on IM or other talk programs can happen frequently. For instance, I received one the other day from someone who wanted to show me thier porn. I know it has happened to DH as well and we both laugh about it (he's a computer geek like me). There are quite a few programs that you can find (if you know where to look for them) that will search out people's usernames and message them. I worked as a Network Admin for a college a few years ago and we would constantly get messages from strangers on each machine in the labs.

The other thing that I wanted to point out was that I would be cautious as well but not freak out. Once my DH was flirting with a girl online (and I believe that it was innocent however I don't go for that) and I nipped it in the bud then and there. It hasn't happened since (and that was about 8 yrs ago) - besides, there are programs that will log every letter that's typed on the keyboard, every click that's on the computer, every item that gets deleted (though I never used them since my I believed my DH and it was never an issue ever again).

My DH and I have a pretty good relationship. We are best friends as well as lovers and that was just one little hump that we had to work through. Just let him know that it bothers you but don't make a huge issue of it because sometimes that makes them want to do it all the more.

What's most important is your baby and believe it or not - boyfriends, husbands, significant others, etc can be replaced - a child can't.
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  #7  
January 13th, 2006, 03:43 PM
Mommy2Ethan's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: warwick, RI
Posts: 5,093
[quote]
Hey,
Well, you're definately like me when it comes to stuff like that. When I come home after work and I know my man's been home all day, I super quietly unlock the door and then barge in, cause I'm always thinking I'll catch him doing something! My fears are totally just paranoia, but I can't help but worry sometimes since I've been totally hurt in the past. Not by him but by this stupid jerk who cheated on me.


I DO THE SAME THING!

Quote:
I have been on the Internet for a very long time (since about 1994) and have seen alot of chatting, messaging, chat rooms, online games ect. My DH and I met online playing a MUD, which is a Dungeons and Dragons based text game. I even coded and ran a few online games myself.

The thing that I wanted to point out is that pop ups when you are on IM or other talk programs can happen frequently. For instance, I received one the other day from someone who wanted to show me thier porn. I know it has happened to DH as well and we both laugh about it (he's a computer geek like me). There are quite a few programs that you can find (if you know where to look for them) that will search out people's usernames and message them. I worked as a Network Admin for a college a few years ago and we would constantly get messages from strangers on each machine in the labs.

The other thing that I wanted to point out was that I would be cautious as well but not freak out. Once my DH was flirting with a girl online (and I believe that it was innocent however I don't go for that) and I nipped it in the bud then and there. It hasn't happened since (and that was about 8 yrs ago) - besides, there are programs that will log every letter that's typed on the keyboard, every click that's on the computer, every item that gets deleted (though I never used them since my I believed my DH and it was never an issue ever again).

My DH and I have a pretty good relationship. We are best friends as well as lovers and that was just one little hump that we had to work through. Just let him know that it bothers you but don't make a huge issue of it because sometimes that makes them want to do it all the more.

What's most important is your baby and believe it or not - boyfriends, husbands, significant others, etc can be replaced - a child can't.



Where do you get a program like that?
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Ethan Michael 4/13/2006 8 lbs 12 oz 19 inches
Hunter Evan 7/29/2010 9 lbs 1 oz 20 1/2 inches
~Having a baby on my chest being serenaded by my beating heart is nothing short of amazing...~




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  #8  
January 14th, 2006, 06:02 PM
lordsdaughtr's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Detroit Lakes, Minnesota
Posts: 50
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Ok from my own personal experience the interent can be a HUGE problem. Its easy access to porn and all that BS. Alot of guys go online who are married, have kids, etc. Alot flirt with other women. They think its harmless because its not physical contact or person to person flirting. Of course he is trying to hide something or he wouldn't be deleting the messenger box quickly when it pops up. Thats a no brainer. But maybe he isn't flirting. I just don't see that not happening unless he acts like its no big deal and lets you see what the person is messenging and letting you know who they are or if they are just some random person who messaged him out of no where. Which can happen. If he is flirting he is going to try and hide it from you and it sounds like he is trying to hide it.
With the situation, you could either address the problem too him? If it that doesn't work you might want to rethink your relationship and ask yourself why he would be flirting with other girls. Talk to him about it. That shows a lack of respect and consideration for you. You don't deserve that. Or all together you could get rid of the internet. Maybe even ask him if he would agree to get rid of the internet as well? If he admits its a temptation to him, then it would be better to get rid of that temptation then to keep it and have it be a problem. No matter what you need to address this problem and take care of it properly and calmly.
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