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My husband is going to leave me!


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
January 19th, 2006, 10:51 AM
Scared's Avatar Veteran
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Posts: 283


My DH and I have been married for a year and I think that I'm pregnant. From reading these boards I have many of the symptoms of pregnancy and would be in the two week wait - before I'll have missed my period and be able to test.

I'm 27 and fully settled in my career and my DH and I just had a house built.

Sounds like the perfect time to have a child, right? Well not if your husband has told you all along that he doesn't want children and would divorce me if I get pregnant and decide to keep it. I can either be a wife or a single mom, is how he puts it.

I'm terrified ... knowing that if I AM pregnant (and my gut instinct really tells me I am) that he will leave when he finds out.

Can anyone offer me some advice? I'm freaking out here!

TIA!
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  #2  
January 19th, 2006, 10:59 AM
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Its really a hard decision. You have to make one thats best for you and dont regret it. My husband was going to leave after this 3 pregnancy. It was awful for months, but he has come around now and is excited to have another son. But, my mind was set was having this baby with or without him, it was the right thing for me.
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  #3  
January 19th, 2006, 11:20 AM
nat81
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(((HUGS))) Sorry about your problem hun. Had you talked about this before you got married? Do you think there is any chance he might change his mind???
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  #4  
January 19th, 2006, 02:37 PM
Natural Blessings's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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If HE really did not want kids he should have gotten himself a vasectomy.

IF you are pregnant and since it's too early to tell try not freaking out yet he may change his mind once it becomes a reality. However, what kind of a man would make a woman choose between him and a child. If he really loves you he wouldn't make an ultimatum. If he does, then he is not worth it and it is better to get rid of him now than later.
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  #5  
January 19th, 2006, 03:33 PM
Mommy2Ethan's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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maybe he was just saying thet to try to prevent pregnancy...maybe his story will change when he finds out you actually are expecting
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  #6  
January 19th, 2006, 04:01 PM
Telucero's Avatar Veteran
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I am completely with Natural Blessings on this one. Your husband has absolutely no right to dictate the relationship like that. He needs to realize life is not a perfect process. If he is so adimant about not having children, HE IS THE ONE THAT NEEDED TO TAKE CARE OF THE SITUATION. This is your life and you are the one that has to look in the mirror in ten years, not him. If he truly loves you, he will stay by your side no matter what choice you make. Just make sure to clearly communicate your thoughts and feelings to him. Good with all of this.
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  #7  
January 19th, 2006, 04:06 PM
zoey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
If HE really did not want kids he should have gotten himself a vasectomy.

IF you are pregnant and since it's too early to tell try not freaking out yet he may change his mind once it becomes a reality. However, what kind of a man would make a woman choose between him and a child. If he really loves you he wouldn't make an ultimatum. If he does, then he is not worth it and it is better to get rid of him now than later.[/b]

I agree. How rude. It takes 2 baby!!

Quote:
Quote:
If HE really did not want kids he should have gotten himself a vasectomy.

IF you are pregnant and since it's too early to tell try not freaking out yet he may change his mind once it becomes a reality. However, what kind of a man would make a woman choose between him and a child. If he really loves you he wouldn't make an ultimatum. If he does, then he is not worth it and it is better to get rid of him now than later.[/b]

I agree. How rude. It takes 2 baby!!
[/b]

I should carify,
I mean it takes 2 to conceve a baby. If he didn't want kids, like she said, he should have had a Vasectomy. How rude to say if you get prego Im leaving. WOW. Why get married and have sex if you aren't willing to take the consequences.

If you need help feel free to ask us. I feel so bad for you. I cannot imagine being in your situation. Before I was ready I didn't want kids either, and said that I didn't want kids to my dh, but Id never leave my dh because of getting prego, if anything thats when you need your SO the most. Now of course we are both ready but thats way besides the point.
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  #8  
January 19th, 2006, 09:05 PM
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Hey,
Well first off, lets just pretend you just came back from the doctor's office after the doc telling you the test is POSITIVE...(eeeeek! ) The big quesiton here, is how do YOU feel about it? Leave your hubby out of it for a minute and just think about you. Are you wanting this? Do you want children some day? Are you able to take care of a child right now at this point in your life? Putting him aside, what is your support system like (other family and friends)?

What are your answers? Are they pointing towards being happy about this pregnancy? Ask yourself what's best for you. Would you be able to go through with an abortion in order to keep that wedding ring on your finger (and if your answer is yes, it in no way makes you a bad person. Everyone has their right to choose.) But you have to decide where you want your life to go. Do you want to be a mom someday? If that's important to you, and your husband won't stand by you on that, then it's best to leave. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your dreams for anyone. He should support what your goals in life are. Is this something you're willing to compromise in your life for him? I honestly feel so bad for you...you're in such a tough spot. Honestly, if your own husband would tell you "either be a wife or a single mom",....I mean, where's the "for better or worse 'till death do you part"? Something is seriously lacking here.
If this turns out to be just a scare, and you're not actually preggers, then I would look at this whole thing as a big eye opener in your marriage, and you should probably look into marriage counselling. And that's not at all to be demeaning. Your relationship is missing something if he'd so easily leave you with a child that was unplanned to deal with on your own. That's just not right...whether he wants kids or not and I would NOT take this lightly.
But, just remember, if your are pregnant, and you do end up as a single mom, you're NEVER alone! There are so many resources to help you out, even if it's just for moral support. Like here for example!
Let us know what happens and good luck to you!
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  #9  
January 20th, 2006, 05:44 AM
Scared's Avatar Veteran
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Thanks for the support ladies.

The long and short of it is that I was always on the fence about wanting children. I knew that I would be a ###### good mother but I work for a school district and have 6 neices and nephews and my two best friends have children. I definetly get my "kid fix" so to speak, so I was kind of "take it or leave it" when it came to actually having my own.

I met my DH and he did NOT want kids. So that was the deciding factor. We decided BEFORE we got married that we weren't having kids. His "be a single mom or a wife" comment was along the lines of "don't go changing your mind later".

Now that I'm having thoughts that I'm pregnant (I'll post in a seperate post my symptoms for those interested in giving me feedback ), I'm EXCITED about the possibility. I know I can raise an amazing child with or without his support. It's just that I don't want to lose my husband and I'm terrifyed to have to tell him and have him walk out. I would want the baby to an addition to our lives and not have to rearrange my whole life (selling the house, moving into an apt alone etc) to be a mother.

I can give the child so much more with TWO parents and a house etc. I'm just scared that he really will leave. My friend thinks that he's all talk and that he won't go anywhere. I'm just so scared that he will. I'm so worried that this is the begining of the end for my marriage ... which would devastate me. But, if I AM pregnant (please read my symptoms post and give feedback if you have a sec) then I'm going to have it and pray for the best!
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<img src='http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j214/bittke2005/novddcanimated1.gif'>Thanks Jessica B. for the blinkie!

<img src='http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c179/chelseadoll/november.gif'> Thanks Rawisner for the blinkie!
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  #10  
January 20th, 2006, 06:28 AM
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Posts: 141
I wish you the best of luck honey! Your friend may be right! He may be all talk. If it really came down to it, he may totally end up being excited about it! Even if that means giving him time. He may not come around until this baby is born. Babies have a way of melting even the coldest of hearts (not talking about your hunny, but just talking in general), so all he may need is time.
I hope everthing works out for the both of you!
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  #11  
January 20th, 2006, 07:34 AM
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I hope that everything works out for you. That must be a really hard position to be in.

But IF you are pregnant then he needs to realize that IF he leaves then it does not change the fact that he will still be a father and he has to support the baby either way.

Good Luck and let us know if the test is positive or not.
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  #12  
January 20th, 2006, 08:50 AM
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That sure is a tough situation because you both agreed not to have children before you were married. I can see his point of view. He made it clear from the start and he probably see's it as you being selfish because you both agreed not to have children and then you want to keep it. Please don't take it the wrong way, but he is also a human with feelings too...just because you are the mother does not mean you should not take the fathers feelings into consideration.

The thing is, why didn't either one of you permanantly prevent pregnancy if you both agreed on such a thing? Since that didn't happen (vasectomy, tubes burned, etc) then both of you are responsible for the baby and need to make a decision on what to do (it takes two to make a baby, it should be two who decides the outcome of the baby as well).

Good luck to you and I hope everything turns out well.
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  #13  
January 20th, 2006, 11:42 AM
proudmom3's Avatar Wait for it....
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i so agree with NATURAL BLESSINGS!!! No man should make you choose him or a child! ***! if he does he is not worth hangin on too, you would be better off raising your baby alone! (and sue for support!!!!)
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