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  #21  
February 6th, 2005, 04:14 PM
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In my opinion the most important thing for you to do now is let yourself grieve. It is true that you can't change the past so think about now and the future and how you will cope with the sadness you are feeling. Don't try not to think about it. If you didn't need to think about it and deal with the emotions, it would not be on the top of your mind all the time. There is no simple way to make it leave your thoughts and pretend it never happened. That will only make it build up until it explodes.

If you are thinking you should have gotten over it by now that is not an attitude that will help you. There is no amount of time to say you must get over it. You will recover emotionally at your own pace. Some people do this fast. Others need lots of time. You can't rush it. You are clearly not over it so why think you should be? Don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone takes different time to get over sadness or regret and whatever else they are feeling very depressed about. Never let anyone tell you you should be over it when you are not. You will begin to feel better when you are ready and not when some book or person says you should.

I would talk to your boyfriend. Even if you both felt it was for the best it is ok to feel sad and emotional about it. He thinks about it every day. That is not something you say to just say. Men may not show their emotions as much but he has clearly not over this either.

I have never had an abortion but I have lost a baby and it looks to me like you like you are feeling a lot of loss and doing some of the same things moms who lose babies do. It may not be exactly feeling loss of a baby, but it is definitely loss of what could have been with this baby you might have kept and had months from now. That is a very big loss too.

I would talk to someone, but at least accept that you are grieving even if you don't know exactly what you are grieving. It is very important to accept that and give yourself as much time as you need to get through it. Don't bottle it up or hide how you feel from your boyfriend. He may take surprise if you say you want a baby, but probably not if you say you now realize how much you want to have a baby with him. Maybe not today, but when you are ready.
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  #22  
February 7th, 2005, 10:38 PM
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Number one- Everyone makes mistakes. Some bigger than others
Number two- Everyone deserves to be happy, regardless of their mistakes

I am so sorry for the decision you had to make. I considered having an abortion when I found out I was pregnant. My bf and I are both in the military and were both scheduled to go to Iraq when I found out I was expecting. He is still going, I'm not going till after I have the baby. But I know I wrestled with the decision everyday and even he thought abortion would be best. In the end I couldn't do it. I am still unsure whether keeping this baby is the right decision or not, but I am 13 weeks now and I can't change my mind and have an abortion.
I cry a lot and wonder about the future, but when I hear people who have had abortions talk like you are, I know that despite my fears I have made the right decision. I am sorry for the grief and loss you feel. It may be selfish, but hearing you say you regret it makes it easier for me to handle the fact that I didn't do it.
Maybe if you talk about it more, you will help other young women come to the conclusion that abortion isn't the best option. So at least some good will come from your mistake. Maybe volunteer as a counselor at a planned parenthood or something. Or a pregnancy crisis hotline. It may help you get over your grief if you feel you are helping save other babies. And you deserve to be happy. Talk to your bf, maybe even discuss having another baby. I am sure your next one will get all the love he or she deserves and even more. Be strong. God is forgiving even when we are not.
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  #23  
February 9th, 2005, 02:48 PM
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I will tell you, I got pregnant when I was 17. I had support from my family and kept the baby (he is now 9 y/o). About 2 years after his birth I got pregnant again. THere was no way I could keep this baby. I didn't believe in abortion at the time but I was thinking so hard about it. I knew my bf at the time wasn't a keeper and that I would be "stranded" with two kids. I prayed every night that God would take my baby. I would pray I would get into an accident or fall down the stairs or something to make me lose this baby. About 2 months after I found out I was pregnant I did lose the baby. Every day I think about how I "caused" this baby's demise and I hate myself for it sometimes.

My point of this story is, everything happens for a reason, whether we choose it or it just happens. He might not like it but he has forgiven you. Now you just need to forgive yourself. I will be praying for you.
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  #24  
February 10th, 2005, 08:59 AM
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Hi...
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, I have never been through this, but I can only imagine how difficult it would be and to have to deal with all the emotions. I'm sure it is weighing on your mind a lot and I am sure that is a normal part of the process. I have a best friend who went through the same thing and she still thinks about it, but as time past it made it easier to deal with. I think that you need to grieve and get over this, or just get past this before you start thinking about another baby. It's probably the first thing you think of is to want a child, the child you lost or another child, but you need to get your emotions straight first and then work on your family. I think maybe counseling or talking more about it with your bf or some close friends or family members. It's just a suggestion, I hope that things go better for you and I think with time you will feel more and more relief from the pain you are going through.
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  #25  
February 13th, 2005, 06:36 AM
glittery03
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Hey everyone,

thanks so much for ure kind words and support. i received an email from one of the women on the board asking how i was and decided to come back.

ime doin ok, not great but u no.....

ime still feelin really depressed, not all the time. i have good days and bad days. i tend to be worse when ime on my own rather than when ime around people.

its really hard at the moment for me (i live in the uk) and ime a massive fan of all the soaps over here lol and i always watch them with my bf at night. in all of the soaps i watch (emmerdale, coronation street and eastenders) the main storyline is about abortion, in all three soaps - how that can be. so whether i want to or not ime set thinkin about what i did every night.

its hard. i was watchin eastenders with my bf and two of his friends on friday night, these 2 friends dont no about the abortion. and it showed one of the characters in the clinic etc and i was already feelin emotional. and then one of my bfs friends said

"i wonder what they do with the foetus's" and ime just sat there thinkin please god no dont start a conversationh about this. and then he said somethin stupid about how they would make a good soup.

now i know that he was only jokin and didnt know that it was a sore subject for me and my bf but i was so disgusted with him. normally a comment that he says would just wash over me and ide roll my eyes etc cos i know what hes like but i just had to get out of there.

it was awful. i dont need that kinda thing but obviously i couldnt say anythin to him as he would realise how upset i was and then would know why,

anyways ime gonna go cos i need to get to the shops before they shut.

ile write on here soon, hope everyone is ok
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  #26  
February 13th, 2005, 08:25 AM
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Just hang in there I've never been in your shoes, but things do get easier in time. There also is no set time to grieve. For me when i'm going though a hard time keeping a journal always helps.

My mom had an abortion when she was 18, and didn't tell her mom until I was 15 [3 years ago], and she said she knew something happened but without my mom telling her there was nothing she could do and it broke her heart. I rember times when I was going through a rough time with my mom she just told me that something happened that she hasn't dealt with and until she does...

Hang in there
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  #27  
February 13th, 2005, 10:47 AM
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I have never been through what you are going through, but I wish you all the best. They say time heals all wounds...
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  #28  
July 31st, 2006, 12:54 AM
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Quote:
hi, i had an abortion in november. i regret it every day. i wish i had never done it and hate myself more as time goes on.

i really want a baby. i see babies when im in the street and feel such yearning and grief.

the worst thing is i chose to do it.

i just saw a website that someone on here posted - www.mttu.com/abort-pics

and im sat here cryin.

i wish i could turn back time i really do.[/b]
im sorry please dont blame yourself you thought you were doing the right thing one day when the time is right youll get another chance in im sure you'd be a great mother your going to be ok just stay strong stay positive your not a bad person itll be ok im here to talk we all are
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  #29  
July 31st, 2006, 08:07 AM
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im so sorry honey

ive seen countless friends of mine spend months depressed, and the only thing i can say that may be of consolation is that you can't fret over decisions past. you didn't kill your baby. those abortion sites are always very well...overly graphic.

when the time is right for a baby you'll know and you'll be blessed

pm me anytime....im so sorry, stay strong!
*one tip on getting out of the major rut: like an orgasm, optimism can be faked. and when your really depressed, if you fake it the majority of the time...the hurt will start to subsede and you'll find that one day your really not sad. its like faking your concious and bending it so that your happy and you can still make sarcastic remarks.

exs and ohs,
aidan
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  #30  
July 31st, 2006, 08:10 AM
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  #31  
July 31st, 2006, 09:29 AM
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Hi Sweetie...
First off, I'd like to tell you how sorry I am for the decision you were faced with. Secondly, I have to tell you that you DO deserve happiness again, and just because the time wasn't right before doesn't mean you'll never deserve another chance at having a baby. Let me share something with you...
When I was 20, my b/f of a year and half and I got pregnant. We were both so scared! Him more than me. Well, I let my fear of being alone get the best of me and let him talk me into the abortion. That's right, I went through with it. Right after, I felt relieved...But about half a year to a year later, all of a sudden I was hit with this same kind of guilt and shame about it. Mostly because my b/f and I were still together at the time and our relationship had gotten more serious. So I guess I felt like I did it for no reason because he wouldn't have left me if I had kept the baby. He just told me he would because he was scared. I felt so cheated and even more guilty for letting my fears talk me into doing something like that.
Well, two and a half years after the abortion, my b/f and I broke up. Most of our problems stemmed from the abortion and well, enough was enough. So I met a new man, and five and half months into our relationship...wouldn't you know it!? Pregnant again! OMG! Well, this situation was even scarier than the last one because this was such a new relationship...but I never even considered abortion this time because I knew how I felt after the last time...This was my second chance! And if you look at my siggy below, you'll see I gave birth to a wonderful, perfect little baby who loves me just as much as I love her...
I'm telling you this because I want you to know that you can have the same thing. You will get another chance, you will be happy again and you do deserve that happines..The way I see it, you didn't kill your baby...you simply just put him/her on hold for now until you're ready. This isn't to say that abortions are a good idea and good means of birth control...trust me! They're not! and you know that just as well as I do. It's a horrible loss and you need time to grieve! You're not a bad person! You just made a decision and had no idea of the reprecussions, same as me! I never thought I'd feel so horrible about it after. But now, I know that baby I was supposed to have is somewhere inside Fiona and knows I love that baby just as much as ever and he/she understands why I did what I did. And has forgiven me just like your baby has forgiven you. And one day when you do have a baby, you'll feel the same.
Just give yourself time. That's all...time. And you have to learn to forgive yourself. That's the most important thing. Hugs to you! PM me anytime if you need to talk. Like I said, I've been there.
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  #32  
July 31st, 2006, 11:50 AM
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(I just wanted to note that the last time this girl posted was in February 2005)

Anyway, if she does come back....

I just wanted you to know that i've been there, and if you need someone to talk to, here I am.
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  #33  
August 30th, 2006, 06:58 PM
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girl you are 19. do you disagree with abortion is that why you are sad about what you did? Im 25 and wish I would have gotten one done a long time ago. I had hit the 24 mark awhile back and they said it was too late. Too bad we couldnt swtich roles.. You must be rich because if you arent how can you afford to take care of this child..im not rich and can barely afford my own debt let alone the SOB dad who left me in tons.. just think of it this way..you are young and you will be pregnant again..but please plan it.. I didnt and im miserable everyday
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  #35  
September 2nd, 2006, 10:43 AM
KAY MOM's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Quote:
girl you are 19. do you disagree with abortion is that why you are sad about what you did? Im 25 and wish I would have gotten one done a long time ago. I had hit the 24 mark awhile back and they said it was too late. Too bad we couldnt swtich roles.. You must be rich because if you arent how can you afford to take care of this child..im not rich and can barely afford my own debt let alone the SOB dad who left me in tons.. just think of it this way..you are young and you will be pregnant again..but please plan it.. I didnt and im miserable everyday[/b]

umm first off, THIS POST IS REALLY REALLY OLD!!!! and her views on abortion probably have nothing to do with her sadness.... she had an abortion, its a traumatic thing to go through. she had a baby living within her and now its gone. what else is she supposed to feel, knowing her child is gone! and where the bleep did you get off talking to her like that. this is a place for SUPPORT.


and just so you know... NEITHER of my children were planned.. and im FAR from miserable. even though my children came to me as a suprise, i fall in love with my son more and more everyday, watching him grow, learn, there is NO BETTER FEELING in the world. and im giddy waiting for my precious little girl to come. so i can experience all these wonderful things times two. just because a child is unplanned doesnt mean its going to be MISERABLE. instead of looking down at your belly with misery, (which by the way makes your CHILD miserable, since our emotiona affect them.) why not think of all the wonderful things to come! first steps, first word, first time the child picks a flower and gives it to you...

have you considered adoption? i seriously suggest you look into it.


there are MANY LOVING couples out there who would do anything to have a child to give love and a happy home.
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  #36  
December 13th, 2006, 06:39 AM
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Quote:
hi, i had an abortion in november. i regret it every day. i wish i had never done it and hate myself more as time goes on.

i really want a baby. i see babies when im in the street and feel such yearning and grief.

the worst thing is i chose to do it.

i just saw a website that someone on here posted - www.mttu.com/abort-pics

and im sat here cryin.

i wish i could turn back time i really do.[/b]
I am so glad that I just read what you wrote. I have a week to decide to have an abortion. I am 8 weeks pregnant and my babies father is with someone else. Hes not leaving her, oh and it gets better, shes pregnant to. He wants me to just have an abortion. I am stuggling and I know that I will feel the same way. But you made the best choice that you new how to make at the time. I wish to God there was no such thing as abortions. I hate this pro choice. And us women are the ones left feeling like you do. I bet the babies father doesnt beat himself up over it. as women we have difficult choices to make in life. I think that God has made it that way because we are so strong. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You made the best choice that you new how to make at the time. Maybe it will help you if you know that by me reading what you wrote, it helped me. Good Luck to you and I know you will have your baby someday. Hang in there and if theres anything you need, msg me...

take care
capergirl
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  #37  
December 14th, 2006, 05:08 PM
LondonAndAthensMommy's Avatar Chillin' in Mommywood ;)
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I had an aobrtion when was 18.. I am now 22 and pregnant again... when i got the abortion i was sad for a long time but NOW i am happy i made that decision.... i'm sure in the future you will see the decision was best for you... since you were not ready at the time


Quote:
hi, i had an abortion in november. i regret it every day. i wish i had never done it and hate myself more as time goes on.

i really want a baby. i see babies when im in the street and feel such yearning and grief.

the worst thing is i chose to do it.

i just saw a website that someone on here posted - www.mttu.com/abort-pics

and im sat here cryin.

i wish i could turn back time i really do.[/b]
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  #38  
December 16th, 2006, 07:01 AM
first_time_mom's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i know it probably sounds really selfish, but that girls story pushed any doubts i had about keeping my baby out of my mind. I love my baby with all my heart, it was my circumstances that were making me doubt my abilities as a mother.

but after reading that i knew that i'd manage no matter what. my boyfriend is so supportive, i know we are going to be great parents.

I really hope everything works out for you, dont ever feel guilty about what you've done. I'm a firm believer in everything happening for a reason. Just dont convince yourself that you dont deserve happiness because everyone does.
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  #39  
March 23rd, 2007, 12:47 AM
glittery03
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Oh my goodness i just stumbled across this topic...i thought it would have been long forgotton by now.

I just thought i would check in and thank all the people who replied back then with their kind words....it meant alot to me

As you can see from my sig i am pregnant! I am with the same guy and now we know the time is right....our little girl is due next month

Once again thnaks all
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  #40  
March 23rd, 2007, 05:33 AM
sarabella
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Quote:
Oh my goodness i just stumbled across this topic...i thought it would have been long forgotton by now.

I just thought i would check in and thank all the people who replied back then with their kind words....it meant alot to me

As you can see from my sig i am pregnant! I am with the same guy and now we know the time is right....our little girl is due next month

Once again thnaks all [/b]

Congrats!!! I'm glad you're in a better place then you were when you first posted and have found happiness.

Everything happens for a reason and I'm not an extremely religious person but I do believe God wouldn't put anything in your path that He didn't think you were strong enough to handle.

Was the pregnancy planned this time?
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