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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
January 24th, 2006, 05:42 PM
Regular
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 77
Hi everyone.
My name is Kelly, I'm 25 years old and a mother to a 2 1/2 year old son, Ashley.

This is long I"m sorry in advance.

My son Ashley is from my marriage..which ended in divorce. I found out he had been cheating on me since I was 7 months pregnant with our son..when I found out I of course ended it.
He skipped out to Florida and I haven't heard from him since nor have I recieved a dime in support.
And I don't want any of his money either.

He has had no contact with our son not even a phone call..nothing. I got a divorce due to abandonment.

Then I met my boyfriend now. He has been a father to my son from pretty much the first day we met. Everyday I feel so much better knowing there are people like him in the world- I was losing faith there were any good guys left out there.

We will have been together one year in April..and we live together. We are SO VERY happy together. Everything is perfect. We are already talking of marriage...it's like a storybook.

In Oct. we had one night of unprotected sex at a time I wasn't even supposed to be fertile..haha yeah right.

A week later I knew I was pregnant even though the hpt test said no it was way too early. Bloodwork confirmed me at 10 days pregnant.

I told him and he was soooo happy. Scared...but happy. There are no doubts in my mind that he's ready to be a father as he already is. He has a great job, we can financailly do this.

I've told him but I don't think he knows in depth as I haven't REALLY told him how much I am not ready for this.

AFter my son I didn't feel ready to "give up my life". I still liked to go out on weekends, hang with my friends, go see my friends play. It took me two years to get to the point where I am now.
Where my son sleeps thru the night and it's easy to find a sitter.
Where he sleeps in in the morning and I could stay out till 2am once in a while.
i was enrolled to go back to school..to FINALLY have a good job of my OWN
We were looking at houses as I live at home now.

EVERYTHING is now put on wait.
Instead of going to dinner or something with friends when my son goes to bed now and getting a sitter...I sit home alone. This baby herniated a disk in my back.
I'm just in so much pain all of the time..it hurts so bad.
My doctor said my hips are too narrow and my first son herniated my disk, I always had back pain just didn't think too much of it. And that the more my uterus grows the more pressure it will put on my back.
He estimated how bad the disk is that by month 7 I'll be on bedrest. I"m already losing reflexes in my left arm and my left leg is starting to give out randomly. I fell twice last week. I'm only 14.5 weeks.

I hate sounding so selfish and I know I do. Espically with my bf so happy.....
I know once my little one gets here I will feel so much better....and will be truley happy as my first son was unplanned also and I can't IMAGINE life without him and NEVER want to.....
It's just now it's so hard.....
And with my first son my back wasn't like this- I didn't have bedrest looming over me.

I'm so afraid of the pain that's in store for me right now.
I can't even sit in a chair for longer than ten mins. I cna't lay on my back in bed. I'm NEVER comfortable. I miss everything my life used to be. I miss sleeping soundly.
Some days I'm so tired and sore it's so hard to take care of the son I have now.
And I feel guilt for that..Like I put him on hold.

My ortho told me I can't really do anything now for it, but after baby I will need back surgery. And if I have another child it will do the same thing to my disk again..so before I get the surgery make sure I don't want anymore kids.
And what if I do?
I walk around taking care of two kids in this much pain? Impossible.....
So now I feel even worse about it knowing this is probably my last child...I just WISH it could have came at a BETTER time. A PLANNED time...so I could be ready for what's in store for me.
Not sprung with "Guess what you have to look forward to? Loss of the left side of yoru body and pain."

My first son was born op (face up) the labor was horrible...so painful and nothing helped. Now we know tha'ts because of my hips. My doctor told me this will repeat if not a breech baby- and I'm probably going to need a c- section.
More fear. More worry.

I'm on the July DDC board, everybody is SO NICE but I can't help but feel a bit out of place.
Like I don't belong there..because I'm trying to feel happy- baby is healthy and prefect and will probalby be my last- but I can't feel happy right now.

All I have is fear for what lies ahead.

Fear for my back, waht if my boyfriend leaves like my husband did?
I'm jsut so afraid and sad right now.
And like I said I just feel so bad saying something to my bf about how I feel because he is so happy and joyful.

Again I know I'll be happy once baby gets here and I'll be saying "It was all worth it" but right now it's hard to think positive.

Thank you for everybody who listened, it really helped to get this out.

Kelly.
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  #2  
January 25th, 2006, 03:15 AM
jewll27's Avatar Veteran
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Location: bucks county PA
Posts: 168
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I cant imagine the pain of your back kelly with a 2 1/2 yr old and still wanting your freedom and whatnot. When things dont go the way you had pictured them and all the dr can tell you is theres a bunch of painful struggle ahead, its gotta be so hard to focus on the positive. But you gotta try! Can you share these emotions with your BF? theres gotta be way for you to fix your back after you give birth right? either with surgery or physical therapy?? Now, I am speaking from experience here, not from csections, but from 4 OTHER SURGERIES AND IM ONLY 24 (and two were just last summer within a month and half of each other), surgery isnt bad at all. Yeah it sucks having to go under the knife, but afterwards when you start to have less and less pain, its so worth it. Its only normal to be afraid, I guess Im not anymore bc Ive become such an old pro! I have yet to know for sure if I am pregnant and while I wanted to be really badly, with the reality of it lurking right now it scared the poop out of me. You gotta trust in your BF and trust in yourself that if he ever left you would be ok...I know this reply is more like ranting than replying but I am trying to remember everythign you said...if you need us keep coming back here! This is why we are here I think to support women with their struggles with an unplanned pregnancy!!
Good luck!!
sarah
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  #3  
January 25th, 2006, 06:52 AM
nat81
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Posts: n/a
Welcome and Congrats on your new pregnancy! I hope you can start to feel more excited about it... I also had a "sunny side up baby so labor was horrible for me as well. As for your back problems, I feel your pain... I've had back problems for about 5 years now and I'm only 25 as well... Right before Christmas, I put my back out when I was trying to lift my DD off the floor. When I saw a Choripractor, they told me the amount of damage was ao bad that I must have done something as a child. I had a huge belly when I was pregnant and think it caused even more problems. I had extensive work done by a chiropractor and can feel a real difference for once!

Good luck to you hun, hang in there and keep us posted on your pregnancy!(((HUGS)))
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  #4  
January 25th, 2006, 10:24 AM
Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 141
Hey,
While I've been really excited about this pregnancy ever since I got the news 95% of the time, the other 5% I have my bad moments. Usually when I'm sitting at home on a Saturday night all alone (b/f at work and all my friends out living their lives...) I get pretty depressed. My sister says I'm no fun anymore because I can't go to movies during the week anymore because I have to be in bed early (like, the same time the movie starts!!),...Life has really changed. And it's so scary. Plus, my sex drive is NOTHING like it used to be, and I've been in pretty bad pain also (bad sciata and now shifting pelvic bone which causes extremely painful grinding and cracking when I walk, sit, sleep....It totally blows!
So I definately hear you about this whole thing not being all peachy!

Like you said, once the baby's here, you'll probably see it as all worth it, and you'll be happy then. In the meantime, totally pamper yourself, and get that wonderful man of yours to pamper you even more! Have him massage you everynight, go get your nails done, get a facial, take a few days off work to just relax and sleep while your man and son are out...Honestly, take a lot of "you" time and don't ever feel bad about it. Sounds like you need it. I think this will help boost your spirits.

Hope this helps,
Take care and congrats on the new little beaner on the way!
Brigitte
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  #5  
January 25th, 2006, 10:41 AM
Regular
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 77
Quote:
I cant imagine the pain of your back kelly with a 2 1/2 yr old and still wanting your freedom and whatnot. When things dont go the way you had pictured them and all the dr can tell you is theres a bunch of painful struggle ahead, its gotta be so hard to focus on the positive. But you gotta try! Can you share these emotions with your BF? theres gotta be way for you to fix your back after you give birth right? either with surgery or physical therapy?? Now, I am speaking from experience here, not from csections, but from 4 OTHER SURGERIES AND IM ONLY 24 (and two were just last summer within a month and half of each other), surgery isnt bad at all. Yeah it sucks having to go under the knife, but afterwards when you start to have less and less pain, its so worth it. Its only normal to be afraid, I guess Im not anymore bc Ive become such an old pro! I have yet to know for sure if I am pregnant and while I wanted to be really badly, with the reality of it lurking right now it scared the poop out of me. You gotta trust in your BF and trust in yourself that if he ever left you would be ok...I know this reply is more like ranting than replying but I am trying to remember everythign you said...if you need us keep coming back here! This is why we are here I think to support women with their struggles with an unplanned pregnancy!!
Good luck!!
sarah[/b]
I am def. looking into surgery post baby but they told me to make srue I don't want anymore kids as the next kid will knock the surgery right out of place again...
That's a BIG decision....then again will I be able to care for teh kids I have with the problem?
So much to think about.

I've never had surgery before so I'm really scared.
I don't know how you've done it. <3

I know I would be okay if he left...I have done it with my first son, I've been raising him aloen since 5 months. Honestly it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be!

Thanx for listening.<3
Kelly.

Quote:
Welcome and Congrats on your new pregnancy! I hope you can start to feel more excited about it... I also had a "sunny side up baby so labor was horrible for me as well. As for your back problems, I feel your pain... I've had back problems for about 5 years now and I'm only 25 as well... Right before Christmas, I put my back out when I was trying to lift my DD off the floor. When I saw a Choripractor, they told me the amount of damage was ao bad that I must have done something as a child. I had a huge belly when I was pregnant and think it caused even more problems. I had extensive work done by a chiropractor and can feel a real difference for once!

Good luck to you hun, hang in there and keep us posted on your pregnancy!(((HUGS)))[/b]
I'm happy about baby just not happy about the situation itself if that makes much sense? If this pregnancy was pain/ drama free I'd be sad about missing my friends and my life but I can deal with that..afterall it's only nine months.
IT's the pain I'm down about..and the threat of losing feeling in my arm.

I'm going to go see a chiropractor also real soon and see if maybe they can do something for me. My gyn recooemned joining a pool? He said that can give great relief so I found a nice priced pool I can bring my son with me too- I'm excited about it because it's something fun we can do together also.

I don't need to tell you how bad labor was for me then you already know. Worst pain I've ever felt in my life.
The worst part was my son's head is disfigured premanatly from being stuck inside me for so long. It's fairly noticeable and I feel horrible about it.
The "good news" is this time my doctor said he will give me a c- section if this baby has trouble too so that doesn't happen again.
I can handle the pain but I feel so bad for him going thru life like that. We know kids can be cruel.

I hpoe you feel better too!
It's hard to feel better with yoru back with you already have toddlers!
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  #6  
January 25th, 2006, 10:53 AM
jewll27's Avatar Veteran
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Location: bucks county PA
Posts: 168
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Kelly I dont blame you for being scared with your surgery. ITs a scary thing to trust that someone putting you to sleep is going to fix you and then make sure you wake up again. Trust me I was really scared at some point. But the way I try to look at it is we take risks everyday by choosing to drive or leave our home with a light on or fly on a plane, so I dont see it being anymore of a risk than that esp when I will benefit after its over! Just make sure when/if you decide to have surgery that you like and trust your surgeon. And that goes for your OB who might do the CSection...thats the most important thing!!
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  #7  
January 25th, 2006, 11:35 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: West Virginia
Posts: 1,668
Hey it's normal to be scared and apprehensive of the future. I feel it all the time. I have so many medical problems (hypothyroidism, Ovarians Disease, gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, good possibility for Downs Syndrome, advanced maternal age) that I even worry about dying while in labor.

Share your feelings with your bf....he deserves to know how you feel. He may seem happy to you, but I bet he's just as frightened as you are.

I'm sorry to hear that you are in so much pain. I feel for you (my DH has permanant nerve damage in his back and goes through the same things you describe - I worry about him even picking up the baby and he's in constant pain) and I wish that I could be more help. Just keep in mind that the pregnancy is only temporary (a thing I tell myself every single day).
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