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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 3rd, 2006, 11:23 AM
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Hi, I'm Kim and I was on here quite a bit through my pregnancy. My baby girl was born earlier than expected (despite my attempts to stay healthy) and I'm an extremely proud mother. She's so beautiful and though the crying drives me a little off the deep end sometimes, I can't imagine ever living life before her. I'm 19 now and still with my boyfriend (of nearly 3 years)...we've been talking about marriage, we know we'll get there but we also know that we don't want to rush into it just because we have a daughter (marriage should be about us, not about having to be together). The only thing I've really had a problem with is the way people react to us. My boyfriend will be 23 in another month and is currently going to school to earn his journeyman's, while working a 40 hour week. He's still moving up in his career but the baby hasn't slowed him down a single bit. I on the other hand take some classes online and plan to go back to school as soon as I can work out a daycare plan. We pay rent just the same as we always have, pay our own household bills and own groceries...my parents are currently paying for my health and car insurance (but they wanted to while I was in college, period)...we aren't on welfare and take care of our little girl by ourselves. And STILL people treat us like we're unworthy of being parents just because we're young! One or two generations before me, it wasn't all that unnormal for women to be married or have children before 22...just because this generation has decided that women should be at least 24-25 before they think of children doesn't make us any less of deserving parents. We're very concerned with how our child is raised and are determined to be great parents...still we get hateful comments from mothers older than us, we're treated like dirt sometimes...can anyone answer, why do people act like this?
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  #2  
February 3rd, 2006, 11:33 AM
Athey's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Some people are stupid - seriously - it WASN'T long ago that it was very common for people to already have a kid OR TWO by 20. Every one of my aunts had their first by 18 & 19. I think my uncle and his wife had their first when he was 20. I mean -come on!

My mom was considered the freak of the family because she didn't have me (her first and only) till she was 35 - lol.

I think that no matter what age you are, there will always be people who think it's their business to judge you. But it's not their business and their opinions don't matter.
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  #3  
February 3rd, 2006, 12:11 PM
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I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm 20 years old and my fiance is 21 and we just found out that we're expecting our first child. Right now I'm a full time college student, but I will have to take next semester off and then try some online classes until, like you, I will be able to set up an affordable day care. My fiance also has a GREAT job, and we pay all of our bills (minus my health and car insurance) by ourselves. It just gets so old hearing all of these older people saying "Well they ruined their lives" or "They're barely going to be able to provide for that child". Those comments really tick me off! We have been taking care of ourselves for over a year now, and I don't see how having a child is going to change any of that. What's really sad though is that my fiance's friends keep telling him "Your life is ruined". It makes me sooo angry because our lives are NOT ruined; they're just beginning with a new addition. So to heck with all the negative people!
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  #4  
February 3rd, 2006, 12:53 PM
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Hi, I know where you are coming from. I'm only 23 and have 3 kids. I've always got the comments and stares as I'm walking through the store. I've learned to ignore everyone. I know that I am a good mother, I work full time and my kids have more than everything they need so I don't listen to anyone. I don't think there is anything wrong with having children young.
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  #5  
February 3rd, 2006, 02:35 PM
JuneBug2006's Avatar Forever missing Gracie
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Yeah, I woudn't worry about it at all. You do what is best for you. There are ignorant people in the world... Been there, done that.....

I was only 15 when I got pregnant with my son, Alex..... He was born when I was 16; I was with his father for some time before the pregnancy.......
I never left school and graduated on time... And I am currently 1.5 years away from graduating with 2 degrees with 3 majors...........
I also never raised my son on welfare and took full control over his well-being.........

It is amazing that while I am just about 25 (in 4 days), I am still getting flack for being pregnant with my 2nd child; due in June..........

There are some real idiots out there; I just don't let them get to me.
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  #6  
February 3rd, 2006, 03:35 PM
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i had my first and second at 18, and 19 i always got treating like crap. they would say stuff like you're only a baby haveing a baby i of coruse didn't think of it like that and 18 is not a baby. even ppl at school gave me those look's, maybe we should remind them of how it used to be back in the old day's, why can they have kid's at such a young age but we can't ya know. they think just cause they had it hard we will too
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  #7  
February 7th, 2006, 12:29 PM
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I could understand if my parents had felt that way, or my close family, ya know? Just because...they wanted me to be able to enjoy my "childhood" as long as possible. But I voluntarily moved in with my boyfriend the day after I graduated for a reason I just wasn't the partying, wanna live of mom and dad kinda girl. My boyfriend and I had already been together nearly 2 years at the time and wanted to start our lives together. No, we didn't plan on starting a family before we established steady careers but...so what, one of my customers at the place I'm working at (in his 60's) once told me "My mom told me, if you're going to have kids...have them young enough to grow up with them" It sounded crazy when he said it, but I can see what he meant. I have the energy, the drive, and I'm not too obsessed with anything else in my life to focus on being a good parent. Charlie and I have a strong relationship and work together to raise our daughter. You're right, I just shouldn't care what anyone thinks...I'm lucky if you ask me. Some people don't find love or have the chance to start a family until late in life. I was pretty fortunate. Sometimes I just wish I could get the pride and respect that other families do. I appreciate all of your responses...It helps to know there are other women out there who notice it. Charlie kept telling me I was imagining the looks
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  #8  
February 7th, 2006, 02:10 PM
Mommy2Ethan's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I know exactly how you feel, i got preg at 19, and i am now 20...I love the looks when people see your belly, then automatically look at your ring finger, and if they dont see a ring they just kinda glare and get snotty. Ya know what? stuff happens. Its nobodys business but you, your baby and the dad. I get the same treatment at work like "omg your pregnent? your not married? your not even engaged?
No I am not. I dont think people should get married due to a baby. Dont get me wrong, I love my b/f but I dont want to get maried. end of story. but people do not understand that and its really sad.
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  #9  
February 7th, 2006, 05:25 PM
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I want to be a young mother myself. I'll be 19 in a few weeks, and I don't even have a boyfriend currently, but I can't wait to be a mother. I don't see anything wrong with having babies when you're young if you can take care of them and you really want them.

I have a few friends who don't agree with my decision to become a young parent. But you know what, this is what I want. I honestly wouldn't be happy doing anything else. They've learned to respect my choice and to realize that everybody's different, some people are ready to have children when they're young. This is an issue I have a lot of passion for.
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  #10  
February 9th, 2006, 08:09 PM
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When I was pg with Jr. people were constantly looking at my ring finger - and once I had him too. I wore my wedding ring for awhile while I was pregnant, but then my fingers swelled too much for my ring to fit.

Then after I gave birth my ring was too loose!!!

Plus the dirty looks didn't stop there, people even made rude remarks to my DH - calling him a cradle robber!! Without make-up and doing my hair all pretty some people were mistaking me for a pregnant 12 or 13- year old!!! I was 19 at the time!

-Jacqueline
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  #11  
February 10th, 2006, 11:15 AM
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I know exactly how you feel. I am 19 and so is DH, but we have been married for over a year. We had a big church wedding and the rumor going it was that i was pregnant and when I didn't pop out a baby 8 months after we married, well I must have miscarried. When that came back around to me, it really hurt my feelings. I have never been pregnant before this one and i know it must hurt tremendosly to loose a pregnancy. how could people say that? Even after that, this child was not planned. But it is welcomed with open arms and excitement. we both wanted to have children young enough to enjoy them and be young with them. My parents are in their 50's and thins change a lot between their time and mine.

Anyway, I find myself doing what some of you girls are talking about. Looking for rings. But mostly because I work in the beauty department and commenting on a ring or watch help strike conversation...
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  #13  
February 11th, 2006, 06:46 PM
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*hugs* I know how you feel. I was pregnant w/ Beth at 19 and had her at 20..and people would straight up ask me if it was planned, like they had any right to ask such a private question. We love her very much and she has always beenwell cared for. I actually like being a young mom..I feel like I have lots of energy to keep up with her and don't ver mind getting down onto tthe floor to play.
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  #14  
February 11th, 2006, 09:44 PM
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I just got married last September, and I had just turned 20. DH was 21 (currently 22), and although all of our family and close friends were loving and supportive, lots of people that I went to high school with said "what, did she get pregnant?" just because we chose to get married. People are horrid and immature, end of story.

Here is how I look at it. I am 20, married, own a house, have a great job, and i'm HAPPY. I'm getting chastized for settling down but most people my age are out partying, getting drunk, sleeping around...and that's accepted but what I'm doing is not??? When did the world get so ##### up?

As long as you are happy with who you are, try to forget about everyone else. They dont matter- you do.
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  #15  
February 12th, 2006, 09:52 PM
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And don't be shocked when you receive all kinds of comments that offend you throughout the rest of your life. I had a baby at 18...another at 20...another at 25...another at 28...and last but not least, one at 32. Yep, I have 5 babies! Ranging from 14 to almost 2 months. The comments I hear are, "gosh, don't you know what causes that?" and, "are you gonna get fixed or is he?". It really irritates the sh*t out of me, but I smile and laugh with them. I have a husband, a house (nearly paid off), we have 3 vehicles that are nice, my husband has a harley...my bills are paid on time, we both coach our kids sports (4 of the 5 will be playing either softball or baseball this spring) we are very active in the kids schools & athletic programs. There is more, but I don't think it's necessary to go through them. I want to ask these people why they care? I will have 10 kids if that's what I want. Who's business is it? I am not asking for handouts from anyone.

So be prepared. No matter what you do in life, someone is going to judge you. Just grin and bear it!
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  #16  
February 13th, 2006, 06:02 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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i think young parents have an advantage in areas...for instance if u have a kid and your almost 40 you body might not be up to all the running and playing around..(heard of someone like that) and when your young we could run around and play with our kids as much as we want (if you dont have anything wrong)..i wasnt happy at first becoming pregnant..and it took some time but when i think of all the advatages im excited..im looking forward to watching my little one grow inside of me and outside..and i cant wait to be able to take him/her to the park or the water park..fun! i also think that we r able to support our kids just as well as older mothers...
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  #17  
February 13th, 2006, 07:39 AM
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heya

I know what you mean. I was 19 when i got pregnant, and well i look like im 15 on a good day. I went to the mall and ppl would always give me dirty looks or stare.. Its funny cuz they were all older ppl whose parents would have been about my age to have them lol.

Than i had my daughter and even the night nurse at the hospital treated us liek crap cuz we were younger. My bf is 21 (22next mth) and im 21 in May, so its not like were 12 or 14, im an adult. They also dont get the fact, that they dont know you at all, theyre making rash judgments (which theyre supposed to be teaching thier kids or what not, to accept others) not only that, but i mean ive been livin gon my own, paying my own rent,food billsetc since i was 15 yrs old... so i think i know a thing or two about life! anyways yea this bugs the hell outta me too!
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  #18  
February 13th, 2006, 12:37 PM
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Its funny. I just got married in October. I am 21 years old. Apparently, I don't look as old as I am. When I was getting my hair done for my wedding, two older ladies were commenting on how young I was. They thought I was homecoming queen for my high school because several local schools were having that dance on the same night as my wedding. It was funny because they both seemed to scoff when I told them I was getting married. It was especially awkward because I was 6 months pregnant at the time. Neither of them seemed to notice. My husband and I were talking about marriage before I was pregnant. We still get tons of comments about how young we are despite the fact that we live on our own. It gets annoying at times, especially the treatment we got at the hospital by the maternity nurses this past week when my son was born. People are just rude sometimes.
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  #19  
February 14th, 2006, 02:44 PM
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Quote:
I just got married last September, and I had just turned 20. DH was 21 (currently 22), and although all of our family and close friends were loving and supportive, lots of people that I went to high school with said "what, did she get pregnant?" just because we chose to get married. People are horrid and immature, end of story.

Here is how I look at it. I am 20, married, own a house, have a great job, and i'm HAPPY. I'm getting chastized for settling down but most people my age are out partying, getting drunk, sleeping around...and that's accepted but what I'm doing is not??? When did the world get so ##### up?

As long as you are happy with who you are, try to forget about everyone else. They dont matter- you do.[/b]


I just wanted to agree with you about this. Its so hard when I see all my peers and people I used to hang out with in college still going out and partying and getting wasted all the time but when I really think about me and who I am, I want to be married and have a family and settle down. I HATE bars and getting wasted all the time...its just not who I am. so stay true to you and dont let others make you feel any less important bc you made a choice. I am 24 and while Im not married, my bf and I are pretty serious. WE had a slight scare last month but we both kinda decided that if I get pregnant, thats what supposed to happen and we would make it work. I say I want to get pregnant and everyone looks at me like I have 5 heads and tells me "you have the rest of your life to have babies"...I hate that!!
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  #20  
February 14th, 2006, 05:51 PM
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hey!!
I've noticed alot of people...for lack of a better term...discriminate...against young pregnant women! It's awful! It's because it doesn't follow the norms....like we're all suppost to be skinny and made up all the time, just look at famous people, most famous people I should say, not everyone's bad, I'm not one to judge people...I had a lot of people ask me if I was ok or told me that a baby is a big responsibility and if I was sure I could handle it, blah blah blah, if you're happy with your decision then people should be nothing but happy for you, you know what's best for you better than anyone else...does that sound right? I was 20 when I got married, just last October and I got pregnant in August! My own father refused to come to my wedding because he thought I was stupid and a ##### for getting "knocked up". to this day he doesn't speak to me....si, I'd just tell people to SHOVE IT!
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