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Pregnant Again... 4 months after giving birth


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
March 4th, 2009, 05:13 AM
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I just had a beautiful baby girl on 11th November 2008. She is now almost 4 months and I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant again!

I didn't plan to have another baby so soon. I know we should have taken precautions, I know I want to say "But we only did it once after I delivered" but nothing can change the fact that I am pregnant now.

Having another baby so soon is definitely not in the cards for me. I want to be able to roll around with my girl, chase her around the house as she starts to toddle, etc and I can't do all that if I am heavily pregnant (am just 6 weeks pregnant now). Plus I find that my firstborn has not spend enough time with me.. I mean, you know how I would have to juggle my pregnancy and her at the same time. Sometime in September this year, when she is 10 months and moving about so much, I can hardly move myself with a big belly..I don't want to lose sharing her first year with her and just her alone.

Yesterday morning, when I saw the positive test result, I was so sure that I wanted to terminate my new pregnancy. My husband is very supportive but he just didn't want me to feel guilty afterwards like how I did after my first abortion (I wasn't married then - but it was the same father). I went for a scan yesterday but my gynae said I am too early on to have an abortion. He wants me to go back to his clinic in 2 weeks' time. That gives me a LOT of time to think about my decision.

The reasons why I wanna have a abortion is because I just can't bear to see my little girl having to share my attention with another new baby just so soon. Plus my mum will surely tell me off for having another baby so soon (she warned us against having sex the first 3 months after my delivery) but the issue with my mum is secondary. Currently I am the one sending my girl to and fro the nanny's place which is about 30 minutes drive away from my place. I can't imagine doing all that alone while being pregnant. I can't get my husband to help me out there as he works in a different part of town. Plus we live alone so I don't think I can manage taking care of my daughter and another newborn when they are so close in age.

But of course, there is another part of me now holding back. Having delivered a beautiful baby girl naturally just a few months ago, it pains me to not have this baby. Having experienced a whole 9 months of pregnancy (as compared to only 3 months during my first ab experience), I realise it is such a special journey.

My brain is telling me to terminate the pregnancy but my heart, the heart that is now a mother with a real baby in her arms, is telling me to have the new baby. Yet, each time I look at my baby girl's face, I wonder if I am being fair to her should I decide to keep my new baby.

I really don't know what to do. My husband and I actually wanted to have 2 children but my current pregnancy is here just too soon.. What should I do? I am so confused.
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  #2  
March 4th, 2009, 05:38 AM
mama_reese's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ultimately it's your decision...but for me, I would keep the baby. I'm pro-life, and I personally don't believe in abortion..but in your situation these are my feelings...

This sort of thing happens all the time, and it's not the babies fault that he/she was conceived at the wrong time! Plus, your baby girl will adapt to a new baby, and she deffinately won't feel neglected if thats how you're feeling. She'll LOVE her sibling, and when she gets older, like 3 or 4, she'll have an adorable little playmate. They're going to have a bond for the rest of their lives as siblings and love each other SO much, being so close in age. I really believe that a sibling is the best gift you can give your child. I know that you can handle it. After all, you did give birth to your daughter naturally, mama you can do anything you set your mind too! Trust me, I'm pregnant with my first (unplanned) baby, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. At the beggining I was terrified because like you...the timing wasn't right. But after having this little life growing inside of me I love him more than anything, and if I had done something out of fear in the begining, like an abortion...I don't know how I would live with it. I know it won't be easy for you but I know in my heart that it'll be worth it, and you'll be just fine taking care of BOTH your babies! You can do it. =)
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  #3  
March 4th, 2009, 09:40 AM
~*Kixs*~'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Having your children so close in age may not be the most ideal thing for you at the momement but it does have a lot of sunny points! The 1st being that your children will have each other!

Quote:
She'll LOVE her sibling, and when she gets older, like 3 or 4, she'll have an adorable little playmate. They're going to have a bond for the rest of their lives as siblings and love each other SO much, being so close in age.[/b]
mama reese siad it very well. And long after you and DH are gone from this earth your children will have eachother. What a beautiful bond.

Also having your children close in age will mean that they will be out of the house close to the same time so you and DH can enjoy your time together and not be parenting children when you are 90

You may want to check out the Closely Spaced Siblings board.

It may be hard but if you can endure natural childbirth you can do ANYTHING!


Good luck!

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  #4  
March 4th, 2009, 10:06 AM
navywifey2003's Avatar Home Birth Mama
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I agree with what the other ladies have said. You can do this. My kids are 18 months apart and yes its hard but I wouldnt trade it for anything! You can do it!!
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  #5  
March 4th, 2009, 11:18 AM
MonkeyBugMommy's Avatar Brooke
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Hello! I'm a lurker but I just wanted to step in and give you my point of view, as it may help.

My mom became pregnant again about 3 months after giving birth to me. My little brother was born just 10 days before my first birthday! I don't even remember my life without him around, but I never felt jealous or that I didn't get enough attention from my mother. Also, my mother raised us alone (my father passed away when my brother and I were 4 and 5 years old), so I'm sure that if she could give us that much love and attention all on her own, you and your husband would be able to give both of your children all the love and attention that they need to be healthy and happy. Though my brother and I had our moments growing up (what siblings don't?), today we are extremely close and I am so happy to have my brother. I share a bond with him that I share with no one else, and there are things that only the two of us can understand and we have eachother to talk to. Also, because we are so close in age, we were always into the same things and were usually on the same level which I'm sure made life easier on my mom!

Good luck with your decision! I know it's not mine to make, but if I were you I would embrace my little "surprise" whole-heartedly!
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  #6  
March 4th, 2009, 05:59 PM
Loving6's Avatar Formerly Loving4
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I hope you go with your heart and have you baby.As for you wanting to play wit your little one when she starts to toddler,you can,pregnancy is not a disability but a privilege.Good Luck to and your family.
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  #7  
March 5th, 2009, 10:01 PM
Martina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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as for me I could never have an abortion, my first 2 are a year apart and I wouldnt have it any other way, my first wasnt even walking when my second was born, and she loved having her baby sister around, there wasnt much running after the first one, since she wasnt that mobile till she was like 13-14 months anyway LOL. not all kids walk early, some dont even walk till they are 16+ months. my first 3 were unplanned, but when my 3rd was about a year we decided to have one more "planned" baby LOL (OK we are on number five but that is unplanned too), and we had to have sex nonstop (bwahahahahahah) to make sure that 4th baby wasnt too far apart from the 3rd one, I really really didnt want them to be far apart at that point. I am actually finding it bit too hard having this last baby almost 4 years after 4th!! Way harder!! I am having hard time planning all the activities after this baby is born (because now older kids have so many things they do and we have to drive them all over the place LOL)
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  #8  
March 6th, 2009, 11:17 AM
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i'm a lurker but wanted to put my input in as my oldest 2 are 13 1/2 mths apart. They are so close. i had very hard pregnancys but that is my body not because they were so close. i love having them that close, they get along, where the same size, they are into the same things. it's awesome! good luck hun
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  #9  
March 9th, 2009, 09:49 AM
meg0109's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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The other ladies pretty much summed up what I wanted to say.

You just need to know that everything will work out if you decide to keep the baby. It won't be easy but you can do it! If you can take care of a new baby and overcome the obstacles that come with that, you can do this. I am pro-life and I won't sit here and go on and on about why you should keep your baby.

Listen to your heart...and from what you mentioned, your heart is the one thing telling you not to terminate the pregnancy. <3 Good luck!
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  #10  
March 9th, 2009, 01:13 PM
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Hi Im a lurker, but I want to send hugs your way.

I know what a difficult decision this can be for you. I have 3 babies right now, and to be honest, none of my kids were planned. I wasnt ready for any of them, but here they are now, and I cant feel anymore blessed. My 3rd baby was a big surprise. I became pregnant when my little girl was 10 months old (she and the baby are 18 months apart). She was a fussy and demanding infant, and I couldnt imagine dealing with her, and a belly, and then dealing with her and a baby. At around 6 months of age, I even decided I was done having children, because she was such a hand full. Also, I had my 4 year old. When I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified- how would I handle three children, running errands, chores, a demanding toddler, a whiney 4 year old, and a needy newborn. It was such a scary thought. I went back and forth for weeks, thinking about what I wanted to do. But the bottom line for me was that I couldnt imagine excluding one of my kids, just because it wasnt convienient for me. Still the fear was there. I remember going to my first prenatal appt. I had planned to speak to my OB about my options. After he did an internal, he said he wanted to check for viability because I was measuring a whole month behind. Right there I realized how much I wanted the baby. I realized that I was insane for wishing he werent in me. He was my baby no matter what. Hes here now, 6 weeks now, and he's wonderful. He's the little boy Ive always wanted, and he's beautiful. Will I say its been an easy transition? No, it hasnt. For me, having 3 kids is tough lol, but I sit in a room with my 3 kids now, and I realize that they were meant to be together. I feel wonderful knowing that they have each other. My 4 year old has handled everything great, and my 19 month is doing better now (the changes at home were stressful on her), but Im sure to give her lots of attention, and shes easing into things now. I can go back and forth with 'If I had waited; if they were only 2 years apart, as opposed to 18 months, things would be different; what if; and bla bla, but you know what? my three musketeers are here now, and its a blessing

Im in no way trying to sway your decision, but I wanted to let you know that 9-10 months ago, I was in your same predicament, and I understand where you're coming from. Only you know your story, and only you can make the right decision for yourself, but just know that whatever you choose, will eventually work out
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  #11  
March 9th, 2009, 01:37 PM
MamaRN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I just wanted to add my support. I'm sure it seems very overwhelming now, but your daughter will NOT be neglected or loved any less because you are having another baby. Believe it or not, your heart will grow to accommodate and love both babies, and, any more that you have, equally. My sister and I are 15 months apart and neither of us feel gipped or loved any less. In fact, we are best friends now and are actually expecting 3 months apart!

A good friend of mine found herself in your situation when her baby was 5 months old, and had the baby too. She loves BOTH girls equally and they are both thriving and doing beautifully.

Please don't feel like you can't do this or your baby will suffer in some way if you go through with your current pregnancy. There is enough room in your heart for both babies, I promise.
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  #12  
March 9th, 2009, 02:04 PM
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My first one was a complete surprise, I was not married, and young...EVERYONE wanted me to abort, and I NEVER regretted having him, he is the light of my life. That is the thing, I don't think you will ever regret having your baby, but you may regret terminating.

I am pro-life, so I won't preach, but your dd won't suffer by having a sibling close in age, they will have such a close bond, and you will get all your baby stages over at the same time.
Follow your heart....things happen for a reason
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  #13  
March 9th, 2009, 09:44 PM
ShawnaCAN's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Listen to your heart. I conceived my second only 3 months after having my first (see my sig). Being pregnant with a little baby was difficult, but not nearly as difficult as life would have been with that empty hole in our lives where Samuel should have been. Those two are great friends, they have a strong bond. Remember that no two other people in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD can give your baby the lifelong gift of a sibling - only you two can do that! The difficult part about having a newborn and a 12 month old passed, that part was only temporary. Losing a baby to abortion is not temporary, it is forever.
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  #14  
March 13th, 2009, 01:26 PM
ShesaDreamer's Avatar If Only. If Only <3
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All I can say is this My DH and his brother are exactly one year apart...BIL was born 7/16 DH 7/21. And my MIL was only 15 when she had her first and her husband was abusive. But she still believes that it happened for a reason. There are no mistakes when it comes to having a child.
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  #15  
March 14th, 2009, 08:22 PM
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Ultimately it's your decision, but I'm really hoping that you keep your baby. Children are such special gifts, and even if you don't want to keep it, there are plenty of couples who would love to adopt a baby.
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  #16  
March 14th, 2009, 08:41 PM
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you are in the end going to do what you want..but me and my brother are both close in age..we are 11 months apart. We were both born in 1984. I have always had my brother to back me up..we were and still are best friends. You know that even at 6 weeks your baby's heart is fluttering and beating away. You know this because you have a 4 month old right now and that baby was once 6 weeks old and its heart had just began to flutter..

Just think long and hard before you make any decision
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  #17  
March 21st, 2009, 12:01 AM
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[QUOTE=aurelia;14712908]I just had a beautiful baby girl on 11th November 2008. She is now almost 4 months and I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant again!

Wow! Its nice to know that I'm not the only one in this boat! I had my son the exact day you had your baby, and I found out the other day that I'm about 4 weeks pregnant. It put me in a horrible position, I am 100% pro-life but I have been contemplating abortion for pretty much the same reasons as you. My baby is my life and he is so young, I just want to get to know him before another life invades our time together. Not only that, I'm a student and my last pregnancy help me back a whole semester of course work, which I am still trying to get caught up on. Another thing is that I had a horrible pregnancy and an even worse recovery. I tore so bad that my stitches didn't heal until 2 months later. We already had so much stuff planned for this year and if I keep the baby, they're all ruined. Which I can get over. But one thing that will be hard is the fact this baby will be due around the same time as my son's birthday. I wanted his 1st birthday to be special, even if he wont remember it, I will and I don't want my memories to be of me possibly going into labor or not being able to do much for him.
I would like to hear from you either way you choose, because this is one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make, and it would be nice to have perspective from someone who REALLY understands.

Last edited by JZL1111; March 21st, 2009 at 12:04 AM.
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  #18  
March 21st, 2009, 08:21 AM
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First off

In my opinion its ALWAYS your opinion Im very pro-life so I disagree completely with abortion. In my eyes a child is a gift whether its sooner than we want it or not. I was not ready for my daughter, I was ready to give up but very quickly she became my EVERYTHING and I couldnt bare the thought of loosing her or giving up for her. Your children will grow up close in age and that makes it all the more fun for them. Hard for you yes most definitely but rewarding all in the same breath! I wish you all the best hang in there hun we are all here for you!
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  #19  
March 21st, 2009, 11:52 AM
Martina's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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[quote=JZL1111;14986774]
Quote:
Originally Posted by aurelia View Post
I just had a beautiful baby girl on 11th November 2008. She is now almost 4 months and I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant again!

Wow! Its nice to know that I'm not the only one in this boat! I had my son the exact day you had your baby, and I found out the other day that I'm about 4 weeks pregnant. It put me in a horrible position, I am 100% pro-life but I have been contemplating abortion for pretty much the same reasons as you. My baby is my life and he is so young, I just want to get to know him before another life invades our time together. Not only that, I'm a student and my last pregnancy help me back a whole semester of course work, which I am still trying to get caught up on. Another thing is that I had a horrible pregnancy and an even worse recovery. I tore so bad that my stitches didn't heal until 2 months later. We already had so much stuff planned for this year and if I keep the baby, they're all ruined. Which I can get over. But one thing that will be hard is the fact this baby will be due around the same time as my son's birthday. I wanted his 1st birthday to be special, even if he wont remember it, I will and I don't want my memories to be of me possibly going into labor or not being able to do much for him.
I would like to hear from you either way you choose, because this is one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make, and it would be nice to have perspective from someone who REALLY understands.


well I personally dont understand why people are so into having such special first birthday (sorry please dont be offended) but I remember my first DD's first birthday, we had a party for her and I had these strong braxton hicks throughout whole party ( I Had to sit down for a long time during the party too ) LOL, and now I remember that as one of the best and funnest parts of that BD for me, my DD has no idea about that BD party (she is 8 now), we look at the pics and I tell them about my contractions and they think that was soooo cool LOL. and say they wish I actually had baby that day
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  #20  
March 26th, 2009, 06:43 PM
Bristol's Mommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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im a lurker here.. but i hope you decide to have your baby. Being so close in age is not a bad thing and you may think you are being unfair to your daughter but being as young as she it would be a little easier to have another baby compared to her being 3 or 4.

when i first got pregnant, am 38 weeks now, i was sooo scared.. unemployed, living at home, and my bf and were having problems. I didnt want my baby for awhile. But now i regret feeling that way towards her and we are making the best out of it and sooo cant wait for her to get here.. I think if you keep her things will work out for you.

good luck.
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