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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 10th, 2006, 08:27 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: NY
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I am 22 years old, I live with my boyfriend of 4 years for 1 year.. we are so happy together and never ever fight.. We were planning on getting married (when he asks!) we even looked for rings! )
I found out a week ago i was almost 6 weeks pregnant (now almost 7).
We have talked and talked and talked and can not come to see eachothers side. I do not want an abortion although thought about it, to wait until we are married with a house of our own and more financialy stable...
He is very very supportive and does everythign for me and asked me how i am feeling like every min (bc he knows i am preg) He said he would love me and the baby and still want to marry me and spend the rest of out lives together if i decided to keep the baby but didnt think it was the best time.. He keeps bring up thqt people who have babies like this tend to get in fights and break up... Howevere he was a child of divorced parents so i think this has a lot to do with why he doesnt want the baby.. And I think he is very scared...
I have been thinking the past few days and I want the baby. He knows how i feel but when i think about telling him my final desision I almost feel bad bc i know it is not what he wants right now.
I havent told my parents yet. I have been thinking about talking to my mom or aunt about it... but they own flower shops and are working all weekend up until Valentines.. (tuesday) so i have to wait til wed but I want to tell my boyfriend that i want it to get it off my mind. I know its not there desision but i would like to hear what they have to say..
Any advice??
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  #2  
February 10th, 2006, 09:12 PM
jennyn's Avatar Veteran
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Don't get an abortion if you don't want one, no matter who else thinks you should! it's your body and your baby, and if you are at all unsure, you will end up regretting an abortion. it sounds like you two have a strong relationship, and that's always in your favor. and just from the tone of your post, i'd bet money that you are going to be a great mom no matter how he feels. btw, nobody has ever been happy when I announced I was pregnant, and things have worked out ok.

also, he should be scared- anyone who is not scared about becoming a parent should not be allowed to. So that could actually be a good thing.
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  #4  
February 10th, 2006, 09:46 PM
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The only thing i keep thinking about it that i would love to have a house and be married.. But that really isnt enough for me to not want the baby..
It is so hard for me to see his side bc i am already attached to the baby. I am excited and happy but sad all at once. Such a hard life changing challenging event!
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  #5  
February 10th, 2006, 10:36 PM
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Could i be so excited to be pregnant and the baby that i am not really thinking about the rest of the whole picture..
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  #7  
February 11th, 2006, 09:38 AM
Mama Melissa's Avatar Bienvenue à Canada
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My situation is quite similar to yours although my relationship with Michael has only been a year and for almost 5 of those months I have been pregnant....I know that you will make the decision that is right and good in your heart....I went through the similar process...but Michael and I decided that our love was strong enough to make it work....and we haven't had a single fight about this....in fact we are through the roof with excitement.....if you need to talk or vent or anything ....we're here!

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  #8  
February 11th, 2006, 10:26 AM
JuneBug2006's Avatar Forever missing Gracie
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I am not sure if I read your post wrong or not, but I do see that you say he is scared (well, all men are)...
But I think I also saw that he is supporting you as well by saying he still loves you, the baby, and wants to marry you. You also mentioned that he said that "timing wasn't right".............

I went through a similar situation with my man.... We have been together for 3 years, although have also been living tog3ether for most of those 3 years...
Neither of us were ready for the baby at the time we learned about our pregnancy because I am currently finishing up 2 university degrees...
Our situation is that we are going to get married, buy a house and what not but we were trying to wait until I finish school...
Now everything happened backwards but it has worked out great!

Go with your gut-feelings. Your situation doesn't seem bad to me at all... Ofcoarse he is going to be afraid and nervous but he will come around. Just keep talking about it and don't keep anything inside....

Keep us updated! Good luck!
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  #9  
February 11th, 2006, 07:16 PM
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Hey hun!
People do say that being pregnant when you're not sure you are ready financially or in the relationship leads to fights and problems, but when I got pregnant, I wasn't even dating the father....we were just "hanging out" as friends. Then, I got pregnant and I didn't want to get rid of the baby so we decided to keep him and try it. We ended up getting married and I have never been happier, we are best friends and our relationship is so strong, so it just goes to show ya, it doesnt matter what the statistics say, you create your own future. If you decide to keep the baby, awesome, you'll learn all you need to, you don't have much of a choice but to be responsible and make the right decisions. If you decide NOt to keep the baby, then that's fine, it's the decision you made, you're the only one who can, not your boyfriend or mom or anyone. In 2004 I had an abortion, it was right for me, the father was an idiot, I was really young and didn't think I could handle the responsibility, and I am happy with my decision....so from the point of view of someone whos aborted and decided to keep the baby, just trust your instinct! Good luck, and let us know what you decide!!!
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  #10  
February 11th, 2006, 07:30 PM
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Above all, go with what you want. Trust on me on this, but just focus on your gut instinct...this will never steer you wrong. Even if you want your baby and your bf doesn't, tell him your decision and create some space, he'll need time for all to set in. Communicate to him why it is important for you to keep your child and what you will expect from him. All men are scared...this is normal. However, just make sure you assert yourself and your needs. Don't allow him to disrespect you. Hope this helps and keep us up-to-date.
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  #11  
February 11th, 2006, 07:41 PM
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i've totally been there and i did get the abortion and i did regret it and still do and exactly one year after the abortion i ended up pregnant again and flat out refussed to get it done again and we both were really scared about how thing would turn out but here we are going on 5yr and 2 1/2 of that has been married and 19m of that has been with a son and 8m of that has been with this prgnancy and 2 1/2 yrs of that has been living in our own place (befor that we lived together at his mom's) but anyways yah it's scary and extreamly exciting at the same time it's been so much fun with our son and now where getting ready for our daughter and couldn't be happier so things do work out and if your not sure about the abortion dont do it i went through some bad depression and drinking all the time and it still bothers me to this day but i just try not to think about it cuz it only upsets me but i don't wish that on any one it's really hard to deal with if it's not something that you really want to do but you do whats right for you and i wish you the best of luck !!!!!
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  #12  
February 12th, 2006, 12:33 AM
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I really appreciate all the support; unfortionatly i told my bf that i was thinking i really wanted to have it and he again seemed to try to "convince me" it isnt the right time.. And now seems to be a little distant from me.. So I am going to make an apt with the clinic.. i will prob regret it and go through depression and the whole thing.. Its the way i am.. i lost my friend in a car accident we were in 4 years ago and still everyday think about it.. It will be hard but how can i have a child that the love of my life doesnt want right now.. We are planning to get maried this year and saving for our house... I wanted to go back to school.. online..
It is not the right time for us, nor do we have the money..
I really appreciate the help from all of you,
I wish you all the best of luck, Thanks again
Hopefully the site will still be around in a few years when WE are ready
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  #13  
February 12th, 2006, 02:08 PM
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If you think that you are going to be that depressed over a termination don't do it. My DH and I were faced with an unplanned pg that neither of us wanted at first. I scheduled a termination and realized that I couldn't go through with it. My DH wasn't happy but understood that it was my body and my decision to make. We're financially secure but already had two older children and didn't want anymore. He wasn't excited about the pg until the end and is now probably closer with this child than he was with the other two. If you do decide that a pregnancy is really out of the question and a termination is the only solution try to speak with a counselor to help you with the depression. I would think that all clinics provide therapy, termination really is a difficult decision and one that isn't taken lightly. Good luck with whatever you feel is best for you.
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  #14  
February 12th, 2006, 06:12 PM
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This is what I think:

I don't even know if I'm pregnant, but fear that I am and have never been pregnant.
However, I do believe that you should follow your heart and obviously, you don't want to have an abortion, so don't. You'll end up resenting yourself if you do something you feel is not right for you or your baby.

Remember that baby is a part of you and you want him/her to have a great life.
With that said, if you guys don't think you could keep the baby and give it the life it deserves, then perhaps you should think of an open adoption or regular adoption.

Otherwise, embrace your pregnancy and give your baby the love he/she deserves. People always have fights. That's a silly reason, or terms, on which to get an abortion. I fight with my fiance, but at the end of the day we love each other and support each other (just like your boyfriend is doing).

He may have said those things b/c he, too, is confused about the situation. But if he didn't care or want that baby he wouldn't be asking you if you were okay every minute of the day! and you know it!

I think you guys should sit down and talk about this more seriously, and you should tell him that you want to keep this baby and that you're not comfortable with the idea of an abortion, he'll understand.

With that said: Go on, girl! And let your voice be heard

I'm such a quack, you guys will love me!
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  #15  
February 12th, 2006, 09:32 PM
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Quote:
Remember that baby is a part of you and you want him/her to have a great life.
With that said, if you guys don't think you could keep the baby and give it the life it deserves, then perhaps you should think of an open adoption or regular adoption.[/b]
I agree with all of what she said but this is what I'd like to emphasize the most. I do not believe you want to get an abortion. Sweetie please please please for your sake don't do it. My first pregnancy was unplanned and I resented it. I had only been with my DH for 2 months at the time. We ended up getting married which I wasn't ready for. I blamed all this on the baby. Then I lost the baby...and I felt like the worst person in the entire world. It wasn't until the ultrasound tech told me that there was no heartbeat that I realized I DID want that baby...but it was too late..it was gone..and I blamed myself for it. Even though the docs said there was nothing I could do to prevent the loss ...I felt it was all my fault. And here you are...there IS something you can do to prevent the loss of this child...you don't HAVE to get an abortion. ESPECIALLY if your first instinct is to keep it. Don't do this to yourself and live with regret. DH and I weren't financially stable either when we got pregnant the second time. We didn't care...we wanted her..and we're still not perfect. We're moving back in with his mom but you know what....we're ok with that. We have this beautiful daughter and we're happy. That's more than we can ask for right now. Things WILL work out.

Follow your heart.
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  #16  
February 12th, 2006, 10:30 PM
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I just want to add my 2 cents worth. If he is truly the "Love of Your Life", he will accept that baby. I can nearly guarantee that he will love that baby just as much as you can. It sounds to me that you could possibly ruin your relationship by doing this. Not only will you regret the decision you made, but you will hold him accountable for it. ---In my opinion. I am just looking at the facts that you have stated.

You might seriously seek some counseling before you make a decision. I believe a woman has the choice, it's her body. If you decide to terminate, it's got to be something YOU want to do.

Trust me...I have 5 kids. 1st one at 18. Life is wonderful. I am married to a wonderful man, we have nice vehicles and a house of our own. There is no reason why you cannot have these things. If you wait until you are ready to have kids, you'll never have them. And trust me...it's true!

Best of luck with your decision. I hope you make the right one for YOURSELF!
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