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I DID SOMETHING REALLY STUPID AND I REGRET IT


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 11th, 2006, 06:04 PM
lilmamaw2's Avatar Veteran
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K" so i'm 8m or 33wks however you want to look at it and i know i've already talked to my hubby and we worked every thing out but i'm so scared what if he feels one way now and different later well i should tell you the sitiuation this sounds really bad and i totally hate my self for it but i cheated on my husband and this lil girl might not be his i was really drunk ( a whole bottle of hurricane by my-self ) well i was mad at my hubby for what ever the reason that night and he left and went to work one of my used to be guy friends stoped by and i was venting and me being totally stupid said "i hate him (my hubby) so much right now i should just go out and cheat on him find someone new" well next thing i know my guy friend is kissing on my neck and i was so drunk i was like what are you doing i'm married he said he's an a** you said yourself you wanted to cheat on him so their i sat with him kissing me and me totally regreating what i knew was about to happen and i was so drunk i just kept saying i shouldn't be doing this i'm married and he kept saying shh... you'll be ok so to make a long story short i found out i was pregnant a month later and it could be my friends that i dont talk to any more or my hubby's my husband was mad at firs and then when i said i'd leave cuz i didnt want to put him through it and i didnt need to go through it while i was pregnat and he said no your my wife and dillon is my son and this baby is my baby weather it is or not dont take that from me you and dillon are my life and i want to be there for my kids so dont leave, and your right i shouldn't call you names we're married and i should treat you like you're my wife cuz i know that never would of happend if you were sober and if you wasn't so mad at me so please stay" so any way i've stayed with him cuz he's the one i love and would never normally do any thing to ever risk loosing he's my life him and dillon me and my hubby have been together for 5yr in may and i'm so scared that when the baby gets here and if she comes out mixed (the guy i cheated w/ is black) that he might realize that this isn't his problem and not something he has to do and bail i know it's my fault but i told him right from the start that if he had any doubts that he had to let me go way back then so i wasnt left with a newborn and a toddler (which i know would never be a problem cuz dillon is his life and he would never do without) but then here i'd have this lil girl who doesn't deserve any of this all because i got drunk and did something so stupid belive me she is totally wanted by me and my husband but i'm just worried that he might change his mind when the reality of it sets in if its not his then what am i gonna do i wont stay with him if he starts doing for my son and leaves her out i'll leave him if that happens i dont think he would but i'm so worried that it might happen that way so any ways thanks for your time and suggestions if you have any on how should i bring this up to him if i even should
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  #3  
February 11th, 2006, 10:11 PM
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wow. well, hello my name is jenny and i'm an alcoholic and an addict. so i know about doing things under the influence that you would never do normally.
i'd say it's a good sign that he knows and still wants to be this baby's daddy either way. sure if the baby is born and is obviously not his, there could be a lot of second thoughts and a huge adjustment period. but there are men who make that adjustment. my ex-dh's step brother married a girl who was pregnant by someone else. she didn't cheat on him, she was pregnant already when they got together, but he still married her and even though they split about ten minutes later, he still signed the birth cerificate as the baby's father even though everybody knew it wasn't true and he is still very involved with "his" little girl, even though he can't even look at her mother anymore and a third party drops the kid off with him and picks her up. not quite the same situation, i know, and definatly not the ending you are hoping for, but i hope it helps just a little bit. . .
talk to your hubby. sometimes it help to hear it just one more time that everything is okay and he still loves you. especially when pregnant.
my thoughts and prayers are with you. . . good luck
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  #5  
February 12th, 2006, 09:40 AM
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I can't really relate to your situation, but I can relate to doing something because you were either under the influence or extremely piping mad. Obviously your bf is extremely understanding about why you did what you did. As far as discussing your fear with him, I honestly dont know what to tell you. I would be exactly where you are with it. I really dont know what I would say or how to do it. All I can tell you is if it is eating you up that badly and you are losing sleep over it, maybe you need to find some courage and talk to him about how you fear it may not be his. As goofy as it sounds take out the calendar and explain it to him technically. I mean, an egg generally is not fertalized until two weeks after your cycle has started. "Confusing, isn't it? But the first day of the last menstrual period is the day from which experts date the start of pregnancy. Ovulation won't take place for another two weeks, so look for Week 3 to be the week you might conceive your baby. " That is from babytalk.com I really hope this helps. You may need to look at the calendar yourself before you talk to him and think really hard about things.
One last thing, don't let your fears and insecurities be what drives you apart.
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  #6  
February 12th, 2006, 12:34 PM
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Did you know that you can get an amnio to see what color the baby is. My friend got that done because she didn't know if it was this black guys baby or a white guys baby. If your husband has already said that he doesn't want to leave you then I'd just leave it at that. If he wanted to leave pretty sure he would've been mad enough to do that when he first found out what you did. Good luck with everything!
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  #8  
February 12th, 2006, 08:35 PM
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i asked him way back when this all came out if he would get a pat. test and he said no he won't cuz he considers the baby his either way but i think i'm gonna talk to him in the morning when he gets home from work cuz this is really bothering me we've already went out and bought her a car seat (it's pink!!!) and a pack-n-play and a swing and a crib and a bouncer(it's pink!!!) and a lot of clothes that so much actually that i don't know if she'll be able to wear all of them so we kinda went overboard on her already so maybe i'm just over reacting cuz why would he spend so much money on her if he didn't want to take care of her like his own and he keeps talking about my daughter this.... and my baby girl that.......and we we're at the BABY R US store the other day and he wouldn't let me pick any thing out for her he said it was his turn to choose that daddy get's to pick out something for her now so maybe i should just let it be not worrie bout it so much cuz he is really involved and everything i guess i'm just worried that he might act different if shes not his but i could be wrong it's just that it's so close to her being here i'm getting worried neither of us has even told any one else that this lil girl could possiable not be jimmys maybe thats what i'm worried about what every one will say to him to hurt his feelings if she's not his and then i don't know what to say to him in that sitiuation all i know is he's excited about Alexa (baby girl) and i hope no one tries to take that from him i think that's when he might change his mind about being so involved and i don't know i'm just worrid and maybe i don't really have a reason to worrie so i think i'll try to forget about all this stuff untill i actually happenes cuz i've had sex with my husband a million and one times compared to the one time that it happened with the other guy so it's probably my husbands anyways and i shouldn't worrie well thanks once again for listening wish me luck!!!
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  #9  
February 13th, 2006, 06:43 AM
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I can totally understand how you feel. I was in that same situation only I waited to late to tell my ex husband. We were 17 (me) and 19 when we got married and I was off at school. During that time he had started hanging out more and was never at home when I called him and I got so mad that I started hanging out with other guys at the school. I met this one guy and we hooked a couple of times and then I went home for th holidays and spent that time with my boyfriend. I got pregnant and realized that there was a possibity of it not being his. Although he said it was okay with hime his mother ended up ruining our relationship. we ended up getting a paternity test and it was not his baby. I got the paternity test after he died( he was schizophrenic) and I got the test afterwards to his mom persisitence. Needless to say she has not called or asked to see him since the reslts came back. I know that if he had been here we would have been okay and would have dealt with this but its okay becaue his mom never really liked me anyway. she told him that I was the type of girl who would get pregnant( what does that mean). But Dont let anyone tear you apart if the results should say otherwise, okay??? If he loves you and is willing then dont let anyone including family his or yours say anything to put doubt or mistrust in his mind. If you and he need counsleing to resolve feeling that may arise that is between you two. If you ever want to talk you can pm me
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  #10  
February 13th, 2006, 11:01 AM
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One thing to remember:

It takes a H*LL of a lot more than just donating sperm to be a father. You dh sounds like a decent guy....try not to worry and give him a chance to prove himself.

Also remember:

You are ALOT stronger than you think! It may not seem like it now, but you can handle anything.....all humans can when forced into a situation (My ex-dh left me with a 1 and 2 yr old dd's for another woman....I didn't think I could do it, but I'm still here...and still raising my children).

Good luck to you and I hope everything works out.
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