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in my opinion if u r having a baby whoever u want to be there should be there. you should invite those who u know really care about u and this baby. those who have supported u and helped u through life should be there. it's up to u to know who has played an active role in your life and will be playing a role in your babys life. if u really like, why not just invite both sets of parents. sometimes the joy of a new baby can help bring families together. if u want to rekindle a relationship that might be a nice way to start by inviting them to participate in the baby's life. But if they start getting out of hand u should be the 1st to warn them that u asked them to participate because u care about them and want them in ur baby's life but if they can't act right or only cause trouble u might have to rethink that idea. Thats my opinion anyway.
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You know better whom you really want to be there for you, and my advice to you will be that take whoever you feel is going to be playing an active role in your baby's life. If the worst came to the worst, take an independent person, like your grandma.
Sweetie, there's a lot more to being a parent than donating eggs or sperm. Even though your adopted mother is giving you trouble right now, she still took care of you and loved you since you were little (I don't know your situation as far as abuse...and there are always two sides to a story). If your bio parents were so great, why did they disappear? ... I can't imagine any kind of excuse in the world that would take me away from my children....even if I couldn't take care of them and had to give them up, I certainly would do what I could to obtain some kind of relationship with them. It sounds like they have a lot of explaining to do.....and you need to work out what happened with them years ago.
It's good that they are contacting you again, but be wary and start things off slowly again. I understand how you feel in that I don't know my real dad....I met him once about 15 years ago and have never spoken to him again. He's a decent man, but I'm basically not a part of his life (though I am his only bio child....he has an adopted one). It's not the end of the world to me....my step-dad has taken care of me since I was a baby and he will always, always be my dad (regardless of genetics).
As far as being worried if your adoptive mom is going to be angry....so what? You are an adult...you have to make your own decisions and decide what's right for you and your unborn child. Tell her what you told us. Don't feel guilty about making her stay....she is an adult and can decide if she wants to do that for herself. Don't feel bad if you want to contact your bio parents....that's your decision and your right.
You are an adult, my dear. You are going to have some hard decisions to make and won't be able to tell if they are right or wrong until a while down the road - just like the rest of us (believe me, I have made some doozies of mistakes....but they also made me who I am today and I wouldn't change it for the world). Be confident in yourself and your abilities....you are a lot stronger than you think!
I love my 3 girls and little boy:
Mom to Jessica - 19 yrs old, Amber - 18 yrs old, Sebastian - 2 months