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Dad to be claiming it's not his


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
May 23rd, 2009, 11:26 AM
Alison81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New York
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I'm 11 weeks pregnant now, and for the past week the dad to be has gotten back together with his exgirlfriend, and is claiming the baby isn't his. Now I know, and I know he knows, that it is his. I didn't sleep with anyone else. He is telling his family and his girlfriend that he used a condom so it can't be his (and he never once used a condom, fyi). His step mom knows me, and I talk to her, and she knows me and knows it has to be his. It has me really furious that he's doing this. He stopped talking to me a week ago, saying I should leave him alone since the baby isn't his, blah, blah, blah. His girlfriend still texts me, trying to see if he's with me when she can't find him, or to ask if he's talked to me. She wants to get pregnant too, which is just wonderful, so he'll have two kids to support. She was pregnant a year ago but had an abortion. He wanted me to have one too, but I am keeping the baby, and knew I was the moment I got the positive pregnancy test. We work together, but don't even make eye contact anymore, it's such a mess, and I am so mad at him for being such a jerk about this.

I'm just wondering if anyone else went through this? I was good friends with him before we slept together and I got pregnant, and I know he'll regret not being there but there's not much I can do. I already told him and his girlfriend that I can't worry about him, as I have to take care of myself. And how do I go about ordering a paternity test for when the baby's born? With him being a jerk, I really want to start filing the paper work for child support as soon as I can, but not sure if I can do that if he denies that it's his. I know he doesn't have to sign the birth certificate if he doesn't think it's his, but will he be put on the birth certificate once it's determined that it is his? I am so clueless, and hope he just gets himself together so I don't have to deal with this, but want to be prepared.
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  #2  
May 23rd, 2009, 12:40 PM
anthiaz77's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Colorado
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I don't know about the state of New York but in Colorado we have a child support services that we can go to and you fill out alot of paperwork and they can get the courts involved to order the paternity test and help with child support. I am sorry that I don't have much else to give you on that. My situation is different I was dating the father of my baby we were just friends with benefits. He is not denying the baby right now he is waiting to see what I am going to do since I told him I don't know I need time to think about it. But defiantly look at talking to a child support agency and see what they can do to help and get the ball rolling.
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  #3  
May 23rd, 2009, 04:03 PM
ThatGirl's Avatar Rawr.
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I'm not sure about New York either. I know that at my first interview at my Doctors office they asked if there were any paternity issues so maybe they could point you in the right direction. Here in Michigan they offer the father a DNA test at the time of delivery but if he's not there it could be a problem. Also when you file for child support they give the father a DNA test.

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with this during what should be a joyful time. I have to say that I would like to kick him in the shin for you.
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  #4  
May 25th, 2009, 04:50 PM
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I believe that you just need to contact the child support division of your county and they should give you the paperwork you need to fill out. The Attorney General will probably end up suing him for paternity and they will force him to take a DNA test when your baby is born. Once the test proves that he is the father his name will go on the birth certificate whether he likes it or not.

I'm very sorry that you're going through this and I hope that things work out well.
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  #5  
July 2nd, 2009, 10:32 AM
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Im sorry you are having to face this. I would get a paternity test and then start the process to get child support in the State you live in. He can deny all he wants but when the test shows the baby is his he will have to pay!
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  #6  
July 2nd, 2009, 05:03 PM
sara~b's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sorry he's such a butt Ali. In PA, I just filed for child support through domestic relations at the local courthouse. Since Gem's dad didn't sign the birth certificate a paternity test was automatically ordered. It cost about $150 which he had to pay (I ended up agreeing to pay half). Once the results came back we went back to court to finalize the child support and arrears (back support). It took until Gemma was almost 8 months old though so I would check and see if you can start the paperwork before the baby is born just to speed up the process. GL!
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  #7  
July 15th, 2009, 08:42 PM
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Ha ha I don't mean to laugh but i was once told never get your honey where you make your money. This was told to me by my sons father with whom i worked with at the time i got pregnant. He did the same thing yours is doing now. The women here are right all state have a child support divison . Are you on any form of gov assistance ??? If you are the state will take your Paternity case over it may take awhile mine took 2 years. If he still says he is not the father then i think the state will pay for a blood test after that you tend to go to court to set child support . He is added to the birth certificate by the state. If you can later on get him to sign a ROP if he wont sign the birth certificate it will help speed along the process but it useally takes awhile.
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  #8  
July 15th, 2009, 11:06 PM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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Oh wow isn't he a real piece of work!! I'm really sorry he's putting you through all this. I'm from Australia so I can't help with what to do but I wanted to wish you the best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and everything that is too follow
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  #9  
July 15th, 2009, 11:06 PM
melshipp's Avatar Co-Host of Single Mommies
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Hi, Im just lurking, but thought I could help a little. I filed for child support when my baby was 1 month old, and now at 10 months I still havent recieved any money. File for support as soon as you can cause it does take awhile. Here in California it is possible to file while still pg. My childs father does not deny his son, but because he wasn't there to sign the birth certificate they are demanding some form of proof of paternity. FOB either has to sign a declaration of paternity, or get a DNA test.
It doesn't matter how much he denies being the father cause they will make him take the test and give you the financial support you and your baby need. Good Luck!
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  #11  
July 18th, 2009, 09:41 AM
gsmommy03's Avatar Regular
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What a jerk! I really feel for you! It's like some kind of Maury episode! YOU ARE THE FATHER! Anyways, but yeah, after the baby is born, in Ohio anyways, they'll do a paternity and see if it's his and then he'll have to pay child support. His new girlfriend is a half whit also! He did this to you, she don't think he'll do the same to her?!? He sounds so immature to me. I hope everything works out for you. And you'll find a real man who would love and take care of you and his responsibilities!
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  #12  
July 21st, 2009, 08:19 PM
Alison81's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Thanks everyone. Well, he still is convinced it's not his. He doesn't understand that doctor's count the first day of pregnancy as the first day of your period. It's frustrating. I found out that if there is a paternity issue, they can test the baby and the dad right at the hospital, so I agreed to do that. The sooner he knows, the better. I just feel like he's missing out, and he's gonna regret it.
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  #13  
July 21st, 2009, 11:12 PM
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I don't have much to add, but in Colorado where I live, I was offered a paternity test when my daughter was born. My ex and I were not married, and it kind of seems like they had the "Oh look, more young parents" attitude with me. But besides that, they offered a paternity test before he signed the birth certificate, and he waived the right to a test (he knew **** well it was his child.) Once he signed that birth certificate, he was legally bound to her.

Perhaps when the baby is born they can court order a paternity test to try to get the ball rolling?
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