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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 26th, 2006, 12:58 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: chicopee ma
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just venting to let things off my shoulders...so here i am sitting at my computer being bored as heck when i remembered when i first found out i was pregnant and told my boyfriend..he actually said that we should talk about abortion...crazy right?!?!? i said ok even though i new that i would never do it...when i met him in the car i couldnt even talk about it! in my mind i new it was wrong and was pissed off at him for wanting to even talk about it! so i asked him what did he want and answered rudely the same question...he even went as far as giving me asite with people who had one and didnt regret it!!! its imnotsorry. till this day he still pisses me the hell off...he makes me so mad i hate thinking about him sometimes...he so self centered and only worries about things in his life like his daughter..all he says is " i dont wanna hurt my daughter" "she comes first" "how am i gonna spend time with both of them" i even went as far as ordering a book for him (thanks brig!!!) i have my ultrasound this week and he isnt even going!! why because he doesnt even care and i bet he isnt even going to ask about it. heck he probably doesnt even remember!!!..if he doesnt care now he isnt gonna care when our baby is here or should i say my baby since he never really wanted it anyways...he thinks that moms own their kids and bla bla bla he looks at everything the wrong way just because his ex is so messed up doesnt mean every women on this freakin planet is.. i feel like im gonna explode..when i told him that i had twitchy feelings and it might be the baby all he said was "it might be" why not be supportive for once and say something nice and not change the subject...next time he says anything about his daughter im telling him off no more miss nice girl im so sick of it...if he even takes anything out on me one more time like he did valentines day hes gone...the one day he could be nice was valentines day but no he had to start all this crap about taking off and never coming back i ended up telling him to stop threatening and just go...then the next day he expects everything is back to normal and i forgive him and wanted to mess around (sorry a little tmi)...i use to be really sad but now im more mad then sad...he'll probably be the same way once the baby comes..im glad i have my mom shes great..shes the one thats coming with me to my ultrasound and she has done everything..sorry if its long..i just needed to vent..
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  #2  
February 26th, 2006, 01:23 PM
jewll27's Avatar Veteran
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you vent all you want!! Thats why this board is here for support!!! Im sorry hes being such an a-hole!!! you deserve to be happy about this baby!! your mom sounds like a great person!!! Good luck with your U/S this week and be sure to ream that guy out if he starts again and dont stop till all you need to say to him is out!!! We'll be here to help!!!!!!!!!!
sarah
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  #3  
February 26th, 2006, 01:40 PM
irishxrose
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I'm sorry. I know how you feel. The last time I thought I was pregnant, Jason wouldn't stop talking about abortion, and we ended up breaking up over it. I wasn't, but we needed that little break. Now he's SO excited about this pregnancy, and he actually comes with me to all my ultrasounds, and he loves it. I really hope your guy turns around. I know that Jason wasn't really excited about it until he saw Joshua on the ultrasound... and Joshua started kicking and Jason started crying.

I hope he goes, and I hope it changes his mind.
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  #4  
February 26th, 2006, 04:11 PM
SuperTwins's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That is what I call a "Sperm Donor". It takes a real man to be a dad. The father of my first child was the same way. His parents actually threatened me to try to get me to have an abortion. I asked them, do you really want your grandchild growing up knowing that you wanted them killed? I said the same thing to the biological father, he shut up instantly because he knew I would do it and then he would be stuck explaining to the child why he wanted them dead. I ended up finding out when my daughter was 2 1/2 that he had another girl pregnant at the same time as me! Jerk! My husband is my daughters father, he was there when she was born, said her first word, took her first steps, everything. You don't need him. God, that is so what I went through 4 years ago! Please, if it is one thing I learned there are better men out there that would be thrilled to be apart of your pregnancy and your life. You deserved someone who wants to be there.
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  #5  
February 26th, 2006, 05:43 PM
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My fiance pulled the abortion crap when I first found out that I was preggers. He said "If you don't have an abortion I'm leaving you." I said "Well it's good to know that the man I'm going to marry doesn't love me, and your ***** will be slapped with massive child support. So go ahead, leave!" Needless to say he's still here. He just said he was trying to threaten me to have an abortion. I'm really sorry that your bf is being such a jerk about ya'lls baby. I mean, it's your first child and he needs to understand that. And if he has brothers and sisters (especially if he's not the oldest) say to him "Would you have liked it if your father said to hell with the rest of you after your older sibling were born?" Anyways, good luck on your u/s. Dont' forget to tell us how far along you are!!!
Northcutt2Be
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  #6  
February 26th, 2006, 06:43 PM
JuneBug2006's Avatar Forever missing Gracie
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I am sorry to hear that your boyfriend is acting that way.
I kind of went through the same thing for a little while but something happened and everything changed for the better........

Take your coat off and stay a while, we are definately here to give you whatever support you may need in your journey!
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  #7  
February 26th, 2006, 07:13 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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thanks u guys!! u guys always make me feel better..ill def keep everyone updated and let u guys no how my ultrasound went...im excited...im actually wanna see if he remembers or even ask me about it! i think itll be funny..
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  #8  
February 27th, 2006, 06:16 AM
Pharry's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
That is what I call a "Sperm Donor". It takes a real man to be a dad. The father of my first child was the same way. His parents actually threatened me to try to get me to have an abortion. I asked them, do you really want your grandchild growing up knowing that you wanted them killed? I said the same thing to the biological father, he shut up instantly because he knew I would do it and then he would be stuck explaining to the child why he wanted them dead. I ended up finding out when my daughter was 2 1/2 that he had another girl pregnant at the same time as me! Jerk! My husband is my daughters father, he was there when she was born, said her first word, took her first steps, everything. You don't need him. God, that is so what I went through 4 years ago! Please, if it is one thing I learned there are better men out there that would be thrilled to be apart of your pregnancy and your life. You deserved someone who wants to be there.[/b]
This is so so true, and really after suffering the last 8 months at the hands of a selfish guy, have decided that me and my baby are really better off. Have tried holding on in the hope that he will change but they never really do. He must learn to prioritise you as well, and if he can't then maybe you just have to accept that he really does not want this. Its like me, have just maintained contact for the sake of the baby, but have stopped giving him priority in my life. If he is unfeeling and not sensitive to your needs, then to hell with him. It really pisses me off that the guys pretend like this baby happened all because we wanted it, and because we are carrying the kids, its our problem to worry about. It drives me mad.
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  #9  
February 27th, 2006, 12:51 PM
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Biggest hugs to you sweetie!!!

What I'm not understanding about your guy is why he's soooo determined to be a good dad to his daughter (so "good" in fact that he'd hide her little sibling from her and not prepare her for what's coming) and yet, with this one, he's taking the "bad dad" approach. For someone who cares so darn much about what his kid thinks of him, he sure as heck doesn't seem to care at all about what this one will think of him when she/he is old enough to think it.
Honey, this is what I think you should do (i know I say this everytime, but I'll say it again: you don't have to take this advice at all if you don't want to):
Ask him just this one simple question: " (his name here), do you plan on being there for this baby just as much as you are for your daughter?" If his response is anything but a "yes", reply with this: "Then you don't deserve me, or this baby until you do."

And that's it. I know you love him, and you want things to work, but if he can't answer yes to this, then you need to leave and leave quickly. Make sure you tell him you're keeping the door open for him if he does choose to have a relationship with the baby (because trust me, the last thing you want to do is be anything like his ex), but until he stops ranking his children in order of importance in his life, he's not meant to be a dad to this one just yet. A good father loves ALL of his children just the same regardless of who came first, and gives them each the same amount of priority/care. Anything less than that just plain isn't good enough.
You're going to be a wonderful, extraordinary, MAGNIFICENT mommy with or without him...so if all he's doing is dragging you down with his favortism games, he needs to go! And if he should come around later, then great! You guys can maybe give the relationship another go, and he can see baby all he wants, ect...But in the meantime, let him be selfish and a jerk and play favorites ON HIS OWN. You don't need it, nor do you want it. Like you said, no more miss nice girl! And just remember, if you two break up, you won't be single forever! You're sooooo great, you'll be able to find a real man who will treat you like a real lady, and will love your child as his own regardless of the fact that he isn't the biological daddy. You're better than this Sandy, and you deserve soooo much better from other ppl. Good luck and email me anytime!! btaillefer101@hotmail.com
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  #10  
February 28th, 2006, 06:40 AM
jennyn's Avatar Veteran
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