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  #1  
February 28th, 2006, 03:54 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 36
Hey guys -
I decided to join, I figured I'd need someone to talk to that would understand what's going on.
I'm the mother of a 10 year old... I'm only 25, so you can tell, I had her when I was 16 - it's been hard, but wonderful.
Now, I'm pregnant again. My sister had gotten pregnant recently and had to get married, so because of that I've been paranoid about my pill and haven't missed any at all!
I've been in my relationship about a year and a half - with the knowledge that at the end of August, when he gets his phd, he is going to leave this city and me to find a job and that would be the end of that.
I love him a lot, not sure of his feelings, but know he cares greatly for me and my family and loves my daughter.
There is no job within 300 miles in his field. We've never talked of a future past August - merely admitting that we'll miss each other greatly.
I'm scared to death to tell him what's happened.
I don't want to see people's faces who think that I've been irresponsible when I haven't.
I don't want to hear him say I'm trying to trap him to get him to stay here with me, since I'd already accepted his leaving and I would never marry him because children alone are a bad reason to get married, I think.
I don't want to put my daughter in a bad position, as I've been fighting her father and his evil wife for a few years over custody, and as selfish as it sounds, I really hate the idea that my dreams for a home and a complete family are shot to hell because of a few supersperm and bad bc.

I just don't know how to tell him. That's the scariest part. He's a wonderful man and the most responsible person I know - I don't know how to tell him that for us, that wasn't enough this time.
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  #2  
February 28th, 2006, 04:19 PM
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well you said that he is getting his phd any one with an education know that birth control is not 100% accurate at preventing pregnancys. It wont be easy to tell him but you have to who knows maybe he will be excited you dont know untill you tell him. I would say you know how there is like that .1% chance to get pregnant while on the pill tell him well we are part of the .1% has he said anything about wanting children some day or anything to that matter. Dont you wish it was always easy telling people that your pregnant. well hope this helped some good luck
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  #3  
February 28th, 2006, 04:34 PM
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lol, but his scientific mind is not going to accept that. He'll want answers and a plan and I can't give that all to him. I mean, I only make $25,000 a year and it's already tight with my oldest. I have no idea how to do two children on my budget.
He's going to hate that.
I must admit that I really just don't want to see that look on his face - I know it's going to be horrible. And his family's reaction?! Om goodness. His mother already disapproves of me because I'm a single mom, this is only going to make things fun.
I'm so scared - nothing like I was when I was younger and tons more stupid.
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  #4  
February 28th, 2006, 04:42 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: chicopee ma
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its not your fault that the birth control failed.he needs to accept the fact that he has a blessing on the way and i hope he is happy and excited about it..maybe he wont be at first but id try and give him time and hopefully he'll come around and be there for u and the baby. there are alot of single mothers out there and there just as great as a mother who is married..i give u alot of credit being a single mother! id try not to let it worry u about what she(his mom) thinks..i hope things work out for u and we're all here for u if u ever need to talk! please keep us updated!
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  #5  
February 28th, 2006, 05:07 PM
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Quote:
lol, but his scientific mind is not going to accept that. He'll want answers and a plan and I can't give that all to him. I mean, I only make $25,000 a year and it's already tight with my oldest. I have no idea how to do two children on my budget.
He's going to hate that.
I must admit that I really just don't want to see that look on his face - I know it's going to be horrible. And his family's reaction?! Om goodness. His mother already disapproves of me because I'm a single mom, this is only going to make things fun.
I'm so scared - nothing like I was when I was younger and tons more stupid.[/b]
What kind of questions will he have you know your pregnant, you know that you took your pill everyday. Are you against/for abortion share that with him. did you just find out if so there are not to many plans that you can have. When he asks well what is your plan just say well thats why i told you its our child and WE need to plan.

Why is it that the woman always has to have a plan before they tell the father its equally his responsibility he activly participated in sex. Oh and about his mom, im sorry she needs to get over herself im sure she is a great woman but disaproving of you because your a single mom its really not the end of the world. Plus her son is grown he can and does make his own decisions.

I know it will be hard but it has to be done just know that your not stupid at all and dont ever think that!!! i mean it. You dont need a detailed plan you just need to know where you stand on the whole thing and that you both are a couple and both of you need to be aprt of the decision making process.
Who cares how his family reacts, yea they will be surprised but in the end there is nothing they or yo ucan do to take back what is already done.

you can do it i know you can might be a chalenge but hopefully you and him can come up with a plan that you both like.
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  #6  
February 28th, 2006, 05:39 PM
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Part of his problem is going to be feeling like it's his responsibility to stay, but being unable to help financially if he does, because there are absolutely no jobs here for him. That would be a huge blow to the manhood of a very responsible man.
I doubt we'll end up as a couple because I can see a lot of things being said in the initial discussions that would ruin that, and I can't see him not at least subconsciously blaming me because i was the one on bc.
He'll want to know how far I am along, how it's going to hurt my heart problems, what i'm going to do about a place to live (my daughter and I moved back home 6 months ago to save money for a house.) - things like that.
We're both very Catholic, I converted and he's a lifer - which is why I think his mom will have a problem with it... until me, she thought he was a virgin! They live 6 hours away outside of NOLA and so we don't see them much. I'm afraid they would insist on marriage and I'd have to say no.
I love him, but I wouldn't want to get married just because of pregnancy and he'd never be able to believe if I said yes that I wasn't trying to get him in that way at least in a small part.
So.
How do you tell someone, 'Hey hon, sorry, but I'm pregnant?'
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  #7  
February 28th, 2006, 05:55 PM
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Well almost anyone with a phd is well their way to earning a very nice income. If you could do make it as a single mom, why can't you BOTH make it as parents of two? That would be the argument I would make if he takes it badly. And sweety, if you've managed to make it work once before, you'll be more than capable of making it work again if you have to, by yourself.
I hope for your sake that he does take the news well, and that he will be a man about the whole thing and do what's right.
I say just tell him as soon as possible. The sooner you know his reaction, the sooner you can go about planning the rest of this pregnancy and what's to come after. You'll have a better idea of how things will play out once you know how he feels about it.
Congrats on the new beaner! We're always here to talk! Keep us posted on what he says! I'll be thinking of you, praying that everything goes well!
Take care!!!
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  #8  
February 28th, 2006, 06:23 PM
jewll27's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Part of his problem is going to be feeling like it's his responsibility to stay, but being unable to help financially if he does, because there are absolutely no jobs here for him. That would be a huge blow to the manhood of a very responsible man.
I doubt we'll end up as a couple because I can see a lot of things being said in the initial discussions that would ruin that, and I can't see him not at least subconsciously blaming me because i was the one on bc.
He'll want to know how far I am along, how it's going to hurt my heart problems, what i'm going to do about a place to live (my daughter and I moved back home 6 months ago to save money for a house.) - things like that.
We're both very Catholic, I converted and he's a lifer - which is why I think his mom will have a problem with it... until me, she thought he was a virgin! They live 6 hours away outside of NOLA and so we don't see them much. I'm afraid they would insist on marriage and I'd have to say no.
I love him, but I wouldn't want to get married just because of pregnancy and he'd never be able to believe if I said yes that I wasn't trying to get him in that way at least in a small part.
So.
How do you tell someone, 'Hey hon, sorry, but I'm pregnant?'[/b]

you say to him, "honey, we need to talk. Theres no easy way to say this...I'm pregnant." It sounds like he needs to rationalize and make sense of everything and the truth is theres no easy way to tell anyone. IT seems like being honest and up front with him is going to be the best way to handle it. You shouldnt have to get married if you dont want to, I also agree that marriage isnt a solution for an unplanned pregnancy. You will figure out what you need to do to make everything work!!
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  #9  
February 28th, 2006, 07:38 PM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 36
I hate to say it, but I hope that as well. It's cheesy, but he's my best friend and the person I lean on - even if we weren't lovers, we'd be friends and I can't imagine going through this without him.
At the same time, I wonder how we'd ever make it with the options available to us.
I can't move, he can't stay.

Thanks though!

And you're right, there is no easy way to say that. Lol, I can almost hear the generic '***?' comment that he uses to question everything.

Just as long as he doesn't cry. He's such the alpha male type that he doesn't even believe in showing emotions unless it's funerals or well... funerals. If he fell apart, I think I'd probably just die.
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  #10  
March 1st, 2006, 05:41 AM
jewll27's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
I hate to say it, but I hope that as well. It's cheesy, but he's my best friend and the person I lean on - even if we weren't lovers, we'd be friends and I can't imagine going through this without him.
At the same time, I wonder how we'd ever make it with the options available to us.
I can't move, he can't stay.

Thanks though!

And you're right, there is no easy way to say that. Lol, I can almost hear the generic '***?' comment that he uses to question everything.

Just as long as he doesn't cry. He's such the alpha male type that he doesn't even believe in showing emotions unless it's funerals or well... funerals. If he fell apart, I think I'd probably just die.[/b]

If he feels the same way about you (youre his best friend) you two will find a way to make it work no matter what. and maybe it if he does break down and cry he will allow emotion to help in the decision making rather than all logic and reason. My boyfriend trys all the time to make decisions rationally and logically and never lets emotion play a part and Im the total opposite, so I can understand why you are so afriad. I dont know, but I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. PLease dont hestitate to post on her for support and let us know how it goes!!!
sarah
PS- if you need to talk, you can get me on AIM jewLL27
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  #11  
March 1st, 2006, 05:41 AM
Pharry's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
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First and foremost, you have to realise that the most important thing you have to do is let him know. I know that its scary and all, but I also believe that its very selfish to not let him know that is what is going on. Its YOUR child and that means you make a plan together. Hear him out, his response might surprise you. We all fear the unknown, but let him know and then you can make a plan afterwards instead of beating yourself up for nothing. Hope that it will work out.
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  #12  
March 7th, 2006, 02:44 PM
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and I am going to let him know - just after the first appt. Which is Thursday... it seems a lot closer than it did when I made it a week ago!

Jewll27 - I don't know what your name is, but my aim is snpdragn - feel free for any of you to find me anytime.
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