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I dont no whether to have this baby or not! im so confused!


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
March 2nd, 2006, 08:19 PM
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Hiya guys,

i am so scared becuase i am pregnant and it is totally unplanned! i just dont feel like this is my life. i feel in denial and i really dont know wat to do. i feel like i have been so dumb. i have been the dumbest person in the world becuase me and my boyfriend thought it would be okay to use the pull-out technique when we didnt have a condom and now im pregnant. i cant beleive how stupid ive been.
im the worst person at making decisions in the world and now ive got the biggest one of all to make. im only 19 and if i have this baby it feels as if my life will be over. i really want a child so much. it is something i definatly see in my future but not right now! and not with this guy. We have only been going out for about a month! And im at Uni! i havent told anyone yet. i feel like a storm cloud is hanging over me. i cant sleep and i cant think. i start thinking about this problem when i should be concentrating in class! its already wrecking my life and i feel totally lost. i felt like this is the sort of thing that would never happen to me. For that thought and my stupid actions i feel even dumber and foolish and ashamed. i cant tell my family. And im scared ill go down in some of my friends opinions too.
im going to tell one of my friends because when we were younger we talked about what we would do if we ever got pregnant to young. And we both said straight away we'd have an abortion for sure. i know she still feels that way so strongly so she wont judge me if i have an abortion.
im so scared though. i always feel like i do the wrong thing when at the time it seems like the right thing to do. What if i make that mistake again?

Please help me and give me ur support and advice i will value it greatly
katy xx
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  #2  
March 2nd, 2006, 08:25 PM
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Go see a counsellor. Then if you can talk it over with your mom. This is one of the BIGGEST decisions of your life & another's life so take your time & make the ebst decision. There is always adoption. (((HUGS)))
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  #3  
March 3rd, 2006, 02:48 AM
Pharry's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Whilst I am all for people to make the decisions that best suit them, it pains me that for most girls, abortion seems to be a quick fix to an unplanned pregnancy . The truth of the matter is that in this case you really have to do what you know that at the end of the day you can live with. Take it from me, abortion is not as easy a solution as it is made out to be. there are a lot of factors that accompany it, but then i don't want to be forcing down my opinions down your throat. you really need to talk to someone who can help you make an objective decision, instead of your friend, because am sure that she will most probably tell you what you want to hear. However, like I said, this is a decision that you have to make on your own, and do it with the knowledge that it is something that you have to make peace with and live with for the rest of your life. You can still go to Uni later, after all, at 19, you still have your whole life in front of you.

Don't worry about what people will think abt you, cause they will always venture an opinion, welcome or not. Good luck, and I hope that the decision that you will make will enable you to look at yourself in the mirror every morning, and be proud of you and the decisions that you have made and the choices that you will have made.

Take it easy.
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  #4  
March 3rd, 2006, 03:18 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Whilst I am all for people to make the decisions that best suit them, it pains me that for most girls, abortion seems to be a quick fix to an unplanned pregnancy . The truth of the matter is that in this case you really have to do what you know that at the end of the day you can live with. Take it from me, abortion is not as easy a solution as it is made out to be. there are a lot of factors that accompany it, but then i don't want to be forcing down my opinions down your throat. you really need to talk to someone who can help you make an objective decision, instead of your friend, because am sure that she will most probably tell you what you want to hear. However, like I said, this is a decision that you have to make on your own, and do it with the knowledge that it is something that you have to make peace with and live with for the rest of your life. You can still go to Uni later, after all, at 19, you still have your whole life in front of you.

Don't worry about what people will think abt you, cause they will always venture an opinion, welcome or not. Good luck, and I hope that the decision that you will make will enable you to look at yourself in the mirror every morning, and be proud of you and the decisions that you have made and the choices that you will have made.

Take it easy.[/b]
i agree with it..its something you need to think about rather then a yes or a no quickly.. talk with someone other then your friend.. there are alot of people that have unplanned pregnancy and end up keeping the baby and are still able to return back to college but i wish u the best of luck in whatever u decide to do.
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  #5  
March 3rd, 2006, 04:13 AM
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Quote:
Whilst I am all for people to make the decisions that best suit them, it pains me that for most girls, abortion seems to be a quick fix to an unplanned pregnancy . The truth of the matter is that in this case you really have to do what you know that at the end of the day you can live with. Take it from me, abortion is not as easy a solution as it is made out to be. there are a lot of factors that accompany it, but then i don't want to be forcing down my opinions down your throat. you really need to talk to someone who can help you make an objective decision, instead of your friend, because am sure that she will most probably tell you what you want to hear. However, like I said, this is a decision that you have to make on your own, and do it with the knowledge that it is something that you have to make peace with and live with for the rest of your life. You can still go to Uni later, after all, at 19, you still have your whole life in front of you.

Don't worry about what people will think abt you, cause they will always venture an opinion, welcome or not. Good luck, and I hope that the decision that you will make will enable you to look at yourself in the mirror every morning, and be proud of you and the decisions that you have made and the choices that you will have made.

Take it easy.[/b]
I agree with this too.

There are lots of pros and cons depending on the situation you're in ... when you're thinking about it hon ... all I can say is to please try and see the bigger picture.

I know you're young and you have your plans, but really it doesn't mean your life has ended (except in the way you know it right now), it could also mean that life is now beginning in a whole new way which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I hope you keep posting if you need support ... I'm thinking of you k?.

xxx Lisa xxx
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  #6  
March 3rd, 2006, 04:24 AM
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Quote:
Whilst I am all for people to make the decisions that best suit them, it pains me that for most girls, abortion seems to be a quick fix to an unplanned pregnancy . The truth of the matter is that in this case you really have to do what you know that at the end of the day you can live with. Take it from me, abortion is not as easy a solution as it is made out to be. there are a lot of factors that accompany it, but then i don't want to be forcing down my opinions down your throat. you really need to talk to someone who can help you make an objective decision, instead of your friend, because am sure that she will most probably tell you what you want to hear. However, like I said, this is a decision that you have to make on your own, and do it with the knowledge that it is something that you have to make peace with and live with for the rest of your life. You can still go to Uni later, after all, at 19, you still have your whole life in front of you.

Don't worry about what people will think abt you, cause they will always venture an opinion, welcome or not. Good luck, and I hope that the decision that you will make will enable you to look at yourself in the mirror every morning, and be proud of you and the decisions that you have made and the choices that you will have made.

Take it easy.[/b]

I agree.

Go see a counselor! Abortion has serious side effects. I am not trying to tell you what to do, but I don't think some girls realize how bad it effects you for the rest of your life. Consider all sides first, like adoption. I had my first baby at 19 yrs old, so I know how scary it can be. We are here for you if you need us.

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  #7  
March 3rd, 2006, 05:28 AM
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I agree with everyone else that you should see a counsler and think about your options. Abortion is an option but I would advise you to think about it. It can't be undone and you'll have to live with that decision. If you decide that it is the option for you, then good luck. I would like to add that I think you should discuss this with friends or family. I am only 21 and I just had my first child. I am still in college, prepping for grad school. When I found out I was pregnant, I felt the same way as you. I felt like life would just be about my child, but I found that I could do both. I had my moments of doubt and my life is much more busy, but it is worth it to me. I think you should take the time you need to think this over and you should probably discuss it with your boyfriend because its his baby too. Also, if you don't want an abortion, adoption might be an option. You could have an open adoption where you would still be able to keep track of your baby's life. You have many options. You just have to pick the best one for you. I know pregnancy is scary especially when its unplanned. Good luck though. I hope you figure it out. And remember, you can always come here for advice.
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  #9  
March 3rd, 2006, 10:12 AM
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Quote:
Whilst I am all for people to make the decisions that best suit them, it pains me that for most girls, abortion seems to be a quick fix to an unplanned pregnancy . The truth of the matter is that in this case you really have to do what you know that at the end of the day you can live with. Take it from me, abortion is not as easy a solution as it is made out to be. there are a lot of factors that accompany it, but then i don't want to be forcing down my opinions down your throat. you really need to talk to someone who can help you make an objective decision, instead of your friend, because am sure that she will most probably tell you what you want to hear. However, like I said, this is a decision that you have to make on your own, and do it with the knowledge that it is something that you have to make peace with and live with for the rest of your life. You can still go to Uni later, after all, at 19, you still have your whole life in front of you.

Don't worry about what people will think abt you, cause they will always venture an opinion, welcome or not. Good luck, and I hope that the decision that you will make will enable you to look at yourself in the mirror every morning, and be proud of you and the decisions that you have made and the choices that you will have made.

Take it easy.[/b]
I agree as well.. This decision is probably going to be the hardest and biggest of your life, and you need to consider ALL of your options before you decide what you're going to do.. When I was pregnant, me and my boyfriend went to see an options conselour (sp?), it helped us A LOT. We were really considering adoption throughout the whole pregnancy, but in the end we decided to keep the baby. Its difficult, don't get me wrong.. I never imagined that it would be this hard because there's no more just me and my boyfriend, our daughter is always going to be there.. Sometimes its rough, but I love her more then anything and I wouldn't want my life any other way..

I know how you feel about school, and it may seem like your life is over, but another way to look at it is its just beginning.. Maybe this wasn't what you wanted right now, but its here and it happened for a reason. Please, make sure you consider all of your options before deciding and make sure its the right one for you, and ONLY you.. Not your friend, or your boyfriend. Its your body and ultimately in the end, your choice.. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or believes, follow your heart. Good-luck with everything, I hope it all works out the way you would like it too.

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  #10  
March 3rd, 2006, 11:02 AM
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Hey sweetie. Big hugs! Support is one of the biggest things you need right now. Well, you've got mine!
Take it from someone who's had an abortion before...It's not as easy as it sounds. If you think you feel bad and guilty now, wait until you wake up from the procedure already in tears about how unsure you feel, and now it's too late to turn back. Please dont' let this scare you. This is just reality. After 3 years since I went through with it, while I still feel guilty and horrible about it, I do feel a bit of reassurance that it was best for me at the time. But you have to know that it does come with some serious stuff you never thought you'd have to deal with at the time. I totally agree with everyone in saying that the decision you make is one that you're going to have to live with at the end of the day. If you dont' think you can go through the grief of losing your baby, or the guilt you may feel after, then you already know an abortion is not the way to go.
Remember there are other options such as adoption. You may find some peace in knowing it can be an open adoption where you have the right to visit and get updates and pics. And also that you brought a huge amount of joy for a family who can't have any of their own. But this decision may not be one that you could live with either, and thus, you've come back to perhaps making it work and keeping the baby. either way, you have to look at everything in all angles and find out which one suits you the most.
And remember you're not alone! If you need to talk you can email me btaillefer101@hotmail.com I'm always around to lend an ear!
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  #11  
March 3rd, 2006, 04:01 PM
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I just wanted to tell you that I have been in that position also. I'm 27 and got pregnant unexpectedly and believe me, I freaked out and still have moments of freaking out. I went to the doctors and was in tears, I told the doctor I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I never believed in a MILLION years that I would even consider not having this child. I felt tremendous guilt and still do at times. Ultimately I thought about things, I have the support of my boyfriend and family and I know I would have a lot of emotional repercussions if I went ahead with an abortion. I have decided to keep this baby and I will admit I'm still scared out of my mind sometimes, but I try to remind myself things happen for a reason. Please feel free to email me if you'd like to chat more. jojom1127@aol.com
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  #13  
March 4th, 2006, 11:53 AM
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I am also 19 and never have felt like my life was over. It is only begining. I look at my 2 month old son smile and can not ever imagine aborting him. I did think about abortion but I could not go through with it. I got pregnant on bc. Everytime you have sex you need to realise there is a chance of pregnancy. Not trying to judge you. But the pull out method does NOT work! Obviously. And abortion is not birth control. Since you are having a hard time deciding on what to do, if you go through an abortion i guarantee you will regret it. I have never heard anyone say they regret having their baby. But I have heard tons and tons of women say they regret having an abortion. And you say you want kids in the future. Well your future is now. Maybe a little to soon. But things happen for a reason. You can still do what your doing and have a baby. Granted it will be hard and you may have to take a little break from school for the birth and such. But you can do it, many women do and are stronger because of it.
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  #14  
March 5th, 2006, 06:25 PM
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Hello,
I've had two abortions and I am unexpectedly pregnant now but, I am keeping the baby even though I am unsure of the whole situation. I'm 25 years old and married so, it's obviosly not the same situation you are in but, I definatley have some of the same feelings.
I would just like to tell you that I would probably never have had the first abortion if I had understood the way a child develops in the womb and how far along I actually was. The person I was asking (who had two children) told me that the baby was still in that (slimy egg) state. I found out later in my education that this was soooo far off. I had the second abortion because I felt I had already done wrong by the first one so, it didn't really matter if I had a second because I didn't want children. I was pretty far along both times because I didn't miss any periods, I just started throwing up every afternoon one day. I was 14 and 19. I didn't feel badly about the first one at the time and I hardley knew the guy but, I did regret having the second one.
The proceedural part of both of my abortions wasn't a bad experience other than the protestors that were harassing me and my husband (boyfriend at the time).
It's a good idea to confide in your best buddy for her feedback but, make sure you make educated decsions.
Good luck!
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  #15  
March 5th, 2006, 08:15 PM
teacherinlove's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Well, Im going to tell you my situation.

I became pregnant unexpected. I was a Junior in college and in no way saw me having a child at that ppint in time. My bf (at the time) was supportive in whatever I did but was really pushing for an abortion. Since I am pro-life and have voiced that I was pro-life my entire life, I felt having an abortion would make me a hyprocrite. I looked into adoption but I couldn't see myself giving a part of me away. I feel God gave me this child for a reason, in my opinion. People who willfullygive their children up for Adoption are Angels on Earth. I decided to have my son and about 4 months into the pregnancy my bf took off and I have heard very little from him since. I am doing the mommy thing on my own and have no regrets from it since I KNOW it was the right thing for me to do. Everyone is different. I had to take a year off of school since my pregnancy was high risk and I was on bedrest for 5 months. Anyways, I am currently back in school and I will be done with my bs degree in the fall. It is possible to go back to school so, please do not feel this is a reason why you cannot have this child.

Yes, my life has changed drasticly. Im a mom now and everything that I thought was important in my life has now become second to my sons life. There are times when I become frustrated because my single friends do not realize motherhood and feel I can leave my son with anyone to go out and "party" or out to dinner but, in the long run this isn't important to me.

Please talk with someone who is trained to discuss this matter. I would advise not to take your friends words seriously since, like other posts have read, she/he will not understand the situation.

Best wishes
Marissa
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  #16  
March 6th, 2006, 01:01 AM
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Hello, I don't usually post in this board but I wanted to give my advice. Definately talk to someone trustworthy, someone you know will give you good advice. My best friend had an abortion a year ago, and she has regretted it ever since. I personally believe that all children are gifts, planned or unplanned. I don't believe abortion should be used as birth control. But I realize, too, that not everyone is prepared for the baby when it comes along. Please don't see it as you either have to keep the baby or you have to abort it, there are other options for you out there. But the most important thing is to have great support. No matter what you chose to do, you shouldn't go through it alone. Best of luck, hon!
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  #17  
March 6th, 2006, 10:06 AM
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I've been there, kiddo. Oh wait, I am there!
One thing that I will say is that if you make the decision to have an abortion in a fit of panic, you'll feel unreal guilt.
Find out more information.
Go talk to someone completely removed from the situation. Learn about resources available to you if you decide to parent.
Have you told your bf?
If you were to have an abortion and not tell him - it will affect your relationship with him greatly - I know this as well.
That's really what I can tell you - that it's not a decision you need to make in panic. You have more time than you think you do to think it over, but you should start gathering info right away so you don't feel rushed.

Don't feel guilty or stupid or moronic. Things happen. It's how you handle it when things happen that is what matters - making mistakes is human, you know? Even if you'd done everything perfectly, it still could have happened. My cousin got his wife pregnant on bc and with a condom. twice.

Best of luck!
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  #18  
March 7th, 2006, 02:57 PM
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I just wanted to give you some more support here. I am 25 and 20 weeks preggo. This is my second pregnancy. My first ended in abortion when I was 22. I was on the pill and he was wearing a condom when I got pregnant the first time. When I found out I was pregnant this time, I felt and at times still feel like the biggest moron ever. I know how nature works. I should have taken all the necessary precautions here. I made the decision when I was 22 to abort because I had one year left in college and knew I'd never finish if I continued with the pregnancy. I also knew at the time, I would not have been able to provide my child with the best mommy - like a child deserves. I will say it took a VERY long time to get over that. Now, at 25 life is different. I am working full time, have my own place (I left my fiance), and know I can give more to a child now than I could before. I will tell you, BigPotBelly is so right, at least in my experience. You wake up from that fog after the procedure and wonder to yourself, "What did I just do? What just happened?" It's a really sh**ty feeling. Although my family was really supportive at the time of my decision to have an abortion and I know now that it was the best choice for me, I still think about that choice today. I whole heartedly believe everything happens for a reason, you just need to check in with your instincts to find out what that may be. Always trust your gut reactions/feelings, they never steer you wrong. Deep down only you know what is best for you. Like someone once told me, only you have to live with your decisions. If you ever want someone to chat with please feel free to pm me. Good luck to you, and tell everyone who chooses to judge you to F*ck Off, they are perfect either.
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  #19  
March 7th, 2006, 05:02 PM
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Hey!

First of all you arn't stupid or dumb or any other negative things your saying or thinking about yourself. *Stuff happens*.

Second, I can't speak from experience of an abortion, but my mom had one at 18, and she's going to be 42 this year, and she still feels guilt to this day over what happened. She was scared, and was listening to other, that weren't being supportive. My best advice, just seeing how it has effected my mom so many years later, is don't do it. It might be scary as hell, facing family and friends, etc but sometimes thats better then living with that kind of guilt.

But your life isn't over! I'm also 19, i'm still in school, and work full time. It is possible to still contiue school, while working full time with a baby, it might not be easy, but it is possible. And i've meet and found a GREAT support system threw school, and my work. I was so scared when I first started school, and work because i'm young, married and pregnat, but everybody been GREAT, and way more supportive. And my family, has been COMPLETELY wonderful. I know I was scared to DEATH to tell them about being pregnant, I hadn't even told them we got married yet, and they had just meet him recently before we got married. But your life isn't over! Some things may have to be postponed, or take longer to acomplish, but your life isn't over. I had my doubts when we first found out, about how things would work out [we have a BUTT LOAD of debt], and I had just turned 19, I had a crappy job, I hated the thought of bring a baby into this world, and I felt so ill-preparied. But whenever I feel her kicking, and seeing her on the ultrasound, or hearing her heartbeat, I know without a doubt, things will work out somehow someway. Its going to take longer to pay off our debt, its going to take longer to get done with school, some things are hell, but its totally worth it.
Anyways -- feel free to PM or email me anytime [rew829@hotmail.com].
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  #20  
March 7th, 2006, 11:36 PM
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None of my babies were planned. I was 17 when I got pregnant the first time and unfortunately lost that baby 8 weeks later. Your first reaction to finding out you are pregnant is to 'get rid' of the problem. That is only human nature. I was 18 when I got pregnant with my oldest a month after I had gotten married, I was working part time for $6.00 an hour and my DH wasn't working at all, and didn't find a job until I was 4 months pregnant. I was so scared, but I couldn't imagine my life without him. I was 20 and on bc when I got pregnant with my second; two weeks later my DH lost his job. I was working full time, supporting my family and pregnant. We barely scraped by, but we made it. I was 7 months pregnant before he found another job. Now I am pregnant with my third son at 22, this time thankfully he has a job, and we are a lot better off. However, it is still scary. My mom has never reacted well to finding out I was pregnant. I think mainly because she didn't want to see me struggle, but I can't imagine my life any other way.

When my mom was 17 she got pregnant and her fiance left her with nothing. She was from a Catholic family, none the less. She decided to give my sister up for adoption and although she always wondered how she was, and if she was happy, she never regretted it. When my sister was 23 we found her and she thanked my mom for the wonderful sacrifice that she made, so that she may have a good life, and live. She grew up great and has always been greatful to my (our) mom that she made that decision. She could easily not be here if my mom had decided otherwise. I strongly believe that God doesn't give you more than you can handle.

My sister-in-law got pregnant when she was only dating a guy that turned out to be psycotic, She was always the perfect little school girl, that would never do anything like that. But it happened. Her first reaction was to get rid of the problem, to get an abortion. But 8 months later my beautiful niece was born, and she has never regretted her decision. She is a single mom, working two jobs, but is a great mom.

So whatever you decide, make sure you can live with it for the rest of your life, and remember, everything happens for a reason. Although most of the time we cannot understand or even fathom the reason as to why things like this have to happen to us, now. It is for a reason. And you WILL be ok. We are all here for you.
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