Log In Sign Up

Had a horrible night...


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Unplanned Pregnancy LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
March 9th, 2006, 06:56 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
Send a message via AIM to MirandasMommy Send a message via Yahoo to MirandasMommy
Well the title pretty much sums up what happened last night. My fiance and I went over to my dad's to play poker (and he was drinking) and then he started up that same crap about me getting pregnant on purpose. Except this time he was screaming at me at the top of his lungs right in front of my dad about how I ruined his life, etc. So I left for a little while to go drive around and clear my head, hoping he would calm down. Well I come back and he's still griping about it. So I tell him to f***ing leave, b/c I don't want him in the baby's life if he's going to resent it. Then he was like 'I'm sorry', and 5 seconds later started yelling about it again! (Oh yeah btw he's always mean when he's drunk). Well this arguing went on for like 2 hours (still at my dad's) over the same conversation. And after screaming my lungs out and crying an ocean of tears, I just decided he wasn't worth crying over like this. I told him that I am NOT supposed to be getting upset like this when I'm pregnant. Anyways, he goes home and I go to pick up food, I come home and walk in and he gives me a big hug and tells me how much he loves me and that he's sorry, etc. So it was a very loonnggg night and I just wanted to see if you had any comments or advice on the situation!
Northcutt2Be
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #2  
March 9th, 2006, 07:22 AM
Nancy
Guest
Posts: n/a
I would say you have a lot to think about. Especially about his anger when he drinks. Does he drink a lot? While you are pregnant and especially once the baby is born that cna be very difficult on your baby. If this is how it will be for you as a family then maybe you both need to really think about things and talk, when he is sober. i am sure you have done this already but sometimes it takes a few times. For some men it takes hearing the heartbeat or even seeing the baby on a u/s. Best of luck and try to keep the stress down if at all possible.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
March 9th, 2006, 10:48 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
im really sorry to hear that hes acting like a big jerk..u dont need that kind of stress its not good for u or your little one..how often does he drink? i think maybe u should talk to him about not drinking anymore..if hes going to act like that then he should just stay away from it..even when the baby is born he shouldnt be acting that way..i wish u the best of luck and i really hope he stops drinking
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #4  
March 9th, 2006, 10:59 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 13,011
I think, judging by all the previous posts I've read from you, that you've had just about enough of his crap. This "you did this on purpose" to "I love you and I'm sorry..." is getting to be a little much don't you think? This is most definately not the first time he's accused you of this then jumped into an applogy. And sweetie, I'm sorry to say, but it most definately won't be the last. How many times can someone appologize for the same bloody thing over and over again before they'll FINALLY stop doing it. Drunk or not, he obviously has some underlaying issues about it, considering, no matter how many times you've fought about it, he keeps bringing it up.
Have you thought about maybe staying at your dad's for a bit? I know you guys are moving and stuff, but maybe taking a few personal days away from him would be best. I dunno, just a suggestion. But honestly, this really has to stop. For one, you're right: you can't be stressing like this right now because of the baby. The first trimester is the most fragile one of them all. Don't let him push you like that. And secondly, what you need is support right now. This pregnancy was just as unplanned for you as it was for him, so if he can't be there for you right now, he's not the person to be around. This doesn't mean that later you can't be together, but right now, you need time to adjust, and get used to the idea of having a little person inside of you.
Plus, you may want to talk to him about his drinking. Even if he does it only on occasion, he shouldn't be doing it around you anymore. He gets mean and rude, and now that you have a baby inside, you can't take chances. So next time he picks up a drink, you should be picking up and leaving and only coming back once he's sober. Again, just a suggestion, but I think it's important that you address it now.
I hope things get better soon and that he gets his head out of his butt. Anytime you need to talk, btaillefer101@hotmail.com I'm here!
__________________
Visit my blog here.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
March 9th, 2006, 11:10 AM
irishxrose
Guest
Posts: n/a
Oh hun, I'm sorry!

He sounds a bit bipolar if you ask me.

You have a lot to think about. My fiance pulled a few stunts like this when we first found out, but after I confronted him about it when he was calm and sober, we were able to work it out. I hope you two can work it out.

Reply With Quote
  #6  
March 9th, 2006, 11:11 AM
nlp32's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Northern Nevada
Posts: 1,699
I'm sorry to hear that. Before we got married, my husband could literally drink a 12 to 18 pack a night. He would sometimes be mean and try to pick fights with me, treating me like I was his ex, or just be really loud and vulgar. (coming from a guy that rarely talks) I finally told him that I wasn't going to marry him if he continued to drink, and on top of it all he would drive too. He got a DUI and thankfully everything turned around. He couldn't drive for 11 months and had to pay the county a WHOLE LOT of money. He will never drink and drive again, but did struggle with the drinking a little bit after that. Not as bad as it was, but still not to where it was acceptable to me. Again I told him that I was not going to marry him if he continued to drink and it took a little while, but now he doesn't drink like he used to. And I didn't marry him until he quit drinking like that. He seems to get mean when he drinks any hard liquor, so he hasn't had that for 5 years now. The beer, he still drinks, but an 18 pack will last him at least a week, not a day or two.

But if your fiance get's mean and angry and it's only when he drinks, I hope you can get him to realize that this is a problem and he needs to stop, or get help, for the sake of your child and you. How is he when he is not drinking? Is it only when he drinks certain things, or anything? I wish you the best. It's hard to live with someone like that, and it hurts when they treat you like that. It's hard to see them like that too, especially if you know that's not how they really are, but they still do it because they can't see the problem. Maybe you should videotape him sometime when he's acting that way. That way he can see it firsthand. Good luck, I hope it gets better for you.
__________________

Niki Mommy to three beautiful boys and an angel; April 2001
<div align="center"></div>
Reply With Quote
  #7  
March 9th, 2006, 04:20 PM
jewll27's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: bucks county PA
Posts: 168
Send a message via AIM to jewll27
Quote:
I think, judging by all the previous posts I've read from you, that you've had just about enough of his crap. This "you did this on purpose" to "I love you and I'm sorry..." is getting to be a little much don't you think? This is most definately not the first time he's accused you of this then jumped into an applogy. And sweetie, I'm sorry to say, but it most definately won't be the last. How many times can someone appologize for the same bloody thing over and over again before they'll FINALLY stop doing it. Drunk or not, he obviously has some underlaying issues about it, considering, no matter how many times you've fought about it, he keeps bringing it up.
Have you thought about maybe staying at your dad's for a bit? I know you guys are moving and stuff, but maybe taking a few personal days away from him would be best. I dunno, just a suggestion. But honestly, this really has to stop. For one, you're right: you can't be stressing like this right now because of the baby. The first trimester is the most fragile one of them all. Don't let him push you like that. And secondly, what you need is support right now. This pregnancy was just as unplanned for you as it was for him, so if he can't be there for you right now, he's not the person to be around. This doesn't mean that later you can't be together, but right now, you need time to adjust, and get used to the idea of having a little person inside of you.
Plus, you may want to talk to him about his drinking. Even if he does it only on occasion, he shouldn't be doing it around you anymore. He gets mean and rude, and now that you have a baby inside, you can't take chances. So next time he picks up a drink, you should be picking up and leaving and only coming back once he's sober. Again, just a suggestion, but I think it's important that you address it now.
I hope things get better soon and that he gets his head out of his butt. Anytime you need to talk, btaillefer101@hotmail.com I'm here![/b]

You know what they say...liquior brings out the truth. I think a few days away from him and telling him that you dont deserve this might make him reconsider that you;ve done this on purpose!!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
March 9th, 2006, 04:54 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
Send a message via AIM to MirandasMommy Send a message via Yahoo to MirandasMommy
Hey Girls!! Thanks so much for your advice. Well today we had "the talk". Here's what went down:
I sat down with him and told him that I grew up with an alcoholic, verbally abusive father, and that I would NOT be married to one or have my child go through what I went through. Then he said that he's not alcoholic, to which I replied, that just b/c he's not an alcoholic doesn't mean he has a right to behave that way just b/c he gets drunk every so often. And I told him again that I am NOT afraid to leave him and raise this child on my own. I told him that I love him with every ounce in my heart and soul, but I was not going to be taken for granted or treated the way he's been treating me. (He's crying at this point) I then went on to tell him that our child is going to be born into this world whether he thinks it was planned or not, and that he's going to have to accept the fact and prepare for the life change. Well, he apologized for everything and said that he loves me more then I'll ever know, and that he's never going to less this happen again.
Hopefully he'll be true to his word and everything will work out! Thanks again for the advice and the replies!
Northcutt2Be
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #10  
March 12th, 2006, 06:54 AM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
Send a message via AIM to MirandasMommy Send a message via Yahoo to MirandasMommy
Hey, Girl. Yes, we got engaged last October, and we found out I was preggers late January. I agree I have done some very heavy evaluating of our relationship, but ever since we sat down and talked about it, he hasn't said a word about it to anyone. I think it just took me telling him up front that I'm NOT afraid to leave him and raise this baby on my own. So even if he still feels that way, he's kept it to himself.
Northcutt2Be
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #11  
March 12th, 2006, 06:47 PM
lilmamaw2's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Omaha Nebraska
Posts: 246
Send a message via AIM to lilmamaw2 Send a message via Yahoo to lilmamaw2
he'll get over it, i kinda had the oppisit problem i'm sure my husband got me pregnant on purpose he knew when i was ovulating cuz i would alway feel a cramp like pain when i was ovl. and i'd tell him i dont think we should be haveing sex i'm ovl. and he'd say " i'll be carefull" well yah, he was real carefull i have a 20month old and a i'm 37wks pregnant tomrrow so carefull my ##### and he even has the nerve to make jokes about it like he'll say "yah, i did good you never seen it coming" and "man i got good aim" ha,ha he thinks its funny but i don't think its that funny any more well at first i thought it was funny but then i realized maybe he really did do it anyways that's a vary long story.

but he'll come around it's probably just hard for him to soak it all in he hasn't had much time to let it settle in and wait till he get to feel the baby or see him/her on an ultrasound he'll be say stuff like my baby this and my baby that you'll be shocked some of the things you'll be hearing him say and then you can remind him about how he acted and he'll totally feel bad and buy you flowers and make you smile at least that's what Jimmy does when he know he hurt my feelings
__________________
<div align="left">[http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2006-...1/SUNP0001.JPG[/b]</span></span></div>
Reply With Quote
  #13  
March 12th, 2006, 08:15 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
Send a message via AIM to MirandasMommy Send a message via Yahoo to MirandasMommy
Lol I completely agree about his dumb friends. I think his big thing is that he knows he's going to have to go from having no responsibility other then himself, to having this baby, his child, to take care of and provide for. He just wanted to be further along in our lives before we had kids, but I keep telling him that this is what life gave us, to accept it and make the most of it. So maybe he'll come around. As long as he can avoid alcohol and his friends!
Northcutt2Be
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #14  
March 13th, 2006, 11:11 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 13,011
I hope for your sake that when the baby comes, he'll drop his friends soooo fast when he realizes just how stupid they are! He'll be soooo protective over the baby and you (at least he SHOULD be) so if they say anything negative about anything involving the baby, he'll get rid of them as friends or at the very least tell them where to shove it and that he doesn't need to listen to their negativity... Lets keep our fingers crossed for that!
Take care! Hope things work out!!!
__________________
Visit my blog here.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:35 AM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0