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My 23 year old sister told my parents and myself last week that she is seven weeks pregnant. She is in a stable, cohabitating relationship, but was not planning to marry or have children anytime in the forseeable future, if ever, so she's not thrilled. Despite this, she has decided to carry the pregnancy to term and become a mother. As her family, we know that this will be challenging for her but we can't help being excited. We know, probably better than she does, that's she's woefully unprepared financially and emotionally, but what's done is done, and we figure we might as well embrace it. Her baby will be the first grandchild in our family!
My concern is that she remains angry, unpleasant, and I believe even in denial. If I ask her anything about the pregnancy she says she doesn't want to talk about it and even when discussing other topics she's just very critical and, I have to say, b!tchy. I dropped in on her yesterday because I was at the Target half a mile from her house and she accused me of staging my visit to see her ultrasound picture (as if that would be so awful). I asked if she got the gift that I sent her (a bellyband in hot pink--her favorite color) and she said she wants us all to just stop talking to her about it, to talk to her about normal things. So I started talking about my plans to repaint my bedroom, and she went on a tirade about what a stupid thing that is for me to do. This is not the first time that something like this has happened. I've been trying to call her every other day or so just to check in--if I ask about the pregnancy, she gets mad, if I talk about other things, she finds something else to get mad about.
So, can I get some insight from those of you who are also experiencing an unplanned pregnancy? Is there anything that I can do to be supportive of her without triggering her anger? Is the most supportive thing I can do to just not contact her for a few weeks? I am not really willing to maintain the same level of contact with her and not talk about the pregnancy at all, because I don't think that it's at all healthy. I understand not wanting to talk about it constantly, but I'm not going to pretend that it's not happening. I really want to show her that I am here for her and behind her 100%, and I'm just not sure how to do that without upsetting her. Any advice???
Thats a pretty rough situation, I just wanted to that its a really amazing thing youre doing by sticking around and showing you care. My brother and his gf had an unplanned and highly unexptected pregnancy 8 or so years ago. They were only 13 (I know crazy....) at the time. They are still together to this day, even though they decided not to keep the baby. It was extremely hard to talk to her about it. Of course its hard talking to a 13 yr old girl already lol, but then add pregnancy into it and it was just about impossible to have a reasonable conversation with her. I can't offer much in advice of what specifically to do since I dont know her but I know with my brother and his gf there were a few things that helped and paid off in the long run.
I made sure to let them know I was there. I offered help even when she yelled or cried. Then at about 10 weeks or so things calmed down significantly and since I had been there offering a hand for the previous month even when she was being very ermm....moody!! she came to me 1st of everyone. The rest of the family both hers and ours just left her alone after the 2nd or 3rd time she yelled or cried at them.
Just knowing you were there will mean alot to her in time. I kept calling her every few days, and kept the conversation light and non-threatening. I let her lead the conversation, even if that meant just sitting there for a couple minutes and letting her go off lol. I think thats what she might needed though. She was scared and had no idea what to do.
Good luck, sorry I know my response was long but I hope everything works out for you in the long run.