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I don't want to be with my baby's father


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
August 7th, 2009, 07:49 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 4
I got pregnant after we were together only 6 months. I am 32 years old. I know that it wasn't enough time to make such a life long decision but I do want this child. I have now come to see that he is still very immature. He is 34 but when he gets angry he screams at me and gets violent sometimes. He never atually hit me, but a few times (before I was pregnant he grabbed my throat) I really think I made a huge mistake with him. I don't know what to do. I am usually so strong but since finding out I was pregnant I have been so weak. He just told me I am needy because I ask him to go places with me. What do I do??? I am so confuse and scared. I KNOW that he cannot change the way he screams and gets all crazy when he is angry. He doesn't even try when he get mad. He makes me so insecure and doubtful. I am so scared right now, not of him but of making the wrong choice. I am 10 weeks pregnant. When he is happy he wants the baby but when he gets mad he tells me to abort and to go "F" myself. Somebody please give me some advice.
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  #2  
August 7th, 2009, 09:39 PM
Brandielou's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,178
You KNOW what you need to do. If you want your baby you cannot just stay with this man because. You know he can be violent and he screams at you and disrespects you. I think you have to be strong and independent because even being pregnant around someone like that, even if he wasn't physically violent, can harm your baby. He says go "F" yourself and go abort, that is not love. Sometimes security in finances or having someone in your life is not being secure. I hope the best for you and I think deep down you know the right decision
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  #3  
August 8th, 2009, 06:05 AM
alicia1984's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2009
Location: PA
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You don't need this kind of stress in your life especially now that you're pregnant. Do you live with him now? If so is there a place you could go to stay for a bit until you can get back on your feet? You're in an unhealthy relationship. No woman deserves to be treated like what he's doing to you. A girl I know is 6 months pregnant and left the guy she was with since she was unhappy. So it is possible! Stay positive and I hope good things will come your way.
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  #4  
August 8th, 2009, 06:18 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 4
Thank you. I do know what to do. I do live with him now, but he moved into MY place. So I really think that I shouldn't have to go elsewhere. I really appreciate the responses. This is the most difficult thing I ever had to do. You know I feel kind of stupid because sometimes I think if I wasn't pregnant I would just be gone. But I know deep down because I am pregnant is why I should be gone. Thank you ladies again.
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  #5  
August 8th, 2009, 06:36 AM
lilflower
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Kick him out. If he doesn't leave go to the courthouse and have him legally evicted. And do yourself a really nice favor by getting an order of protection/restraining order.
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  #6  
August 8th, 2009, 08:51 AM
-3-Hearts's Avatar She's Country.....
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,084
get out of this relationship NOW before he kills you. ive btdt, and it is NOT going to get better, only worse. you dont want him getting so mad that he punches you in the stomache and tries to make you lose this baby. my sons sperm donor tried to kill my son when i was 6 months pg by shoving me down on the floor, grabbong my legs and shoving my knees into my stomache. also, if i were you, id get a protective order in place and not put him on the birth certificate bc he will try to use the child against you.

p.s. i'm stalking lil, thats how i ended up here
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  #7  
August 9th, 2009, 12:29 PM
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Thanks Brittany I can't believe that happened to you. I have a question if I don't put him on the BC does that mean he has no responsibility financially towards this child? Can't he also demand paternity if he does want to use the child against me?
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  #8  
August 9th, 2009, 03:01 PM
JT_Mama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Maryland
Posts: 3,978
I hope you can get out of this relationship. I grew up with a father who beat my mother and I can tell you, it will only get worse. My best friend stuck around with a guy who grabbed her by the throat and punched her in the stomach. He ended up breaking her jaw, and she was wired shut for 6 weeks. I know it is hard when you are pregnant with someone's child, but believe me, it is best for that child NOT to grow up in that situation. We were so much happier after my parents finally split. Good luck, you are doing the right thing by getting away from him.

Oh, and yes, he will still have to be financially responsible for the baby. I don't see any reason to keep him off the birth certificate, though. As much of a jerk as he is, he is still the father of the baby, but that is just my opinion. Once paternity testing is done, he will still legally be the father. There might be some other reason to do so, I am sure some of the other ladies have experience with it, I am still prego with my first!
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  #9  
August 10th, 2009, 06:29 AM
lilflower
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Yes if you don't put him on the birth certificate, you can go to court and still file for child support. Honestly though, 300 dollars might not be worth the risk to you or your child. Brittany knows what she is talking about and has helped me through a bunch of decisions. She's been there, and she's the proof that there is always a better fish in the sea!
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  #10  
August 13th, 2009, 03:26 PM
missy123's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Savannah GA
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Oh there are better fish in the sea! I left my ex-husband 14 years ago when my youngest was a month old. I was single, young, had a low paying job, and was raising 3 boys under 4 years old on my own. But it felt so good to feel safe and free! We had court battles over the years and he was set up to pay $62.00 a week total in child support for all 3 kids. I would rather he have kept the money and stayed out of our lives.

Anyway, I worked really hard, leaned on friends and somehow made it. I make great $ now, and a wonderful boyfriend whom I completely adore by my side. He treats me right and I know he will be here for me no matter what.

Please, I know it is hard and so scary. I have been there. But you need to make the right decision for you and your baby. He/She will thank you so much when they grow up.
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  #11  
August 22nd, 2009, 01:41 AM
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Ok so it's been a little bit since I posted and I am seriously going through it right now. I don't know what to do. Some days like today I feel like I should just go and have an abortion, but I know how terrible I will feel after. I really don' t think this child is going to have a good life with me. I only get 6 weeks off of work for maternity I don't qualify for FLA and if I have to go early it counts as my maternity leave. Besides that I don't have anyone to watch this baby once it is born and I will have to go back to work immediatley or I will lose everyhing because I won't be able to pay for it. I really feel like I am making a huge mistake. I am not in love with the baby's father, I am in the process of trying to get him to move out civilly. I feel like such a screw up. I am sorry to dump this all out on here, but this is the only way I feel I can truly say what I feel and not be judged harshly. I was thinking about adoption but I feel like I would regret it my whole life, plus what, if and when the child does find out they were adopted, it does more harm? I don't know what to do. On top of it all I feel aweful because I feel like I should be more attached to this baby, but I am finding it hard to be because of all of the misery surrounding this pregnancy. I know I made a huge mistake and I don't know how to fix it without ruining a life either way. I know they say a baby is never a mistake, but I am finding it so hard to grasp onto that and believe it. My mother is all for me keeping the baby but I don't really think she realizes how almost impossible it seems to do.
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  #12  
August 22nd, 2009, 03:02 AM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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Aw sweetie pregnancy can be such a stressful time but its always worse when its unplanned (I should know I've had two at 15 and 17!). I'm not familiar with American government and what you can and cannot get etc but I wish you the very best of luck and hope that things start becoming more clearer and easier for you
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  #13  
August 23rd, 2009, 12:02 PM
LuvinMySquirrel's Avatar Member
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I know exactly how you feel about the baby.

I was with the father of the baby for 6 months also, I broke it off with him because he told my parents he purposely got me drunk to hopefully get me pregnant, because he wanted to have a kid with me and get married. Once I found out I was pregnant I was devastated, I was in complete shock Didn't know what to think at all or to do. But then he started to show his true self, He told me that he used to be in the KKK and have friends who still are there, he told me he has beaten men almost to death! I broke up with him, and he still wants to be apart of the babys life but after hearing all that theres no way in hell I want him to be a part of it's life! What kind of role model is that?! So i'm in the same spot as you, though I am only 21 years old I'll be 22 when this kid is born. I'm having the exact same feelings as you are on the pregnancy. I'm 5 months along, and wish I would've dumped him a lot sooner.

I don't plan on putting him on the birth certificate, people have been telling me also to just tell him I cheated on him. He accused me of that sooo much I even have voice mails saved from him even saying "if the baby is mine" and insisting I cheated on him, which I never did because he was soooo controlling and pushy.

But ontop of all that, I have friends who all have kids I know i'm not alone.. I'm scared to death of him, and I PRAY TO GOD that I am having a girl because him and his family don't like girls.

But keep your head high and look through everything later on you'll start realizing this could be a blessing.. maybe it's what you need to work up the courage to just kick him to the curb?

If you need to talk please let me know, Just remember you aren't alone.
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