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Worried and Dont Know What to Do


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
October 15th, 2009, 09:39 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 6
I have boy/girl twins that are almost 10months old. They were unplanned but I love them very much. Their father and I are engaged and are getting married in early 2011. Although we are talking about going to Vegas in the next few weeks to get secretly married for medical reason.

My medical insurance screwed me two months ago so I couldn't refill my birth control. We have been safe and using condoms and sometimes pulling out as well even with the condom. My LMP was 9/9/09 and I believe I am on a 30day cycle which means I was suppose to start my period last Friday (10/9/09). I think if its less then a week late its too early to worry but I was worrying so I took a home pregnancy test and it was positive. The plan is to take another one tonight and another one tomorrow morning, but I know a fake positive is rare... so we are worried now. On a 30day cycle I am 4weeks pregnant on a 28day cycle I am about 5weeks pregnant.

We are barely going paycheck to paycheck as it is, there is no way we can afford another baby. We are living with my fiances mom who was nice enough to let us have the master bedroom since the twins have to sleep in our room because there is nowhere else for them. So we don't even physically have room for another child.

I just don't know what to do! I cant have another baby! In all honestly when we first found out we were pregnant with the twins (before we knew it was twins) we talked about abortion but I couldn't go through with it - and it was my idea in the first place not his. Now they are my life and I don't know what I would do without them. Which would really make it hard to have an abortion this time.

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP!

On a side note... when I took the pregnancy test it said it would take 1-3minutes to get the results. There would be one line if the test was done correctly. And another line if it was positive. The second I put the drops onto the stick the positive like already showed up very dark before the "correct" line showed up. So now I also worry my HCG are high and I am pregnant with twins again.
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  #2  
October 15th, 2009, 10:36 AM
rubyredslipperz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Needles, CA
Posts: 3,231
You should visit the 'Am I Pregnant?' board for some answers on the HPT. The ladies over there are almost experts at reading them and suggesting which brands to use. Digital tests are usually the most accurate, and if you can't get one of those I would stay away from the blue dye tests, they seem to cause a lot of problems with evap lines that look positive but sometimes aren't.

As for if you are pregnant, congrats! I had two unplanned pregnancies, and at the times I got pregnant I was in the same situation that you were. Living paycheck to paycheck, on foodstamps, living with parents. And I thought 'how in the world am I going to have this baby!?' I never contemplated abortion, because I dont believe in it. And personally wouldn't get one for any reason but that's my choice. I just know that things did get better, and I found a way to make it work. And though the timing couldn't have been worse, I wouldn't take my girls back for anything! Giving them a chance at life and growth on the earth is just the most miraculous gift I feel I can give them. I hope that things get better for you, and that you can figure out how to make it work, sometimes life hands us lemons and we have to figure out how to make lemonade. Have you thought about rental assistance? Or food stamps? Or temporary government assistance? And there's always adoption too. I have had friends in the past go through the process and there are lots of wonderful people out there wanting a baby but unable to have one of their own. Just an option Anyways, good luck!
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  #3  
October 15th, 2009, 10:59 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 6
I know when I got pregnant the first time I was very scared and when I told my fiance he was happy but before I could let him say a word I was crying saying "i cant have a baby". So he thought I meant abortion but really I meant it in a "im freaking out" way. So I though he wanted the abortion and he thought I wanted it... etc. I am pro-choice but that doesn't mean I want to do it - you know. And I know I cant do adoption because my family would hate me for one and I couldn't have a child and give it away.

And we were not in the right position at the time to have our twins but it all worked out. We are on WIC which is like food stomps, the babies are on medical, etc. But we still only have $5 in our checking account and WIC just did some cut backs so we will get less formula, etc. We dont know how we can survive as it is.

My sister was raped at 15 and got pregnant - she is pro-life and had the baby... and I also though how much I love my nephew and how rape is probably the best reason for an abortion and she didn't do it... and how if she did how I would be missing out on the cutest boy (besides my own boy hehe). So I don't know I can do it ... but I cant have a baby either.
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  #4  
October 15th, 2009, 02:31 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5
An unplanned pregnancy no matter what the circumstances present a whole slew of conflicting emotions and upheaval. Only you can determine what is right for your situation and your family. I can definitely understand your concerns. But I do believe that things work out the way they are meant to in the end.

As a woman unable to have children of her own I feel the need to ask if you could ever consider making an adoption plan for this child.
It, too, is a tough choice but also a viable option.

Hundreds of couples are out there, just like my husband and I, praying and hoping for the right expectant mom to come into their lives and choose them to parent her child.

And that's what we do every single day....pray, hope and dream that one day a woman and her family will come forward and say "we choose you to parent our child".

If that is something you would ever consider, I would be humbled to have even the smallest opportunity to talk more with you about it. I can be reached at crystal(at)ourfamilyadoption(dot)net

No matter what you decide, know in your heart with confidence that it is the right decision for your situation.
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  #5  
October 15th, 2009, 02:55 PM
lilflower
Guest
Posts: n/a
Well. Seeing as I'm sorely straight forward and open. If you are saying "I can't have a baby, I can't give it up for adoption, and I don't want to have an abortion", maybe you should take a bigger look around. Ask your family for help. Or apply for more government assistance. I know you were careful from what you said. But babies happen for a reason. Before I sound too crazy I am pro-choice. I feel there are reasons you should and should not have abortions. I am assuming it's your fiance's/husbands baby (dont be offended it'll make a point later I swear ). And I'm assuming that you could have gone to planned parenthood and gotten birth control pills without messing with your insurance company. The only way to avoid an unwanted pregnancy is to not have sex. That being said. I got pregnant with both my daughter and this baby on birth control pills. But you are pregnant with your husband/fiance's baby and babies don't wait for perfection. They just want to be loved when they are born.

So my only advice is since you are struggling is. Pick one of the best options you have.

You can either parent your child and watch him/her grow up with his/her brother and sister.

or

You can take the life from the child and deny it life, though you choose life for your twins.

or

You can give your child up for adoption and choose that he or she be able to grow up and be loved and have a family, whether it's yours or not.


No matter what decision you make, rest assured that you will probably second guess it for a long time. Maybe you could sit down and talk to your family and ask them for help. If they would be mad at you for wanting to give that child a better life by giving it up for adoption they should be willing to help you be able to keep it and raise it properly. As for abortion, I can't speak from experience, but my mother had one after me and before my sister and has never let it go because she already had children and knew what a blessing they are. She still cries about it now almost 21 years later.

There is no easy solution to this situation. I hope that you are able to sit down and talk to your husband/fiance and decide what is right. I've seen relationships break down after traumatic experiences like abortions, no matter how much the two people seemed to think there was no other option. Good luck to you and you can private message me anytime to talk.
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  #6  
October 15th, 2009, 05:07 PM
SerendipitysChild's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 978
I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time, I am almost 16 weeks along with a VERY unplanned pregnancy, just like Lil I was on the pill when I got pregnant. The Father of my baby made no bones about the fact that he DID NOT want the baby, he still does not and it is a huge point of tension but he is trying to do the right thing by sticking around. I had only just gotten divorced and I have a 4 year old with my ex husband. I had also just lost a long term job due to cut backs so the pregnancy came at a terribly in-opportune time and I considered abortion, even going so far as to call the clinic. But I just couldn't do it. I am so excited about meeting this little person and know I can make it work no matter what. I completely understand how scary this must be for you but search your soul and follow your heart, only you can make this decision and it is one you will always have to live with. When I was considering abortion a friend told me that he had known several women who have had it done but none of them walked away unharmed. There are many Mom's on the board facing extremely difficult situations and we are here for each other and will be there for you as well!
Best of luck to you during this time!!
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Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans!

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