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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
November 1st, 2009, 12:38 PM
3and_justme's Avatar super special mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: ohio
Posts: 821
Just wondering if I am the only one thats now single & pregnant? My babys dad has chose to be with another woman during our pregnancy, he's was checkin on me all the time, but didnt go to any appts & he has not told his parents yet and I dont like that he has gotten into another relationship & I have told him about how I feel about all that - & not so nicely at times but why cushion it, I am not the one who done wrong - so now we are not talking at all, just cause he likes her, doesnt mean that I have too! So I dont know what to do, I want him to be involved w/the baby, but I am soo upset w/his choices of the new girl & not tellin his family... how should I involve him w/the baby w/out having to deal w/another woman? anyone else have somthing similar that they are dealing with?
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  #2  
November 1st, 2009, 08:48 PM
lilflower
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Posts: n/a
Hey I think I've already talked to you about this. I hope you told his mom by now, but if you haven't maybe you should....

I'm a single mommy. It's hard, but let me tell you what I couldn't be pregnant and watch my baby's father be with someone else and still want to be near him or include him. Unless you are going for childsupport, you don't even have to put his name on the birth certificate or let him see him. Children do need parents, but it's a lot better to have one parent that unconditionally loves them than to have two parents that bicker and are hostile towards each other. Just cut him out of it, I know that sounds harsh....but if HE is concerned than HE should be the one to make an effort...

((hugs))
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  #3  
November 3rd, 2009, 09:00 AM
my.estrella's Avatar Ashley
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,516
You should check out the single mommies board on here. I went through a similiar situation, and I know many of the ladies on that board have as well.
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  #4  
November 5th, 2009, 07:26 PM
maybaby's Avatar Generally Crispy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: phoenix, AZ
Posts: 0
I'm also pregnant and single. Its a tough situ you are in, and am so sorry that you have to go through it! You have to be strong now, for you, and for baby of course. Do what is best for the 2 (you and baby) of you, dont think of your feelings for him, only what is best!!!
xoxox
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  #5  
November 8th, 2009, 07:18 PM
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 22
I agree with lilflower that it is most important that your baby has one parent who is completely there for him/her 100% than to have two parents who cant get along and a dad who is in and out of their life, which is sounds like this guy would do. The fact that he hasn't come to any appointments and hasn't told his parents just shows that he isn't ready to make any kind of effort. I know it's very devistating to realize that your baby's father just doesn't care, but I think it should be up to him to make the effort. You can't force him to be there for support. I wish you so much luck.
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  #6  
November 10th, 2009, 05:17 AM
mommy2Breana+Brandon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 39,401
I am sure you aren't alone.

I hope you have some good support system.

Sorry the baby's father doesn't want to be in his babies life.

I wish you the best of luck.
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  #7  
November 17th, 2009, 08:47 AM
iMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Maine
Posts: 967
I am also single and pregnant. How far along are you? I just found out last week. I'm sorry to hear about his lack of interest and involvement. The man that got me pregnant does not want me to keep the child and has said he doesn't want any involvement. Not the same as your situation, but I understand your wanting him to be involved. I could be wrong, but I don't think there is anything you can do to force him to be involved. It will just create more stress for you and the baby when he doesn't respond the way you want him to or the other woman becomes involved. The best thing you can do for you and your child is to take good care of yourself, and if that means not talking to him, than maybe that is for the best -- certainly better than being in contact with him and arguing or having him hurt you more.

If he hasn't told his parents yet, rest assured at some point he will probably have to. If he doesn't, presumably somehow they will find out. If you do want him in your child's life at some point, I would advise against pressuring him. You can't control his behavior, you can only control yours. Be the better person.
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  #8  
November 19th, 2009, 12:28 PM
Newbie
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5
No no, we are not alone at all. I'm also single, pregnant, and my baby's dad decided to... well, I don't even know what he's decided... He's very confused, but till now, he's told me he wont be a father to my kid.

I know it might be harder this way, but all our kids need is a loving, caring, commited. hardworking mom. I'm all of that and will give my child everything he/she needs.

I live in a poor family, in a very poor and dangerous country, and I'm not finantially loose, but that doesnt mean I am not absolutely in love with my pregnancy, my baby and with the idea to give him/her a better future.

With my Jelly Bean growing inside of me, I have got all the strength I need to go on. The joy we get as mothers will overcome difficulties. There are no excuses not to be happy if you really want your child to be born.

Cheer up fellow moms! Nothing compares with the love I feel for my yet unborn kid. =)
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  #9  
November 28th, 2009, 12:12 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Michifornia
Posts: 5
I am also in this situation! I was with my BF for 2 1/2 years and when I got pregnant in June we found out in August and he told me to choose him or the baby.

I think focusing on what is good for you is the best thing to do. I am still having problems with feelings and he has become very ugly since I moved from our apartment in Los Angeles, back home to be with family in Michigan. I left in August and he is seeing someone new already as well. It is not a great feeling and to counter it the best thing is to surround yourself with loving friends and family to support you on your journey!

Honestly, if you have a decent relationship with his family I would tell them yourself. The child is still part of their family, and wether he likes it or not it's up to you if you want to include them. My ex's family is SO supportive and they are very concerned with the way he is behaving, it is nice to know that my child will come into the world with open arms even if it's not "daddy's". Also, they might be able to talk to him about the choices he is making?

I was invited to their family Thanksgiving and Christmas this year because I've been a part of their lives for almost 3, I don't think he would have said anything if I hadn't and I don't regret it a bit. Every circumstance is different, and just do what you feel comfortable with.

Much love, if you'd like to PM me feel free! I hate feeling down and alone and if it helps to chat with someone I'd love to.

xoxo
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  #10  
November 30th, 2009, 06:39 AM
3and_justme's Avatar super special mommy
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: ohio
Posts: 821
Thanks girls, I didnt think I was the only one in this situation, I just figured most just dont want to talk about it... I have always done whats best for my children, I am one who always does the "right" things & I always try to be the better person, as difficult as that is sometimes being pregnant has my emotions are in a tizzy & I hate that I am the only one doing the right thing... if you'd like to chat or see a lil more about me check out my myspace page - ♥ ♥ Kimberly (Kimberly Lallathin) | MySpace - myspace.com/luvin2teezu that will give you alot of insight as to who I am & how I have delt w/the challenges life has thrown at me... most days I am strong, but somedays my weaknesses come shining thru... guess I am only human, lol... I just wish for once in my life that things could be the way it is for most people, that I could find a man that loved me unconditionally! Thanks for sharing your situations with me ~ Kimberly... I still haven't told his parents & neither has he, but I think I am going to send them a letter telling them about me & the whole situation & give them my number so when they are ready to call they can - I hope thats the right thing to do... I had met his sister before, but not his parents, he always told me he'd take me over thre but never did.
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Last edited by 3and_justme; November 30th, 2009 at 06:43 AM.
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  #12  
December 2nd, 2009, 05:38 PM
anika's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,604
yes come to the single mommies board! Everyone is so nice and very helpful. I am also pregnant and single. I went through the exact same situation as you are now and I can tell you, if he doesn't want to put forth the effort to be in his child's life then buh bye! Don't waste your time on him or his new gf. and as far as telling his mom, def do that. maybe she will be interested and want to help with things emotionally and or physically. you don't have to put his name on the birth certificate even if you want child support. my daughter's father isn't on hers and I still get child support just the same. and if it comes down to a custody thing, you can request his new gf isn't present during his visits. they are not married therefore she has no right to be around your child. now if they do get married you will eventually have to deal with her but let's focus on the present. come post in the single mommies board, we can talk more about it.
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  #13  
December 2nd, 2009, 07:38 PM
nutmeg116's Avatar Regular
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Ohio
Posts: 94
I am both newly pregnant and newly single... I told the father today, and basically got told I'm on my own. Nice guy, eh? We've been together almost 12 years, never married, and today I'm truly thankful for that! On one hand, I wish he'd come around, but on the other hand... good riddance.
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