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My friend is pregnant.


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
March 31st, 2006, 07:40 AM
Wendie
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My best friend just called me this morning. I found out that she was pregnant a few weeks ago. She was terrified to tell her family because they are so religious and she isn't married. Well she just called me and told me that she finally told her mom and dad. She was in tears because her dad called her a bad name (rhymes with more). And, they pretty much are kicking her out. I told her that she can stay with me as long as she needs. Its the least I can do after she was there for me during my pregnancy. However, she is really depressed. She ignornes everything I say because I am her best friend and she thinks I am just trying to cheer her up. Plus, my parents were super supportive and excited so I can't really relate. She keep saying that she is alone and no one knows how she feels. I was hoping you ladies could give her some advice, especially if anyone had their family react the same way as hers. I plan on showing her this forum tonight so she can join if she'd like. So if anyone understands (more than I can) how she feels, please feel free to add your comments. I would appreciate it.
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  #3  
March 31st, 2006, 10:31 AM
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,901
I think she should give them some time. They can't stay mad at her forever.

It's a big shocker to them, especially if they didn't know she was sexually active, which I'm assuming no.

As for giving her advice, she is going to blow you off b/c she's depressed. You should get her excited about getting a baby. LIke just sit there w/ her one day and talk about pregnancy and share all of your positive experiences. Like the first time your baby kicked and how you felt when you found out about the baby.
Even though she already knows, she needs to be reminded that pregnancy is a beautiful experience.

I guess just be there for her. There's not much you can do, but give it time

And tell her we send her a big congrats!
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  #4  
March 31st, 2006, 11:46 AM
mommytutu's Avatar mom to Emma & Jacqueline
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Bradenton, Fl
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I second the congrats!

I definately think you should try to get her excited about the baby. It'll help a lot with her depression. Granted, having her family treat her so horribly is gonna keep her down no matter what, you can still help her get pass it. You just have to be patient with her.

Try taking her to a baby store, and look at all the baby stuff together. Maybe buy a cute newborn outfit.

Getting out of the house, and having her mind focus on something other than her family will help a lot!

Good luck, to you and your friend!
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  #5  
March 31st, 2006, 01:31 PM
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Congrats Wendie's friend!!

I can't personally relate to her situation, however, my SIL was in a similar situation. Her parents didn't like the guy she was dating, and she got pregnant, and they were so p***ed when they found out. They wouldn't talk to her, and when they did all they would say is that a big f*** up she was. Well that lasted for maybe a month of her pregnancy, then after that they were really excited. She has her baby now, and they are absolutely obsessed with her.

I'm sure your friend's parents will realize that it is THEIR grandchild in there, and come to terms that their daughter is pregnant. Just give them a little bit of time to cool off and for the shock to wear off, and I think everything will be fine.

Good luck and I hope your friend hangs around!!

Northcutt2Be
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  #6  
April 1st, 2006, 06:24 AM
youngmum123
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Oh congratulations…
I’m sorry Hun… I didn’t go through what you are but yea a few of my family members didn’t want anything to do with me… ha ha… Well now I just can’t get them away from me! I know it would be hard for you… But your family wouldn’t mean what they said… I think it would of shocked them… they will come around. They might be offensive and mean… but really if I was to think about my baby girl getting pregnant later… I will most likely be really hurt to… Knowing my babies grown up and is becoming a mum. My mum bawled her eyes out when I told hr I was pregnant… She got a little angry and later on she told me it was because the love she has for me is so strong and yea im her daughter and it’s hard to accept that her babies going to have a baby… And she didn’t want anything to happen to me… To hurt me… Like my boyfriend if he left me or something and yes we are not married… And I don’t plan on it for awhile. Lol if he was going to leave me it would be if we where married or not hey. And yea your best friend will tell you the truth… that’s what best friends do.
Im glad she is there for you… To at least your parents come around. Talk to other laddies on here they’ll look after you as well…if not go to your nearest antenatal clinic.. Talk to them. How far along are you may I ask? Look after yourself-try not to stress it bad for ya. Take care sweetie.
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  #7  
April 1st, 2006, 09:13 AM
Lekilig86's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Charlotte, NC (until April 11th)
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Quote:
My best friend just called me this morning. I found out that she was pregnant a few weeks ago. She was terrified to tell her family because they are so religious and she isn't married. Well she just called me and told me that she finally told her mom and dad. She was in tears because her dad called her a bad name (rhymes with more). And, they pretty much are kicking her out. I told her that she can stay with me as long as she needs. Its the least I can do after she was there for me during my pregnancy. However, she is really depressed. She ignornes everything I say because I am her best friend and she thinks I am just trying to cheer her up. Plus, my parents were super supportive and excited so I can't really relate. She keep saying that she is alone and no one knows how she feels. I was hoping you ladies could give her some advice, especially if anyone had their family react the same way as hers. I plan on showing her this forum tonight so she can join if she'd like. So if anyone understands (more than I can) how she feels, please feel free to add your comments. I would appreciate it.[/b]

I hope i am not too late...i just want to tell her that i feel for her. My parents are still disappointed in me. And they've known now for 3-4 months...They are just NOW starting to sort of come around/accept it. A baby changes everything...they'll never fully appreciate anything until they see that baby and fall in love with him/her. But i have been through hell with my entire family with this pregnancy...they think i did it on purpose...etc. etc. My mother has given me the most disgusted looks i've ever seen...she is a good woman and she's been a good mom and all but never have i seen her give me such a look as when i told her. She even told me to "consider my options" (abortion/adoption) i said...whats the point in that, im with the father, he wants to care for his child, we are talking about marriage??? They HATE the father btw....i mean hate him....I know exactly how your friend feels. I have faith honestly that things will work out in the end....I can't relate to anyone who's young and unmarried and their parents are actually excited????? It makes no sense to me b/c traditionally, i suppose, parents are not too thrilled...Everyone's parents react differently but there will still be a precious little person you get to meet at the end of it all...it happened for a reason...
Honestly, if your parents have the guts to kick you out....?? then they don't support you....and why should you put your precious new baby and yourself around people who are unsupportive??? Its not healthy to me....You put you and your baby around people who care for you and support you, thats the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby. I can't say if the parents will come around for sure--you never know with some parents...but the best advice is to stay away from them awhile...have a healthy pregnancy and if they accept the situation and come around then thats wonderful! I hope the best for her and i really understand what she's going through...No parents are perfect, remember, but they love you...
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  #8  
April 3rd, 2006, 12:54 PM
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This will be a tough trial to deal with that's for sure. But something I've always thought (and this may sound harsh and all), but if your own family can call their child something like that, and actually kick her out when she needs them the most, well...that's not really a "FAMILY" now is it?! I know it sounds harsh because family is always family, blablabla....But a family is supposed to love you no matter what, and be there for you no matter what. Even if they sooner or later come around, it doesn't make what they said or did ok.
For now, like what everyone said, get her excited about this baby. What you can do also is get her a card, something really beautiful and cheesy that expresses how you see her friendship, and then write her a really nice letter telling her that you believe in her, that you support her, and that you're not just saying this because you're just trying to cheer her up...you're saying it all because you care for her, and want her to know just how much you do and are willing to support her in this decision, and then put the letter in the card.
And if her parents do come around at some point, she should definately sit them down and have some words with them...it doesn't have to be a yelling match or anything, but I think that she should be telling them exactly how she feels about what they did and said. Something like that shouldn't be allowed to just slide. They need to know that now that they've forgiven her, it's now up to her to forgive them because they weren't exactly right in what they did. That's not how you show love.
Anyways, enough venting about what my definition of a family is...Good luck to your friend, congratulations to her as well! And she should really check out this site. I've found so much help here, she just might as well.
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