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  #1  
March 31st, 2006, 08:28 AM
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[font=Arial]So I'm about 16 weeks into this unplanned pregnancy. Using ortho tricyclin failed. Found out I was pregnant the day after my 26th birthday. I wanted to wait till after 30 to get pregnant. I live with my boyfriend, now my fiance. I'm planning a wedding in June, we were going to get married anyway but this whole baby thing sped it up for my families' sake and for the baby's in the future. Here is my problem..... My fiance is excited, though apprehensive. I'm excited at times, but mostly resentful of the fact I'm 26, pregnant, and my life is over (at least for the next 18 years.) I know that babies can "feel" their mom's emotions when in utero and I'm just so upset that I have to be a non-drinking whale for the next six months. I'm also a mess trying to plan a wedding. How did you moms out there stop the feeling of resentment against these unplanned little babies.
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  #3  
March 31st, 2006, 09:38 AM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
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i did regret it when i found out i was pregnant and i was mostly mad that my boyfriend (of 3 years) didnt accept this baby..once i heard the heartbeat i got really excited and once i found out my baby was a boy it got me even more excited..i dont look at it as my life is over and i love him to death and id do anything for him (even though he still inside me!) its just the beginning to wonderful times ahead that im looking forward to..just think youll get to see your baby smile for the first time,crawl,walk for the first time...im looking forward to everything and even though this baby was unplanned im also looking forward to having more (7-10 from now maybe!) things will get better and your feelings will start to change..mine did..
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  #5  
March 31st, 2006, 12:00 PM
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Quote:
I dont feel any resentment towards this baby. It's not her fault she came when she did... it was mine. I've never been more excited for something in my entire life.. she's my life. Sorry I'm not much help, but those feelings are normal I'm sure.[/b]
This is a really good point, it's not the baby's fault it's coming. He/She didn't have a say in their creation.
But yes, some women do feel that way, but I think with time your resentment will fade. You also need to make an effort to let it go. The baby is not to blame.
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  #6  
March 31st, 2006, 01:15 PM
BabyDi's Avatar Super Mommy
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Posts: 769
I hardly ever post here, i just browse every once in a while. but i saw your post and wanted to reply. It sounds like you are rushing into a lot of things all at once. Not only are you and your BF preparing for a new addition, but now your planning a wedding also. Maybe the pressure of having to get married because of the baby is adding to the resentment. If your not ready for all of this at once, you could get married later. Theres nothing wrong with that. Your not a bad person/parent just becuase your werent married when you have your baby. Also, just because your pregnant doesnt mean your going to be a "whale" lol... theres plenty of pregnant women out there who stay fit their entire pregnancy. I think maybe slowing down your pace, maybe postponing some things and taking time for your self and to enjoy your pregnancy might help? good luck
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  #7  
March 31st, 2006, 01:24 PM
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Well first let me say CONGRATS!! Even though you are far along, I just wanted to congratulate you and welcome you!

I don't know if this is any reassurance, but at least you are 26 and not 20. I am also engaged (we got engaged in October) but we are also speeding the wedding up to November.

Like Heidi said, some women do feel some regret when they're having an unplanned pregnancy. I wish that it would have happened after college, but it didn't so here I am. I don't have any resentment or anything, but I worry that I'm not going to be prepared for this new lifestyle, and maybe those are some of the feelings you are also experiencing.

I wish you the best of luck, and keep us posted on everything!
Northcutt2Be
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  #8  
March 31st, 2006, 04:24 PM
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Well, I don't know what I can tell you that will make you feel better. You're going through tons of changes right now, and it's no wonder why you're feeling totally overwhelmed!! I know, it sucks not being able to drink, not being able to fit into your regular clothes, gaining weight, getting stretch marks...But doesn't the idea of holding that beautiful little baby in your arms make you melt just a little? It ok to feel scared, and wonder if this is right thing...It's normal, especially with an unplanned pregnancy.
Don't you worry about a thing...things will get better. You're getting a precious baby out of the deal!
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  #9  
April 1st, 2006, 06:01 AM
youngmum123
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Hey, congrats!
I'm sure you will love your baby! Wait until the next ultra sound and you will freak… you will most likely cry. My pregnancy wasn’t planned but it happened so I just accepted it. I was happy though that I was pregnant because I wanted a baby.
But yeah I’m only sixteen - your ten years older then me… And you think you life is over lol… Your life has just begun! Having a baby will turn your life around… in many ways. And don’t worry about not drinking for the next six months… drinking is bad for you. You’re a mum now. Got to be healthy for you and you family. Also you might breastfeed. You are you babies life.. Your baby loves you more than anything… you are everything to your child. At the moment you are your babies life line. Your baby can hear you talk now. And she/he knows the sound of her/his mummy’s voice.. I know just at the way my little girl looks at me and snuggles into me how much she loves me.. And it’s the best thing in the world. You will never regret it- trust me.
best of luck.. and take care. stop worrying and be happy..
oh and yeah like babydi said.. you dont have to marry now if you dont want to.. marry after you bub is born ..couple of months later.. so you can feel tones more better.
chow
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  #10  
April 1st, 2006, 06:21 AM
Wendie
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I am not sure about your feelings of resentment. I didn't have those feelings, but I was overwhelmed like you were. I had two months to plan my wedding. It wasn't easy to get out and get things done when I was 6 months along, but alas, I did it. I think the key is just to take time to relax and let yourself take everything in. Yes, you are having a baby. Yes, you are getting married. Yes, your life is going to change forever. However, your life isn't over. I know that it feels that way sometimes. Honestly, there were times when I thought I am never going back to school or I am never going to be able to go out again. I would get really depressed about it. Well my son is two months old. I am now in the process of enrolling in classes again. And, I do go out. My husband and I still find time for ourselves. Yes, my life is more stressful. And, it is really different. At first, I had a little bit of an adjustment period. I had to say goodbye to my single, carefree days. After I did that, I felt much better. And truthfully, I would never go back to the way things were. I love my son more and more everyday. I think that what you are going through is completely normal especially with all the changes in your life. Its going to take some adjustment. I think your resentment will fade. It does get better. So congratulations. And, if you ever need to talk, there is always someone on this board who is willing to listen.
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  #11  
April 1st, 2006, 09:24 AM
Lekilig86's Avatar Super Mommy
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Location: Charlotte, NC (until April 11th)
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Quote:
[font=Arial]So I'm about 16 weeks into this unplanned pregnancy. Using ortho tricyclin failed. Found out I was pregnant the day after my 26th birthday. I wanted to wait till after 30 to get pregnant. I live with my boyfriend, now my fiance. I'm planning a wedding in June, we were going to get married anyway but this whole baby thing sped it up for my families' sake and for the baby's in the future. Here is my problem..... My fiance is excited, though apprehensive. I'm excited at times, but mostly resentful of the fact I'm 26, pregnant, and my life is over (at least for the next 18 years.) I know that babies can "feel" their mom's emotions when in utero and I'm just so upset that I have to be a non-drinking whale for the next six months. I'm also a mess trying to plan a wedding. How did you moms out there stop the feeling of resentment against these unplanned little babies.[/b]

I don't really look at it as my life is over anymore....i look at it like my life is changed forever though...and that doesn't mean in a bad way. A baby is wonderful, it gives you a chance to really look at life in a new way...to realize that your own self isn't as important as other people in the world. I was (still am sorta) a selfish person and i know that this baby is going to make me grow up (im only 20) You should consider yourself extremely lucky, though....I realize that there are girls that are way worse off than me, like not having the dad around, and being much younger than yourself! So many women at 26 are trying to conceive and cannot...
And hey, believe me, not drinking is a good thing, im in college and there's alcohol in front of my face, i don't even think about it. I quit smoking too, and that was hard but you know having a baby has become something too exciting for me to hold back anymore. I get more and more excited and i know you will too! Your life isn't over, but its just beginning...good luck!
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  #13  
April 4th, 2006, 06:52 AM
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Well, I know my life is not OVER totally, but i'm saying that life as I know it to this point is and I really wasn't prepared for that. Thanks for all the helpful replies. The whole wedding thing is the one of the only things about this whole pregnancy that I'm truly happy about. I get a small wedding and I don't have to worry about going on a diet to fit into my dress, because I'm pregnant. Plus my parents are so much more willing to accept this baby if we did get married first, and I will feel so much better if we get married before that baby. The wedding itselft is a little stressful, but mostly it is these hormones that are making me feel so crazy. I had HORRIBLE pms (even on bc) before this happened so I think I'm just a very hormonal person. Plus the dreams of my fiance leaving me, dying, abandoning the baby etc. don't help. I know they are also the effect of the hormones. I just feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. I just wish I could be 100% happy about this like so many of you out there are. I try telling these things to my fiance but I think that he doesn't really know how to respond. So I'm glad I have a place to vent!! Thank you.
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