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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
December 1st, 2009, 09:40 AM
Newbie
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5
I'm new to all of this...figured I would try something new to get some advices, different perspective, and relations.

I'm about 16 weeks and 5 days far along now and due in mid of May sometime. I'm married but my marriage has been pretty rocky for the past few months. We haven't really been able to resolve any of our issues. To be quite honest...if I didn't get pregnant...I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have lasted. For this I feel terrible in a way because the fact I feel this pregnancy is what keeping us together well holds me from leaving him. I already have two children...a 3 years old and almost 9 months old baby...all from the same father too. I'm not too pleased knowing this is a close pregnancy with my 9 months old.

I found out when I was 6 weeks along pregnant. I didn't really have any symptoms, just a tummy ache it felt like to me which I think truly it was a morning sickness. I was in denial though until I noticed I missed my period but still didn't think anything of it because I was weaning breastfeeding from my baby. So I took a home pregnancy test and behold I saw the positive result boldly looking back at me.

The moment I saw it...my heart just dropped and I cried my eyes out for a good while. I'm not ready and not prepared for another pregnancy already since I just had my recent baby 7 months ago at the time. I can remember everything...I had my baby naturally with drug free childbirth. I'm not in a rush to be feeling the pains of labor again and childbirth.

Personally I don't believe in abortions, because I feel just as responsible as my husband and it's not the baby's fault. I'm not happy how the baby was conceived especially the fact me and my husband haven't really worked on our marriage. He wants to and so do I but nothing has been done. He told me he will support me in whatever I do decide. My decision by far has been is to keep the baby. I can't really imagine putting my baby up for adoption as I know there is many couples who would love to have children but cannot.

I do feel some type of attachment to the baby....I'm just worried I'm not going to be able to love it unconditionally as I do for my other 2 children. I'm afraid too I'm going to hold resentment towards the baby because I wasn't ready and didn't want anymore children. I know a few people who had unplanned pregnancy and related what I was feeling and said though once you have your baby and holding that bundle of joy in your arms....all that fades away.

I believe too since I had a slight longer of postpartum depression after I had my baby and my sensitivity level heightened and so did my emotions. Once I actually felt settled and hormones mellowed out now I'm back to where I started only it's with this pregnancy.

I plan to seek counseling for this pregnancy so I can seek a professional help because I feel what I am feeling is wrong but I'm just lost in confusion and sorts of emotions.

Has anyone been through this situation before? or almost did? Is this wrong or understanding the way I feel? I appreciate if anyone replies back to this topic
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  #2  
December 1st, 2009, 04:46 PM
rubyredslipperz's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Needles, CA
Posts: 3,231
I'm not a regular on this board but I just popped in and saw this. My two pregnancies were pretty unplanned (mostly just being ignorant) And I was pretty unhappy in my marriage with them. In my second pregnancy my husband (now ex) had two affairs and was becoming very abusive (not physically just emotionally) but I tried to work it out and stay for the kids sake.

I couldn't imagine loving the second one as much as the first. Especially with all the resentment I felt towards their dad at the time. But I will say this, you can't imagine how much your heart will grow when you hold that baby. If you fell that adoption would be best, make sure you are sure. I had a friend who adopted a baby at birth and the mom changed her mind at 3 months. And though it's her right and I can't be mad at her for choosing to raise her baby. My friends were completely heartbroken. And you never know, when you have the baby you might change your mind and just roll with it.

As for working things out with your DH it's up to you, but you can't just talk about it, you have to make an appt. or do something. Maybe even buy a book. I hear a lot of couples like "The Five Love Languages" or something like that. Will he read that with you?

I really hope that things get better for you. And perhaps you MAY still be suffering from PPD still, maybe talk to your doctor about it and see what she/he says? With having pregnancies so close together I can see it being possible. Anyways, keep your chin up and keep us posted GL sweetie.
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Raean, 27 - single mom to Chloe (1.31.03) & Savanna (8.26.05)

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  #3  
December 2nd, 2009, 12:27 AM
shadesofsorrow
Guest
Posts: n/a
I have had 5 unplanned pregnancies.The first due to ignorance,the other 4 to BC failure.I am acctually TTC now Baby # 2 now.
It's very hard emotionally and being so close to your last pregnancy physicly.If you feel that you want to work things out with your DH it's time to step up and do it.Sit down and talk out a plan of action and then DO it.Get some books,go to therapy,make some you and me time,anything that you both feel that you should do.But do it NOW because there is no going back later.
Also talk to your dr ASAP about your depression.You have to be upfrount about your home situation and how you're feeling about the pregnancy.If you feel you need therapy I would strongly suggest it and if you feel you need meds there are a few ones that are safe during pregnancy.
I know all about depression,anxiety,and mental disorders.If you need someone to talk to please pm me.
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  #4  
December 2nd, 2009, 07:23 AM
frugality=reality
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Posts: n/a


I haven't really uttered my story out loud, but my husband and I are in a rocky marriage also. The day I told him I was pregnant was the day after I told him I wanted a divorce. Of course, he changed his mind on granting the separation/divorce as soon as I told him... I should have kept my mouth shut, but the hormones made me do it.

It's still rocky. As heck. Things are not changing just because we're having another baby. He's not a very nice person, and that's that. I have four: my two, our two together (will be 4 in Feb and 2 this month), and then one on the way (I'm due in May also).

I am still sitting on the side of adoption (I don't believe in abortion for myself), but my husband won't consent. So basically, he's sentencing me (I'm sorry, but that IS the way I feel about it-it's an added 2 years beyond when my son would have been starting school that I'll be stuck here) to this without giving me my say. *sigh* I still don't really feel any emotional attachment at all to this baby. I mean-I care for it in a sense because I don't want it to die or anything, but I just don't... love it. *shrug* I'm sure it'll change as I get farther along...


I don't know what advice to really offer, as I obviously don't have it figured out. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't all alone.
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