Log In Sign Up

don't really know how unplanned it was


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

Notices

Welcome to the JustMommies Message Boards.

We pride ourselves on having the friendliest and most welcoming forums for moms and moms to be! Please take a moment and register for free so you can be a part of our growing community of mothers. If you have any problems registering please drop an email to boards@justmommies.com.

Our community is moderated by our moderation team so you won't see spam or offensive messages posted on our forums. Each of our message boards is hosted by JustMommies hosts, whose names are listed at the top each board. We hope you find our message boards friendly, helpful, and fun to be on!

Reply Post New Topic
  Subscribe To Unplanned Pregnancy LinkBack Topic Tools Search this Topic Display Modes
  #1  
April 3rd, 2006, 03:09 PM
*Leslie*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,083
Send a message via AIM to *Leslie* Send a message via Yahoo to *Leslie*
Ok everyone this is going to be lenghthy, but today is just one of those days ya know? Where nothing is really going on, and I just feel like #####.... I should be happier b/c my ms is a little better, but still...... so here's my story
Me and my boyfriend met October 22nd, 2005 at a Halloween Party. We are both 21 years old. It was like an instant connection, but we never exchanged numbers. The next day I felt like I just couldn't get the feeling I had around him out of my head, so me being the stalker I am looked for his number in the book, I found it and called. We talked for a few minutes, and agreed to go out later that week (I live over an hour away for college). The next night we talked for 5 hours on the phone, and then the next I drove home from school and he came to my house. The first two weeks he came to my house every single day, and stayed until 5 or 6 in the morning. Things were so serious so quick, and by around week 3 of dating he told me he loved me. I have never felt this way about anyone before. We talked about getting engaged within the next year, and getting married in around 3 years, after he was done with school (I will be done next year) I had been looking for engagement rings and such, and nearly everyday we talked about things like that. He would say things like "I wish you were pregnant" and I would freak out and say don't jinx us. I always said I never wanted kids, and if I did I was going to adopt one, but it wouldn't be anytime soon. This might be tmi, but it's truely needed to see the extint of this. We started out having protected sex, but around a month in we started getting careless... Then it came to the point where we never used them. Then came the time when he didn't even wanna use the pull-n-pray method.... He would literally ask me "Is it ok if I don't pull out" and I'd always say "are you willing to take that chance" he would say yes, and always said he would be happy if I got pregnant, and that everything would be fine, and he would never leave. Well needless to say, I got pregnant around January 16th, and found out on February 2nd. I was at school and he was at home (we didn't see each other only 4 days in the 3+ months we dated, we were litteraly inseperable) I told him I was taking the test and I'd call him back. When I did all I did was cry on the phone. I didn't have to say anything, he knew. Then as I cried he said "Hey" and I would say "what" and he'd go "I Love You". He told me to calm down and things would be fine..... I started to think that he was just pretending to be ok, so I finally said "please tell me how you really feel" he proceeded to tell me how happy and excited he was.... I was amazed, and began to calm down thinking he would be my rock through all of this. Well the next day I went home after classes, and he asked me to spend the night. He was so great to me that night, and was rubbing on my stomach and such. The whole reason I was freaking so bad was because I was scared to death of telling his parents (mainly his dad) Well he told his parents the next day while I was at work, and exactly what I thought happened... His dad completely flew off the handle.... Things have went downhill ever since. His cell phone was taken away from him, and he's had no contact with me in over 4 weeks. I wish I could just hate him, but it's not possible b/c I know this isn't him, it's just him not being able to stand up for himself, or me and the baby for that matter. He's just so controlled it's amazing. I hope one day he just realizes that this isn't his dad's life to miss, it's his....... and decides to take a stand.... Luckily I have the support of all of my family and friends, but there is still that void that noone can fill but him.... I feel selfish for that, like I want the whole world or something, but there is no other dad(although now his dad is accusing me of cheatingm saying it might not be his, so noone can give me what he can. His family is using the cheating excuse telling people that's why he broke up with me... b/c I might have been cheating.... I love this boy with everything I have, and wouldn't have cheated in a million years.... I think I'm going to send him u/s pics in the near future with a letter telling him how my appts. have been going... I know he wants to be involved, but it just so stuck he feels like he has nowhere to go..... I'm sorry this is so long, and noone may even read it, but I mostly needed to vent and get some support in knowing that it's ok to feel this way, and that maybe someone else is going through hard times too.......
__________________

<3 August 1st, 2013
<3 November 21st, 2013
<3 September 30th, 2014



Reply With Quote
  #2  
April 3rd, 2006, 04:18 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: San Angelo, Texas
Posts: 3,274
Send a message via AIM to MirandasMommy Send a message via Yahoo to MirandasMommy
Hey Girl!!! Welcome and congrats on your pregnancy! Well, it's kind of crazy how you and your bf met, b/c my fiance and I met in October '04 at a halloween party!! And, like you, I had this strange connection with him after we started dating. Anyways, I just wanted to share that.

About your pregnancy, I'm really sorry to hear that your bf's dad is being such a jerk about it! It's really crappy of him to accuse you of cheating! Sometimes with unplanned pregnancies, and relationships in general, parents can totally get in the way and try to tell their grown kids how to live. But, like you said, your bf needs to realize that it's HIS life and not his dad's and it's HIS baby and not his dad's. I think that sending him the u/s pictures is a very good idea, b/c that way it can seem more real to your bf, and maybe encourage him to take immediate action regarding telling his dad to butt out. From the night that you and your bf spent together (with the belly rubbing) it seems like he really wants to be a father and be a part of both of your lives, it's just that his parents are totally standing in the way of that.

I hope that everything gets better for you!! If you ever need to talk feel free to IM me at AIM: AmandaHenson33 or YahooMessenger: AmandaHenson33. Good luck and keep us posted!!!!!
Northcutt2Be
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #3  
April 3rd, 2006, 04:39 PM
Mom2DyJessAva's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: chicopee ma
Posts: 15,513
i totally agree with amanda...from what u said he seems very excited about your little one and i believe that once he stands up for himself he will be a great father to that baby and a wonderful boyfriend to u..his dad needs to learn how to butt out of things i mean he is a grown man and doesnt need to be told what to do...you should send him the ultrasound pictures(or go to a store and have them copied) and send it to him..itll make him realize that thats his baby and if he doesnt stick up for himself soon hes going to miss out on the wonderful things like hearing the babys heartbeat and going to more ultrasounds..i hope things turn out right and please keep us updated!! by the way congrats on your pregnancy and welcome to the board!!!
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #4  
April 3rd, 2006, 05:21 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 13,011
Hey sweetie,
Wow, as you were explaining how you and your b/f got together and all that, I couldn't believe how similar it is to how my b/f and I got together...Basically, his brother and my sister are dating, and when I went to go meet her b/f for the first time, he brought along his brother with him (who is now my b/f) and we just totally clicked!! He was living in Montreal, I'm in Winnipeg, and within 2 weeks, he was back to visit and stayed at my place, and then like two weeks after that we spent a week in Ireland together, then about 4 days at his place in Montreal...He worked as a flight attendant so he would fly on all of his days off to see me. Within 3.5 months, he moved here to Winnipeg to be with me, and well, about two months after that...Surprise! I'm preggers!!!!! He was happy at the very beginning, but like your guy, he let his family (his mom to be exact) influence how he felt, and suddenly he wanted me to get an abortion...Well luckily that attitude only lasted for less than a day, then he was back to being happy. But his mom gave us/me a really hard time about this pregnancy too. I won't get into the details, but her and I ended up having this big fight via email...lol So I do understand how you feel, sort of.
Why would he let his father dictate his life for him, I wonder? I'd definately send him the pictures, and a long letter about how you feel. If he lives in the same house as his dad, DO NOT put your name on the envelope. Make up a name or don't put anything on it. Leave the return address in the letter. If his dad sees a letter from you, and gets to it before you guy does, he'll surely just throw it out, or worse! Open it and read it!
I hope things work out. At least you have your family and friends there for you...and us of course!!
Congratulations on the pregnancy...even though times are tough right now, just wait! Soon enough, you'll have a beautiful little baby that will bring you the most wonderful joy that no man will ever be able to give you...
If you ever need to talk you can PM me or email btaillefer101@hotmail.com.
__________________
Visit my blog here.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
April 4th, 2006, 09:47 AM
*Leslie*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,083
Send a message via AIM to *Leslie* Send a message via Yahoo to *Leslie*
Thank you all for your wonderful and encouraging replies! I really didn't know if anyone would read it because it was so long..... When I do write him the letter and send the u/s pics I will be leaving them on his truck while he is at school, b/c I KNOW his dad would never let him have it, or would read it before he could. My mom called a little while ago and said she was thinking of writing him a letter. He has yet to see or talk to my parents since I found out I was pregnant. I just feel so guilty sometimes for the way I feel about all of this. I've mad a list of some of the stuff I think about daily to kind of get it off my chest. Let me know if you all think this is normal or what I can do to help these feelings
1. "I get mad at people for saying things like he's a loser you don't need him if he's going to be like this"..... I just feel like they don't understand at all... If they haven't lived the abused & controlled life that he has, then they have no idea what life is like for him. I get so mad at the fact that some people think I should just hate him and move on. It really makes me start to resent some people that I know are just trying to help me.
2. I get mad at myself for constently reliving every minute we have spent together, and recalling everything he said before and after this pregnancy. It is tearing me up at times, but sometimes it does make me happy b/c the times before we became pregnant were so happy, I'd never been happier in my life. I just keep confusing myself by going through everything he and his family has said up to this point, but I can't quit.
3. I feel bad for getting mad at the people who think they have to give me advice on what last name to give the baby. For the most part they say it should be my last name, but there are a few who think I should give the baby his.... As of right now it's getting my name, unless things with him change drastically.... but that is my decision not theirs..... same goes for first names...... Don't tell me you hate the name I've picked out, b/c that's what it's gonna freaking be and you are gonna feel like an ##### after it's born for saying it.....

There are tons more, so I'm gonna keep adding to this..... again sorry it's so long......
__________________

<3 August 1st, 2013
<3 November 21st, 2013
<3 September 30th, 2014



Reply With Quote
  #6  
April 4th, 2006, 09:55 AM
Lekilig86's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Charlotte, NC (until April 11th)
Posts: 776
Quote:
Thank you all for your wonderful and encouraging replies! I really didn't know if anyone would read it because it was so long..... When I do write him the letter and send the u/s pics I will be leaving them on his truck while he is at school, b/c I KNOW his dad would never let him have it, or would read it before he could. My mom called a little while ago and said she was thinking of writing him a letter. He has yet to see or talk to my parents since I found out I was pregnant. I just feel so guilty sometimes for the way I feel about all of this. I've mad a list of some of the stuff I think about daily to kind of get it off my chest. Let me know if you all think this is normal or what I can do to help these feelings
1. "I get mad at people for saying things like he's a loser you don't need him if he's going to be like this"..... I just feel like they don't understand at all... If they haven't lived the abused & controlled life that he has, then they have no idea what life is like for him. I get so mad at the fact that some people think I should just hate him and move on. It really makes me start to resent some people that I know are just trying to help me.
2. I get mad at myself for constently reliving every minute we have spent together, and recalling everything he said before and after this pregnancy. It is tearing me up at times, but sometimes it does make me happy b/c the times before we became pregnant were so happy, I'd never been happier in my life. I just keep confusing myself by going through everything he and his family has said up to this point, but I can't quit.
3. I feel bad for getting mad at the people who think they have to give me advice on what last name to give the baby. For the most part they say it should be my last name, but there are a few who think I should give the baby his.... As of right now it's getting my name, unless things with him change drastically.... but that is my decision not theirs..... same goes for first names...... Don't tell me you hate the name I've picked out, b/c that's what it's gonna freaking be and you are gonna feel like an ##### after it's born for saying it.....

There are tons more, so I'm gonna keep adding to this..... again sorry it's so long......[/b]
I really hope that he steps up to his dad....I think the letter and pics will be great for him, men are visual creatures...Especially since he'll be able to keep it.
My parents are really controlling too...B/f gets very hateful towards them all the time, so what your feeling is normal...
the road is gonna be tough ahead but i think you'll be able to be VERY happy once all of this settles! It's settled for us after awhile, we have a lot more to get through but i'm finally starting to come around to need to stand up to my parents and what not...I love em to death but they really think they know whats best. I have a feeling your future won't be so bad, especially as excited as he seems. good luck in the future and any advice on anything u can PM me!
__________________
<div align="center">


</a>
<a href="http://www.TickerFactory.com/">
</a>
</div>
Reply With Quote
  #7  
April 4th, 2006, 11:00 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Winnipeg
Posts: 13,011
I think the list you made is a great idea...It really helps sort out feelings, and when one of those things happen, you're more prepared to stand up for what you really truly feel. Keep it up, it'll really help you!
__________________
Visit my blog here.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
April 4th, 2006, 01:11 PM
Wendie
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi. Congratulations! I definitely can relate to how you feel. My fiancee (now husband) went through the same thing when I first found out I was pregnant. We lived together, and we were not really trying, but we weren't really preventing it. When I first found out, he was excited, but fearful of telling his parents. His dad took the news well, but his mother freaked out. She started crying hysterically and pulled this big pity trip. She is good at overreacting. Anyways, she kept insisting that the baby might not be his. However, my DH stood up to his mom and told her if she didn't like it then she shouldn't be involved. I am sorry that your bf is not in a position to do that. I can't imagine how it must feel to have no contact with him. Hopefully, he will be find a way to be with you so he doesn't miss out on things. It sounds like you are handling yourself well. And, if you ever need to talk, there are tons of people on here who are willing to listen. Or, you can email me at Wendie84Nicole@yahoo.com. I really hope he comes around. If not, you will still have a beautiful baby in the end.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
April 4th, 2006, 04:43 PM
jenmommy's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 1,324
Okay, I am 26, and this stuff happened to me when I was 18 and pregnant with my little boy. My bf's family did the something similar. I was 17 when we met, he was 19.

They kept us apart for about 2 years, then he came back. Then some other circumstances almost ruined our chances. We got back together a year later. Then I moved to his state. We broke up mostly cause of parents again. He wanted to be in my life and child's life, though, but was dependent on them.

Well, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I connected with him instantly at college. I saw him, and I knew.

When we dated, we clicked so much.

Here it is now 2006. almost 9 years since we met in August 1997. JUST this year, his family finally gave in to let us be together and not have to sneak around. It was hard. I was mad at him. I said things like (I wish I didn't love him). Also made excuses for him. But all the while I PRAYED. I prayed for him, and for my son. I wanted my family so badly.

But now we are so close, been through everything, and still together. We're not married, but we have more under our belt than most married couples. So no matter what don't give up on him. That is if you continue to love him and want a family with him.

If you ever need to talk. setfreeinhimnow@yahoo.com
Reply With Quote
  #10  
April 4th, 2006, 06:04 PM
*Leslie*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,083
Send a message via AIM to *Leslie* Send a message via Yahoo to *Leslie*
Quote:
Okay, I am 26, and this stuff happened to me when I was 18 and pregnant with my little boy. My bf's family did the something similar. I was 17 when we met, he was 19.

They kept us apart for about 2 years, then he came back. Then some other circumstances almost ruined our chances. We got back together a year later. Then I moved to his state. We broke up mostly cause of parents again. He wanted to be in my life and child's life, though, but was dependent on them.

Well, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I connected with him instantly at college. I saw him, and I knew.

When we dated, we clicked so much.

Here it is now 2006. almost 9 years since we met in August 1997. JUST this year, his family finally gave in to let us be together and not have to sneak around. It was hard. I was mad at him. I said things like (I wish I didn't love him). Also made excuses for him. But all the while I PRAYED. I prayed for him, and for my son. I wanted my family so badly.

But now we are so close, been through everything, and still together. We're not married, but we have more under our belt than most married couples. So no matter what don't give up on him. That is if you continue to love him and want a family with him.

If you ever need to talk. setfreeinhimnow@yahoo.com[/b]
I really enjoyed your post a lot, and your last paragraph really got me... made me cry actually.... some people may think I'm stupid, but I don't want to give up on him, I love him with all of my heart, and want everyone involved to be happy! It may take a while, but I'm willing to give it time and try..... Thank you so much for your post!
__________________

<3 August 1st, 2013
<3 November 21st, 2013
<3 September 30th, 2014



Reply With Quote
  #11  
April 6th, 2006, 09:39 AM
*Leslie*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,083
Send a message via AIM to *Leslie* Send a message via Yahoo to *Leslie*
ok girl I need some help. I'm going to make a mixed cd to send with the ultrasound pics and letter. I did this before while we were dating, as he listens to music all the time, I need ideas for songs, there are some that were special to us that I'm going to put on there. and I've also decided to add Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls... and There goes my life by Kenny Chesney
He's really into country music, so I'd like to pick country songs.... any help would be appreciated..... since you all know the situation I figure you can help just as much as I can pick em!
__________________

<3 August 1st, 2013
<3 November 21st, 2013
<3 September 30th, 2014



Reply With Quote
  #12  
April 6th, 2006, 09:24 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,901
Just a little piece of advice.

I know that you love him, and he may be worthy of you staying with him (once things blow over a little). But you need to tell him that he needs to stand up for himself. You need to encourage him. I'm speaking from personal experience. He needs to know that someone believes in him and that someone is you.

Just what I think.

I'm sorry you're going through this, I'd be pretty down as well, but have faith. What is meant to happen happens.

Good luck and Congrats!
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #13  
April 6th, 2006, 11:44 PM
lilmamaw2's Avatar Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Omaha Nebraska
Posts: 246
Send a message via AIM to lilmamaw2 Send a message via Yahoo to lilmamaw2
i know what your goin through my-x-bf had a really controlling dad that would beat him and every thing my -x- moved in with me and my family and i lived states away form him so it was a big deal when he moved in i loved him so much and i under stood that no mater what i'd try to say to him about standing up for him self i knew he couldn't his dad had this parrlizing fear over him and when i got pregnant his dad drove all the way out to my parents house to force him to move back home keep in mind they lived like 3 states away well from being so stressed out i had a misscarriage and lost the baby and then me and him broke up i loved him so much but when i had to go through that by my self that really hurt and we got in an argument and ended it some times i wonder if maybe i didn't make him choose between me and his family would we still be together but then i quickly realize that if it wasn't for that happening i wouldn't have met my husband and i wouldn't have 2 beautiful children that i could never live with out now this might sound like a bad example but i'm just trying to say that i know how you feel i still talk to his family i cant talk to him cuz i don't know if i could handle that but i send pictures and letters and stuff k' that might sound weird and bad but i was friends with him for 3years before we dated and then we dated for 2years so his parents still send my family holiday cards and stuff and send me pictures of his brothers new babies and stuff

but any ways my dad also has major controll over my brothers and trys to have controll over me but i don't deal with it cuz i'v been living with my husband for 5years since i was 17years old so i dosn't work with me but it does on my lil brothers???? i don't know why but one is 21, one is 19, and one is 17 and they work and hand their checks over to my dad??? why i don't know but when my dad did that to me i moved out and moved in with my now husband so its not gonna be easy to get him to see what his dads doing cuz he knows but is dad will through him into a big guilt trip the min. he tries to go against it the most you can do is be there for him and hope his parents will come around.. sorry this is so long but i hope i helped in some way but i wish you luck and hope all works out

oh and a song i think is good is "raining on sunday" by keith erbon?? not sure how to spell his name but he's a country singer!!!! and a great song!!!!
__________________
<div align="left">[http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2006-...1/SUNP0001.JPG[/b]</span></span></div>
Reply With Quote
  #14  
April 7th, 2006, 04:45 AM
*Cassie*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada
Posts: 18,780
I can kind of relate to your story. I'm 19 years old, daddy is 23. Luckily, my bf has stood by me but there has been lots of stress on our relationship and we argue a lot. At first he was not happy at all, but now he can't wait to be a daddy. We have been together about a year and a half. His mother on the other hand, has never been my biggest fan. She has always said I would get pregnant and now I have and she is convinced I did it on purpose. She is constantly trying to get Dale to break up with me. Although it has added some stress, he has stayed by me. We love each other and this baby. He is getting really excited now, he rubs my belly, talks to the baby. It's sweet.

From the sounds of it your guy really wants to be there for you but his parents aren't letting him. I think you leaving him letters and pics is a great idea. Maybe it will give him that extra little boost of courage he needs to stand up for his life. However, and I hate to say this but if he can't learn to stand up for himself and those he loves, he doesn't deserve you. He needs to get ahold of HIS life and to he** with everyone else! I'm lucky that my bf doesn't let his mother get between us. I really hope he figures this out and you guys can do this together. I'm sure he will come around! If you ever need to talk, you can email me at roy_cassandra@yahoo.ca
__________________
RIP Grammie (06/24/35 - 07/25/06) and Grampie (08/18/26 - 07/26/06). I love you both and I miss you so much...
Reply With Quote
  #15  
April 7th, 2006, 05:25 AM
*Leslie*'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 4,083
Send a message via AIM to *Leslie* Send a message via Yahoo to *Leslie*
Thanks for the replies. I'm getting the 4-D Ultrasound done tomorrow, and it doesn't give print-outs, they are on a cd.... so I'm thinking I'm going to go all out and put them on a disk and make a powerpoint with music out of it..... I didn't mention to many specifics about the parents b/c I don't know if they've ever been on this website, so I didn't really want to get into specifics..... some of the things you all said have related very much, and other things worse than you could imagine go on with his life.... I feel sorry for him, and love him, and it hurts to know that his life is hell everyday.... I do get comfort in knowing though, that I'm sure not a minute goes by when he doesn't think about what's going on.... Even if we aren't talking at the moment, I know he's thinking of me, and that makes me feel ok at times..... thanks for all of your encouraging words... to some it might seem crazy, but I'm not ready to give up on him, I want this family to work, and for everyone to get along, so please keep your fingers crossed for me!
__________________

<3 August 1st, 2013
<3 November 21st, 2013
<3 September 30th, 2014



Reply With Quote
Reply

Topic Tools Search this Topic
Search this Topic:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:30 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0