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i just recently found out i am pregnant. the father is someone i've had an intimate relationship with for the past year. i told him and he is 100% against me having this child. i told him that i could do this on my own and that i grew up without my dad and i turned out just fine. he replied back saying i was very selfish because i'm not considering him in this whole equation and that it's going to ruin his life.
i guess he was recently trying to get back with his ex girlfriend and he had the audacity to ask, "how can i tell the girl who i love with all my heart that i got some girl pregnant? you're ruining my life. you NEED to have an abortion.. you're so selfish"
i dont know what to do.. i'm scared & the only person who knows is my sister.. has anyone had their child's father eventually come around? i'm not trying to ruin his life.. i'm just trying to do what is right. i'm 23 and he's turning 25 on thursday...
i am sorry if this makes no sense.. i'm still trying to take it in.. thanks for any advice.
any woman that finds out he threw his child away for her will walk away. This isn't your problem...you need to focus on you and that little one in your belly. Really, having a father is an ideal situation, but you can't make him be a daddy. You can get support from him (financial), and you should. The rest is on HIS shoulders.
my thanks to Claire1979 for the awesome siggy!!
thanks heather. i really appreciate you taking the time to respond.
i think what i am having a hard time with is that i never imagined this would be the way i'd have my first child. i tell him i'm ok doing this on my own but i'm SCARED. i've always been the girl in the group of friends who no one could imagine having kids. and i'm sooo scared to do it on my own. i'm really not trying to ruin his life... and i know we're both at fault here but CRAP.
I understand completely! Kendalls daddy at one point wanted to sign his rights over because having a child made it "hard on him". You can do it! You are in no way selfish! You want whats best for your baby..and if he doesnt want to be there its gonna be his loss! If you want to keep this baby..by all means keep it! Like Heather said you cant make him be a daddy! But it takes two to tango and he should man up!
Thanks to pattyandthemoos for my beautiful siggy (:
I'm really sorry this guy is being this way about the whole situation. I just love how he calls you selfish, yet he expects you to do whatever he wants to suit his needs! He's obviously the one thinking only about himself. Like everyone else has said, there is no way you can make him man up and be a father. This doesn't mean that he won't though. Eventually, he might come around. I've talked to many women who have had similar experiences and some of the guys do come around. Keep talking to him and try to make him understand that you're just trying to do what's best and that you feel it's your responsibility to bring this child into the world. Let him know that you're going to do it with or without him, but that the child really deserves a father and it'd be selfish of him not to give that to the child. Do you actually want a relationship with him though? If not, let him know that you just want him to be there for the child.
And as someone already mentioned, he should realize that this other women is going to find out about this baby one way or another, and hopefully she wouldn't want anything to do with a guy that wouldn't take responsibility!
As far as doing it alone, it'll obviously be hard, but remember that so many women do it and succeed. At least you're 23 and not a teen struggling to make it through high school with a baby. Do you have a college degree and/or a good job?
I'm sorry this is happening to you My son's father begged me and begged me and even offered to pay for an abortion, saying how he wasn't ready to be a father, whatnot.. I was 16, he was 24, so figure what he was really not ready for (possibly jail?) He ended up planning a pregnancy of another woman a few months later, and married her a week after my son was born.. He "tried" to be a father about 1 1/2 years after my son was born, but he then got re-interested in me, and it just wasn't working.. He has now relinquished his rights..
Maybe he's desperately in love with a girl, but he should think about how he played a part in getting you pregnant too.. If she can't love him and his child, then she really isn't worth loving and hopefully someday he sees this.
Its ALWAYS Easier for men to say "ABORT" when a girl is pregnant.. Always, and alot of people say that men have just as much right, but they don't, because they're not the ones carrying the baby. Decide what to do in your own heart, and if he can't be there, then its his choice, and thats all you can do.
Hi, I don't post on JM alot but after reading what you're going through it is exactly the same as what happened to me. I'm 22 and my sons father is 30. Our relationship was more of just a sexual thing but it went on for a while. When I found out I was pregnant I told him and the first thing he said was that I better get an abortion. He told me that he was getting back together with his ex and he wanted to have a baby with her and if I had this baby than it would ruin his life and if his ex found out than she wouldn't want to be with him (like I cared lol). He told me if I had the baby he would never be in its life and he didn't want anything to do with it. Just like you, I didn't want to ruin his life but I had to do what was best for me and my baby. We got in alot of arguements about it and I ended up making an appointment for an abortion and in the end I just couldn't go through with it. Now I have a 4 month old baby boy who is the greatest thing in my life and I can't even begin to explain how much I love him and how glad I am I kept him. It deffinately isn't easy but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm currently in college and I bring my son to the daycare on campus. His father is paying child support which is nice. When my son was about 2 months old his father decided he wanted to be in his life so right now we are trying to figure all of that out. It's just hard because I stopped talking to his dad when I was 5 months pregnant so I don't exactly trust him and he has alot to prove. I know everything seems crazy and impossible to deal with right now. But it gets better...I promise. The exact moment I realized everything was going to be ok was when I heard my baby's heart beat for the first time and thought I'm going to be a mommy. Sorry this is so long and if you have any questions or want to talk just let me know. Good luck and I'm sorry he is treating you like he is. Stay strong hun.
You're not being selfish... if anyone is, he is. Remember that. I was raised by a single mother, and looking back, I wouldn't have it any other way.
If YOU want to keep the baby, then I think, you should. Good luck with your decision, I know its a hard one!
I am sorry you are going through this. He is the one that is being selfish. Dismiss what he says and think about you and that little one you are carrying.
Do what you think is right. And Heather is right, you can get financial support from him when the time comes.
Good Luck with your situation.
Amelia: Wife to Ryan, Mama to Harleigh, with a boy on the way
Thanks everyone! It's been a few weeks since I posted this. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who took the time out to reply. It means a lot to me.
I just had my first appointment yesterday. and it seems a little bit more real. A lot has transpired over the past couple of weeks which led me to change my cell phone number (i.e. his mother calling me and acting crazy). If he wants to have an active role in this he has my home phone number and he can contact me there. So far, he has made no attempt. His mother called once last week throwing the, "well, if it's even my son's child." bit around. My mother told her she should step away for the next 7 months and when the baby is born we'll get them a DNA test to shut them up.
It's going to be a long road but I have soo many supportive friends and family behind me.
Reading everyone's story made me feel better in knowing I made the right decision. Thanks again.