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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 16th, 2010, 08:16 AM
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Neither myself, or my boyfriend Will, have children. This is the first for both of us. We had our first date only 4 months ago!!! And we have only been officially a couple since Thanksgiving, so 2 1/2 months!! There's no chance in the world that this baby is anyone's but Will's.

I still haven't told him yet. Just curious how some of you told the dad and your parents? Honestly I'm equally worried about how both will react.

Will just told me on Saturday that he's not entirely sure he wants kids. I was already suspected at that point and thought "well that seals the deal, if I wasn't pregnant I'm sure I am now" (sarcastically lol). I asked why and he said he doesn't want to deal with diapers or crying or anything like that. I told him "you know I want a baby more than anything in the world right?" And he let out an exasperated sigh but that was the end of the conversation. I'm worried now that he'll think I did this on purpose or something, when I honestly didn't.

I have a few friends from other message boards that I have talked to through the net for about 7 or 8 years. I told 3 of them. But other than that, I told 2 close friends and 2 of my cousins, who swore not to tell anyone until I did. I don't want my dad's brothers calling and saying "congratulations Grandpa!" when he doesn't even know yet, that would not be good.

My idea for Will is to just tell him I'm really late and think we need to take the test. I was expecting my last period to start very early Feb. and I told him one night that if we were going to fool around, we better do it soon cause I was going to get it soon. He was under the impression that I had just had a period, and I told him no, I should be starting soon.

About a week and a half later, he called me out and said he thought I lied about getting my period so that he would have sex with me. I didn't know what to say to that... I wasn't entirely suspicious of pregnancy, but was a little aware that I hadn't gotten it yet, and I just smiled and said no I would never lie, I just haven't gotten it yet...

So I don't think he's fully aware that something is up with all of that. But, he knew I hadn't gotten it yet, which why I liked the idea of just saying I was late, rather than just flat out telling him I am pregnant. I think if I re-test with him and include him it'd go over better, and we can both be scared and worried about telling our families together. My parents have DRILLED it into my head not to have kids before I'm married. It's also big in our family to preach "no unplanned pregnancies" because I have a cousin with cystic fibrosis, and a 2nd cousin with spina bifida. Soooo... that won't be good either. I'm just at a loss. Do you think that is the best way to tell Will? Or should I just tell him? And how should I go about telling my parents?

No matter what happens with anyone else, I am keeping this baby. Even if it is sick or "not perfect"... there are so many advances being made in medicine... so I couldn't deny my child life because of something like that.

Anyway, any thoughts, ideas, suggestions on telling them would be much appreciated!
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  #2  
February 16th, 2010, 08:49 AM
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I think you should test again with your boyfriend around..that would probably be he easiest. And the best way to tell your parents is to just tell them...there really is no easy way I'm afraid. But good luck to you and congrats on the pregnancy..and keep us updated...
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  #3  
February 16th, 2010, 09:16 AM
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That is what I thought the best way to go about would be. But I'm worried I'd get a negative result after already having the positive...
But I didn't even test first thing in the morning like I was supposed to, and the first one went to positive right away, within seconds...
Is there a chance I could get a negative test result? I don't know! I've never tested before! It's all my first time for all of this!!!
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  #4  
February 16th, 2010, 12:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katiebear View Post
That is what I thought the best way to go about would be. But I'm worried I'd get a negative result after already having the positive...
But I didn't even test first thing in the morning like I was supposed to, and the first one went to positive right away, within seconds...
Is there a chance I could get a negative test result? I don't know! I've never tested before! It's all my first time for all of this!!!
If you have already gotten a positive result, there is a very slim chance that you will get a negative if you test again...Maybe you could test by urself and then show him the test? If you dont want him to actually be with you.
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  #5  
February 16th, 2010, 12:41 PM
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I don't mind him being with me. I just already know I got a positive test and don't wanna give the old "I'm late" speech, and then have a negative result and give him like a false sense of relief. I'll just have to hope the second one will go to positive as quickly as the first one did.
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  #6  
February 16th, 2010, 02:06 PM
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I understand! Good luck and let us know how things go!
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  #7  
February 16th, 2010, 06:34 PM
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hey there. i was in pretty much the exact situation. DF and i were only dating for a month and a half. he had mentioned something baout if my period was coming soon and i honestly wasnt worried about it. so one night, i took a test by myself and was utterly shocked to see a positive. i didnt say anything just yet to him. he then questioned me a day or two later as to whether i was due yet and i said yeah, i think i;m acutally a day or two late, so the next morning he went and bought a test and we did it together.
so yes, it was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY easier to not come out and say it. taking it together is a really good idea.
good luck, and congrats!!
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  #8  
February 16th, 2010, 06:52 PM
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This is not a judgment about anyone else, but personally I would feel dishonest about taking a test with him around "for the first time" already knowing the result. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably take another test, and if it came back positive (which it will if you haven't miscarried), and then tell him that I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. There is no way I could fake that kind of surprise reaction, and I wouldn't want to.

I told my parents the same day I told the baby's father, but told them first. He and I were friends and roommates, but not in a relationship. I knew they would be more supportive. I told my mother first. Just said that my period was late and I took a test and it came back positive. I basically said the same thing to my father, who took it surprisingly well. When I told the baby's father, I don't remember if I told him I was late or not, but said last night I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. Telling him wasn't easy, but obviously it had to happen. Regardless of how he reacts, I think you'll feel a lot better once you get it out in the open.

Good luck! Please let us know how it goes!
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  #9  
February 16th, 2010, 07:24 PM
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I know how you feel. I was with my (now) DH for 3 weeks when I got pregnant (I ended up miscarrying though) I was completely oblivious to even testing until I was already 8 weeks. I told him I was late and I needed to get a test, so we went to the clinic together, and he was in the room with me when the dr. said I was pregnant. Neither of us were expecting it, and we were in complete and utter disbelief and shock. We hadn't talked about kids, but he'd mentioned that he and his ex fiance didn't want kids... he is now an amazing father of our 3 boys, and I'm expecting again. I would just take the test together, it would probably go over smoother. Good luck and keep us posted.
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  #10  
February 17th, 2010, 01:34 PM
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I don't think I'll tell him it's my first test... I'll just test again with him there... I'm still getting used to this whole "being pregnant" thing. Like right now it doesn't feel "real". It's just words that I'm saying. I'm sure once I see the baby in an ultra sound and hear the heartbeat and feel it move, it will feel more real. The only "realness" to it right now is just somewhat sore boobs, being tired ALL the time, and an increasingly nauseous feeling lol. About 4 or so days ago it hit the first time right before bed, and then the next few days anytime I'd lay down I'd feel nauseated. Today I was starving and had lunch out with Will and felt sick right away and the feeling has left yet. I was told by almost everyone I wouldn't be feeling sick yet... but omg they couldn't be more wrong!!
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  #11  
February 17th, 2010, 03:18 PM
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Yea it will take it a while to actually "kick in"...unless you sart getting morning sickness..then it will kick you in the butt!
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  #12  
February 18th, 2010, 09:40 AM
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I feel nauseated at times, but have yet to make a trip to the bathroom to get sick lol. Most my probs lately are my boobs and back hurting. Not to mention my appetite going from next to nothing to starving ALL the time!!
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  #13  
February 19th, 2010, 02:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katiebear View Post
I don't think I'll tell him it's my first test... I'll just test again with him there... I'm still getting used to this whole "being pregnant" thing. Like right now it doesn't feel "real". It's just words that I'm saying. I'm sure once I see the baby in an ultra sound and hear the heartbeat and feel it move, it will feel more real. The only "realness" to it right now is just somewhat sore boobs, being tired ALL the time, and an increasingly nauseous feeling lol. About 4 or so days ago it hit the first time right before bed, and then the next few days anytime I'd lay down I'd feel nauseated. Today I was starving and had lunch out with Will and felt sick right away and the feeling has left yet. I was told by almost everyone I wouldn't be feeling sick yet... but omg they couldn't be more wrong!!
Most pregnancy symptoms like morning sickness will start around 6 weeks. My guess is that you are at least 6-7 weeks at this point. With my pregnancies, I noticed sore boobs about a week before my expected period. Then about 6 weeks pregnant when the morning sickness started.
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  #14  
February 19th, 2010, 01:50 PM
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Yeah according to what the online estimations are, I am 7 weeks today and was just over 6 weeks when I found out. If that is true, then I was right around 6 weeks when I started to feel nauseous at night time!

I got my school money, and should have the car by Monday at the earliest. So hopefully by Monday I can tell him about the baby. If he doesn't react how I'd like, then I can leave and go to my apartment. I still have my place, and all my furniture there. So, at least I won't be homeless if he would kick me out
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  #15  
February 19th, 2010, 09:26 PM
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Brian and I met each other in the Summer of 03. Started "officially" dating March 04. Got pregnant July 04. So its not bad that things are moving quickly for the 2 of you.

Brian said he wasn't ready for children and didn't want any for awhile. But everything turned out okay. Here we are almost 6 yrs later with 3 kids
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  #16  
February 21st, 2010, 06:34 PM
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I just sat down and told him. It your choice and your body. He can either step up willingly or have the state handle it for him, either way, its going to happen.

Do take his opinion in though, not on keeping it, but maybe how to work together in the future if he chooses too.
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  #17  
February 21st, 2010, 09:43 PM
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Good luck telling your OH and family. DH and I were together for 4 months (as in we met for the first time irl 4 months before..) when we started TTC... Obviously the baby was planned and we both wanted kids, but it was a shock that it happened first time of trying!

I'm only 19 also, so a few family members got on our backs (or my back... DH's family were happy!) so just a friendly warning - if anyone reacts badly, try not to get upset...just take a step back and let it sink in for them.

Also, get taking Folic Acid!! Especially if you've got a history of Spina Bifida in the family.

x
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  #18  
February 22nd, 2010, 06:24 AM
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I got OVC prenatal vitamins and will also take folic acid supplements... I eat lots of "green leafy veggies" and they say actually eating the foods is better for you than the supplements... but I figure an extra boost couldn't hurt. However, if the baby is gonna be born with spina bifida, it already has it before you ever know you're preggers. I wanna say it happens around the 20th day or so after conception... by all means I'm not saying "if my baby has it then there's nothing I can do to fix it"... I just should've been taking the F.A. supplements before I ever got pregnant is all.
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  #19  
February 22nd, 2010, 11:05 AM
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I wish you the best of luck.
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  #20  
February 22nd, 2010, 08:47 PM
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I'm lurking, lol...but I just wanted to give you a little peace of mind. I have a Chiari Malformation, which is usually associated with Spina Bifida, and our son does not have Chiari, SB, or any other neurological problems. They will look for it on u/s if you tell them your family relation, but don't get ahead of yourself. It is not guaranteed your kid would have it, actually it is pretty unlikely.
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Wesley (7.16.09) Severe GERD, FTT, Gastroparesis, Sensory Processing issues, Tube fed, (G tube currently), suspected Mitochondrial Disease, trialing Gastric Stimulator. Nissen Fundoplication 7/2012
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