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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
February 24th, 2010, 04:52 PM
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I don't know where to start. I guess I could start by saying that I have about 12 positive HPT's sitting on my counter collected over the past 2 weeks. I guess I could tell you that I am currently pregnant with my 4th child. I cuould tell you that my oldest child is 3 1/2 and my youngest is 7 months.

I had a 28 weeker, was then surprised by an unplanned pregnancy who is now 7 months and lo and behold the unthinkable has happened. We have done what we swore up and down we would never do. After a vasectomy - we are pregnant. I am destroyed. We are broke. I can not carry babies well. All of my babies have been premature. In a span of 2 years so far I have carried/carrying 3 babies. This isn't healthy. I don't know how we screwed up as I chart (but quit temping)

We have to actually have the talk - are we going to keep it? We are strong in our love for each other and in our love for our children. but we are broke, we are struglling and we will not have support. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Let alone, again, I do not carry babies well.

I don't know where I am going with this...I don't know what to say. I have no one to tell...I have no one to talk to. I can't tell to two people in my life that I am closest to, my mom and sis...I don't have the heart to tell them. I just can't. Adn my husbands family...forget it. If we keep the baby we will have to move and I will stay out of sight until the baby is born so we don't have to hear anything. I can't take the critisism...I can't take the talking. But moreso...I don't know if I can take the everyday stresses of having 4 children 4 and under. I don't know if I have the mental capacity.

Please help me...
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  #2  
February 24th, 2010, 05:12 PM
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I'm in kind of the same boat. My oldest will be 4 in July, my second is 2 my youngest is 9 months and i'm 18 weeks pregnant with #4. We're also struggeling as DH is in college until May and not working. My best advice is to do what you feel is best and most beneficial for your family, I told my family asap as i knew i'd need the support, however i stated that if they had anything negative to say they could ignore my existance until they were over it. They came around fairly quickly. Good luck to you and your family.
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  #3  
February 24th, 2010, 05:16 PM
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Wow - you really are in the same boat! I wish I could say that to my family...but I am not sure that I can. I just feel extremely beaten down at the moment. I am meeting with a neurologist next week as my GP thinks I may be looking at MS. I was just DX with Hypertension 2 months ago...Enough of that.

Good for you for standing up for yourself. I hope you find yourself surrounded by as much positivity as possible and I wish you luck.
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  #4  
February 24th, 2010, 05:27 PM
myblueyez's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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All I can say is do what is best for your family. Talk to your doc and see what he thinks is best medically for you. It may be too stressful for your body and/or baby to go through with the preg.
As for the family issue, as long as you and DH present a united front and are secure in your decision, whatever that may be, they can either accept it or move on...
I wish you the best either way... And know that you have support here!
And NO you are NOT an idiot!
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  #5  
February 24th, 2010, 06:03 PM
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I don't know what I feel this way...but in some ways I feel like my doc is thinking, "man this girl is stupid, I can't believe this", ect. and I am even embarrased to see her. I am not even scheduled to see her but I have an u/s scheduled for the 8th. I may try and find a free place to get an u/s and see at least what's happening in there!

Thank you so much - I just need...well...something.
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  #6  
February 24th, 2010, 07:05 PM
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ya know, i was really worried about my dr too, but he was one of the most comforting people. He made me feel more confident about being pregnant. I'm not sure how, but I could just tell, him and his receptionists didn't think badly of me. I hope you can find some support around you. We're all here for you though
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  #7  
February 24th, 2010, 10:25 PM
conley1988
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We were pretty much in the same boat. I had 4 under 4 up until about two weeks when my oldest turned 5. I also had children close, two in 2009. I know the feeling of not being able to make it, but we did. Somehow, we pushed through, even with me on bedrest we made due.

It is possible if you have the real courage too. I am not in your shoes so I can't say do or don't, but just go through all your options.

I am pregnant with my 5th, just had a baby about 11 weeks ago, and I am 22. Talking about being embarrassed. We are technically undecided until March 20th, but I am sure we are going to do it.
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  #8  
February 25th, 2010, 03:19 AM
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For those of you with 4 very young...how do you do it. I mean hOW? I feel like my oldest is already kind of ignored. My middle little girl is acting out b/c she is kind of left out b/c I am always feeding Jack or what not. I just can not imagine what the dynamic would be like with a fourth. I feel like I would be damaging them. Does this make sense? If for some reason I actually carried the baby to full term (I am batting 0 out of 3 on that one) my oldest would be just 4 years old (in Sept) my middle would be just 2 (in sept) and my youngest would be 15 months.

Last edited by three_beauties; February 25th, 2010 at 08:11 AM.
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  #9  
February 25th, 2010, 09:26 AM
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My son is 4 in July, my second son will be 3 in Oct and my youngest will be 15 months when she's born... Lucky for me, my oldest is going into pre-k in Sept. Everyday, afternoons. So, I've already got it planned out. Mornings will be a little play time, and getting ready for school, eating lunch etc. then, I'll get all 4 ready to take him across the street to school... then, when we get home, the 2 babies will go down for a nap, and my 2 yr old will get some mommy time. As for right now, my youngest sometimes cries for some mommy time around the time he goes for a nap... so, if its possible (DH is in school part time) I'll go upstairs to my room with him and nap... and my oldest has alone time with me and/or DH while my 2 yr old is in bed for naptime. And my 2 yr old gets it now, whenever. He's not too clingy, so when he wants alone time, he'll just sit on my lap and we'll snuggle together... or read a book. When they wanna play, they play together. They're more content playing together than getting mommy/daddy time in, but they have their own ways of letting us know. In my case, I'm confident it will just "work itself out".
PS~ DH sleeps with my oldest, because he's afraid of the dark, monsters etc. so, I sleep with my youngest, so they get alone time then... 2 yr old sleeps better alone in complete darkness, so that works out for us right now.
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  #10  
February 25th, 2010, 03:18 PM
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best of luck with whatever decision you decide on. You and your baby are in my thoughts and prayers. Have you thought about adoption? there are many people out there looking to adopt. Maybe check out the adoption board if you are thinking of that option.
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  #11  
February 26th, 2010, 03:50 AM
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THank you everyone...I am so sorry my thoughts are so scattered but here is another one...just sharing here b/c I have no where else to go and you ladies have been wonderful.

I was recently diagnosed with moderate hypertension. I am on BP meds for this. The last two days I have woken up and my hands and face have been swollen. This is scary for me...I don't know what this means. Or what it could mean eventually. If we carry through with the pregnancy I have this sickening feeling that we will loose the baby anyway due to all the problems I always develop (preterm labor, usually starting at 20 weeks) and then I am throwing hypertension on top of it...I don't know if this means preeclampsia will be part of it now? Oh my goodness.

My husband said that the other option would be at least a thousand. I'm sorry, I can PAY someone to take a member of my family. I just don't think I can stand there, hand someone money and walk out of there with an empty belly knowing that I caused it.

WHen I was a teen, I had to get an abortion b/c of a rape. It was life changing. It was awful. I had nightmares for years and acted out for years. Now I am with the man I love and will spend the rest of my life with...and the thought of doing that again is very, very hard to swallow.
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  #12  
February 26th, 2010, 09:02 AM
conley1988
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Quote:
Originally Posted by three_beauties View Post
For those of you with 4 very young...how do you do it. I mean hOW? I feel like my oldest is already kind of ignored. My middle little girl is acting out b/c she is kind of left out b/c I am always feeding Jack or what not. I just can not imagine what the dynamic would be like with a fourth. I feel like I would be damaging them. Does this make sense? If for some reason I actually carried the baby to full term (I am batting 0 out of 3 on that one) my oldest would be just 4 years old (in Sept) my middle would be just 2 (in sept) and my youngest would be 15 months.
I spend individual time with each during the day and let everyone have a part in something! Paul loves to hold Lexie and Jerry and Chelsea are glued at the hip! We have Sundae Nights, Movie Night, etc. We also have things to do around the city!

Quote:
Originally Posted by three_beauties View Post
THank you everyone...I am so sorry my thoughts are so scattered but here is another one...just sharing here b/c I have no where else to go and you ladies have been wonderful.

I was recently diagnosed with moderate hypertension. I am on BP meds for this. The last two days I have woken up and my hands and face have been swollen. This is scary for me...I don't know what this means. Or what it could mean eventually. If we carry through with the pregnancy I have this sickening feeling that we will loose the baby anyway due to all the problems I always develop (preterm labor, usually starting at 20 weeks) and then I am throwing hypertension on top of it...I don't know if this means preeclampsia will be part of it now? Oh my goodness.

My husband said that the other option would be at least a thousand. I'm sorry, I can PAY someone to take a member of my family. I just don't think I can stand there, hand someone money and walk out of there with an empty belly knowing that I caused it.

WHen I was a teen, I had to get an abortion b/c of a rape. It was life changing. It was awful. I had nightmares for years and acted out for years. Now I am with the man I love and will spend the rest of my life with...and the thought of doing that again is very, very hard to swallow.
I btdt and it kills me that I am even considering it but like you there is already a lot on my plate with four. But if you just sit down and go through all the options and then present a plan of attack to your husband it would be better. Of course men want a quick fix but they don't realize that its a life long problem sizzling.
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  #13  
February 26th, 2010, 12:10 PM
mommy2Breana+Brandon's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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good luck with your decision and you are not an idiot
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  #14  
February 26th, 2010, 12:34 PM
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Thank you ladies so much for your support...it truly comforts me to know there is a place like this.
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  #15  
February 26th, 2010, 12:47 PM
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I lurk here because my 1st was unplanned in 2004 but don't post much. I just wanted to offer some hugs. I don't know that this would be an option for you either but I thought I'd throw adoption out there. Maybe visit the birthmoms and adoption forums to see if anyone there has kept children then given one up for adoption. My cousin Jillie was adopted at birth and she was not her birthparents' first child...they were just in a situation where they got pregnant unplanned and really couldn't have another child. I know that adoption would be an immensely difficult thing to do as well.

YOu and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers as you make this very difficult journey.
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Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
and
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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  #16  
February 27th, 2010, 04:59 AM
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I agree with the person above me.

Im not sure what you meant to PAY someone to take the child. Is it abortion your talking about? As you mentioned ( so sorry this has happened to you) you had to get an abortion b/c of a rape.. and you struggled for years cause of it.

I would certainly look into Adoption. It could be the GREATEST thing you can do for someone else that has the time, the attention, the love to give your child if you feel you can not do it . There are so many families out there that can not have children of their own and would love to have him/her. You can certainly go to other forums and talk to people who given their child up for adoption how they feel, and people who have adopted how they feel about it. I can say it will be abenefitical and rewarding experience. GL and YOU are not a idiot!
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  #17  
February 27th, 2010, 10:44 AM
pattyandthemoos's Avatar Administrator
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(((HUGS))) My third and fourth pregnancy were unplanned and my kids are very closely spaced. I have also had a preemie so I can understand your fears but every pregnancy is different. Don't feel like you have to make any decisions today. Take your time and make sure that the decision you make is the right one for you.

You are not an idiot. Lots of women have unplanned pregnancies. Hang in there.
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  #18  
February 27th, 2010, 05:30 PM
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I feel really bad about my idiot comment. I hope it doesn't come across as me referring to unplanned pregnancies and the people that they happen to as idiots! I certainly don't think that. I was just mad at myself and typing. I hope no one took offense, and if so, I am very sorry!

Aprilmommytobe - I meant to type that I couldn't go give someone money at an abortion clinic. I just don't see how I can do it. As you said, it was just so traumatic and life changing. I just don't know.

I had to go to the ER last night b/c of a lot of bleeding. They thought it was ectopic (i've had one before) but they didn't see anything anywhere and my HCG levels were only 803. So I am not sure what's going on to be honest. I am a little nervous about it all. Certainly in some pain...but time will tell.
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  #19  
February 27th, 2010, 07:36 PM
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I know I didn't take offense to the idiot comment...I felt like an idiot too when I got pregnant with ds1. I didn't even REALIZE i was pregnant until I was 9wks along! I mean how dense could I be?! But I had irregular periods and I had been very sick with strep for over a month so apparently my charting was "off" lol. I just don't want you to get down on yourself because it happens to the best of us and you are NOT an idiot.

Everything turns out just the way it was meant to..whether that be a little one on the way, or not....either way don't feel guilty about whatever emotions you are having...just allow yourself to process the situation as best you can. And don't be afraid to vent or share here!
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Kathryn
Married to my best friend Tom since 2004 (together since 1999)
Mommy to two little boys:
Jamie ~ 7-12-04 ~ fun, crazy, transformer loving tough-guy mama's boy
and
Joey ~ 4-4-09 ~ born sleeping ~ held under my heart for 40wk1d, in my arms for just 6 short hours but he will be in my heart forever
And finally holding my little girl,Felicity Rose, Born into Daddy's loving hands on June 9, 2010

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  #20  
February 27th, 2010, 09:32 PM
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Hi. I am not in your shoes nor have I ever been. However, I don't think you should beat yourself up over it. Like the others say you are not an idiot. I have never been pregnant and am currently trying. I think that you definitely need all the support you can get though. No matter what road you choose. Have you considered adoption? There are a lot of people out there who would love to have a baby that can not. Honestly the best thing you can do here is follow your heart. Take a deep breath and just think about what you need to do. What's best for everyone. Best of luck to you! You're in my prayers!
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