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  #1  
March 11th, 2005, 07:57 PM
Larkin121's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Hello,
I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant. The circumstances are unusual... 2 weeks ago I thought I might be pregnant, got a blood test, the answer was not even slightly positive... (NO HCG in me at all.) They suspected a cyst on an ovary. Then this week I went back and they did an ultrasound and some blood tests. They said yes I have a cyst (5cm) "oh and by the way, since the last test you have conceived." Turns out the cyst delayed ovulation, then somehow let the egg out and the cyst bled, making it seem like I had a strange period. My boyfriend and I actually laughed because we had just spent 2 weeks being relieved that we weren't having a baby. However, I am 24 and he is 22, and we have no other choice in our mind but keeping this baby.
We got pregnant almost a year ago, just one month after we started dating, and in complete fear, we had an abortion. We live with the guilt and grief of that decision everyday and promised we would never do that again. We have planned to get married anyway, and we were planning to get engaged this summer. However, I don't want to rush a wedding because of a baby, so we will probably plan for next Feb. The thing is, it's not good timing, but it's not so horrible... I have my college degree and am finishing another teaching endorsement, with hopes of getting a full time teaching job in fall, and he is working and has only one year left for his college degree.
We told my mother and she said everything you would hope a mother wouldn't say. She told me to get rid of it, that it will ruin our lives, what will our family think, that I'll never get a job, that all my hopes and dreams are down the drain now, and even went so far to say that we will live as "white trash." We told his mother and she hugged us and said she supported us.... we haven't decided how to tell our father's yet.
I guess I'm just wondering how your families took the news and if they were mad at first did they forgive you and love your child? Am I in an OK position to raise a child? Don't many women have worse situations financially or whatnot than I do and still have happy lives? It's so weird because after the abortion all I thought about was babies and how I should have had one.... now we are pregnant again, and I feel stupid as if I should have done better to avoid it and I feel terrified of my future. I read someone else's post on here about being a "planner" and freaking out when plans get changed. I am the same way, I planned out all of college, and had a plan for when I wanted everything to happen.... this baby is so real and yet feels like it's not part of my reality yet.
Just looking for advice or someone to listen to, I guess. Thanks for reading.
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  #2  
March 11th, 2005, 08:32 PM
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Hey there, first and foremost.. welcome to Just Mommies!!

I'll give you a little bit of my history, I've been raised in a very VERY christian family. My daddy is a preacher and has been ever since before I was born... my family and I had big plans for myself, finish high school, go to college, get my degree, and THEN get married and do the babies thing. I wanted to go to law school, so the aspirations were a little high.

I fell in LOVE (it does crazy things you know) we got engaged when I was 19.... and one month after we got engaged, we found out I was pregnant. It was kind of a shock, it was a huge shock, because while we planned on getting married a little sooner than expected, our plans were to enjoy some time together just us, and me do my schooling first. So, being 19 years old... engaged which my parents were already upset about, and THEN becoming pregnant a month later... things didn't really go how they were "planned."

My parents were REALLY upset in the beginning, not only for myself and how would I follow all my dreams, but how in the world was my dads church people going to feel about his daughter having a baby out of wedlock? They were really upset, but they supported me. Once the baby got here, all bets were off.. any sort of anger they may of still had towards me was gone, and now Maddie is the LOVE of their lives. I hear my dad tell people all the time "once I laid eyes on that little girl, I knew it was meant to happen."


So, while things may not of went according to planned for you, your bf, or your family, and they may be upset now, if they love you.... give them time to accept it and they'll be there for you. Good luck with your family and your pregnancy. I hope you are still able to accomplish everything you want in life and more.
I know Maddie was just an added bonus for me... I can't remember my life without her now.
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  #3  
March 12th, 2005, 07:05 AM
Margaret
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Hi,

I'm sorry you are going through this with your mother right now. I'm a tad older than you (okay, almost 11 years actually) and I'm married, but I still haven't told my family. I don't really care what they think, but I know they won't be supportive or nice and I don't want to be bothered with it right now.

I usually don't share mainstream attitudes. Personally, I feel that even if you are too young, too financially unprepared and not ready to have a child, it is not helpful to tell you that. Like it or not, you ARE pregnant and you need and deserve love, respect and encouragment regardless of anyone else's opinion about your preparedness for the situation. I am so very sorry you did not get that from your mother's initial reaction.

Just so you know, there is no "perfect" time to have a baby or any other life-changing event. That is what life is. There is no handbook or cheat sheet. We face life as circumstances present themselves and do the best we can. I can tell you the best start is knowing you and your boyfriend are willing to face the pregnancy with a positive attitude and open heart. It takes more than that to parent a child, but it is an excellent beginning.

Wishing you the very best,
Margaret
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  #4  
March 12th, 2005, 06:03 PM
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First of all welcome to jm. I am Kelly and i am one of the host on this board, jen is the other and she is on vacation but she will prob post to you when she gets back. when i got pregnant with my 1st i was 19 years old and pretty much homeless. i was real bad into drinking and drugs as well. my dh had been in prison for nearly 2 years and at the time had only been out for a couple of months. we were not working and i had dropped out of college. we had to move in with my mom and start all over again. we both cleaned up, got jobs and when my son was 7 months old we were able to get our own place. it was really hard for us but we made it. we got married when our second child was just over a year old and now we are on our 4th....which i will be having on monday. this last baby was very unplannned but like all the rest of my pregnancies our parents have been very cool about but we ask them for nothing and don't expect anything from them so they have no reason to be upset about it. we both work and even though i have tried to go back to school several times i have had to postpone it yet again. there really is no perfect time for everyone to have a baby. for us the first one is what made us grow up and get our life together. that is not always the case for everyone but it worked for us. we are happy in our marriage and enjoy our children and that is all that matters to us. i'll bet that no matter what your mom says now by the time you have the baby she will be totally fine with it. just keep working on your goals and do what is best for your family. stick around and check out all the boards we have alot to offer here. again welcome
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  #5  
March 12th, 2005, 06:47 PM
jamie1005's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that your mom reacted that way. I'm in a similar situation, but my bf and I are 26. We have been together 1 1/2 years. Both of us have bachelor's degrees but I only work part time and he doesn't work b/c we are both in graduate school. He'll be graduating from graduate school and is almost guaranteed a great job in May 2006 - our baby will be 7 months old.

His parents were very supportive and extremely happy - they can't wait to have a grandbaby. My parents were OK, but not happy at first. The first thing my mom asked was when we are getting married. Like you and your BF, we've always talked about it, but decided to wait until he graduates. Even with the baby, we are keeping our plans but will probably (hopefully ) get engaged soon. After a few days, my mom got really happy about having a grandchild. She had to talk to her sisters and friends first and I think when she realized they weren't judging me that she didn't have to either. That's just the way we both are - we care VERY much about what people think of us.

I think that you will be fine. Its really sad that your mom is reacting and saying such mean things, but hopefully she'll come around. If not now, I know she will when the baby is born. For some reason, a precious new baby can soften anyone's heart I had a friend who was 18 when she got pregnant and though her mom was very upset at first, she got over it eventually.

You are right - many people are in worse positions than you and most manage to make it just fine. You aren't ruining your life and you can still live out your hopes and dreams. You may just have to put them on hold for a whle. You are lucky you have a BF who loves you and is in this with you.

I wish you the best of luck, you sound very intelligent adn I know you'll be ok. Hope to see you around the boards!
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  #6  
March 14th, 2005, 10:16 AM
AnGeL2005
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hey my name is Jenn I am new here
I just wanted to say I am very sorry that your mom isn't for this wonderful little angel you have inside you

well I was in the same place as you but I am still not too sure if I am or not pregnant I will be getting blood done on April 19th and I hope I am pregnant I am 20 and the father will be 21 in May but when I told my mom she told me I was going to abort it I told her there is no way I will kill a baby because of my mistake so the next day she told me she and my step dad will help me out with this and help me raise it at first I thought they wanted to take this baby from me but I relized they are only trying to help me out and not take my angel
but I can't say what I want I am very scared and worried I swear for now the last 4 nights I have felt movement so I am pretty sure that I am either that or I am going nuts

I really hope your mom will pull though and help you out as needed

Jenn
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  #7  
March 29th, 2005, 03:10 PM
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Here was my situation. I grew up, not in a Christian family, but in a family that had very high hopes for me. I lived in Vermont all throughout till high school, and got all A's and B's. Then I moved to NYC to go to college to become a product tester/spa worker. I started college when I was 19 and finished when I was 23. I met my boyfriend when I was 22, and then one night when I was 23, things got out of hand and a month later, I found out I was pregnant. I was not married at the time, but had only 2 more months of college left, so I kept with it. My parents were very happy. THey wanted to move to NYC to be closer to the baby, but they couldn't since they had a 19 year old son at home. My parents make me visit every other month with Sammy. When Sammy was 12 months, my bf and I broke up. I was living with him when I had him, and had moved out of my old apt. Luckily, the lady that moved into my old apt moved out and so I moved back in. I am not married, and have no steady boyfriend now, but a good education and a good job. I struggle to make ends meet, but I am not starving and neither is my baby. My parents * luckily* were happy and not dissapointed in me at all for not being married. Ok, sorry that was so long!
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  #8  
March 30th, 2005, 07:38 AM
1proudmom2kalli
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Hello dear! I'm sorry that you have people in your life who are, obviously, less than supportive. I know how bad that must make you feel! But it sounds like you know what you want from your life, and it sounds like you know the path you're on. I wouldn't worry about your mother. I am totally sure that once she sees that child she will love it. Obviously not all parents are supportive of people's decisions to have kids. She's your mom, and she loves you, no matter how unsupportive she is being right now. I would sit her down and talk to her. Explain to her that you have made this decision and you could really use her support.

On the flip side, it does sound like your boyfriend's mom is going to be supportive, and that's a really good thing.

I hope that things begin to look up for you, and remember, you never have to go through this alone, we're all here for you! (((((HUGS)))))
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  #9  
March 31st, 2005, 05:22 PM
BabyMaybe's Avatar Veteran
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Quote:
Originally posted by Larkin121@Mar 11 2005, 08:57 PM
Hello,
* I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant.* The circumstances are unusual... 2 weeks ago I thought I might be pregnant, got a blood test, the answer was not even slightly positive... (NO HCG in me at all.)* They suspected a cyst on an ovary.* Then this week I went back and they did an ultrasound and some blood tests.* They said yes I have a cyst (5cm) "oh and by the way, since the last test you have conceived."* Turns out the cyst delayed ovulation, then somehow let the egg out and the cyst bled, making it seem like I had a strange period.* My boyfriend and I actually laughed because we had just spent 2 weeks being relieved that we weren't having a baby.* However, I am 24 and he is 22, and we have no other choice in our mind but keeping this baby.
* * We got pregnant almost a year ago, just one month after we started dating, and in complete fear, we had an abortion.* We live with the guilt and grief of that decision everyday and promised we would never do that again.* We have planned to get married anyway, and we were planning to get engaged this summer.* However, I don't want to rush a wedding because of a baby, so we will probably plan for next Feb.* The thing is, it's not good timing, but it's not so horrible... I have my college degree and am finishing another teaching endorsement, with hopes of getting a full time teaching job in fall, and he is working and has only one year left for his college degree.

* I guess I'm just wondering how your families took the news and if they were mad at first did they forgive you and love your child?* Am I in an OK position to raise a child?* Don't many women have worse situations financially or whatnot than I do and still have happy lives?* It's so weird because after the abortion all I thought about was babies and how I should have had one.... now we are pregnant again, and I feel stupid as if I should have done better to avoid it and I feel terrified of my future.* I read someone else's post on here about being a "planner" and freaking out when plans get changed.* I am the same way, I planned out all of college, and had a plan for when I wanted everything to happen.... this baby is so real and yet feels like it's not part of my reality yet.* Just looking for advice or someone to listen to, I guess.* Thanks for reading.
<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[/quote]

You don't sound sure of yourself & are asking people here whether you are in an OK position to raise a child? No, you don't sound like a woman who is ready to be a mother. Your priorities seem rather obvious to me, you want to get a better job & your boyfriend wants to finish school (then you seem to be saying you will feel ready to have children). It appears that you getting pregnant right now is a real inconvienience. You stated above that you should have avoided getting pregnant this 2nd time. NO child should be raised by parents that might regret him or her in the future. You seriously should consider giving your baby up for adoption. There are thousands of couples who can't have children of their own & have no doubt in their minds that they want to be parents. Whatever you decide, I hope your child is raised with all the love & devotion he or she deserves.
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  #10  
March 31st, 2005, 08:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally posted by BabyMaybe+Mar 31 2005, 09:22 PM-->
Quote:
<!--QuoteBegin-Larkin121
Quote:
@Mar 11 2005, 08:57 PM
Hello,
* I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant.* The circumstances are unusual... 2 weeks ago I thought I might be pregnant, got a blood test, the answer was not even slightly positive... (NO HCG in me at all.)* They suspected a cyst on an ovary.* Then this week I went back and they did an ultrasound and some blood tests.* They said yes I have a cyst (5cm) "oh and by the way, since the last test you have conceived."* Turns out the cyst delayed ovulation, then somehow let the egg out and the cyst bled, making it seem like I had a strange period.* My boyfriend and I actually laughed because we had just spent 2 weeks being relieved that we weren't having a baby.* However, I am 24 and he is 22, and we have no other choice in our mind but keeping this baby.
* * We got pregnant almost a year ago, just one month after we started dating, and in complete fear, we had an abortion.* We live with the guilt and grief of that decision everyday and promised we would never do that again.* We have planned to get married anyway, and we were planning to get engaged this summer.* However, I don't want to rush a wedding because of a baby, so we will probably plan for next Feb.* The thing is, it's not good timing, but it's not so horrible... I have my college degree and am finishing another teaching endorsement, with hopes of getting a full time teaching job in fall, and he is working and has only one year left for his college degree.

* I guess I'm just wondering how your families took the news and if they were mad at first did they forgive you and love your child?* Am I in an OK position to raise a child?* Don't many women have worse situations financially or whatnot than I do and still have happy lives?* It's so weird because after the abortion all I thought about was babies and how I should have had one.... now we are pregnant again, and I feel stupid as if I should have done better to avoid it and I feel terrified of my future.* I read someone else's post on here about being a "planner" and freaking out when plans get changed.* I am the same way, I planned out all of college, and had a plan for when I wanted everything to happen.... this baby is so real and yet feels like it's not part of my reality yet.* Just looking for advice or someone to listen to, I guess.* Thanks for reading.
<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You don't sound sure of yourself & are asking people here whether you are in an OK position to raise a child? No, you don't sound like a woman who is ready to be a mother. Your priorities seem rather obvious to me, you want to get a better job & your boyfriend wants to finish school (then you seem to be saying you will feel ready to have children). It appears that you getting pregnant right now is a real inconvienience. You stated above that you should have avoided getting pregnant this 2nd time. NO child should be raised by parents that might regret him or her in the future. You seriously should consider giving your baby up for adoption. There are thousands of couples who can't have children of their own & have no doubt in their minds that they want to be parents. Whatever you decide, I hope your child is raised with all the love & devotion he or she deserves.
<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}></div>
[/b][/quote]


I completely disagree with Hope, she said she found out the day before!!!!,...and unplanned pregnancy produces doubts and fears but they subside most of the time,
Just because a pregnancy is unplanned and a lot of anxiety happens in the beginning does not mean the child will be unloved!!!!

My pregnancy was unplanned and many of those thoughts went through my head, but time is taking care of that, there are nine months in pregnancy, and nine months to fall in love with your baby

Just because a pregnancy is unplanned, and their are people who want children doesn't mean she doesn't deserves time to accept the pregnancy, or the best place for the child isn't with her
Give the girl a break!!!
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  #11  
April 6th, 2005, 05:03 AM
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hey im 19 and just under 7 months pregnant!!!my parents didnt take the news very well,they wanted me to give my baby up for adoption,i said NO!!!!
i am now married,my husband works i dont, and im still studying!!!
you are not in a bad financial position dont say such things,there are alot of people worse off than you!!
and a baby doesnt need lots of money a baby needs lots of love!!
goodluck!!!
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  #12  
April 6th, 2005, 05:06 AM
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hey and dont worry bout your parents,it may take some time but they all will come around!!!
hang in there
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  #13  
April 6th, 2005, 05:18 AM
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Just wanted to add my $.02. I was 19 1/2 when I found out I was pregnant. Not only was I not married, but I was thousands of miles away from my family and scheduled to deploy again, this time to Iraq (I was Active Duty Military, at the time).

The idea of abortion wasn't something I was even going to consider. Adoption, however, seemed the best way. I had a great career going, I was fast tracking through promotions, supposed to go to Jumpmaster school, it was just great. And how was I going to take care of a baby by myself? (My fiance, at the time, and I were having issues; he finally officially left when I was 7 months along.) Especially while I was in Iraq for 18 months???

Well, one night, I made the decision: I wanted to be the one who taught my baby how to love and love life. It is a hard decision, though. Deciding between whether or not you are thinking of yourself, especially when you haven't had a child yet, is VERY difficult, IMO. I considered it from every angle. Yes, perhaps the baby would have more options with another family. But the love I already knew I had was greater than that. I was willing to give up my life.

That's the key, IMO. You have to be willing to give up everything about yourself. It doesn't mean you DO give up everything; don't do that because that'll negatively effect the child(ren). You have to be WILLING to, however. If you're unsure... If you think that you need to do the business thing/career thing more (many women nowadays do) then perhaps adoption is the best thing for you. If you don't, then keep the baby.

Realize, however, that nobody is ever in a "good position" to have a child. Never is it the "right" time. You have decide whether or not you will MAKE it the the right time and whether or not you are willing to get into a good position. Parenting is about ALWAYS being adjustable. ALWAYS being ready for the unpredictable and being able to cope. This is test #1. It isn't pass or fail. It's about decisions. You're an adult and YOU have the make the decision. Not us.

It doesn't matter what anybody else says. You need to be honest with yourself and the baby's father. You both need to decide. This child belongs to both of you and this baby's future relies on your decision, whatever it may be. Just remember that it's about love. The most complete and utter love you will ever feel. EVER. But think of the baby. Is your love going to be enough for the child (ie, are you willing to give up your career if necessary? Are you willing to give up your social life, if necessary?) or do you think that perhaps another family who strongly desires a child will offer this child more options and a chance at happiness that you cant give atm.

You both need to decide. It's about the baby. Always.
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  #14  
April 6th, 2005, 06:19 PM
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Oh goodness, I hadn't realized people were still replying to my post! Thanks for all the advice... a few days after I posted this, my mother came around completely and when we told my father he was actually quite happy to become a grandpa. Everyone knows now and everyone is fine with it, and I had my first ultrasound yesterday... I'm at 8 weeks and the baby is so cute in there! I'm doing fine, now the only problem left is getting a full time teaching job before fall to be able to support us!
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  #15  
April 7th, 2005, 01:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Larkin121@Apr 6 2005, 08:19 PM
Oh goodness, I hadn't realized people were still replying to my post!* Thanks for all the advice... a few days after I posted this, my mother came around completely and* when we told my father he was actually quite happy to become a grandpa.* Everyone knows now and everyone is fine with it, and I had my first ultrasound yesterday... I'm at 8 weeks and the baby is so cute in there! I'm doing fine, now the only problem left is getting a full time teaching job before fall to be able to support us!
<div align="right"><{POST_SNAPBACK}>
[/quote]


I wish you the best of luck!! Congratulations and enjoy this wonderful new journey, then.
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  #16  
April 7th, 2005, 09:51 PM
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I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant with my first. I was terrified of telling my parents so I waited until they were visiting my sister in the hospital and told them there (if they hurt my son's father at least there would be doctors).

Well, they didn't take it too well. But by the time I was 6 months they had gotten a little excited and when I went into labor, my dad showed up at the hospital wearing a shirt that said "grandpa's my name, Spoilings my game" that I know he bought special for that. my mom also showed up wearing a Grandma Shirt.

Now, my son will be 3 next month, and my parents can't stand the idea of not talking to him at least once a week and come up with every excuse to see him. (the latest was that I had left his underwear at their house, when they came by to drop it off, I saw it was underwear they had just bought)
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  #17  
April 8th, 2005, 07:01 AM
1proudmom2kalli
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Well Larkin, I'm so glad that things are looking up for you! Have fun and enjoy this time in your life! It's scary sometimes! I am going through it right now, but that's why we're here, to help each other out!!

Anyways, good luck and come back and see us! We're always here!
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  #18  
May 13th, 2005, 07:15 AM
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Hey Larkin-
I know what you are going through and it STINKS! I got p/g at 18, this past Dec. but I had a m/c. When I told my mom, she went ballistic. She tried to get her lawyer to make a case and force me to abort the baby. She said I'd kill my grandparents if I told them, that I was a disgrace to my family. I let the naysayers get to me and I wish I hadn't. The bottom line: Your family does love you, and even though they are unreasonable right now, it WILL get better. You need to make your decision by what you think is right. Don't let anybody convince you to abort if you don't want to. You don't seem to be in a bad position to have a baby, at least to me. You've completed college, are becoming a teacher, and you're in love! Congrats! If you think a baby would make a happy addition, then don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Good luck and keep us all posted.
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