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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
October 18th, 2010, 10:21 AM
DramaFreeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I would really love to hear from those moms who have been through an unplanned pregnancy. I think it's important and encouraging to hear how you took on the challenge and how it effected your lives for the good and the bad.

If you don't mind, please share
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  #2  
October 18th, 2010, 01:04 PM
1HotMama's Avatar Super Mommy
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I found out I was pregnant with my first when I was 19. I was scared and decided on an abortion but couldn't go through with it. The baby's father and I live in other countries (I left him and came home when I got pg) and for most of my pregnancy I felt very alone. All my friends were in college, dating and doing normal 19 year-old things and I was just getting huge, and preparing for a baby.

On one hand, I was very excited and on the other hand, it was just so lonely. I was fortunate that I was surrounded by so many people who care about me and just adopted me from the people at my job to my biological family. So, even though inside I felt very alone in reality I wasn't.

When my son was born, the first months were amazing but after the first year I really started to have moments when I regretted my decision. I was in school or working, didn't have a car and had to go with him on public transportation. He wasn't sleeping through the night and I just felt tired all the time. We lived with my mom and I just feel like a failure and I also felt like I was missing out on my youth.

I was filled with inner guilt for both wanting to experience being a young adult, and then guilt for having selfish desires when I'm the one who made the decision to have a child. It was a very difficult time in my life, but it seems that even for planned pregnancies or older mothers, the first year can be really shocking.

But, after the first year it got easier and we got into a routine. I can't imagine my life without my son and truly believe that he made me a better person and helped me realized that I am so much stronger than I ever thought.

Although my second child was also unplanned, everything with her has been much easier because I am older and I already knew what came with being a parent.
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  #3  
October 18th, 2010, 05:46 PM
DramaFreeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1HotMama View Post
I found out I was pregnant with my first when I was 19. I was scared and decided on an abortion but couldn't go through with it. The baby's father and I live in other countries (I left him and came home when I got pg) and for most of my pregnancy I felt very alone. All my friends were in college, dating and doing normal 19 year-old things and I was just getting huge, and preparing for a baby.

On one hand, I was very excited and on the other hand, it was just so lonely. I was fortunate that I was surrounded by so many people who care about me and just adopted me from the people at my job to my biological family. So, even though inside I felt very alone in reality I wasn't.

When my son was born, the first months were amazing but after the first year I really started to have moments when I regretted my decision. I was in school or working, didn't have a car and had to go with him on public transportation. He wasn't sleeping through the night and I just felt tired all the time. We lived with my mom and I just feel like a failure and I also felt like I was missing out on my youth.

I was filled with inner guilt for both wanting to experience being a young adult, and then guilt for having selfish desires when I'm the one who made the decision to have a child. It was a very difficult time in my life, but it seems that even for planned pregnancies or older mothers, the first year can be really shocking.

But, after the first year it got easier and we got into a routine. I can't imagine my life without my son and truly believe that he made me a better person and helped me realized that I am so much stronger than I ever thought.

Although my second child was also unplanned, everything with her has been much easier because I am older and I already knew what came with being a parent.
Thanks for sharing your story

I can relate because I'm pretty much the same age you were then. And even though i have the baby's father's support, I don't really have the support of my parents and it really makes things hard. When i first found out I was pregnant, all i could think about is my youth going down the drain and everyone being disappointed with me but now I am beginning to see the positive things and thinking of it as a blessing. I know my baby will make me a stronger person in the end.
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  #4  
October 19th, 2010, 09:20 PM
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My first pregnancy, was unplanned. I was being very spontaneous.
I met my boyfriend because he came to adopt my dog (for his friend) we kept talking after that, and he came to visit me a few weeks later (we lived an hour and half away) We were friends for about 3 weeks when we started dating.
His ex, who he'd cheated on, to be with me (before we were dating) got him arrested. (It was false alligations, I was there with him when she said the stuff she said) but he was arrested for it... while he was in jail, I'd realized I hadn't had AF, so when he got out we went to the clinic, and the test was + right away. I was 9 weeks. Unfortunatly, I'd lost that baby at 13 weeks.

We decided to try for another one, and got Ryan. It was a rocky relationship, and I realize now that having a baby didn't do it any justice... however, we got closer after he was born. When he was 7 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. It was a HUGE shock. We used BCP & condoms religiously. We'd still had issues, but we worked hard to keep our family together. When Braxton was 10 months old, I got pregnant with Kaden. Again, huge shock. I was on the pill (again, but a different one). By this point, our relationship is good. We have the odd fight/argument, but otherwise, it was good. Then, when Kaden was 6 months old, I got pregnant again... we were just using condoms this time, as the BCP were making me really loopy. So, after Aaliyah was born, I got my tubes tied, because nothing else is working for us... and because of our unplanned pregnancies, I now have 4 kids. My youngest is 3 months old... and my oldest just turned 4 (11 days after my daughter was born)

We have a great relationship now. I feel blessed that we are able to make it through so many low points, and we can fully appreciate everything we have together. We are one of the few & lucky couples where having our kids brought us closer together.

(Ps- when he was arrested, the charges were dropped.... the judge got up and walked out of the courtroom while his ex was testifying because it was such BS)
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  #5  
October 20th, 2010, 08:54 PM
evie210's Avatar Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Got Pink~ View Post
My first pregnancy, was unplanned. I was being very spontaneous.
I met my boyfriend because he came to adopt my dog (for his friend) we kept talking after that, and he came to visit me a few weeks later (we lived an hour and half away) We were friends for about 3 weeks when we started dating.
His ex, who he'd cheated on, to be with me (before we were dating) got him arrested. (It was false alligations, I was there with him when she said the stuff she said) but he was arrested for it... while he was in jail, I'd realized I hadn't had AF, so when he got out we went to the clinic, and the test was + right away. I was 9 weeks. Unfortunatly, I'd lost that baby at 13 weeks.

We decided to try for another one, and got Ryan. It was a rocky relationship, and I realize now that having a baby didn't do it any justice... however, we got closer after he was born. When he was 7 months old, I found out I was pregnant again. It was a HUGE shock. We used BCP & condoms religiously. We'd still had issues, but we worked hard to keep our family together. When Braxton was 10 months old, I got pregnant with Kaden. Again, huge shock. I was on the pill (again, but a different one). By this point, our relationship is good. We have the odd fight/argument, but otherwise, it was good. Then, when Kaden was 6 months old, I got pregnant again... we were just using condoms this time, as the BCP were making me really loopy. So, after Aaliyah was born, I got my tubes tied, because nothing else is working for us... and because of our unplanned pregnancies, I now have 4 kids. My youngest is 3 months old... and my oldest just turned 4 (11 days after my daughter was born)

We have a great relationship now. I feel blessed that we are able to make it through so many low points, and we can fully appreciate everything we have together. We are one of the few & lucky couples where having our kids brought us closer together.

(Ps- when he was arrested, the charges were dropped.... the judge got up and walked out of the courtroom while his ex was testifying because it was such BS)
Wow you are your BF are like a super-baby-making machine! But it is wonderful to hear that you made it through so much are are stronger and closer now. I worry about my BF and I - our relationship was very rocky before I found out I was pregnant. Now, in the past month or so that he has known about this baby we are still together but I dont have much confidence in us. I just keep thinking that the added stress of raising a baby, the first for me, will break us. I truely hope not but the future is so unclear. i'm trying to gather my strength and put my faith in my family - people I know will be with me for the rest of my life to help with my baby.

Anyways, thanks for sharing.
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  #6  
October 20th, 2010, 10:34 PM
JennLynn_'s Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Pickering, Ontario, Canada
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My story is very long...from an unplanned pregnancy that resulted in miscarriage to a planned pregnancy that resulted in miscarriage and then to my unplanned pregnancy that resulted in my beautiful and VERY wanted baby girl... but I just want to say this...my unplanned pregnancy was the best thing that ever happened to me. My daughter is the joy of my life. I've had my ups and downs since then, but she has been my consistency. She gives me a reason to get out of bed every morning.

I would not change one thing about my past. Because it all led to her.

I know how nerve-wracking, stressful and emotional a pregnancy can be, whether planned or unplanned... emotions run high, every worry possible enters your mind... just take a deep breath. There are definitely worse things in life. A pregnancy is the beginning of another life... Everything works out in the end. Just look at all your options, and make the best choice for you.



as you can see... I couldn't be happier.
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  #7  
October 25th, 2010, 08:56 PM
ShelliBelli's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Posts: 2,179
I just happened to be lurking and saw this so I thought I would share my story......

I was 29 years old, had been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and he had told me from day one that he had a vesectomy. He had two older children from a previous marriage and I was perfectly happy being a step mom. I NEVER EVER EVER wanted to have children. Ive always loved children but never wanted my own. Even though our relationship was far from great, I thought he was the one that I would be with forever.

After 2 years with him I stopped taking birth control because I thought I was safe, since he had a vesectomy. Needless to say he had totally lied about having one and then two years after I stopped taking BC I found out i was pregnant. I was clueless, but he always kept up with my period and mentioned tht I had not had it in a while. My periods are so irregular I had not thought anything about it but for some reason that day I went and got a test. i had never taken one in my life and as soon as the first drop of pee landed on the stick I think it said positive. LOL. I was DEVESTATED beyond belief. Even though I was not happy, abortion was not even an option for me but I prayed almost daily that I would have a miscarriage.

I told him and he actually acted mad at me. I ended up breaking up with him when i was 3 months pregnant because we argued so much and he had gotten physical with me several times I refused to be pregnant and raise a child in that kind of environment. I didnt tell another person until I was 6 months pregnant when I started showing a little and knew I couldnt hide it much longer. I still wasnt happy but the idea of being a mom was growing on me. I had days I was excited and other days that I wanted to die. I can remember the week before i had him sitting in the middle of my bed having a break down, as my mom and I were putting together a pac n play, because i didnt want a baby and all that baby crap in my house. Everyone told me ooh you just wait til you see him, it will all change and I would say but you dont understand, I dont want a baby.

And then after 18 hours of labor and 30 minutes of pushing out the most beautiful 8 lb 12 oz perfect baby boy, it all changed and I was head over heels in love!!!! My life has not been the same since and God knew exactly what he was doing. I am a perfectly happy, content single mommy and love my life.
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  #8  
October 31st, 2010, 07:46 PM
Ashley11
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Well, we were dating for about 7months at this point, but the baby's conceived date is July 13th, and my boyfriend and I had known at that time ( I know its early) that we wanted to be together, we knew times got hard, but we really love each other. We both knew that we wanted kids, we both knew we wanted to get married, but I didn't think it would happen so soon for me. I mean, I had been graduated from high school a little over a year, I haven't really lived life, or gotten anywhere at all yet. But about a month later I discovered I was pregnant. I usually started my period anywhere from the 27th to the 29th, but at that point it was consistently the 29th. And so once the 29th of July had passed me by, I waited until the 3rd of August because that was a Monday. So the day before I was sitting on the couch and my boyfriend had known I missed my period, I turned the TV down, held his hand, and told him I knew I was pregnant, I hadn't even taken a test yet. But I knew I was pregnant. I have never since I was 11 missed a period, or had a late period. It was super consistent.

He had held me tight and told me nicely. . .lol that I couldn't be too sure, that we will find out in the morning. . .so I went to bed, and woke up at about 7am, I had to go to the bathroom pretty bad, but I was so scared to get out of bed. It really chokes me up to think about it, lol. Having a tough time even typing this, but I got myself out of bed, as I walked out of our room, I look at my boyfriend sleeping, and tried to imagine him holding out baby. . .lol and I closed the bedroom door, walked into the bathroom with my cell phone, opened the pregnancy test, used it, flipped it upside down so I wouldn't see it, and started crying. I dialed my moms phone number, and was sobbing uncontrollably. My mom calmed me down, and she was very strong for me, she then asked me to look at the test, and we counted down together, and at first when I saw the test, I only saw one line. And gave a sigh of relief, then I looked closer, and saw a dark line, along with a faint line.

I lost my breath, and started crying again. My mom asked me to tell her what it looked like, I said "Mom. . .it has a dark line and light line. . ." she got quiet. . .and said 'Honey, you're pregnant. . .' Instead of jumping for joy, or being happy I sat in the bathroom for 20 minutes crying with my mom on the phone, I told her I was going to call the health clinic, to set up a date to get an abortion. I know she wanted to cry, but because I was upset, she remained strong for me, and said she supports any choice I made, and that she loved me. I hung up with my mom, and keep in mine this was August 3rd, I called our health clinic, and got transferred to a different clinic that took care of abortions in a city about 2 hours North from where I reside, a lady answered, and I explained. She told me the price, what would happen, asked me a series of questions about my health, and about my insurance. After answering questions and getting things figured out. . .she said 'The only day we can get you in, is August 16th at 12:30, is that okay honey?' My heart stopped. That was my birthday, I was going to end my babies life on my birthday. . .I then continued to to say yes. . .and hung up. I called my mom back, and told her when the date was, and then she started to cry. . .we talked a little and I let her go.

I went back into our bedroom, crawled into bed, and my boyfriend looked me in the eyes and said 'I know you don't want to hear this right now, but if I had any say in this, I want you to keep it' I felt even worse. So I went everyday thinking about what I was about to do, and if I really wanted to do this. . .I sent my mom a text the night of the 15th, saying 'Mom, I'm having second thoughts. . .' my boyfriend was at work, and I was home alone, I kept touching my tummy, and talking to my tummy, and started eating healthier, because all of sudden everything started to matter to me. My mom immediately called me, and asked me what I was having second thoughts about, I said I wanted to keep this baby. . .She busted into tears, and said thank you, and said she had been praying that I decided to keep it.

And since that night, I haven't been the same. I haven't been who I was. I'm never going to be who I used to be, and I am fine with that. I am so ready to be a mom, that I can't stand myself. I love this baby more and more everyday, I am now 17 weeks and 6 days alone and find our what we are having on November 17th at 1:00pm. I could never be more grateful for anything in my life than I am about this baby. It's the best thing to ever happen to me. Me and my boyfriend are still together, happy and he is starting to drop little hints about marriage to me We've been dating for a year on November 8th and met on the 3rd of November last year.

Thanks for reading

Last edited by Ashley11; October 31st, 2010 at 07:49 PM.
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  #9  
November 9th, 2010, 06:08 PM
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I'm just a lurker but I wanted to share the short version of my unplanned pregnancy story.

I guess you can't really call it completely unplanned because we weren't using bc, but we usually were very careful not to dtd in the middle of my cycle, and we usually did pull n pray. Also, we had been having unprotected sex for years, and before that, I had had unprotected sex with my ex-husband for 2 years, without using pull n pray, and deliberately trying to get pregnant. Nothing happened. I had pretty much assumed by that point in my life that I was infertile. Now I look back and I think I was just very stressed out, and I was also a smoker. Once I got with my current awesome boyfriend, calmed down, and quit smoking, I think my body relaxed and allowed itself to get pregnant.

But anyway. I was 22, I'm 23 now. I have always wanted to be a mom, but I desperately wanted to finish school first. I didn't want to end up like my mom and babysit and clean people's houses for a living because I didn't get a degree. I have my AS but I was (and still am) about 8 classes away from having my BS in Psychology. My bf still has 3 years of school. Neither of us had a job, we were new to the area to attend school, and we had just moved away from all our family and friends. We didn't have a car.

We had a huge fight in mid-November, and quite frankly, had some great make-up sex. We didn't pay attention to where I was in my cycle. I knew at the back of my mind that I was pregnant, from that night on. I felt PMS-y right around Thanksgiving, so I hoped my period was coming. It didn't come, but for a few days I just chalked it up to my weird cycles (Sometimes I have 50 day cycles, which is another reason I thought it was infertile. I have always been irregular). Anyway, I started to feel exhausted all the time, and certain smells started to repulse me. At first we joked that we hoped I wasn't pg but we laughed it off cause we both thought I was unable to have kids. Finally though it got ridiculous and I bought a test, which took me a week to take, because of my nerves.

The morning of Dec 11th, I climbed out of bed, shaking, and took the test. I knew it was going to come up positive. It was a deep, dark BFP. I was probably about 7 weeks along by that point. DBF knew it was positive by the look on my face and he got really upset and started crying. He was terrified, and not ready. I was not quite as upset, because already in that instant I felt a connection to the being growing inside me, but I was scared nonetheless. He eventually calmed down and we talked through our options and decided we had to keep him. He fell in love with the baby at our first U/S, I was 10 weeks and 2 days. I had already been in love.

Anyway, flash forward to today. Jackson is almost 4 months old. We are both still in school, and we get such a large loan amount (thanks to Jackson) that neither of us have to work, starting next semester. Our relationship is great. It sounds cliche, but Jackson is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is my world, and I feel so lucky that we have been blessed with him. I really can't remember what my life was like without him in it. Nothing else is even important. I know I will finish school, for him, and it might take me twice as long but I don't care. We still don't see our family much but they help us in any way they can. We are doing fine, and we are better than fine because we have the most beautiful thing in the world.
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  #10  
November 12th, 2010, 03:44 PM
DramaFreeMama's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Location: The Burgh, PA
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I love reading all of your stories. There are just moments when i think to myself "what have i done?...what have i gotten myself into?" but when i read stories like that, it really makes me feel like i'm doing the right thing keeping my baby
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  #11  
November 13th, 2010, 05:32 AM
beckii's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Hi there I hope your mother will come around, sometimes all it takes is time.

I was 16 when I found out I was pregnant. It was a difficult time to say the least - me & my boyfriend had been together 6 months, I was living at home & hated my mom's new boyfriend, & I didn't have a job.... no one besides my sister was excited, nor wanted me to keep the baby & I can't even remember how many times abortion was brought up.

It was rough because even though I was young, I did want my baby. I thought about all my options, but never went through with abortion or adoption. I am so thankful that I didn't.

Throughout my pregnancy, my mother came around. She had been upset when I had first told her, mainly disappointed I think, but she took me out & bought me my first baby stuff My HUGE supporter was my older sister. I didn't realize it at the time, but now looking back I really don't think I would've made it if it wasn't for her. I felt really alone, because my boyfriend was not interested in my pregnancy at all. He never wanted to feel the baby, he never wanted to talk about names... it sucked - especially being 16.

But, 9 months later I had my little girl, & everyone was excited. My mother was in complete bliss & has been in love with my daughter since then - my father was happy, but I've never been real close to him, so to me it wasn't a huge deal if he cared or not. My main concern was my mom because she's been my life line since forever.

It was definitely a hard time in my life, but it made me such a stronger person. I realized that I could survive on my own & I didn't need any help, least of all from a man

Anyway, 4 years later & me and her father are NOT together, & it is most definitely for the good! I'm a single mother, a full time nursing student & life is good... still difficult at times, but I wouldn't have it any other way

GL !!!!
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