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Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
March 26th, 2005, 08:36 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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since i've become pregnant i have been really excited about becoming a mom. recently i've been very depressed thinking that my boyfriend is going looking for some one else since i dont' think he finds my pregnant body attractive anymore. we have been having problems to begin with and it felt like he was pushing me away. i called him after he got out of class yesterday and asked him if he was going to be home before going out with the boys, and that i would like it if he spent a little bit of time with me since he has been working nights and i've been working days and i'm asleep by the time he gets home. i know that i over reacted a little bit, but he wasnt home yet and woke up at 2am. i could hear girls in the background and he said that he was just picking up his truck from a friends house and coming right home. he didn't show up till 5:30. naturally already being upset i started thinking the worst that he was still out with his friends or that something happened. now he's telling me that he doesn't know if he wants to leave me and i'm sitting here at work trying to hold back tears... am i totally losing my mind and pushing him away or am i in the wrong for being upset??? i know i'm being a little hormonal but i don't know if i went to far. but it's gotten to the point that i want to be happy but i don't know if i can anymore.
you don't need to reply to this if you don't want to but i just needed to vent it out.
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  #2  
March 26th, 2005, 08:42 AM
mandyjohnson's Avatar Veteran
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Location: Archbald, Pa
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It sounds like you in a tough place. My opinion...it doens't sound like he has his priorities straight...but I could be wrong.
Spending time with you should be a top priority and if he would replace that time with spending time with the guys...or other friends for that matter...maybe he's just freaked out right now about the responsibility he's taking on? I don't know...
You're not just being hormonal. You're totally understood for being upset. I'm sorry
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  #3  
March 26th, 2005, 09:06 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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thank you so much for that i thought that i was going out of my mind. i'm almost 23 weeks and things have pretty much been like this since before i got pregnant. i've been trying to hard to get things back to how they were before the problems started and even though i can understand him going to school and work, it's hard at times but i've been able to get past that i've been so lonely at times. you know in the past 6 months he hasn't even told me that he cares about me... let alone that he loves me or that he appreciates that i work and wash his clothes and try to keep our room clean... i am not a very good cook but we live with my parents and with me being pregnant my dad is cooking up a storm every 5 minutes. i'm scared to have him leave because i can't raise my baby by myself and things were great before. i think i'm trying to hold on to something that doesn't want to hold on to me but i'm so afraid to let go.
i never planned on becoming a mom... EVER... and i don't regret choosing to keep my baby... i am really excited about being a mom. more afraid right then anything else and trying to stay relaxed to make sure that the baby is ok. it feels like my head is going to explode.
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  #4  
March 26th, 2005, 09:50 AM
mandyjohnson's Avatar Veteran
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You're so welcome for that. I can relate to you in the hormonal aspect of things. It's VERY hard. Before I knew I was pregnant I was talking to my husband (boyfriend at the time) about seriously going to see a therapist...because my mind got so overwhelmed...that I was going LITERALLY psycho! Like...throwing tantrums, mood swings X 1,000....yada yada.
But as far as he goes....I don't want to offend you in any way....but....
I noticed in your last post you said that YOU have been trying to get things back and YOU clean and YOU do the laundry blah blah blah...
Sounds to me like it's one-sided. Do yourself a HUGE favor and protect you and the baby! Right now you need LOVE, CARE, AND SUPPORT. If he's not giving it to you, and just taking your energy from you....you need to do some thinking! Sounds like you have a supportive family...family is WAY better than a non-supportive man!!!!!!
You say you can't raise your baby by yourself....I say you can.
Be excited about being a mom! You every reason to be!!! Someone is going to love you more than anything else! Stay relaxed, do some thinking....and try to have some fun...you need it!
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  #5  
March 26th, 2005, 09:50 AM
Jenni's Avatar Super Mommy
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ITA with Mandy. Sounds like he needs to get his priorities in order. Not that everyone doesn't need time to themselves, but it seems that maybe he's being a little selfish and not supportive enough.
I would sit him down and explain exactly how you're feeling. Best of luck in your pregnancy.
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  #6  
March 26th, 2005, 10:21 AM
mommyofdani's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I just have a few things to say...

You do not need him around. Yes, I completely understand that you want him to, and you have every right to feel that way. But if worse comes to worse, I just want you to know that you CAN do it. Besides, you wouldn't be alone. You have the support of your parents, family...all of us. You just need to sit and think abut what would be best for you and your little one. Give him time though. My husband *fiance at the time* was TERRIFIED when I told him I was pregnant. He had never held a little baby before, and he didn't think he was ready to be a daddy. But after the pregnancy sunk in...he realized that having a baby and being a daddy was the only thing he wanted. Give your bf time. It is a big shock finding out you are going to be a parent. That could be why he is distancing himself..because he is scared. I am not justifying how he is acting towards you at all, please do not get me wrong. You have every right to feel angry and upset with him. But maybe have a talk with him...let him know how you feel, and let him know that you are scared, too. Either way, I am sorry you have to deal with this right now...and I know everything will work itself out. Everything always happens for a reason. Good luck!
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  #7  
March 26th, 2005, 10:40 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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i don't know how time is a good... i'll be 23 weeks pregnant in a few days. we found out that i was pregnant at 6 weeks. i feel exhausted all the time and thought that there was something wrong with me. i barely have the energy to get out of bed in the morning... the only thing that keeps me going right now is my baby. i'm 23 and scared about becoming a mom... i know people have been having babies and raising them alone long before i got pregnant, but i don't know if i can be everything that i need to be for my baby. i know i'll make mistakes and i know i'll learn from them but i don't want to make the mistakes that will hurt my baby.

thank you everyone for letting me vent like this. i'm at work trying to cry as quietly as i can... i keep crying over the fighting and the encouraging things that you said. i'm sure once the tears have died down and i can think about it all with a clear mind things will be ok.

thank you all again... i appreciate your advice.
i have a lot of things to think about
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  #8  
March 26th, 2005, 06:42 PM
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i totally understand what you are going through... Im 19 and this is my first baby. My boyfriend always wanted to have a baby but i wasnt ready then we broke up and I found out i was pregant... we got back together and decided we were going to try to make it work, but he has been cheating on me and buying these girls phones, jewelry, and taking them places instead of buying thing the new baby will need... granted he gave me $500 to get some clothes I need its not the point. I know how stressful it is especially when your pregnant and you know your probablly going to be a single mom, but everyone has been telling me it will get better... and i hope it does for you
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  #9  
March 27th, 2005, 09:13 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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i really hope that things work out for you too... i know what you mean, my family keeps saying that things are going to be ok too. and you want to think that it will be but when the fear of being alone in raising a baby it's more fear that you are going to be everything that you need to be for your baby, and it's hard to think anything else. 'm feeling a bit better now that i've had a chance to sleep and think about things but the stress and heartach is still there.
again i hope everything works out for you too.
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  #10  
March 27th, 2005, 06:50 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada
Posts: 2,628
Hi,
I hope things get better, but if you don't holding on to someone who isn't supportive is virtually the same as raising a baby alone, but I wouldn't necessarily say give up on him all together but I think that you need to give up on the way things are being played out right now, by doing his laundry and trying to be as nice as possible it makes things easier for him to continue on with his behavior,....
I too am 23 and my boyfriend has had his ups and downs, and one time even told me he was unsure that he wanted to stick around, it hurt so much, and I wanted to try and convince him to stay but I didnt I told him that it was a choice he had to make on his own but there was no halfway with me, and that I was keeping the baby and would raise it alone if necessary, but in the meantime if he was on the fence he needed to stay the hell away from me because I needed to be strong and plan the baby and my future,....he soon realized that he wanted to be a part of our life and he apologized for his 'cowardly' behavior as he called it....
I can't say the same might happen for you, but I do think that you need to stick up for yourself and the baby, coming home at 530 is just plain unacceptable and you deserve better, if you stick up for yourself and the baby and get things together on your own perhaps he will realize he needs to get his ###### together if he wants the privilege of being a part of you and baby's life. Everything is going to be okay, and you will be enough for the baby if thats what happens.....but remember you have a supportive family it will never just be you....
Good luck and Take Care
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  #11  
March 29th, 2005, 09:57 AM
Mega Super Mommy
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Location: coquitlam, b.c., canada
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well, i have never (until now) been able to keep my mouth shut when something is bothering me... so this has been driving me nuts, and can see why i've been such a hormonal cow at times... but you are right, i've been a completely independent person until now so i don't know why i'm so scared to be alone now, but as the days have been going by and i'm a littl e les emotional the past few days, i've been ok with him wanting to leave... he hasn't yet, and i've gone on strike so if he wants clean clothes he's going to have to wash it himself, or start helping out more around that house and pulling his weight. i think that i would be more understanding with him not doing too much if i didn't work but i work too and am tired when i get home too. things are definately going to start to change. reading your responces and having your support is really helping me get through all of this... thank you everyone so much i appreciste it all.
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  #12  
March 30th, 2005, 08:33 AM
1proudmom2kalli
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I am so sorry that this is happening to you, but I am so glad that JM is helping you find the strength that you need to get through it! I can't imagine what it must be like for you, having the fear of raising a child alone, but I know it must be so difficult. It sounds like you have a loving family who is there for you though, so that has got to help a little.

I know what it's like to work all day and then come home and have to do laundry and everything else! It's rough and VERY time consuming! Please don't let it bring you down! If you can't do it, don't! That's what I've been doing. Somedays you are just TOO tired to move when you get home from work, and anyone that loves you should understand and want to help.

I think if this guy is unsupportive, and especially if he's cheating, then you don't need him. But that's my opinion.

If you need to talk more, we're all here to listen. Good luck hun, and keep us updated on the situation!
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