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i'm 17, hes 42- didnt know


Forum: Unplanned Pregnancy

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  #1  
March 30th, 2005, 05:24 AM
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I was best friends with John's (42 year old) sister Liz. john and i started hanging out so much and began dating. We were in a great relationship after we found out i was pregnant he confessed that he was 42 not the age i thought he was. I thought he was 24 (my mother knew this). Now that i know he is 42 i'm very scared to put his information on the birth certificate. During my first doctors appointment i put his name and age (24) on the papers. Now that i know hes really 42...i'm scared that in the hosptial they will ask both of us for our driver liecenses and they will see that i'm 17 and hes 42. Would they go to my mom and ask if she knew or will they not question it? I dont want anyone to know and could they get him in trouble ...i cannot have him go to jail or something. i honestly want him there for my child. and hes WANTS to be there. i'll be 18 3 months after the baby is born. i'm due october 28, 05. i need advice, thanks.
  #2  
March 30th, 2005, 05:49 AM
Alice's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Oh, hun, I'm so sorry that things are so messy.

Honestly, I think that's far down the road. First, talk to your parents about the pregnancy and get that on track. Later they can consult a lawyer if they think it's necessary, since the laws probably vary from one state to the next.


And, at the risk of alienating you, HE knew he was 42 and you were 17. So he took his chances.

Good luck!
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  #3  
March 30th, 2005, 05:57 AM
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They wont take the baby away from you. If you are worried about him getting in trouble for statutory rape that is his problem. He knew what he was getting himself into. He would have gotten in trouble for it even if he was 24. I dont think you have anything to worry about though. I honestly dont remember then asking for our ages for our sons birth certificate--just our SS#. Good luck. Talk to your parents. Its not your fault you didnt know.
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  #4  
March 30th, 2005, 06:16 AM
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ok i understand all of that but i'm not worried about me or him. i cannot have him get into trouble, i want him there for our child. i dont want him lock up somewhere. they only ask for your SSN? i have a paper saying they need both of our IDs. i mean can i trust the person who takes our information to not go and tell someone something?
  #5  
March 30th, 2005, 06:18 AM
TylerJ1029's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I honestly dont remember everything they asked me for. Maybe you can talk to someone anynomously about it. I know planned parenthood has alot of 1-800 hotlines. Or hopefully someone here will know the answer.
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  #6  
March 30th, 2005, 06:25 AM
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I don't think they really look at your ages. And if they do... I don't think they would push the issue. You parents could if they wanted to... but I don't think the hospital would really do anything about it. But I think you should definatley let your parents know what's going on.
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  #7  
March 30th, 2005, 06:39 AM
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Well my mom knows that i am pregnant of course. She is so hard on me, i dont want to tell her hes 42 ...she would kill me and make me life awful. I feel that i am 17 and will be 18 shortly after the baby is born that i dont know my family to know. I want to take care of it myself. My doctor gave me a packet of papers to read about the baby and stuff. I have a paper for "Your baby's birth certificate" i have to fill it out 2 months before i give birth. IT ASKS for his and mine name, address, SSN, DATE OF BIRTH, full names. i'll have to mail this to the hospital 2 months before.

should i take my chances? or should i not let him put any of his information down? i could wait couple months till my 18 birth day and then he could call up the Arizona Hospital Paternity Program. and then he could get on the birth cert.
  #8  
March 30th, 2005, 07:08 AM
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I think you should leave it up to him. You are not going to get in trouble for anything... so just explain it to him and if he wants to take a chance, put his name down and if not leave it blank. You can always add a fathers name to the birth certificate later in life, but it's just more work that way. but if you are really that worried about it and you really don't want your parents to find out... I say leave it blank.
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  #9  
March 30th, 2005, 07:15 AM
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You were told to fill out birth certificate info 2 mos before the baby's birth? That seems strange. I didn't fill out anything - and I mean anything - until the day after my daughter was born.

If you aren't married, you have to fill out a section that details the paternity, so if you marry him you won't have to fill out that part. But I do still think date of birth is necessary. However I would still do as Jen advised and call a national hotline, like Planned Parenthood etc., to verify any legal ramifications. I assume they would keep everything anonymous.

Also, about your mom - try and put yourself in her shoes for a minute. I don't know her personality but I can only assume that she loves you and that's why she's upset - an older man seduced her teenager and she's protective of you and your future. But if you come clean about his age and your concerns, she might appreciate your honesty and try and help you, instead of you struggling to work through this yourself. You are going to be a mother too - wouldn't you do anything for your baby? You are her baby, I am sure she will do anything to help you.
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  #10  
March 30th, 2005, 07:19 AM
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Ok i called an planned parenthood. i explain her my situation. she made it sound like the hospital couldnt get him in trouble. and i should talk to my parents of course. i'm just thinking about going towards leaving it blank.

we both know it was a mistake but i dont want to take the chances of having my child without a father. he says i can do what i wish but either way he will be there.

question: if hes there at the time of the birth ..do i have to give them a reason why i dont want him to be on the B-C? thanks.
  #11  
March 30th, 2005, 07:26 AM
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How much work would it be later on to put him on the birth cert?
  #12  
March 30th, 2005, 07:27 AM
1proudmom2kalli
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Quote:
Originally posted by newmommie611@Mar 30 2005, 11:19 AM
Ok i called an planned parenthood. i explain her my situation. she made it sound like the hospital couldnt get him in trouble. and i should talk to my parents of course. i'm just thinking about going towards leaving it blank.

we both know it was a mistake but i dont want to take the chances of having my child without a father. he says i can do what i wish but either way he will be there.

question: if hes there at the time of the birth ..do i have to give them a reason why i dont want him to be on the B-C? thanks.
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I don't know the answer to what you HAVE to do, but I would assume you can do whatever you want to do. I don't think that they should ask you for a reason. If you want to leave it blank, you want to leave it blank. Worse case, you could just say you're not sure who the father is and you don't want a paternity test right now if you are leaning towards leaving it blank.

I also find it odd that you have to fill out the birth certificate 2 months BEFORE you give birth! I don't have to do anything until my daughter is BORN. That's really odd. I would ask why they want you to do this so soon. That's odd to me. What state do you live it? Maybe it's dependent on the state you're in. Check information on the internet about birth certificates and stuff.

It's good that the guy is taking responsibility for his actions, but why didn't he just tell you how old he was to begin with??

And as much as you don't want to, I would HIGHLY reccommend talking to your mother about it. She's your mom, and she's going to find out eventually. I would let him tell her or tell her with him there, so that he can reassure her that he IS going to be there for you and for the baby. Are you guys still together? Just curious.

Well, I hope that helps. Good luck, and keep us updated! But you should not have to go through this alone dear! I hope you get someone to talk to, and we're always here if you need us!
  #13  
March 30th, 2005, 07:34 AM
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just want to thank all of you. you are helping me so much.

I asked him why he didnt tell me becuz if i knew none of this would have happened. he told me that he tried so many times (now i think back and he really did--i just wasnt really getting it). He was so scared of what would happen. he thought i would just leave cold. i mean we are seriously close. we are like perfect friends and all. i understand why he was scared to tell me.

my mom knows he will be there...she has met him and all.

even now that i know, we are still the same. i mean he does take care of me. he does anything for me. we do plan to get married. this is his first child...he is so excited.
  #14  
March 30th, 2005, 07:35 AM
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No, you don't have to give them a reason. Blazes dad is not on his birt certificate. It's just blank. No questions or anything. No problem at all. I had to fill out paperwork when I went to the hospital to register which was about a week or two before I had both the kids. I filled out a birth certificate form... but not the baby's info or anything. Just my name , address, DOB, etc. Along with a bunch of other papers. They had me do that so I wasn't stuck filling out a million papers in the hospital, in labor. But I think the decision is up to you. Like I said the first time... I don't think there is any way for the hospital to get him trouble... so I don't really think you have a lot to worry about. But if you are worried, just leave it blank. To get the father's name added later, you would just have to have an affidavid notorized with you and the father signing saying that he is the father. At least thats how it is done in ohio. May be different for other states. You may want to check on that.
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  #15  
March 30th, 2005, 07:37 AM
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Oh the reason Banner health (hospitals) here in Phoenix Arizona have women fill out info for the time saving. That why when i am in the hospital everything is already taken care of. just to make everything easier and faster
  #16  
March 30th, 2005, 07:38 AM
mamaB's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Quote:
Originally posted by newmommie611@Mar 30 2005, 10:19 AM
Ok i called an planned parenthood. i explain her my situation. she made it sound like the hospital couldnt get him in trouble. and i should talk to my parents of course. i'm just thinking about going towards leaving it blank.

we both know it was a mistake but i dont want to take the chances of having my child without a father. he says i can do what i wish but either way he will be there.

question: if hes there at the time of the birth ..do i have to give them a reason why i dont want him to be on the B-C? thanks.
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You don't need to give a reason why. They just give you the paperwork while you're in the hospital bed, you fill it out, and they pick it up, generally w/o even looking at it. If asked you can always say you need to fill that section out later - they will not give you a problem. When you receive your baby's birth certificate in the mail, it comes with another form that lets you add or subtract information (in the event that they messed up your baby's name or date or whatever) so you can probably add paternity information at that point. If you want to be certain you can call your town hall and speak to someone in the records department about how to change or update birth certificate information.
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  #17  
March 30th, 2005, 07:39 AM
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About all of the changing b-c info later on for him to be on it....i cant find anything on the net about it. We live in phoenix arizona so i dont know.
  #18  
March 30th, 2005, 07:46 AM
1proudmom2kalli
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Usually information about your birth certificate stuff can be found on your department of health website. I would search the internet by the county that you live in. Everything like that (here where I live) is taken care of in one city, and the department of health has an office here locally that you can visit, or a website.
If you live in Maricopa County, try this website:
http://www.maricopa.gov/public_health/

If you don't, search Google. Sorry, that's the best advice I can give you. If you need anything else, please let me know and I will try to help you anyway that I can!
  #19  
March 30th, 2005, 07:48 AM
1proudmom2kalli
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I think I just found you something that will help you out... It's the Office of Vital Records in Phoeniz Arizona. They should be the ones that handle all the birth certificates, and if they're not I'm pretty sure that they can redirect you to someone that can help you. I would try calling them and talking to them about the birth certificate questions that you have. They should be able to help you.

http://www.azdhs.gov/vitalrcd/
  #20  
March 30th, 2005, 07:52 AM
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I do live in Maricopa County, thank you1
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